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Insecurities in a relationship


Insecurities in a relationship

Insecurities are a part of our lives; we can’t deny it. Our lives are filled with uncertainty; we don’t know what is going to happen, so we actually can’t get rid of insecurities. Insecurity is anxiety about oneself; you feel a lack of confidence, but it is okay. It is not a big deal if you feel so once in a while. It is not a problem because we are living in an uncertain world. The problem is how we deal with it, we hide it, or we fight it. We avoid these feelings, control others, or we maturely deal with them. It is all up to us.We have the power to rid ourselves of insecurities.

Signs you are insecure.

According to a survey, it was seen that 40% of people were not confident and thought that they would not be able to have a better lifestyle in the coming 10 years. It was because they were insecure about their future based on their current situation. But if you know that you are insecure then you have to deal with it get introspective. Well, you look for signs, and when you accept there are insecurity issues, you can deal with it. Here are some signs you are insecure:

  • you always judge others about how they look and what they do.
  • You always disagree with others and start pointing out the flaws of others in their opinions.
  • You always try to show your own accomplishments.
  • You complain a lot and explain your problems with exaggeration.
  • You become tense when you are in a social situation.
  • You try to please everyone around you.
  • You pretend that you are perfect, and you are arrogant, actually.
  • You are defensive in arguments.
  • You either talk too much, or you don’t talk at all.
  • You are insecure, so you also try to make others feel insecure about themselves by pointing out their flaws.

Insecurities Quotes

Insecurities make you a weaker person; they always bring negativity in your life. But don’t let this negativity ruin your life. Reading insecurities quotes can help you in dealing with this negativity. So I am going to share some inspirational insecurities quotes that you can relate with and try to improve yourself. Here they are:

  • “Insecurity kills more dreams than failure ever will.” ―Suzy Kassem
  • “The most introspective of souls are often those that have been hurt the most.” ― Shannon Alder
  • “It has always seemed that a fear of judgment is the mark of guilt and the burden of insecurity.” ― Criss Jami, Killosophy
  • “Insecure people have a special sensitivity for anything that finally confirms their own low opinion of themselves.” ― Sue Grafton, B is for Burglar
  • “I have self-doubt. I have insecurity. I have a fear of failure. I have nights when I show up at the arena, and I’m like, ‘My back hurts, my feet hurt, my knees hurt. I don’t have it. I just want to chill.’ We all have self-doubt. You don’t deny it, but you also don’t capitulate to it. You embrace it.” ―Kobe Bryant
  • “People that don’t know what they are worth will always see their capture’s wings, but never their tail.” ― Shannon L. Alder
  • “A man’s spirit is free, but his pride binds him with chains of suffocation in a prison of his own insecurities.” – Jeremy Aldana
  • “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” – Steve Furtick
  • “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss”
  • “If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is, too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.” – Timothy Ferriss

Insecurity is normal, but when it becomes uncontrollable and starts effecting others, it becomes a mental health problem which is needed to be treated as soon as possible. Every one in 4 people experience mental health problems in the UK, and only one in 8 people get treatment, which is not a good ratio.

Insecurities can be in several forms. A person can be insecure about his looks, he can be insecure in his relationships, or he can be insecure about his job, career, or future. Our main focus is on insecurities in a relationship so let’s get started:

Relationship Insecurity

Relationships are complicated to handle. If you want your relationship to work for a lifetime, you need to put a lot of effort and time. But is it possible if you are an insecure person in your relationship? No. It will never work. You will not only lose the person you love but also hurt him/her. A little relationship insecurity is normal, but huge insecurities in a relationship are not. In some case your partner may be supportive and patient but constant insecurity puts your partner under pressure But what is relationship insecurity? How would you define it? Let’s know about it first, and then we will look at its signs and how you can deal with it.

Insecure in a relationship definition

Insecure in a relationship, definition of insecurity: it is an inner feeling of fear associated with the current relationship of the person. We all have been there, feeling confused and doubting ourselves. It is normal, but if it is not dealt with properly, it can sabotage your relationship. Chronic insecurity in a relationship can rob your peace. You won’t be able to feel relaxed and connected with your partner. You will become a jealous person who always wants reassurance from your partner that he /she will never leave you, and still, you don’t trust. It will obviously frustrate your partner. No matter what your partner is doing for you, you are not satisfied.

Some people think that it is because of something one partner does or says, but it is not right. Most of the time, insecurity comes out of ourselves. It can be because of past relationships, like an insecure relationship with parents, etc. The majority of insecurities in a relationship are based on absurd thoughts and fears. So all you need is to think logically and maturely. Unless there is infidelity or broken trust the insecurity stems from within us.

Insecurities in a relationship examples

Relationship Counselling

Now you know about Insecure in a relationship definition and how it affects your relationship, let’s talk about some of the Insecurities in a relationship examples. After this you will better understand where these feelings come from and how people react:

  • It is one of the most common insecurities in a relationship examples. You see someone flirting with your partner, and you start feeling insecure. You start thinking about whether your partner loves you or not, will he leave you and these kinds of things. You become uncertain, and when it goes to the extreme point you lash out at your partner and try to control them
  • Sometimes you feel like your partner is handsome or prettier than you. Your friends sometimes tease you that how did you manage to be in a relationship with such a good looking person , and you start questioning yourself. You think that you are not good enough for them, and as a result, you start misbehaving or controlling them.
  • Sometimes it is about finances. You are struggling with your career, but your partner has a good job, spends a lot of money and sometimes even paysfor you, but it affects your ego. You try not to feel this way, but then this insecurity leads you to destroy your loving relationship you feel inferior and insignificant.

Insecurity in a relationship signs

Insecurities in a relationship are not easy to handle. Sometimes you don’t even realize that you are insecure and wonder why you are not happy in your relationship. You don’t know what is going on, but if you know about some insecurity in a relationship signs you can be sure and then can deal with it productively. So here are insecurity in a relationship signs to look out for:

You do not trust easily: you are doubtful all the time and do not trust your partner. You snoop around your partner and stalk their social media profiles. You feel afraid easily.

You don’t feel comfortable during intimacy: You don’t feel comfortable while getting close to your partner, emotionally or sexually. During intimate moments you feel your guard up.

You get panicked easily: while arguing with your partner, you feel that your partner will leave you or reject you, and you get panicked.

You feel attacked: you immediately feel hurt or offended when your partner asks about something. You feel that your partner is criticizing, and you start defending yourself by completely shutting down or arguing aggressively.

You pick huge fights over small things: you create big issues out of small things and use mean words during arguments.

You don’t want to be yourself: you keep judging yourself and think that you should have higher standards as you are not enough for your partner. You try so hard not to be yourself.

Root causes of insecurity

Now you know what are signs of insecurity, but how does it develop? What are the root causes of insecurity? Let’s have a look at these:

Recent rejection or failure in a relationship: You broke up recently, and you did not take some time to process it and rushed into another relationship. It seemed good at the start, but now you keep thinking about your previous relationship. You think that your current partner will leave you too and will hurt you. After this starts you are behaving weird (that’s what your partner will think) and you start maintaining distance, won’t return their calls, being cold, and it will damage your relationship.

Lack of confidence: it is one of the most common root causes of insecurity. We are as secure in a relationship as we allow ourselves. But if we already question our life aspects, our relationship will not be any different. When you doubt yourself, you doubt everyone else too thats what leads to insecurities in relationships.

Having a neglected childhood: When a person has a neglected childhood, he is more likely to be insecure. Because he does not know how it feels to be loved by someone, and when it happens, the individual becomes too conscious about it. The individual gets too attached, and  gets jealous easily because the individual is sensitive.

Too much relying on your partner: it is also one of the root causes of insecurity. People have their own identity, but sometimes when they get involved in a relationship, they lose their identity and totally rely on their partner. But if the other person is not that much involved and more independent, you get insecure.

How to deal with insecurities in relationships?

Having insecurities in a relationship is not a good thing, and you need to deal with it as soon as possible so that you may not end up annihilating the whole connection with your partner. Here is how you can handle your relationship insecurities:

Insecurities in a relationship for no reason

If you are having insecurities in a relationship for no reason here is what you should do:

  • First, you need to accept that you have a problem, and you want to fix it as self-awareness over your emotions is necessary.
  • If you are facing insecurities in a relationship for no reason, talk to your partner, communication always helps.
  • Try not to overanalyze what your partner is doing or saying, and don’t be aggressive. Your partner loves you, and your behavior will only hurt them and create emotional distance. Insecurities in a relationship for no reason are never good.
  • Take accountability and change it.

I’m too insecure to be in a relationship.

Some clients come and ask me, “I’m too insecure to be in a relationship, what should I do? “I suggest them not to rush things. If you are insecure and feel like you are not ready for a relationship, don’t try to be in one. First, work on your insecurities process the pain, and when you feel like you can handle all then go for it.

If you are confused like “I’m too insecure to be in a relationship,” find out why you are insecure, it is about your past experience or some motional trauma, then work on it. If you feel helpless, seek professional help.

Insecure in a new relationship

Are you insecure in a new relationship? Don’t worry, it is normal. We all get insecure when we start a new relationship, but we need to keep in mind only positive aspects. Look at your partner; your partner chose to be with you; you started your relationship dating for a while. If you can’t trust your partner, trust your decision.

If you are insecure in a new relationship, it would be better to discuss your feelings with your partner. Your new partner might also be feeling a little insecure; together, you can deal with your insecurities in a better way and enjoy a beautiful relationship. Its new so a little anxiety is natural and to be expected.

Insecurities in a relationship quotes

Insecurities, no doubt, can ruin relationships, but if you make up your mind, you can deal with them. Insecurities in a relationship quotes you to aspire to be a better person and make your relationship better. So here are some insecurities in a relationship quotes that you can relate with and get inspiration:

  • “People confuse ego, lust, insecurity with true love.” — Simon Cowell
  • “Guys have a level of insecurity and vulnerability that’s exponentially bigger than you think. With the primal urge to be alpha comes extreme heartbreak. The harder we fight, the harder we fall.” — John Krasinski
  • “Love may be blind, but jealousy has 20-20 vision.” ― Shannon L. Alder
  • “I think we are all insecure, and there is nothing wrong in accepting that. But the problem arises when we try to counter this insecurity by cultivating this illusion of control, and we start taking ourselves and everything we know too seriously.” — Sushant Singh Rajput
  • “Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant, or insecure, remember to whom you belong.” — Ephesians
  • “As your insecurity becomes nourished, our relationship becomes poisoned.” — Dr. Steve Maraboli
  • “An expectation is a shelter – it gives you a security feeling. So when someone breaks your expectations, he is breaking your shelter, making you insecure, fearful.” — Osho
  • “This is particularly true of those who “love too much” and those who tend to lose themselves in their relationships. Sometimes our love becomes distorted by our feelings of insecurity and our fear of abandonment. This is often the case with those who become overly controlling and overly smothering of their partner. Others become emotionally abusive because of their fear of intimacy.” ― Beverly Engel, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing
  • “I’d read a lot about the psychology around rejection and insecurity, and I had noticed that when people feel insecure or rejected, they behave aggressively, erratically. Especially when you can hide behind a screen name or profile picture.” – Whitney Wolfe Herd
  • “A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity.” — Dalai Lama
  • “Love should not cause suffocation and death if it is truly love. Don’t bundle someone into an uncomfortable cage just because you want to ensure their safety in your life. The bird knows where it belongs, and will never fly to a wrong nest.” ― Michael Bassey Johnson
  • “Insecure people put others down to raise themselves up.” ― Habeeb Akandea
  • “If you are in a bad relationship with anyone else, it is because you are in a bad relationship with yourself.” ― Abiola Abrams, The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love
  • “Insecurity is the worst sense that lovers feel: sometimes the most humdrum desireless marriage seems better. Insecurity twists meanings and poisons trust.” ― Graham Greene, The End of the Affair
  • “I’m actively working hard on learning to appreciate yourself no matter what. If what someone else says can easily derail you, it means your sense of self isn’t that firmly established in the first place. It’s an inside job. You’re beautiful and worthy and totally unique. People insult each other based on their own insecurities – even though it may feel personal, it really never is. Really. Seriously.” — Emma Stone


Research shows that 40% of our happiness quotient is linked with recent events that happened in our lives. Whether good or bad, these events affect our emotions. Insecurities develop based on these events. It is necessary to deal with your insecurities on time; otherwise, they can ruin not only your own life but also the life of people who are around you. Make sure to seek professional help when needed. I hopemy guidance and suggestions will prove helpful for you in building a healthy and loving relationship with your partner.

Further reading

Relationship Courses
All Services
Improve my relationship
I think my boyfriend is cheating on me
Family Therapy

Relationship poems

What to do if a guy doesn’t text you for a week

Stages of a rebound relationship

Feeling used


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