Marriage the commitment of two people the declaration of love.The lifelong commitment of two hearts.The till death do us part declaration that determines your future with this person. The promise runs deep and the dedication displayed in actions. In this article, we will explore the meaning of marriage and the process of marriage counselling, the ups and downs of marriage and the common catalysts of conflict. The ways we can avoid tensions building and the build-up before committing to marriage and selecting the right spouse.
The commitment of marriage is not one that people take lightly which is why in the courting? dating stage people are adamant that they must choose the right person and this is why sometimes in dating especially when the person is looking for someone to marry. The situation becomes very serious as they analyse and dissect the person’s character. In the dating stage, we seek comfortability and happiness the truth is we seek to love and love quite frankly is the embodiment of acceptance .this is the reason why once disrespect or criticism become prevalent in any relationship you will see the relationship begin to demise generally human beings do not respond well to attacks on there characters and lifestyles (It can be viewed as disrespect.)
The other thing that does not do well in relationships is criticisms(put-downs)this does not mean that you can not correct your partner when they are wrong but it does mean that your approach and tone is important the keywords are supportive, encouraging and non-judgemental for sustainability of any marriage these words are absolutely imperative. The problem we have is that a lot of people do not understand that marriage is like a flower and must be continuously nurtured. The common misconception is we are married now that’s it. The reality is that marriage should be looked upon as a job. If you have a job you know that if you fail to fulfil your duties it could put your position in danger. It is important to exercise realism in these situations without sounding harsh. The roles in marriage require different things from husband and wife but must coincide with each other to maintain a happy home. When things do start to go wrong in marriage the only solution is to face the issues head-on so that the marriage will not be destroyed.
; Identify the problem
: Discuss the problem
: Agree on the solution
When the communication seems to have broken down and you are finding it hard to convey your message and points of contention with your partner at this point at this point you may opt for marriage counselling
Marriage Counselling how it works:
Marriage Counseling is also known as couples therapy. Marriage Counselling is a type of psychotherapy the aim and overall objective of marriage counselling is to help couples experiencing difficulties in their marriage. Marriage counselling is used to help resolve conflicts, communication issues and help couples recognize and acknowledge any issues they may be having in their relationship. The marriage counselor is a highly skilled mediator and will make sure each issue is discussed fairly and objectively The marriage counselor will make sure each party gets the chance to convey their opinion and points without feeling oppressed or undermined. In addition, all the emotions or ill feeling of each party will be expressed and the marriage counselor will help each party with the emotional aspect of betrayal, disrespect etc. The marriage counselling is done in a series of sessions addressing different facets at each session with the aim of improving the relationship
The primary objective of couples therapy/marriage counselling is to pinpoint the areas of dissatisfaction in the relationship and alleviate the stress and dissatisfactions in the relationship and to alleviate the stress and dissatisfactions in the relationship. The marriage counsellor will get to the root of the problems within the relationship and cultivate an ideal antidote to the woes of the relationship. This will be executed in the form of a treatment plan which will be implemented by both parties and the marriage counsellor. This plan will be formulated to eradicate all the negative aspects and emotional symptoms resulting from the present problems in the relationship at the end of the marriage counselling the overall functionality of the relationship should have improved and the relationship will be a more loving stable environment in a more loving healthy relationship it is imperative to embark on marriage counseling at the right time so that the relationship is not damaged beyond repair. It is important to go to marriage counselling when you don’t want a divorce and want to work things out with your partner. In some case people ask does marriage counselling work? The answer is yes when both partners are willing to put in the effort to make it work. The most common method used by marriage counsellors is EFT (Emotional focused therapy) In a recent statistical study it was claimed the implementation of EFT is what makes marriage counselling work.
How long do you go to marriage counselling?
It is imperative to have between 8 to 10 sessions
The ups and downs of marriage
Marriage is a beautiful thing the commitment of two people dedicated to embarking on a life together but over the year after seeing client after client and also numerous couples one common issue is people start their marriages based on too much optimism you should never marry someone expecting them to change. If you marry. If you marry someone based on he can lose weight, she can get a new job, he will put me before his family once we are married, He has to stop being lazy, He has to stop wasting his finances.
The above are common examples, it is a very big mistake to think this is a good approach. There are some married couples that once together manage to take on life’s challenges together and make a lot of significant changes but this is not guaranteed. It is important to love your spouse for who they are and not who you want them to be. It is important to respect individuals boundaries trying to change someone to come crossing that boundary and can bring problems into marriage.
Here is a list of the most common problems our clients have in marriage when they come for marriage counselling sessions.
1.)Mobile, Laptop, Internet,Social Media
Modern technologies cause major problems in today’s society and affect peoples relationships badly. It can completely kill the intimacy and quality time spent together. If you are talking to your partner and they are constantly on the internet even in the evenings when they come back from work or on social media and scouring the internet. This can cause major issues as a standard prerequisite of any relationship is attention you must give your spouse attention.
2)Everything changed after we had kids
The dynamics of a relationship change when children get involved. In some cases, he husbands complain of feeling sidelined and neglected and the wives complain of a lack of support.
The role of providing for the children and ensuring they are raised well and supported can be a additional pressure for parents. It is important to nurture the relationship between husband and wife and maintain it.
The pressure of career, aspirations and daily chores and tasks affects relationships significantly when you have one or both partners that are very busy or career driven this can create issues, another factor is children this can take up a lot of time and the couples quality time can be taken away. It is imperative to make adequate time for each other no matter what the circumstances are.
4)Attraction/Making less effort with your appearance
The physical attraction plays a major role in marriage. If you start to take less care of your appearance and your overall body this can be a big problem. If you neglect the things you used to do ie, gym, makeup, dress well, beauty treatments, your health. This can affect your marriage love is not about looks but it is important to be realistic that attraction and visual aesthetics play a major role in any marriage/dating or relationship. The deterioration of physical attraction can lead to a lot of problems.
In our marriage counselling sessions, one of the most common problems we see is that both partners change. This can happen due to maturity, insight, career change, personal dissatisfaction. We are all human and learn and grow daily today you may like the colour red all your life and then suddenly decide you prefer the colour blue. Things change in life and sometimes people change. It seems that in the honeymoon stages of love many of us tolerate and ignore our partner’s annoying habits and shortcomings but once we become comfortable and after being married for quite some time a lot of couples find their tolerance levels decrease. In love, we must grow and understand the changes in a relationship to work and most importantly remember love is acceptance and no one will ever be perfect.
In recent research, it was found that money is one of the main reasons a lot of marriages don’t survive. The financial aspect of bills, raising kids and personal expenditures cause a lot of friction and disagreements in marriages. The common pain points are one person feeling they do more than the other, different lifestyle expectations and finances for children’s education.wellbeing and maintenance.
Money causes a large number of divorces.
7)Lack of respect
Respect the approbation from your partner is something that is imperative for a relationship to succeed but unfortunately in a large number of marriages respect disappears when comfortability steps in. It is important for your partner to respect you. In some instances, one partner starts to take advantage of the other based on the fact they are now married they exert control and use marriage as leverage to take advantage of their spouse. Love and respect play a dominant role in marriage without respect the marriage can start to decline and the partner being disrespected may become resentful and dissatisfied with the marriage and overall relationship.
8)The struggle of the transition from boyfriend and girlfriend to marriage
Marriage is not like a relationship you can not just walk away, it may be the case you have kids or even a business together. There is a lot more at stake, you made this commitment in front of friends and family. The promise you made was to be together in sickness and health and this commitment was a great one but it is important to know that just like a flower you must constantly water and nurture so that the marriage does not die.
Marriage takes work, dedication, patience, respect and love but with two people willing to try and fight for their marriage you can overcome the obstacles and challenges of marriage as long as both parties are willing to try.