Difference between lust and love

Difference between lust and love

We live in a modern world where online dating applications have made life easier for those who want to find a perfect partner. A lot of people dive into relationships very fast, and they think that they are in love. In many cases, it is true as some people believe in love at first sight. But in most cases, it is not love at all but a temporary attraction or lust.

What is the difference between love and lust? It is a very complicated topic to discuss as it is happening very commonly around us. I think we don’t know what love is, or we have been misinformed about love and lust. But actually, there is a huge difference between them. Love and lust are two very powerful emotions, and sometimes these can consume a person totally. When you love someone, you also lust after them, so how can you differentiate both of these feelings.

All of us need to know the real difference so that we do not waste our time on something or someone who does not worth it. It is easy for us to figure out whether our friend is in love or lust with someone else, but it is difficult to know our own emotions. We can’t figure it out and mostly ignore our own emotions. I am going to tell you all about this big difference between love and lust and about the spirit of lust characteristics. What I am going to tell you is based on my dating experience and my interaction with men. So let’s get started.

What is lust?

Are you wondering what is lust meaning? Well, in terms of relationships, lust is a very powerful attraction to someone sexually. It can be the glue that attracts us to a person and is based on a deep physical connection. Lust is difficult to resist most of the time. There are several reasons for developing this desire, such as getting close to someone, hurting someone, manipulating someone to hurt ourselves, or just hormones.

A person who controls his lustful desires and does not act upon them is lustful but not lecherous. On the other hand, a person who has desires and also fulfills them habitually or repeatedly is lustful and lecherous at the same time.

What is lust? Most people think that it is what the basis of a relationship is all about, actually a long term relationship. But it is not the reality, and it is very important for you to know because I want you to be in a healthy relationship and be happy with yourself.

Most of us don’t know how to love ourselves; the reason can be because no one taught us anything about it when we were young or kids. And when we grew up, we adopted some really bad habits, more like addictions with time; as a result, the idea of love has suffered and morphed into lust.

Types of lust

We all restrict lust to sexual desire, but it is not limited to that. Lust can be of anything, power, food, money, knowledge, or fame. What is lust meaning? Lust, overall, is a negative emotion because of which you want something so badly that you can’t imagine your life without it. You are ready to do anything without discriminating, whether it is good or bad. Here are some common types of lust:

Lust of power

It is one of the most common types of lust. When a person has a lust for power, he wants to control everyone, their actions, and their emotions too. He wants to rule everyone. There are many examples in history when kings were killed by their own people for taking power in their own hands.

Lust of money

A person who has a lust for money does not think about the means it is coming from. He is ready to even earn it from illegal means. All he wants are shortcuts to get more and more money. This person will manipulate or deceive just to get money.

Lust of fame

We all have desired that people know us in a good light and as a formidable character, but is this a healthy desire. The desire to be popular becomes toxic when a person wants to be  famous as soon as possible by any means necessary. The individual is ready for whatever it takes and desperate for adulation at all costs.

Signs of lust in a man

Although it is somehow true that it is a sexual attraction that draws two people into a romantic relationship, too much desire becomes lust. It does not need a relationship anymore. You are ready to have physical interaction with any person anytime. If you are worried about how to figure out that a person has lust, you should go for signs. But what are some clear signs of lust in a man? If you have the lust, you will notice these signs:

Your most prominent thoughts about your partner are sexual

Fantasizing and daydreaming is normal; there is nothing wrong about it. If you have sexual thoughts about your partner, it is normal too. But it is wrong when you don’t have other thoughts at all; you just keep thinking about them in a sexual way, no other emotion or affection. You don’t think about making them feel special or their problems.

On every date, you are looking for sexual activity.

Being an adult, it is not easy to maintain dating and work life. When you start dating, you think it is okay to have some intimate time together, and one of you stay at the others place sometimes. Other times you meet for dinner or coffee and then go back to your own places. Those who have developed lust think that date without sexual activity is not good. They extremely need it, and when it does not happen, they become very disappointed and frustrated. This is toxic behavior and, for sure, will not last long.

You don’t have an emotional or intellectual connection with the partner.

It is okay if someone provokes a sexual desire in you; it is completely normal. But it is wrong when you do not have an emotional connection with them at all. You don’t talk about their problems or your own problems. The discussions between the two of you are very base level. You don’t enjoy talking at all, and it does not satisfy the emotional needs of other partner if he/she is really in love with you. As a result, there is another breakup.

You are worried that your partner is not sexually attracted to you.

It is one of the clearest signs of lust in a man.  Two people in a relationship are not sexually attracted to each other on the same level. But when you have the lust, you want the same attraction; you want the other person to be sexually involved at the same level. When a relationship is without lust, it does not matter because both partners love each other and sex matters, but the relationship is not totally based on it.

Lust examples

A survey of 3000 adults showed that about one in five people claims to be in love with some other person than their current partner. In most of these scenarios, this other person was a colleague at the office or a close friend. Why is it so? In some cases, it can be because a person is really in love with another person. But in most cases, a person is just looking for some other person to fulfill his lust, which is not satisfied by his own partner. There are plenty of examples of such people from real life. Let me share with you some of the lust examples:

Sometimes people develop lust because they think that they can have whatever they want, so why stick to one option. They want to explore, what is on offer, that’s why they don’t settle for a relationship. There was a guy in my college, he had a very charming personality, and the point is he knew that girls admire him. So he used his charm to get girls. But what is the point of this? It is just for a temporary pleasure; you don’t get anything long lasting, and you regret it later especially when it causes problems or you get caught.

Sometimes lust develops when a person is unable to satisfy the sexual desires of his partner. This also increases the chances of cheating. From research, it was estimated that about 35% said that they cheated on their partners because of dissatisfaction in sex life. Lust makes people crave something they miss, so look some other ways to fulfill their needs. That’s how marriages end because cheating has no justification.

What is lust? You may be surprised to hear this, but sometimes it is not about sexual desires. A person may want to get something else and uses his/her sexual desires for this purpose. For example, a person may use it to get a promotion at his job, or he may use it to get some other kinds of benefits.

All these lust examples I have mentioned above show the spirit of lust characteristics and that lust does not make your life any better. It is a negative and toxic emotion that takes your loved ones away from you. A person destroys all his relationships and ends up alone. He may not realize it earlier because everything seems charming and colorful, but in the end, it destroys your love and work-life.

What is love?

What is love? Love is a very beautiful but complex feeling involving affection and respect towards each other. I am not saying that love is completely free from sexual desires. Obviously, a romantic relationship involves these kinds of desires, but most importantly, both personas are emotionally connected with each other. They are ready to make sacrifices for each other; they are ready to face any kind of problem in life and they want to stay together.

There is a lot of debate on whether it is by choice or spontaneous or is it temporary or permanent. If you ask me, I would say it is not entirely in your hands to love or not. It is a natural feeling; sometimes, we fall in love with good people and sometimes with toxic people, and we can’t help it. We cannot command or demand love from someone. It is natural, just like we cannot control stars or moons. We may try to change the weather or produce artificial rain, but it can upset ecological balance lol! The truth is love is organic

So what is love really? Honestly speaking, love is unpredictable. This unpredictability makes it dangerous sometimes, but it also makes it the most exciting and precious emotion in the world. It is an emotion that can keep people bound together for their whole lives. So what is love? I can’t explain it more; I don’t even have words to explain this lovely and powerful emotion that changes you. You become an entirely different person who has the beauty and power of this emotion. Love completely consumes taking over your thought process completely.

Love has an important role in developing good mental health. Here are some common examples:

  • Babies who are not held or frequently cuddled to show affection and love may be developmentally delayed or become ill.
  • When a person feels unloved, it can lead to depression and low self-esteem.
  • People who feel loved or are in love with others tend to be happier than others.
  • Love can also help with long-term health and emotional stability. It will also increase immunity.

Love is nothing like lust. Love brings happiness in your life; it makes your relationships stronger with others, while lust does the opposite. If you are still confused about what the difference between love and lust is, let’s move to the next section, and you will understand better what I am trying to say.

Difference between lust and love

There is a quote that goes like this:

“There is lust, and then there is love. They are related, but still very different things. To indulge in one requires little but honeyed speech and a change of clothes; to obtain the other, by contrast, a man must give up his rib. In return, his woman will undo the sin of Eve, and bring him back into Paradise.” ― Anne Fortier, Juliet

Well, this explains better what the difference between love and lust is. But if you are still confused, here are some points that will explain the difference between love and lust.

Do you think about the other person?

Love: when you are in love with the person, you think about this person a lot. All you care about is their desires and needs. People feel selfless when they are in love. You care about their dreams.

Lust: on the other hand, lust makes a person feel selfish. The individual only craves the other person’s body. The individual is obsessed with the other person’s body shape or how they look. The individual will only think about the things the other person does to make him happy.

What about meaningful conversations?

Love: When you are in love with a person, you value the time spent with them. You have deep and meaningful conversations with them. Falling in love with a person is possible when you know them, and without meaningful conversations, it seems a bit impossible.

Lust: So what is lust then? Well, it is all about sex. You just know their name, and you don’t care about who they really are? What do they think? How do they feel? It does not matter. You need to have physical contact. ‘

How do they look?

Love: When you are in love, you don’t think about their looks; you love the person. Materialistic things do not matter to you.

Lust: When it is about lust, you don’t really care about the person. All you care about is their looks, their physical shape, etc.

Do you feel stable?

Love: When you are in love, you go for a committed relationship. Things progress slowly, first dating, and then relationship, and you feel stable. You feel calm  and comfortable around the person you love.

Lust: On the other hand, when it is lust, you feel chaos and spark everywhere. There will be a lack of emotional connection, but there will be no sexual tension.

How to tell if a guy is in love or in lust

Stats showed that about 19% of women and 29% of men are thinking of leaving their partner because they feel unsatisfied and are interested in someone else. To me, this really does not feel right. It looks like we are living a materialistic and superficial world. We don’t want anything real that connects us emotionally but we are only looking to fulfill our lust desires.

I have told you how you can figure out whether it is love or lust. But when you are in a relationship, you don’t know what does your guy feel or think, whether he is in love with you or it is just lust. So, how to tell if a guy is in love or in lust? Don’t worry; I am going to help you with this. All you need is to observe his behavior, and you will understand if it is love or lust. Here are some suggestions for you:

He is never available to you emotionally.

Are you wondering how to tell if a guy is in love or in lust? Know that love connects people heart to heart. You are connected to each other, not emotionally. But if he is not into you and only has lust, he will never be available for you when you need him most. He will not care about your emotional state. That’s when you should get rid of him.

He is not interested in knowing about your friends and family.

A person who is in love with you will try to connect with your friends and family so that he can be a part of your family and can be around you comfortably. But a person who has lust he will not be interested in knowing anything about them. Even if you ask him to meet them, he will never agree upon it; he will make excuses.

He threatens to leave you.

A person who is in love with you will always want to be around you. He can’t imagine leaving you. But a person who is just there for lust will always threaten you that he will leave you. He knows that you are into him, and he will use your feelings to get what he wants from you.

He will ask you to dress up.

A person who loves you will love you even if you are wearing a regular dress or old pajamas. But a person with lust will never accept you in this condition. He will ask you to dress up for him and look perfect all the time. Please note making an effort is important but there are limits.

He will make excuses when you ask him about commitment.

How to tell if a guy is in love or in lust? Well, a person who is there for just fulfilling his lust will never be interested in a committed relationship. He will avoid talking about the future of your relationship.

Conclusion

Love and lust are two different emotions. So what to choose lust or love? Love is more than enough to spend a happier life, and lust makes your life miserable. You may have fun at the start, but you will lose some really precious people. Sometimes lust can lead to love, but there is no surety. If you feel like you have a problem like this, make sure to seek professional help. But if you feel like your partner is using you for fulfilling their lust desire, make sure to get rid of them. Hope so my suggestions will prove helpful for you. Call 03333443853 and have a free consultation.

Further reading

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Stages of a rebound relationship

Feeling used

References

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201408/the-philosophy-lust

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/intimacy/what-does-lust-mean/

https://www.eharmony.com/blog/feeling-much-lust-someone-4-warning-signs

https://www.apolloniaponti.com/lustvslove/

https://www.stephanspeaks.com/journey-lust-love/

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/jul/14/mistaking-lust-for-love

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/love#:~:text=Love%20is%20complex.,and%20respect%20for%20another%20person.&text=For%20example%2C%20a%20person%20might,loves%20freedom%2C%20or%20loves%20God.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-without-limits/201111/what-is-love-and-what-isnt

https://theconversation.com/what-is-love-139212

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/jul/14/mistaking-lust-for-love

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/lust?page=2

https://drjudithorloff.com/how-to-tell-the-difference-between-lust-and-love/

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12048/how-to-tell-if-its-love-or-just-lust.html

https://www.india.com/lifestyle/tips-to-identify-the-difference-between-love-and-lust-8-ways-to-get-clarity-1726215/