Amenable

how to stop being too agreeable

Everything you need to know about being Amenable

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We have heard throughout our lives that we should be nice to others. Most of us follow the golden rule of treating others the way we want them to treat us. We try to be more understanding, supportive, and helpful to others around us. We are willing to do whatever they ask us to do if we can. It is normal and not healthy. We should help others if we can, but we should not ignore our own happiness.

The problem begins when we want appreciation from others and want to please everyone. It is not a healthy attitude. Moreover, it is neither easy nor necessary. We have our own needs, which should be fulfilled before we go to help others. You can’t agree with others all the time; you can’t be available to go with every person whenever they need you. Simply you can’t be nice all the time. But when you are willing to do anything for a person that is when we can say you are being too amenable.

In this article, I would teach you about the amenable definition, its meaning, are you too amenable, and how you can deal with it. So let’s get started:

Amenable definition

Amenable means willing to comply. If you ask me how to define amenable, I would say being able to be affected by something or to be controlled. Let me explain it to you with an example.

For instance, if your friends want to go for sky diving and you are amenable to their plan and doing because they want you to, it will seem like you are going to jump out of the plane as soon as they as you to. If a thing or a person is amenable to something, it means they are willing, ready, or responsive. But does it serve you well in a relationship? Lets explore an amenable person in detail.

Agreeable vs. amenable

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You may think about Agreeable vs. amenable; what is the difference between them. Well, both of these words are not different and have similar meanings. In general agreeable means pleasing while amenable means willing to respond to suggestions and persuasion. But sometimes we also use the word agreeable in place of amenable.

 

 

 

 

Amenable person

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So who is an amenable person? A amenable person is willing to yield or agree and open to control or influence. We can also use the word agreeable for such a person. An amenable person would be willing to do anything his partner asks. He will not have second thoughts about it. He will do it even if he does not like it usually.

Being an amenable person is a good thing to some point, but not entirely. But it becomes unhealthy when you become too amenable not only for yourself but also for your partner. Let’s have a look at how to know if you are being too amenable in your relationship and how to stop this.

You would be amenable.
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When we are in love, we become too amenable sometimes. It is because we love them and we want to make them happy, so we will love to do anything that makes them feel happy. Being too amenable can ruin your relationship. It may seem a little weird, and you may not believe it, but it is true. A relationship does not have to be abusive to be unhealthy. Sometimes being too amenable also makes a relationship unhealthy. But the point is an amenable person does not feel that there anything wrong; the individual thinks that this is the right thing to do.

So how to know if you are too amenable in your relationship? Well, to help you with this, here are some signs that indicate you are too amenable, and you should deal with this early on before it ruins your relationship. You would be amenablein your relationship if you notice these signs:

Keep checking on your partner a lot.

A grown person knows when to eat, when to take medicines, and pay his bills. But you are so worried about your partner that either you keep on asking about these things or you do these things yourself. It seems good sometimes, but if you do this too much, it seems like you do not think of them like a mature person and do absolutely everything for them, and you would be amenable.

You are a people pleaser.

People pleaser can mean everything from never saying no to do everything they ask for, even if it is unfair. For instance, you do all the household work yourself, do not ask them to pay their share of bills, or do the grocery yourself every time. The worst thing is you do not complain about it. It will not bring any good in the relationship if it is being amenable to you or with you, and you are just spoiling your partner.

You never disagree

Another sign that you are too amenable in your relationship is that you never disagree with anything. Whatever they say, you agree with them even if they are wrong. We all have our differences, and it is impossible to agree on everything. So if you do this, it means you are not sincere with yourself, your partner, and your relationship.

You solve all of your partner’s problems.

It is a good feeling when someone is there for you, supporting through thick and thin. You feel special when someone deals with your problems like these are their own. But we all are grown; we all have enough skills to deal with these problems on our own. But when you solve all your partner’s problems, it means you are to amenable in your relationship. It is unhealthy.

You avoid fighting with them.

It is normal to fight when you are in a relationship. But when you are too amenable, you try to keep yourself positive even about worst things happen between you too. It is normal to fight and argue, but you avoid it. Even you never make them realize their mistakes but remain positive. To be honest, it seems fake, whether being amenable to you or with you. You have to be honest about how you feel about them.

Are you too amenable in a relationship?

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It is good to care for your partner when you are a relationship. Supporting each other in tough times, doing little things for your partner when you are in love is beautiful. But this all looks good when you do not cross certain limits. There is a very fine line between caring and controlling someone else’s life. I know you want to do everything your partner says, whether it is wrong or right, but it can affect your relationship badly. Are you too amenable in a relationship? You need to know what consequences are. Let’s have a look at how it will affect your relationship:

It may seem like you are overcompensating.

You may find a person with whom you have almost everything common, but still, it is impossible to agree on everything with someone all the time. But when you do this, keep agreeing on everything; it will give a message that you are overcompensating. It makes you seem less attractive and desperate. In the end, your partner either perceives that you are fake or he will take you for granted. It will ultimately weaken your relationship.

You are kind, but it will be mistaken as a weakness.

You think that you are helping them; you think that you are in love, so it is good to do things for your partner. You show extreme willingness, but your partner will take it as your weakness. Your partner will think that you don’t have your own opinion and that they can make you do whatever they want.  Obviously, a person who loves you will not try to use you, but if you have this kind of behavior, with the wrong person chances are your kindness will be used and considered as aopen weakness.

You will lose your trust.

As I have mentioned above, being too amenable makes you look fake because nobody is willing to do anything for a person. In addition to this, you will also lose your trust and self-respect. You may want to please your partner and agree with them about something, but you really don’t mean it, and if your partner finds out about it, your relationship will be affected negatively you need to be authentic and true to yourself..

You will feel like a prisoner.

Are you too amenable in a relationship? You are willing to do anything for your partner, even those things which you do not like. But you want to be praised for your efforts, and that’s why you don’t even bother. The fact is it will not bring any good in your relationship. It feels like you want validation from him/her for everything you do. If you do everything to please others, you will not be a person anymore; you will become a product that will be consumed by others.

It will build-up resentment.

We all have our needs, being amenable means willing to do anything for others, neglecting our own needs, and it becomes miserable with time. We all have expectations from our partners, but if we are too amenable, they become too comfortable and don’t bother to worry about our expectations and needs. That’s when resentment starts building up, and when it becomes too much to handle, we break down. Amenability beyond a limit does not bring any good results, only negativity, and depression.

Agreeable

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Agreeable generally means pleasing to the senses or mind or a person who is willing to agree to something. Overall, agreeableness is considered a good trait. Being agreeable means a person is friendly and helpful. Such a person can easily thrive in his social circle. People will love him/her as the individual is always helping their colleagues, friends and family. Such a person will also be loved by his partner a lot.Research showed that agreeable regions of England include areas of Scotland and southwest, north and east of England, which means a huge population here is friendly, trustable, and cooperative.   

 

But once General Patton said:

“If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.”

This seems good but being too agreeable makes you look needy and desperate. It also happens that people start taking you for granted, as you are always available. Your partner may start making decisions without you, as they may think you never disagree with anything.  Doing this, you are giving others power over you. They will start taking advantage of your kindness. Are you, too, agreeable?It is not a good thing when you are too agreeable. You may sometimes agree because you don’t want to hurt others, but if you don’t tell how you feel or do not give the right opinion, it means you are dishonest with them, and it can bring serious consequences.

How to stop being too agreeable?

According to research, London and some other regions of the UK had low levels of agreeability, and the huge population there was quarrelsome, irritable, and uncooperative. All I mean to say is that there should be a balance between less agreeable and too agreeable.

What we know in our heart sometimes become too difficult to accept in real life, or once we do it becomes too scary to change. Just have a look at your relationships. One way you can find out that you are too agreeable or too amenable is when you feel exhausted. When you start avoiding real issues, in fact, ignore them; the result is bickering. But you need to be compassionate with yourself. It is not easy to detach yourself when you have been a people pleaser for a long time, and it can bring a lot of problems in your relationship. But once you accept that you are too agreeable and you want to deal with it, now is the time to know some useful strategies to take better care of yourself. It will not be easy for sure, but you can do better. Are you, too, agreeable? Here is how not to be too agreeable:

You need to be patient.

Change is not easy, especially when your long-standing patterns are embedded, it is difficult to change quickly. It will take some time, whether it’s you or your partner, so you need to be patient. Do not give up. I know it is not easy, but it is for the best.

You need to be specific.

When you are in a relationship and too agreeable is not easy for you to talk about real issues, and you can’t ask about what you need. This leads to confusion. So you need to be clear with your partner about what you really want. Instead of talking about stupid little issues, talk about real issues. Communication is an effective way to sort out issues between the two of you.

 

You need to be appreciative but do not settle.

I know when you try not to be agreeable, you feel like you must be negative, and you shouldn’t do this. It is okay to feel this way, so use a positive attitude. For example, if your partner is trying to improve, appreciate it but do not settle for it, encourage them to keep doing better. This will bring up their energy, and they will try to do better speak your mind.

Say what you really mean.

Being in a relationship means sharing everything; what kind of a relationship is it if you can’t express yourself freely. I know your partner didn’t force you to be not expressive; it is who you are. But if you can’t be honest, there is no point in being in a relationship. So always try to say what you mean even it seems difficult, but your opinion matters to your partner, and it should be honesthonest communication is important.

Work on your insecurities

Sometimes you become agreeable because you think that you are good enough, and your partner will leave you ultimately. It is not the right thing. You are a beautiful human being, and you deserve all the happiness in the world. Because of these insecurities, you settle for less. So you need to remind yourself that you are a worthy person. If you can’t handle all this on your own, seek professional help and work on your self-esteem.

Why being in love can make you too amenable?

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Finding the love of your life is the best feeling in the world. When you are in love, the world seems beautiful. You try your best to make each other happy. There are romantic dinners, daily coffee dates, confessions, and a lot of understanding and care. All make you feel like you are living in a fairy tale. It is good to feel this way, but when this feeling takes you drift too far from reality, it is not good at all, that’s why being in love makes you too amenable.

It is because sometimes love can make you too controllable, and you don’t realize it at all because when you are in love, your judgment is compromised. You can’t think rationally. It seems loving and romantic initially that you are ready to do anything for your partner, whether you like it or not. But when time passes, you realize that it is not good, and it is not who you are your identity is lost. So If you ask me Why being in love can make you too amenable? I would say too much  emotionalinvolvement, clouded judgment, and irrational thinking make you amenable in a relationship.

Conclusion

If you are too amenable in your relationship, you need to be more assertive, it may  seemweird, but it is the right thing to do as amenability can ruin your relationships. With this, I mean, you should be willing to face any kind of conflict. Of course, it will be a little uncomfortable or, in some cases, hugely uncomfortable, but it is the right thing to do. Do you want to keep your relationship on this path of dishonesty and fakeness? Well, I am leaving that for you to answer.

But if your partner is too amenable, you need to help and encourage him/her to be more expressive. Make them believe that you are open to any kind of discussion, and you won’t judge them at all. Ask them what they really want or think. Listen to them carefully, and if you disagree with them, clear your point respectfully and lovingly.

Create a system where everyone can participate in making a decision. For instance, you spend a weekend together, take turns deciding what you two want to do on this day, and try to make a balanced healthy relationship.

Changing yourself even for good is not easy, so if you feel like it is too much for you to handle, seek professional help. A consultant will help you break free of this trap and start living your life the way you want. Call +443333443853

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