Table of Contents hide 1 My Ex Is Trying to Destroy Me: The Complete Guide 1.1 1. What is the 72-hour rule after a breakup? 1.1.1 How it works 1.1.2 Why it works 1.2 2. What is breadcrumbing from an ex? 1.2.1 Signs of breadcrumbing 1.2.2 Why exes breadcrumb 1.3 3. Why does my ex intentionally hurt me? 1.3.1 Common reasons 1.3.2 Key truth 1.4 4. What is considered harassment from an ex-boyfriend? 1.4.1 Harassment can include 1.5 5. What is considered harassment from an ex-boyfriend over? 1.6 6. What evidence do you need for harassment? 1.6.1 You should collect: 1.6.2 Important: 1.7 7. How many messages are classed as harassment? 1.8 8. What kind of behaviour counts as harassment? 1.8.1 Direct harassment 1.8.2 Indirect harassment 1.9 9. What are three actions that are considered harassment? 1.9.1 1. Repeated unwanted contact 1.9.2 2. Threatening or intimidating behaviour 1.9.3 3. Reputation attacks 1.10 10. What to do if an ex-boyfriend is harassing you? 1.10.1 Step-by-step plan 1.10.2 Emotional safety matters 1.10.3 About the Author – Nia Williams My Ex Is Trying to Destroy Me: The Complete Guide Breakups can trigger extreme behaviours — manipulation, harassment, emotional attacks, smear campaigns, and attempts to damage your mental health, reputation, or stability. If you’ve found yourself saying “My ex is trying to destroy me”, this guide answers the most-searched questions with clear, structured, therapeutic guidance based on real psychological frameworks and UK-specific wellbeing support. 1. What is the 72-hour rule after a breakup? The 72-hour rule is a post-breakup emotional regulation strategy used by coaches and therapists. How it works For 72 hours, you commit to: No texting your ex No responding to provocation or emotional baiting No stalking their social media No defending yourself against lies or drama No impulsive decisions Why it works It gives your nervous system time to stabilise It reduces reactivity and emotional spirals It prevents you from feeding your ex’s attempts to provoke you It helps you regain clarity and boundaries Useful support: • Dating breakup packages • Healing from a toxic relationship 2. What is breadcrumbing from an ex? Breadcrumbing is when an ex gives you just enough attention to keep you emotionally attached, without any real intention of reconciling. Signs of breadcrumbing Random “I miss you” texts Watching your stories but avoiding real conversation Saying “maybe one day” Flirting but avoiding responsibility Reappearing when you start moving on Why exes breadcrumb They want validation They don’t want you to move on They’re bored or lonely They enjoy the emotional power Relevant support: • Dating issues with ex packages • Family and relationship issues support 3. Why does my ex intentionally hurt me? When an ex tries to destroy you, it’s usually linked to a psychological driver, not love or closure. Common reasons Loss of control — your independence threatens them Narcissistic injury — breakup damaged their ego Fear of being replaced Unprocessed jealousy, anger or shame Revenge fantasies Projection — blaming you for their own behaviour They want emotional supply (tears, panic, responses) Key truth Your ex is not “hurting you because they care.” They are hurting you because they cannot regulate their emotions without using you as an outlet. Relevant support: • Healing from a toxic relationship • Services at Miss Date Doctor 4. What is considered harassment from an ex-boyfriend? Harassment is any ongoing behaviour that causes distress, fear, intimidation, pressure, or emotional harm. Harassment can include Constant calls, texts or voicemails Turning up at your home or workplace Threatening messages Monitoring your social media Contacting your family or friends about you Posting defamatory content Repeatedly asking for closure or explanations Emotional blackmail If you need clarity or emotional support: • Argument resolution with your partner or ex 5. What is considered harassment from an ex-boyfriend over? Harassment becomes a police matter when: You have told them to stop, and they continue Their actions make you feel unsafe, distressed, or threatened Their behaviour interferes with your ability to live normally They contact your workplace, family, or new partner They attempt to damage your reputation or privacy Helpful resources: • Contact Miss Date Doctor 6. What evidence do you need for harassment? In the UK, evidence is crucial for protection orders. You should collect: Screenshots of messages, DMs, emails Call logs Voicemails Social media posts Evidence of third-party harassment Witness statements (friends, neighbours, colleagues) Dates and times of incidents Police reference numbers (if reported) Important: Do not delete messages — they are evidence. Block your ex only after gathering proof. Relevant emotional support: • Dating breakup packages 7. How many messages are classed as harassment? There is no specific number. Even ONE message can be harassment if it is: Threatening Abusive Intimidating Part of a pattern Sent after you said “do not contact me” However, in most cases, harassment is defined by: Frequency Intent Impact on your emotional safety Support options: • Services at Miss Date Doctor 8. What kind of behaviour counts as harassment? Harassment behaviours include: Direct harassment Insults, threats, manipulation Repeated contacting Doxxing or exposing private information Emotional blackmail (“If you don’t reply, I will…”) Indirect harassment Contacting your family or work Posting about you on social media Sending others to message you Spreading rumours For help managing distress: • Healing from a toxic relationship 9. What are three actions that are considered harassment? Three commonly recognised forms: 1. Repeated unwanted contact Texts, calls, emails, DMs, turning up physically. 2. Threatening or intimidating behaviour Threats of harm, blackmail, coercion. 3. Reputation attacks Lies, rumours, contacting your work or family. Support services: • Family & relationship issues counselling 10. What to do if an ex-boyfriend is harassing you? Step-by-step plan Stop responding — silence removes emotional supply Collect evidence — screenshots, dates, logs Tell them once: “Do not contact me again” (for legal clarity) Block them on all platforms Inform trusted people — family, colleagues Talk to a therapist — for emotional grounding Report the behaviour if it continues Seek legal protection (non-molestation or harassment order) Emotional safety matters Harassment is a form of psychological abuse. You are not “overreacting.” Support options: • Dating issues with ex packages • Contact Miss Date Doctor About the Author – Nia Williams Nia Williams is a Registered Relationship Therapist and Certified Life Coach at Miss Date Doctor. She specialises in breakup recovery, trauma-informed relationship work, emotional regulation, and helping clients navigate toxic or high-conflict relationship dynamics. Nia combines evidence-based therapeutic frameworks with personalised coaching to support people through healing, clarity and empowerment.
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