How to know if you are feeling used or being used?
Why do so many people end up feeling used after a relationship?
What are the emotions we feel when we feel used?
The five most common things people end up feeling used for
How to get over the feeling of being used?
Seek Help if Important:
If you are feeling used in a relationship, it is going to create a bundle of emotions in you. Nobody wants to feel this way, but sadly, it happens to a lot of people around us.
Relationships are built on the basic rule of give and take. The ratio of giving and taking varies, depending on the situation. For instance, if your partner is going through a hard time, you will have to give them more. But it is quite evident when the relationship seems “too much” one-sided. If you feel that your bond is all about them and not that much about you, then you are definitely being used for their own benefit.
Some people are good at judging when they are feeling used, but many times, you cannot smell the danger. People use others in a relationship, in very sneaky ways as they are good at making excuses. It is difficult when your sense of judgment is clouded and the way you feel about someone makes you unaware of the reality of possibly being used. But we are here to help you. We have summed up all the required information that will help you decipher whether you are being used or not.
How to know if you are feeling used or being used?
If you are feeling used, then here are some surefire signs that your suspicions might be right.
- Your life is circling around their schedule:
If your relationship is working around their schedule, then this is a massive sign that you are being used. It is not only unfair to you but is a screaming sign that your partner is not in love with you. They are probably using you for their benefit. If your partner only meets you when it is convenient for them and makes lame excuses whenever you demand to hang out, then you need to let them go. As said above, relationships are a give and take bond, and you need to see whether your partner is giving you the same amount of energy or not. One person should never be the priority you are both a priority.
- You are the ONLY one Apologising:
Every couple disagrees with one another. Disagreements are a part of every relationship. Many people get mean, but then, there is always a solution to the problem, and the issue gets resolved. However, YOU should not be the only one apologizing every time. Not every problem may arise because of you. Manipulative partners make sure that they do not apologize. They make sure that you have to apologize each time, even if you are the one who is hurting. Understand this behavior before it is too late it is narcisstic and can lead to you being used and everything being on your partners terms.
- Your partner has no interest in learning more about you:
The beginning of a relationship is quite hot in bed, but remember that you have a life outside the bedroom too. This life defines your relationship. If your partner is fantastic in bed but does not care about what you like and dislike, outside the bedroom, then, he/she lacks interest in you. And there is no point investing in such a relationship. A bond is two-sided, and if you are feeling used, then you need to stop investing in them.
- Your needs are overlooked:
Everyone has expectations when they enter a relationship. Even though it is impossible to fulfill all expectations, your partner must pay attention to you what you need. If you are the only one making an effort, all the time, then you are right about feeling used. They are not indulged in you a lot, to go the extra mile for you. This is a red flag, and you certainly deserve better.
Further reading:Stages of a rebound relationship
If you are feeling used and all of these signs are evidently visible in your relationship, then the best solution is to end it. Your gut instinct is always right, and it is best to go with it.
Why do so many people end up feeling used after a relationship?
Heartbreaks or the end of a relationship hit you quite hard. A lot of people take breakups harder than others, and this is dependent on your beliefs, social support and self confidence that you can find someone else.. The healthier way to end a relationship is to look at what it taught you. This helps you in realising what you want in your next commitment. But, when this behaviour is overdone, it can end up badly as people begin to question their worth because the loss of a partner makes you feel used and insignificant. It is easy to embrace self-deprecation and blame yourself for everything.
Further reading: Relationship courses to help you enhance your relationship skills
For some people, the loss of a partner is more like a loss of oneself. Studies have shown that the most common response that is heard by people who have just gone through heartbreak is that they are feeling used. They state that their self-image has changed massively, and they did not notice it until the breakup you feel discarded, betrayed and rejected.
So why do so many people end up feeling used after a relationship? The end of a toxic bond usually makes people believe that they were being used all along. This is because one person puts in all the effort and goes the extra mile while the other one is busy cheating or disrupting those efforts. It makes the person feel rejected and used. Is this behaviour or feeling normal? Well, it definitely is! Almost everyone who goes through a breakup experiences tons of emotions, and the “feeling of being used” is one of them. It goes away with time, and it is best to shake this thought out of your brain whenever it pops up. Try going through positive self-affirmations, which help you in realising the importance of your self-worth and you don’t need someone to validate you.
What are the emotions we feel when we feel used?
Many people are unable to tag their emotions. They do not know what they are actually feeling in a state of heartbreak. If you are feeling used, there are usually two or three emotions that boost within us; anger, fear, and anxiety.
We feel angry because probably, we were getting the red flags. Maybe the signs mentioned above were always there, but you ignored them. It is easier to overlook issues when you love someone with all your heart. It gets easier to ignore their negative personality traits because you do not want to give up on them. Therefore, when we realize that we have been used, the first emotion is usually anger. We feel angry with ourselves that we allowed this to carry on for a long time. We feel anger, at its peak, before it crumbles into fear of worthlessness and melts down in the form of tears and abandonment which in worst case scenarios can lead to depression.
The second emotion that we feel when we are feeling used is fear. We think that we are not good enough and begin questioning our self-worth. This emotion is lethal as it can pull down any person into depression. Overcoming fear quickly is exceptionally crucial. You need to avoid the thought that tells you that you are not good enough. Fear usually boosts anxiety. This is a state of constant anxiousness where you are stressed and feel lifeless. No matter what you do, you are unable to feel good or happy. If you allow anxiety to grow, then you will have to seek professional help because it changes into depression.
Sadness is not the only emotion that one feels when they are feeling used, or they come to realize that they have been used for a long time. There is a rush of emotions that are summed up as “sadness.” We need to recognize and tag every emotion separately so that they are dealt with individually.
The five most common things people end up feeling used for
Your time and energy are precious, and you should know how to build proper boundaries around them. Don’t allow everyone to stop inside your zone and take a lot from you. If you are feeling used, you should step back and create healthy limitations. Whether it is happening in a relationship, a random friendship, or at your workplace.
There are a lot of things people end up feeling used for or things that people use other people for. But here we have summed up the 5 most common things that usually make people feel used.
- The most common thing people end up feeling used for is sex. It is usually in relationships that end badly. You start feeling used for all the times you two were together in bed. Whether the relationship was excellent or toxic, whenever it ends, you are going to feel used physically. This is the most common thing, people in relationships end up feeling used for. Why is this so? This is because a person places an abundance of confidence in you when they allow you to indulge with them physically. Once that trust is broken, they feel used. Sex is not just a physical activity. It is the highest form of affection, and it leaves you feeling used and vulnerable if the relationship doesn’t go well.
- The second most common thing people end up feeling used for is lending money. There are so many of our friends who ask us for help when they are in a financial crisis. And let’s agree to the fact that such people make you feel like you are being taken for granted. Lending money to someone in trouble is a great deed. But make sure that they are also there for you when you need them,otherwise, you know where you stand.
- Another common thing that people feel used for is affection. It is saddening how people use other people for love and attention. This is happening a lot these days. One heartbroken person uses the other to get over their ex. Nothing is more devastating than this act of unkindness. Don’t indulge with anyone just because you need to be saved. Do it for yourself and do not let anyone use you because they have no other options!
- People who do not have control over their own lives usually try to get control over others (manipulation and narcissists). Thus, they use people for their own benefit. They try gaining power over others so that they feel satisfied. This is a usually intentional act, but it makes others feel used and deceived.
- The fifth most common thing that people end feeling used for is for material things. This is extremely common in youngsters and adults. Young, teenage couples use their partners to gain material items. Sadly, this is growing and is exploiting a lot of youngsters .Adults use people for money, connections, property and material goods
Feeling used and manipulated
Manipulation is an unhealthy behavior that a person uses as a strategy to control others. A manipulative person always tries to make people act or feel in a specific way for their own personal benefits. In interpersonal relationships, it is very common. Manipulation is not necessary to fulfill our needs. It is an abusive tactic. Stats show that 4.5% of adults have experienced partner abuse. And female victims claim to experience emotional abuse and sexual assault more than rape and penetration. This clearly leads to emotional and mental health problems in the victim, and consequences are serious leading to severe emotional trauma in victims.
Now you know what manipulation is, maybe you are feeling used and manipulated but may not be aware of its clear signs. I am going to help with this. I will tell you about some of the tactics used by a manipulative person or clear signs, which will confirm that you are in a manipulative relationship. I will also tell you about what to do if you are feeling used and manipulated, but first, you need to know about some of the tactics. So, let’s get started;
They use emotional connection.
A manipulative person can use a romantic connection to control someone; for example, he will move quickly in an intimate relationship. He may make you feel overwhelmed with his loving behavior to lower your guard, and you may feel in debt and deeply emotionally invested.
They use insecurities
It is a very common tactic used by manipulators. They may make you feel that you are not perfect. You will feel like you don’t deserve to be loved, and no other partner will love you except for them. Feeling used and manipulated definitely hurts. And it magnifies your insecurities and is commonly used by narcissists to make you feel no one else will care.
They are liars
If you are feeling used and manipulated, look for clear signs like lying. Your partner will lie to you, and when you catch your partner, they will deny it and will try to cover it with some other lies.
They will change the subject.
It is a very common tactic used by manipulators when you try to them about their certain behavior; they will change the topic. For this purpose, they may attack you. For example, if you are complaining about their drug habit, they will start complaining about your poor career choices attack and deflect is the strategy.
They will use fear
When you are in a manipulative relationship, your partner may try to make you feel afraid of them. For example, they will ask you to dress in a certain way; if you will not, they may use threats of physically intimidating body language,threats or violence.
Feeling used after sex
Using someone for sex is not the right thing to do. But assuming that someone is doing so is even worse because you don’t have any proof. So if you are feeling used after sex, look for the signs. You have to examine the behavior of your partner to make sure. Whether you are dating that person or in a committed relationship, some signs will indicate that he/she is using you for sex. For example, notice when they contact you if the person contacts you late and night only or when they have no other options and do not want to engage on an emotional committed level this person is looking for just sex. Think about what you two talk about the whole day, do you guys talk about random things or just sex? One very clear sign is that when you ask about where your relationship is going or talk about your future, the person will change the subject or make excuses. He/she may also say that they are not looking for something serious.
If you are feeling used after sex and there are clear signs, then you should do something about it. Getting over a person who used you for sex is not easy, but these useful tips will prove helpful for you.
Limit your contact with that person
I know it is not easy, and you may feel tempted to reach out, but it is for the best. Try not to think about this person embark on hobbies engage in self care and ask your friends to help with it. Ask them to stop you when you try to contact the person. Remove them from your social media.
Accept your emotions
Rejection is not easy to handle, but ignoring your feelings is not a solution. You need to accept them; it will help with healing. Try to be realistic about this toxic relationship, and it will help you in getting over it. Keep in mind that it is not your fault and practice self compassion.
Engage yourself in useful activities
Keeping yourself busy is the best thing for you. Pick some new hobbies; spend time with your friends and family. A little distraction will prove very helpful.
Feeling used after a breakup
Being in a manipulative relationship is not easy; you feel confused and conflicted. You feel like you are worthless, and to be very honest, if such a manipulative relationship ends, it is for the best. I would say that it is like a blessing in disguise. If you are feeling used after a breakup, you are not alone. Most people feel like this after their break up. It can be because of the following reasons:
They always wanted you to do constant favors
Doing favors for each other is not a bad thing when you are in a relationship. You help each other, and it makes the bond stronger. But sometimes a manipulative partner in a relationship asks for continuous favors but is not willing to do anything for you. You were a caring persona, and you could not say no because you are kind and empathetic.
They relied on you for money.
When two people are in a relationship or are living together, they give each other financial help; it is not that different. A person with self-respect will never expect you to pay every time, but if your partner did so, they were using your relationship as a way to gain funds. And if you are feeling used after a breakup, it is not wrong. But you should be happy that you are not living with such a person anymore for these kind of characters can destroy your credit, confidence and life.
Your partner was not emotionally attached.
Some toxic people just get into a relationship for sex or some other benefits. After a break up, you may feel that this person was not in a relationship for you but for their own reasons. They never asks how you feel.
If you are feeling used after a break up, you need to know that you were too good for that person. This person was toxic and did not deserve you. So try to move on and start a new life with people who are with you because they love you and care for you.
Feeling used and thrown away
We all need to understand that people are not disposable. You cannot use someone for your advantage and throw them away. But unfortunately, the world we are living in is selfish and cruel sometimes. It is not a healthy trend that people follow. We need to care for our loved ones, friends, and family. But if someone tries to use you for their own advantage, he/she does not deserve you. No one has the right to take you for granted. If you are feeling used and thrown away, you need to deal with it properly. Look for the signs if you are feeling used and manipulated, be sure, and then do what is best for you.
Be aware of someone who is extra sweet to you but seems to have an ulterior motive.
What is done is done, but in the future, you need to be careful. People, who are trying to be extra sweet with you in deceptive manner, beware of them. They probably want something from you, be nice but learn to say no and set healthy boundaries.
Beware of people who never give back.
There will be people in your office and unfortunately some friends who never helped you even if they could. So be aware of them and don’t fall for the trap. Maintain distance from such people who are not willing to help others but use others for their own advantages and gains.
Be aware of people who make you feel guilty.
We all are human and imperfect. We make mistakes, and we should try to make them right. But there will be people who will always make you feel that it was all your fault and you can’t do anything right. Stay away from people who bring negativity in your life. They will be on your side when everything is good and will leave you in your bad times.
Feeling used after an affair
Being in a relationship is not an easy thing, but if you were having an affair, it means that you were in a very complicated situation. If you were the other woman or man in the happy life of a married couple, now you may feel guilt or used.
Some people who are already married or in a committed relationship have a secret affair, and reasons can vary from person to person. Sometimes they want to find out what they are missing in married life. Some are not satisfied with their married life and want to fulfill their needs from someone else. Some of them are sex addicts. But there are very few people who are in love with the person they are having an affair with they use for their own needs.
So there are chances that the person you had an affair with used you for their own sake. If you did not know that they were already married or committed, it is not your fault, and you are the victim here. But if you knew it before, it is a bit your fault and you have to take accountability. But what is done is done; I am not here to blame you. Now it is time to move on from all this and heal your wounds we all make mistakes.
You deserve better
If you are feeling used after an affair, keep in mind that it is useless to cry over spilled milk. You need to know that you are worthy of someone who loves you. You are not here to fulfill the needs of others but your own show yourself love.
Take time to recover.
If you did not know anything about their life it is not your fault, I know you are feeling used and betrayed, but you to be strong. Take time to recover, engage yourself in healthy and productive activities and work on your self- esteem.
You can’t justify cheating.
Cheating is very common in the UK, which is not a good thing. About 22 % of women and 45% of men accept that they have cheated on their current partner. Having an affair while you are in a committed relationship is cheating, and you cannot justify it. If a person had an affair with you and you knew about their married life, it is okay to feel guilty. Don’t try to justify what you have done. Instead, apologize and try not to repeat the mistake you are worthy of someone who is committed to you.
Feeling used after sexting
Sexting is like a direct way to ask what you want, and most of the time, it works. In the long term committed relationship, sexting is normal, but in a new relationship or when both of you are in the dating phase, sexting means this person just wants a fling. It means that this person is not serious about you, and will stop giving you attention if you will not give him/her what they want. In that case, it is normal if you are feeling used after sexting. But do you recognize if this person is using you for sexting? Here is how to be sure
This individual will only text you when they want you
They will not give you a reply even when you keep on texting them the whole day. He will not return your calls. This individual will only talk to you when they feel like it and will make lame excuses about not replying or calling back.
This individual will never tell you where they are
This individual will not tell you what they are doing or where they are because they do not want you to be around him. They will totally ignore you in the day time.
Keep in mind that dating is all about being a deep relationship; it is about emotions; it should not be superficial. You deserve to be loved unconditionally, so if you want to be in a healthy relationship, set boundaries and standards.
Feeling used after a one night stand
It is painful and may seem backward, but this is a common experience in which a person sleeps with a person and thinks that it will become a long time relationship. The person thinks that sex will lead to a consistent relationship, but then the person is disappointed when it does not work. The person will say it was a mistake and they are sorry, but it will be just be a one-night stand. Almost every one night stand ends up in the same way hurt and upset, and feeling used after a one-night stand is normal.
Feeling used after a one night stand will hurt your ego. It will be frustrating that a person is not giving you attention after this one amazing night. But don’t let your ego get your best. Don’t be serious about it. If this person ignores you, you should also ignore them. If they cannot see your value it is there loss
You have your friends, and there are plenty of fish in the sea if you are feeling used after a one night stand, avoid it in the future. Set boundaries and never agree to sleep on your first date or without knowing a person’s intentions and character. If you are feeling hurtful, get help from your friends. Spend some time with them, and they will cheer you up.
Feeling used after a hookup
A survey showed that more than half of people in the UK (56%) had one night stand at some point in their lives. There is nothing wrong with it if both partners agreed on the same rules. Feeling used after a hookup is common. It is because sometimes another person just wants sex from you and nothing other than this. I know you are feeling abandoned and regret it, but it is useless, because it won’t change the situation It is not your fault, and clearly, you are not the one who is in the loss. It is the other person’s loss because they have lost the chance to have such a beautiful person in their life. Believe in you everything is going to be fine.
I know you are feeling comfortable, but if you try to process your feelings, it will be easier for you to deal with the whole situation. If you are regretting it accept it, if you are guilty accept it. But do not think that you are a bad person here. You are just perfect, and you will find someone who will love you unconditionally for sure.
Feeling used and abused quotes
If you are feeling used and abused, quotes mentioned here will help you in understanding the situation and dealing with it. If you are feeling used and abused, quotes under this section will motivate you to forget your past and start a good new life.
- “People who take too much are always on the hunt for people who give too much.” – Alan Robert Neal
- “People know who they can walk over and who they can’t. If someone is walking all over you it’s because they KNOW you’ll put up with it.” –Sonya Parker
- “Even the Most Caring People Can Get Tired Of Being Taken For Granted”–Nishan Panwar
- “Some people use power, whilst they are some who let power use them.” –Moffat Machingura
- “There’s capital controls and there’s people control. So every time you think of a fence keeping all those bad people out, think about those fences maybe being used against us, keeping us in.” –Ron Paul
- “If you are being abused by your partner, you may feel confused, afraid, angry, and/or trapped. All of these emotions are normal responses to abuse. You may also blame yourself for what is happening. But no matter what others might say, you are never responsible for your partner’s abusive actions.”– Unknown
- “Celebrities, even insignificant ones like me, are created to be abused by the Great Unwashed.” – Poppy Z Brite
- “You always got so much pride but once you look in my eyes it’s over. You even told me about you when you were younger, how your father abused you. I let you cry on my shoulder.”– Tyga
- “To the people that used me abused hated me & betrayed me I salute you! Karma is coming 10 fold. I wish you the best.”–Unknown
- “The only person that deserves a special place in your life is someone that never made you feel like you were an option in theirs.” ― Shannon L. Alder
- “It is not the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind.” – Aisha Mirza
How to get over the feeling of being used?
Probably the most painful feeling to deal with, the sense of being used. It leaves you aching for a long time. But you can get over this feeling if you deal with it a little smartly. Encountering such experiences is difficult, but there is no such thing as impossible. Here are some ways to get over the emotions of feeling used.
The first step is not to allow yourself to become a victim of the situation. A lot of people love embracing their wounds and hold on to them so tightly that moving on becomes impossible. But when you realize that you have been used, your mind is going to make you the victim. You are the only one who can fight through this and block your thoughts. Get yourself busy doing something that you love. Indulge yourself in anything that boosts your self-contentment. Staying active will help you in fighting the feelings that state you as the victim. Being upset is natural, but allowing it to consume your mind entirely is not the right thing to do.
Talking back to the voice in your head that tells you that you are worthless, unlovable is another way to get over this feeling. Your self pep talk does wonders. Listen to affirmations or read them out to yourself. Your brain will react accordingly.
Once you stop the voice in your head, it is time to face your fear. Are you feeling used? Are you feeling worthless? Well, face it. Face the fact that you were too good to give affection and love to someone who wasn’t ready for it. Feel great about the abundance of love that lies within you. Cherish yourself. Face the uncertainty that you have been through and let it go.
Use this feeling to empower yourself. It can help you gain clarity. You will understand the importance of creating boundaries and why they are so crucial to protect yourself. You will also be better at realising the red flags and understand if someone is using you or is taking you for granted.
Seek Help from a Professional:
Now, a lot of people are not too good at dealing with the emotions of feeling used. Some of us can get over it within no time, and that is nothing less than a blessing. But at the same time, many people are unable to dig through the situation. Thus, if you are struggling with this situation, then looking up to a professional for help is crucial. The feeling of being used can lead to anxiety and depression, and it is crucial to jump out of it.
We live in a modern world, and we are glad that counselling and life coaching is now being accepted across the globe for its amazing benefits. Miss Date Doctor is one of the best counselling/coaching companies that you can access online https://relationshipsmdd.com/relationship-counselling-london/. We are one of the best relationship counsellors and life coaches, and we deal with various types of problems that you might be facing. Whether you are single or you are in trouble relationship, or you have just broken up or need life advice and guidance, MDD provides you with incredible help. You can check out our services here https://relationshipsmdd.com/services/ and seek the best relationship advice and life coaching.
You are your only saviour! If you are feeling used, you need to set your boundaries and make life easier for you. Be an empath with limits. And if you are unable to get out of this issue, then get help from MDD and get advice from us RELATIONSHIP ADVICE
Further reading: Quality of life statistics