0 of 25 answered0% Miss Date Doctor · Relationship Assessment Is My Relationship Toxic? A 25-question, evidence-informed relationship health assessment designed to help you identify patterns involving emotional safety, control, conflict, boundaries, consent and the impact your relationship is having on you. Before you begin: Answer based on what has been happening most consistently in your relationship, ideally over the last 3–6 months. Choose the answer that best reflects your experience rather than the answer you wish were true. This assessment is not a diagnosis and cannot determine from answers alone whether a partner is an “abuser”. Most importantly, a high score does not mean you caused the problem. Question 01Emotional safetyI find myself walking on eggshells because I am worried about how my partner will react to something I say, do or ask.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 02Emotional safetyMy partner regularly mocks, humiliates, insults or belittles me, either privately or in front of other people.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 03Emotional safetyWhen I express hurt or concern, my partner dismisses it, tells me I am overreacting, or makes me doubt my own perception of what happened.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 04Emotional safetyMy partner uses guilt, shame, emotional withdrawal or threats of ending the relationship to make me do what they want.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 05Emotional safetyI can disagree with my partner or say that I am unhappy without fearing punishment, retaliation or humiliation.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 06Control & isolationMy partner expects to know where I am, who I am with, or what I am doing and becomes angry when I do not provide the information they want.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 07Control & isolationMy partner discourages, restricts or interferes with my contact with friends, family, colleagues or other sources of support.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 08Control & isolationMy partner uses money, bills, work, housing or access to resources to restrict my choices or make me dependent on them.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 09Control & isolationJealousy or possessiveness is used to justify rules about what I wear, where I go, who I speak to or how I behave.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 10Control & isolationMy partner has monitored, accessed or interfered with my phone, messages, email, social media, location or other private communications without my permission.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 11Conflict & repairDuring disagreements, my partner calls me names, swears at me, threatens me or deliberately tries to hurt me emotionally.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 12Conflict & repairOur arguments regularly involve contempt, ridicule, sneering, humiliation or treating the other person as inferior.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 13Conflict & repairMy partner deliberately ignores me, withholds communication or affection, or gives me the silent treatment as a way to punish or control me.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 14Conflict & repairAfter something harmful happens, my partner focuses on what I supposedly caused rather than taking responsibility for their own behaviour.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 15Conflict & repairWhen we hurt each other, we can usually acknowledge what happened, take responsibility and make meaningful changes afterwards.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 16Boundaries & consentWhen I say no, set a boundary or ask for space, my partner repeatedly pushes past it rather than respecting it.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 17Boundaries & consentI have felt pressured, manipulated, frightened or unable to freely consent to sexual activity or sexual contact.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 18Boundaries & consentMy partner tries to influence or control pregnancy, contraception, fertility or other reproductive decisions against my wishes.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 19Boundaries & consentMy partner expects to make important decisions for me or believes they should have the final say over my life.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 20Boundaries & consentI feel that I have less freedom, privacy or independence in this relationship than I would reasonably expect in a healthy partnership.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 21Impact & patternThe relationship repeatedly leaves me feeling anxious, frightened, drained, ashamed or emotionally unsafe.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 22Impact & patternI have changed my behaviour, appearance, friendships, routines or opinions mainly to avoid my partner becoming angry or upset.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 23Impact & patternThe relationship has a recurring cycle of intense closeness, serious conflict, reconciliation and then another harmful episode.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 24Impact & patternI have started doubting my judgement, confidence or ability to make decisions because of what happens in this relationship.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Question 25Impact & patternDespite the problems, I often feel responsible for fixing my partner's emotions, preventing their reactions or keeping the relationship stable.NeverNo concern indicatedRarelySometimesOftenAlmost alwaysStrong pattern indicated Reveal My ResultsPrint / Save Your relationship pattern score— What your pattern may suggest What to consider next Important safety message How to interpret this testThis quiz is a structured reflection tool, not a clinical or forensic assessment. “Toxic” is not a formal diagnosis. A relationship can contain unhealthy patterns without being abusive, and a single argument does not establish a pattern. Repeated coercion, intimidation, threats, non-consensual sexual behaviour, stalking, physical violence or deliberate control are different from ordinary relationship conflict and should be taken seriously.The assessment separates ordinary conflict from control and safety concerns because research and public-health definitions treat psychological aggression and coercive control as potentially harmful relationship behaviours. Your overall score should therefore never be used to minimise a specific safety concern. Evidence base: The assessment was designed with reference to current public-health and peer-reviewed evidence on intimate-partner violence, psychological aggression, coercive control and relationship conflict, including CDC definitions and prevention guidance, a 2025 network analysis of conflict behaviours, and a 2026 systematic review of measures of psychological intimate-partner violence. CDC: About Intimate Partner Violence · CDC: Risk and Protective Factors · 2025 PubMed conflict research · 2026 systematic review of psychological IPV measures. Safety: If you are frightened, threatened, physically harmed, sexually coerced, stalked or controlled, you do not need a high quiz score before seeking support. If you are in immediate danger in the UK, call 999. If you cannot speak on a mobile, Police.uk advises calling 999 and pressing 55 when prompted. For England, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is 0808 2000 247. The Men's Advice Line is 0808 801 0327. Use a safer device if you think your communications may be monitored. Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz? – Miss Date Doctor Service PageBelow is a complete, SEO-optimised service page for the Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz, created by Miss Date Doctor (M.D.D). It includes contextual keywords, related search terms, internal links, FAQs, supportive guidance and clear next steps for people who are concerned about their relationship.Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz? Take the Free Relationship TestIs My Relationship Toxic Quiz? Take the Free Relationship TestAre you constantly questioning your relationship, feeling emotionally drained, or wondering whether your partner’s behaviour is normal? The Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz by Miss Date Doctor (M.D.D) is designed to help you reflect on your relationship dynamics, recognise potentially unhealthy patterns and understand whether you may benefit from additional support.Sometimes, it can be difficult to recognise a toxic relationship when you are emotionally attached to someone. You may love your partner but feel unhappy, anxious, criticised, controlled or misunderstood. Perhaps you argue frequently, feel responsible for your partner’s emotions, struggle to establish boundaries or worry about how they will react when you express your needs.Our free relationship self-assessment offers a starting point for exploring these concerns. Created by Miss Date Doctor, it encourages you to consider your partner’s behaviour, your emotional wellbeing, communication patterns and the level of respect, trust and safety within your relationship.Take the Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz to explore your relationship patterns and identify areas that may need attention.Important: This quiz is an educational self-reflection tool, not a clinical assessment or a definitive diagnosis of your relationship. Your answers cannot establish whether someone is abusive or predict what they will do in the future.What Is the Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz?The Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz is a relationship self-assessment created by Miss Date Doctor to help people reflect on potentially unhealthy relationship behaviours and emotional experiences.The quiz encourages you to consider whether your relationship includes patterns such as persistent criticism, manipulation, controlling behaviour, repeated disrespect, emotional invalidation, excessive jealousy or difficulties with trust and boundaries.It can also help you think about how your relationship affects your confidence, independence, emotional health and ability to express yourself freely.Rather than labelling your partner or making assumptions based on a single disagreement, the quiz encourages you to consider recurring patterns and how they affect you over time.You may find it helpful if you are:Wondering whether your relationship is toxic or simply experiencing a difficult period.Questioning whether your partner’s behaviour is healthy.Feeling anxious, exhausted or unhappy in your relationship.Experiencing repeated arguments, jealousy or trust issues.Unsure whether your boundaries are being respected.Struggling to distinguish normal relationship conflict from emotional manipulation.Considering relationship counselling or professional support.Trying to understand why you feel different about yourself since entering the relationship.Take the Free Is My Relationship Toxic QuizThe Miss Date Doctor relationship quiz is intended to help you reflect honestly on your experiences. As you answer the questions, think about what happens regularly rather than focusing exclusively on one particularly good or bad day.Consider the following areas:Respect: Can you express your opinions without being mocked, belittled or intimidated?Communication: Can you discuss difficult subjects without the conversation repeatedly turning into blame, threats or punishment?Trust: Do you generally feel secure, or are you frequently dealing with dishonesty, accusations or suspicion?Boundaries: Does your partner respect your privacy, friendships, personal space and right to make your own decisions?Emotional wellbeing: Do you generally feel supported and valued, or do you often feel anxious, guilty, inadequate or emotionally exhausted?Independence: Can you maintain your own interests, friendships, goals and identity without being pressured to give them up?These reflection points can help you recognise concerns, but they do not replace the interactive quiz or a professional assessment. No single answer proves that a relationship is toxic. Look at the wider pattern and how it affects your wellbeing.What Are the Signs of a Toxic Relationship?A toxic relationship is commonly understood as a relationship in which recurring behaviours undermine one or both partners’ emotional wellbeing, self-esteem, autonomy or sense of safety.All relationships experience disagreements. Healthy couples can argue, misunderstand one another and go through stressful periods. The difference is often found in how they handle those difficulties, whether both people take responsibility and whether harmful behaviour changes.Here are some potential warning signs to consider when completing the Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz.1. Constant criticism and belittlingDoes your partner regularly put you down, ridicule your appearance, dismiss your achievements or make you feel unintelligent? Persistent humiliation can gradually damage self-esteem, especially when it is disguised as humour or presented as something you should simply tolerate.Constructive feedback is different from repeated insults. Healthy partners can disagree without attacking each other’s worth.2. Gaslighting and emotional manipulationGaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that can cause someone to question their memories, perceptions or understanding of events.You may notice that your partner repeatedly denies things they said or did, dismisses your feelings as irrational or insists that you are imagining problems. However, ordinary disagreements about memories are not automatically gaslighting. Consider whether there is a recurring pattern of manipulation that leaves you doubting yourself.3. Excessive jealousy and controlling behaviourJealousy can occur in relationships, but it becomes concerning when it is used to justify controlling another person.Examples may include demanding access to your phone, monitoring your location, dictating what you wear, restricting friendships or repeatedly accusing you of cheating without a reasonable basis.A healthy relationship allows both partners to have privacy, independence and mutually agreed boundaries.4. Walking on eggshells around your partnerDo you carefully monitor every word you say because you fear your partner’s reaction? Do you avoid raising reasonable concerns because you anticipate anger, intimidation, withdrawal or punishment?Feeling nervous occasionally during a difficult conversation is not unusual. However, routinely feeling frightened of your partner’s reactions can be a significant warning sign, particularly if you change your behaviour to avoid their anger.5. Emotional blackmail and guilt-trippingEmotional manipulation can involve using guilt, threats, affection or withdrawal to pressure someone into doing what the other person wants.For example, a partner might repeatedly threaten to end the relationship whenever you establish a boundary or suggest that you are responsible for their emotional wellbeing.It is important to distinguish between honestly expressing hurt and using emotional pressure to control another person.6. Repeated dishonesty and broken promisesTrust is built through honesty, accountability and consistent behaviour. Repeated lying, hiding important information or breaking promises without taking responsibility can undermine emotional security.If you are dealing with infidelity or ongoing dishonesty, you may also find our guide to cheating counselling helpful.7. Isolation from friends and familyA concerning relationship pattern can develop when one partner discourages contact with supportive people, creates conflict whenever the other person socialises or insists on becoming their only source of emotional support.Healthy relationships allow room for friendships, family connections, personal interests and time apart.8. Lack of accountabilityEveryone makes mistakes. What matters is whether both partners can acknowledge their behaviour, listen to the impact it has had and make meaningful changes.If apologies repeatedly follow harmful behaviour without any lasting improvement, it may be worth considering whether the same cycle is continuing.Is My Relationship Toxic or Are We Going Through a Difficult Time?One of the most common relationship questions is whether a difficult period means a relationship has become unhealthy.Stress, grief, financial difficulties, parenting responsibilities, work pressures and misunderstandings can place strain on even a loving relationship. Having arguments does not automatically mean your relationship is toxic.The following comparison may help you reflect on the difference.Healthier relationship patternsPotentially unhealthy patternsBoth partners can express different opinions.One partner intimidates or silences the other.Disagreements can lead to reflection and compromise.Arguments repeatedly involve humiliation or threats.Boundaries are discussed and respected.Boundaries are ignored, mocked or punished.Both people can maintain friendships and interests.One partner attempts to isolate or control the other.Apologies are accompanied by efforts to change.Harmful behaviour repeatedly returns without accountability.Both partners can take responsibility.Blame is consistently shifted onto one person.Both people generally feel safe expressing themselves.One person feels afraid of the other’s reactions.This comparison is a guide rather than a diagnostic checklist. Context matters, and repeated controlling, threatening or coercive behaviour should not be dismissed as ordinary relationship conflict.Can a Relationship Be Toxic Even If You Love Your Partner?Yes. Loving someone does not necessarily mean that the relationship is healthy.You can feel deeply connected to your partner while also experiencing anxiety, insecurity, repeated disappointment or a loss of confidence. Good memories, shared experiences and hopes for the future can make it difficult to acknowledge ongoing problems.Some people remain in unhealthy relationships because they hope their partner will change, fear being alone, feel responsible for their partner or worry about the practical consequences of leaving.Others question themselves because their partner can be loving and attentive at certain times but hurtful or controlling at others.Rather than judging your relationship solely by how much you love each other, consider how you are treated consistently, whether you can be yourself and whether both partners are willing to take responsibility for their actions.You do not have to prove that a relationship is toxic before you are allowed to have concerns or seek support.Why Do People Stay in Toxic Relationships?There is no single reason someone remains in an unhealthy relationship. Every situation is different, and people should not be blamed for finding it difficult to leave.Some common factors include:Emotional attachment: Strong feelings and shared memories can make separation painful.Hope for change: You may believe the relationship will improve if you are patient or try harder.Low self-esteem: Repeated criticism may make you question whether you deserve a healthier relationship.Fear of being alone: The uncertainty of starting again can feel overwhelming.Intermittent affection: Periods of warmth or reconciliation may make it harder to understand a recurring pattern of hurtful behaviour.Practical circumstances: Finances, housing, children, caring responsibilities or immigration concerns can affect someone’s options.Fear of a partner’s reaction: Some people face intimidation, threats or other risks when considering separation.If any of these experiences resonate with you, try to approach yourself with compassion. Recognising a difficult pattern can take time, and you are entitled to support without being judged.What Should I Do If My Relationship Is Toxic?Completing the Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz may help you organise your thoughts, but the next steps depend on your circumstances and whether you feel safe.1. Reflect on recurring behavioursConsider what happens repeatedly, how you feel afterwards and whether the same concerns return despite discussions or apologies. Writing down your thoughts privately may help you identify patterns.Only do this if it is safe to do so. If your partner monitors your devices or accounts, consider your digital safety before recording sensitive information.2. Identify your boundariesThink about what you need to feel respected and emotionally safe. This may include honesty, privacy, respectful communication, independence or an end to specific harmful behaviours.A boundary describes what you need and what action you can take to protect yourself. It does not guarantee that another person will agree to respect it.3. Talk to someone you trustSpeaking to a trusted friend, family member or qualified professional may help you gain perspective and consider your options. Choose someone who will listen without pressuring you into a decision.4. Consider professional relationship supportIf you feel safe and both partners genuinely want to address relationship difficulties, professional support may help with communication, trust, conflict and boundaries.Miss Date Doctor offers relationship counselling and coaching options for people who want to explore relationship concerns. You can learn more about our marriage and relationship counselling service or explore our couples therapy packages.Important: Where there is fear, coercive control, intimidation, threats or abuse, ordinary couples therapy may not be appropriate and can sometimes increase risk. Individual specialist support and safety planning may be more suitable. You do not need your partner’s agreement to seek help.5. Put your safety firstIf you are frightened of your partner, being threatened, monitored, physically harmed or prevented from leaving, prioritise your safety rather than confronting them about the quiz results.In the UK, call 999 if you are in immediate danger. You can also seek confidential guidance from a specialist domestic abuse service. In England, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, can be contacted on 0808 2000 247.If you think your phone or internet use is being monitored, use a safer device if possible and consider the risks before changing passwords or browsing history.6. Remember that you have choicesYou do not have to decide the future of your relationship immediately after taking a quiz. You can use what you have learned to explore your concerns, seek professional advice and decide what feels right for your circumstances.How Can Miss Date Doctor Help With Unhealthy Relationship Patterns?Miss Date Doctor (M.D.D) provides relationship coaching, counselling and self-development support for people who want to understand their relationships and make more informed decisions about their personal lives.Our team includes qualified therapists, relationship professionals, life coaches and specialist consultants. Depending on your needs and the service selected, support may focus on communication, recurring relationship patterns, boundaries, confidence, trust, emotional wellbeing or decisions about the future.Support is not about automatically telling you to stay or leave. It is about helping you explore your circumstances, understand your options and make decisions that reflect your needs and safety.You may wish to explore:Relationship coaching in London for support with relationship patterns and personal development.Couples therapy packages for suitable couples seeking to address relationship difficulties.Family therapy online for support with family relationships and communication.Self-improvement quizzes to explore other areas of personal growth and self-awareness.About Miss Date Doctor to learn more about our organisation and team.M.D.D offers different ways to access support, including in-person sessions and remote appointments, depending on the service and availability. To discuss the options that may suit you, visit our appointment page.Frequently Asked Questions About the Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz1. Is the Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz free?The Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz created by Miss Date Doctor is intended as a free self-reflection tool. It can help you consider potentially unhealthy patterns in your relationship. Check the quiz page for the available test and any current usage details.2. How do I know if my relationship is toxic?Consider whether recurring patterns of disrespect, manipulation, control, dishonesty or intimidation are affecting your wellbeing. Think about whether you feel safe expressing yourself and whether your boundaries are respected. A quiz can support reflection, but it cannot definitively assess your relationship.3. Can a relationship be toxic without physical abuse?Yes. A relationship can involve harmful emotional or psychological behaviours without physical violence. Persistent humiliation, coercive control, isolation, threats and manipulation can all be serious concerns. Physical abuse is not a requirement for seeking support.4. Is arguing all the time a sign of a toxic relationship?Frequent arguments may indicate unresolved problems, poor communication or incompatible needs, but arguments alone do not establish that a relationship is toxic. Pay attention to how disagreements happen, whether both people can speak freely and whether conflict involves threats, humiliation or controlling behaviour.5. What is the difference between a toxic relationship and an abusive relationship?The term toxic relationship is often used informally to describe recurring dynamics that harm emotional wellbeing. Abuse involves behaviours such as physical or sexual violence, threats, coercion or other forms of harm and control. The terms can overlap, but they are not interchangeable in every situation. If you feel unsafe, seek specialist support.6. Can a toxic relationship become healthy again?Some unhealthy relationship patterns can improve when both partners take responsibility, respect boundaries and sustain meaningful changes. However, improvement is not guaranteed, and one person cannot make a partner change. Where there is abuse or coercive control, prioritise specialist advice and safety rather than assuming joint work will resolve the situation.7. Why do I keep ending up in unhealthy relationships?Several factors may contribute, including learned relationship patterns, low self-esteem, difficulty maintaining boundaries, fear of being alone or previous painful experiences. These factors do not mean you are responsible for someone else’s harmful behaviour. Reflecting on your experiences with a qualified professional may help you understand what you want from future relationships.8. Should I leave my partner if the quiz suggests my relationship is toxic?A quiz result should not make the decision for you. Consider your circumstances, emotional wellbeing and safety, and seek trusted or specialist advice where appropriate. If you face abuse or fear your partner, confidential safety planning can be particularly important.9. Can couples therapy help with a toxic relationship?Relationship counselling may help some couples address communication problems, recurring arguments and trust issues. However, couples therapy is not suitable in every situation, particularly where there is coercive control, intimidation or abuse. A specialist can help you consider the safest and most appropriate form of support.10. Who created the Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz?The Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz was created by Miss Date Doctor (M.D.D) as a self-reflection tool to help people explore relationship behaviours, boundaries, communication and emotional wellbeing.11. Does a high quiz score mean my partner is toxic?Not necessarily. A score or result should be interpreted in the context of your experiences, and it cannot diagnose another person or establish abuse on its own. Focus on specific behaviours, their impact on you and whether you feel safe and respected.12. What should I do after completing the quiz?Take time to reflect on any concerns the questions raise. You might write down recurring patterns, speak with someone you trust, explore relevant educational resources or seek professional support. If you are afraid of your partner or experiencing abuse, prioritise your safety and contact a specialist service.About Miss Date DoctorMiss Date Doctor (M.D.D) is a relationship support and personal development organisation offering relationship coaching, counselling and self-improvement resources. Its team works with people navigating dating challenges, relationship conflict, trust issues, break-ups and personal growth.The Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz was created by Miss Date Doctor to encourage self-awareness and help users reflect on the relationship patterns they experience.Founder: Nia Williams, Registered Relationship Therapist and Certified Life Coach.DisclaimerThe Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz is intended for general educational and self-reflection purposes. It is not a validated diagnostic instrument, a substitute for professional advice or a definitive assessment of whether a relationship is abusive. Quiz results cannot diagnose a partner, establish intent or determine what decision you should make.If you are concerned about your safety, experiencing abuse or being controlled or threatened, seek appropriate specialist support. In an emergency in the UK, call 999.Take the Next StepIf you have been questioning your relationship, you deserve the opportunity to explore those concerns without shame or judgement.Take the Is My Relationship Toxic Quiz created by Miss Date Doctor, reflect on the patterns that matter to you and consider what support may help you move forward. Whether you need more information, individual support or help exploring your relationship options, start with the step that feels safe and manageable for you.