Many therapists suggest keeping your expectations low when in a relationship. This suggestion is not entirely helpful. In some cases, it is good as you won’t be disappointed by your partner if you have lesser expectations. But studies of Donald Baucom, a psychology professor at the University of North Carolina, proves otherwise. He found that in the end, people get what they expect. People who have low expectations are treated poorly in a relationship. And those who have high expectations tend to be in a relationship with a person who treats them well.
This means if you have high standards and expectations in a relationship, you can achieve the kind of relationship you always dreamed of. Otherwise, things will just slip out of your hands.
Having expectations in a relationship is not a bad thing. It makes you get what you are capable of. But where does the problem starts? Expectations in relationships are biased, subjective and can be different from one person to another. For instance, one partner may want other to prepare breakfast every morning, and the other may want him have dinner together in the evenings. These are the minor expectations. And if you don’t discuss all these things with your partners, it is impossible for them to know what you want, and this can lead to tension in the relationship.
The main problem with expectations is that it is like having an opinion, and everyone has different opinions. It is not necessary that all people have the same opinion. Mismatched expectations only lead to fighting if you do not discuss it with your partner. Let’s have a look at some healthy and unhealthy expectations in relationships.
Relationships need work, and efforts and unhealthy expectations can ruin them. It is not bad at all to have expectations from others, but you can’t expect ridiculous things from your partner. It will only destroy peace in your relationship, and all the love will vanish with time. Here are some unhealthy relationship expectations that you may put on your partner that is unfair:
We want others to be there for us whenever we need them. Giving each other time is very important in a relationship. You should be available for your partner when they are going through a tough time. But you need to understand that they have their own life too. They cannot be by your side 24/7. Sometimes they have a really tough schedule to follow, and they just can’t escape from it. So it would be selfish of you to expect them to drop everything. If you do this, that does not mean everyone is supposed to do this. You must respect your partners need for their own personal time.
You have friends, family, relatives, and colleagues besides your partner. The same is the case with your partner. Everyone has his own space and important people in their own life. Sometimes your partner may have to give time to his/her family because of an emergency or family commitments, or he may not be with you because of some friend’s emergency. You don’t have to fight with them for this. You would be foolish if you get upset about these little things.
It seems romantic to exchange gifts and organize special events. Some people are consistent in doing, so others are not. And when they do not give you gifts, you get upset. It is not a good thing to get upset over. It is better if they give you a gift from their heart, not because they have to do it. Let your partners behaviour be organic.
Relationships should be filled with certain qualities that make both of you a better person. Having expectations from each other and discussing them is a good thing. But your expectations should be realistic so that you may not fall in trouble. if you are wondering what are some realistic expectations in a relationship, let me share some examples with you:
Being respectful towards each other is very important in a relationship. A person should never feel maltreated or unworthy in any way. Respecting a person means you are encouraging them to be their better version and let them grow. No one deserves to be in a relationship without respect. This is not a kind of expectation you have to talk about; first, respect should come naturally. Respect is a non-negotiable
Understanding makes a relationship stronger. People have different belief systems. Sometimes you may wonder why a person does certain things in a certain way. It is not realistic to expect someone to think the way you think. Take a step back and try to see things the way they are seeing them show cognitive empathy and try to understand. The same way you can expect your partner to understand you, it is not one of the unhealthy relationship expectations at all understanding is important.
What is the point of having a relationship without love? When you love someone, you can respect them, understand them things are easier. Expecting love from your partner is natural and realistic. Love should be the driving force in a relationship. It is one of the most realistic expectations in a relationship.
A relationship without honesty cannot survive. You should not ask your partner to be honest with you; each individual should realize this by themselves that they can’t can’t be dishonest with you. And it is not just about your partner; you should also be honest with them.
In the start of a relationship, everything seems exciting. Conversations are intense; you feel butterflies, and life seems beautiful. You think that your relationship will turn into something extraordinary. This hope can lead to formations of way too high expectations that your partner cannot meet. These expectations then lead to conflict, disappointment and then ultimately break up. Sometimes you do not have any idea that your expectations are too high. If you are wondering, what are some examples of high expectations in a relationship? Let me share examples with you:
People are different from each other. It is natural to have conflicts and then arguments. Sometimes there are fights too. These things make relationships better and allow you to understand your partner in a better way. If you are expecting that your partner will never argue or fight with you, it is one of the very common examples of high expectations in a relationship.
This is one of the very common examples of high expectations in a relationship. Expecting from someone to do things the way you want is ridiculous. Everyone has their own choices and likes or dislikes. So you can’t expect this from someone. They have their own identity; if you are expecting this, you will be hurt in the end. So you just need to accept them the way they are.
Your partner cannot make mistakes in the relationship.
We all want things to remain right always. There are people among us with naeive notion of, thinking that their partner is perfect. They can’t make any mistakes, but the point is he/she is human. They can make mistakes. All you need is to accept them the way they are. Expecting this from your partner is another example that your expectations in a relationship are way too high.
Girlfriends are more sensitive than boyfriends. She may take a long time to say “yes,” but when she does, she is all into this. If you are wondering what boyfriend expectations of a girlfriend, you are in the right place. Here I am going to discuss some exceptions a girlfriend has for her boyfriend. After reading this, you will better understand what your girlfriend wants from you and can work on it:
Dating life is exciting, but if you want to be with your girlfriend for a long time. It is the best you can do show her you care consistently. She expects you to care about her, what she likes or dislikes when she is sad. Take care of all these things.
If you are wondering, what boyfriend expectations of a girlfriend? This will help a lot. Support is very important for couples. Without supporting each other, you can’t make your relation stronger. Your girlfriend expects you to support her through thick and thin so that she can feel secured and loved in times of need.
When you are dating, it is very important for you to give your girlfriend attention. So she knows she can trust you. You need to be a good listener and attentive while she is talking. This is what she expects from you.
Sometimes it is hard to know what to expect from your man. No one wants to seem nagging or pushy in a relationship. Expectations can ruin relationships because relationships need support and trust to grow. I have mentioned some realistic expectations, which are the basis of a relationship, but there is more than that. If you are wondering what to expect from a man in a relationship? Here are some suggestions for you:
Expect him to be loyal.
It goes without saying that loyalty is very important in a relationship. Honesty, loyalty and trust are foundations of a relationship. Without these, a relationship is not healthy. There is nothing better than the feeling that your man is loyal and faithful to you. You should expect your man to be completely loyal to you.
What to expect from a man in a relationship? In a relationship, communication is very important. It is what keeps your relationship alive and strong. So whenever there is an important decision to make, expect him to talk to you about it. Both of you are in this relationship together, so he should discuss every important aspect with you and respect your opinion.
When you are in a relationship, intentionally or unintentionally, you start comparing your partner or relationship with others. This is not the right thing to do; they have their own struggles, and you have your own. Expect your partner not to compare you with other girls or people in a relationship that he knows.
We all are guilty of having certain types of expectations. It is not our fault and is natural. But you can’t keep these expectations to yourself, because it will only bring disappointment. After all, if a partner does not know your needs and values, how can they fulfill your expectations? If you are wondering how to deal with expectations in a relationship? Here are some tips for you:
First of all, you need to accept that no one is responsible for your own happiness. People can’t make you happy if you are not willing to feel happiness. When you understand this, you will stop expecting others to bring happiness in your life the way you want.
When you feel sad or upset, it might be because of that certain expectations are not fulfilled by your partner. Then find out what expectations are making you feel this way. Chance is that your partner does not know about these.
How to deal with expectations in a relationship? This will help you a lot. Understand whether your expectations are realistic or not. Ask yourself is it possible to and realistic to have what you wish for.
Now you need to know from where these expectations are coming from, whether these are based on some movie you watched or from your dreams? Find out if it is okay to expect it from your partner.
If you think that your expectations are realistic and reasonable, you need to talk to your partner about it. As I have mentioned above, there are chances that your partner is not aware of your expectations. Expressing yourself is the best you can do for you and your relationship.
Letting go of expectations may not be easy, but it can make your relationship better. By letting go of your expectations, it does not mean you don’t need to have some fundamental expectations. All I am talking about is expectations that are unhealthy and ruining your relationship. But how to let go of expectations in a marriage?
If you are wondering how to let go of expectations in a marriage? I would suggest you don’t think about making your marriage perfect. There is nothing perfect in this world. So let your marriage grow and flourish. There will be fights, conflicts, arguments, little disappointments, but with and continuous effort, your problems will reduce. Things don’t always happen the way you want, and if you want to bring the change, you will have to wait for it patience is key.
Expectations are a way to be in a fulfilling and healthy relationship, but if these are unhealthy, these can make you regret and do the wrong things. I know some of you are still confused about what to expect and what not to expect. Others experience, wise words or Expectations in a relationship quotes can help you in understanding the concept.
So I have shortlisted some of my favorite Expectations in a relationship quotes that can help you in dealing with your emotions. Hope these will prove helpful, so let’s get started:
“Expectations are projecting your version of your ideals on someone else and holding them to that level. Standards are a series of beliefs, value systems and traits you expect to see in an individual you choose to date.” Belinda Ginter
“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” ― Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life.
“If you spent your life concentrating on what everyone else thought of you, would you forget who you really were? What if the face you showed the world turned out to be a mask… with nothing beneath it?” ― Jodi Picoult, Nineteen Minutes
“Expectations were like fine pottery. The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack.” ― Brandon Sanderson, The Way of Kings.
“Today, expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday. Realize the past no longer holds you captive. It can only continue to hurt you if you hold on to it. Let the past go. A simply abundant world awaits. (January 11)” ― Sarah Breathnach, Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy
“The pretty ones are usually unhappy. They expect everyone to be enamored of their beauty. How can a person be content when their happiness lies in someone else’s hands, ready to be crushed at any moment? Ordinary-looking people are far superior because they are forced to actually work hard to achieve their goals, instead of expecting people to fall all over themselves to help them.” ― J. Cornell Michel, Jordan’s Brains: A Zombie Evolution.
“Expectation. That is the true soul of art. If you can give a man more than he expects, then he will laud you his entire life. If you can create an air of anticipation and feed it properly, you will succeed.” ― Brandon Sanderson, Words of Radiance.
“If you expect nothing, you can never be disappointed. Apart from a few starry-eyed poets or monks living on a mountaintop somewhere, however, we all have expectations. We not only have them, we need them. They fuel our dreams, our hopes, and our lives like some super-caffeinated energy drink.” ― Tonya Hurley, Homecoming.
“To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage because we don’t want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.” – Madonna.
“It’s your own expectations that hurt you. Not the world you live in. Whatever happens in the world is real. What you think should happen is unreal. So people are hurt by their expectations. You know, you’re not disappointed by the world, you are disappointed by your own projections.” ― Jacque Fresco.
“A life that is burdened with expectations is a heavy life. Its fruit is sorrow and disappointment.” ― Douglas Adams.
“You don’t ask nobody to give what they can’t give, or be what they can’t be. You’ve learned that you got a headstart on heartbreak.” ― Jack Farris.
Relationships are difficult to handle, but if you give care and attention, you can make them successful. It is obvious that where there is love, there are expectations for each other. Managing expectations in a relationship are not that easy. Some are healthy, and some are unrealistic. All you need to do is to figure out unrealistic expectations and get rid of these. I also have shared some examples of high expectations in a relationship so that you can understand better the significant changes that may need to be made in some situations. I hope this article will prove helpful for you. If you need more assistance call 03333443853 for a free consultation now