How can someone describe a cold personality?
A clinical psychologist and a remarkable author Leon F. Seltzer, PhD, describe cold personality and behaviour as follows:
“…I perceive so-called “cold people” as, more than anything else, people who are shut-down, repressed, and out of touch with their deeper feelings. Further, emotionally alienated from themselves, they can hardly be expected to express to others feeling that they themselves are unable to access.”
If we call someone cold, that does not mean we are talking about their temperature not at all. Sometimes it means that a person has a cold heart. They are not friendly and pretty detached from others. They will hold you at a distance they don’t seem to let you in emotionally. You might have had the experience of interacting with such people and wonder why they behave this way? In this article, you will be able to learn about different types and traits of Cold personality, how it is different from hot personality and how you can deal with it. So let’s get started.
Cold personality meaning
Here is a simple definition that will effectively explain cold personality meaning:
“A person having a cold personality does not express emotions, especially affection. So you will perceive them unsympathetic and unfriendly.”
Cold personality synonym
Detached, callous, unsympathetic, hardhearted, frigid, harsh, indifferent, heartless, inhuman, stony-hearted, uncaring and unkind.
Some other cold personality synonyms are:
Unemotional, unfeeling, unmoved, heartless, hard, austere, cold and unfeeling.
Cold personality type
If you have happened to interact with a cold personality type, you will notice that they seem preoccupied and not open or friendly at all. Even if you make an effort to talk, their cold response nullifies all your efforts. Sometimes, you fall in love with a person and fortunately start a relationship, but after sometimes you realize that person does not let you in. No matter how hard you try to make your connection stronger and deeper, the individual prefers to keep it impersonal, superficial or uncommitted. You are not seeing greater intimacy happening and no matter how hard you try your emotional connection seems non progressive. Initially, you tried to be an understanding person and accepted that this is a really private person. But in the end, you get fed up and ended the relationship or you stay feeling resentful and disconnected.
In both cases, the person had an avoidant attachment pattern. It is one of the most useful concepts introduced by Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby. Their focus is on how their attachment pattern with their caregiver affects their behaviour with others in later life.
Some people may confuse introversion with cold personality type but let me tell you one thing it is not like that at all. Introversion is an inborn personality trait in which a person does not want to be in the limelight and wants to have limited interaction with people. But cold personality type develops with time-based on past attachment styles with parents or caregivers. Or it could also develop because of a certain event that happened in the past sometimes emotional trauma from a past relationship leads to a cold personality type.
Cold personality traits
Whether you have a colleague or your partner, it is never easy to deal with a cold person. To live with them is so difficult that you might want to cut off any kind of connection with them. Sometimes, a person is just going through some difficult times, so their behaviour feels cold and unacceptable to us. How can someone be sure that the person they are dealing with is not just going through a bad time but actually has a cold personality type? Here are some cold personality traits that will help you in understanding whether someone has Cold personality or not:
They do not seem interested in you.
First thing you will notice in a cold person is their lack of interest towards you. They only know things that you have told about yourself willingly they never ask you questions about how you feel ,your needs ,values ,pains etc. Once you stop telling them about yourself, they will stop knowing about you. No matter who you are, their best friend, colleague or life partner they do not ask you anything. They will not ask about your sick mother or your day. It does not mean they actually don’t care, its embedded behaviour they have a cold personality naturally, but they don’t think it is important and do not seem to recognize the issue.
Their past relationships are not good.
It is a good way to know about someone’s personality. Just look at their past relationships, not only romantic but also with their family and friends, and you will know. Relationships are not easy, they require continuous work and efforts, but a cold person cannot do that work. They can’t maintain their relationships to keep them alive. A cold person will never have long term friendships; moreover, they may describe their ex-lovers as psycho or crazy. When they have to make too much efforts to maintain a relationship, they prefer breaking up. Long term relationships seem too difficult for them.
They love to be in charge of others.
Interacting with others means you have to be nice so that no one gets hurt. When you are in charge of something you find it really difficult because it brings a lot of responsibility. You have to take care of everything, not only about the project but also about the needs and wants of others. The fact is you cannot make everyone happy, so everything becomes stressful. Cold people do not have this issue; they think of everyone as a tool and nothing more so they can be a really ruthless leader theycare not for others feelings.
They can’t show empathy.
Think about the times when a book moved you or a movie or a song made you cry. It is because you find this experience connecting and your emotions are attached to them. It is an innate ability that allows us to feel empathy for those around us, even if it is not reality but just a fictional story. This is what we call empathy. Cold people lack empathy, and this can vary from person to person. Some cold people show less empathy and others have no empathy towards others at all. It is not a good thing as empathy is what keeps us humble and grounded. It allows us to understand the pain of others and keep us away from hurting others.
They can be destructive and manipulative.
When we are going to make a big decision we think about consequences, is it the right thing to do? How should it be done? What will be aftermath? Will, it hurt someone? There are many things to consider; we just don’t make random decisions when it comes to some really important things. But that is not the matter with cold people. They do not think about consequences; it does not matter to them if someone is hurt; they will do what they want. They will even manipulate you to do something they want. They can happily ruin their long term relationships for short term gains.
Independence is their natural trait.
Being a cold person is not entirely a bad thing. One of the positive cold personality traits associated with Cold personality is their natural independence. Most people may not have this quality. People may depend on their friends for fun or other things. But cold people know how to keep themselves happy and satisfied. They have individual strength to fight with every challenge without asking for help from others. They can survive even without a social connection. They have a lot of strength in the face of adversity and difficult situations.
They do not find others trustworthy.
They have an inherent distrust for others. They never see positive things about others but only see the worst. They think that everyone is self-centred and un-empathetic, and it is really difficult for them to think any other way. That’s why they do not have many close friends. It is really hard to deal with their cold behaviour, so it takes a lot of patience, and not everyone has this much patience. Less human interaction means more difficulty in trusting people, and this leads to even less human interaction. This means cold people have to make a conscious effort in bonding with others.
Other people are oversensitive to them.
People are not the same; everyone sees the world differently. We all have different moral codes and standards that we choose for ourselves to follow. Just like cold people don’t have empathy like most people, they do not have the same sensitivity level as most people. They cannot feel the pain of others, so when people react to their problems, they think that they are just over sensitive and acting like a baby.
They do not apologize at all.
People that have a Cold personality will rarely apologize for their mistakes. You will not hear them saying, “I am sorry”. Sometimes they don’t even know that they have hurt someone. As they have less interaction with people, it is difficult for them to figure out how they offend or hurt people around them. Mostly you have to tell them that they are unfair or that they are being unreasonable. Other times they just don’t care. Some of them will pretend that it never happened even if you point out their mistake. Lofty ego and lack of empathy is a perfect combination for a person with Cold personality.
Stone cold personality
Stone cold personality is a severe form of cold personality where a person does not understand the feelings of others. The individual is almost blind in these matters with zero emotions. Stone cold personality is like the superlative degree of cold personality. That person is at the height of egoism.
Cold personality test
It is not easy to figure out the real issue on your own. There is no surety that the Cold personality test can prove helpful in this regard. There are plenty of Cold personality test available online asking you certain questions, but these tests only give a brief idea. Only a professional can decide it for you. Your doctor or therapist will ask about your behaviours, emotions and how you perform in different areas of life. The professional may ask you questions regarding the following:
In some cases, your health care professional may also perform some lab tests or physical exam to rule out any medical condition that might be responsible for this behaviour.
The individual may then refer to a reliable mental health professional who will be able to diagnose any underlying mental health issue that is responsible for the symptoms or emotional trauma. No matter whatever the reason is, you can work on your cold behaviour and can become a better person. It will make you more mature, empathetic and helpful towards people around you.
Cold personality quiz
If you feel like you are noticing some signs and before going to professional, you want to look at why you are behaving a certain way and then take help from the online Cold personality quiz. With this quiz’s help, you can have an idea, but still, you have to visit a professional to make sure. These quizzes are made after considering symptoms and some other factors related to cold personality patterns. There are many different types of Cold personality quiz available online; answer these questions, and they will share results with you in the end.
- Do you call and text your partner often or rarely?
- Do you cry while listening to a song or watching a movie?
- Is it easy for you to bounce back after a breakup?
- Do you feel uncomfortable when people are crying in front of you?
- Do you love animals?
- Do you often hug your family or friends?
- Do you ask your friends, how are they doing?
- Do you find it entertaining to start arguments with people?
- Do you tell people often that their opinions are wrong?
- Do people think of you as a self-centred person?
Hot and cold personality
Hot and cold personality is a very complicated one, especially for romantic relationships. Hot personality is associated with warmth and affection, where one person shows extreme care. On the other hand, there is a cold personality and lack of empathy if an individual forgets about their partners birthday for example.
When these two personalities combine, things become worse. It will seem that sometimes you will see that person is really happy and treating you with the best attitude and another time this person will treat that person in the worst way. You do not know how this person will react in a particular situation. You have no idea when this particular person decides to get hot or cold. Such a person with hot and cold personality cannot be fixed.
How you can deal with a cold person?
Once you are sure that you are dealing with a cold person, next thing you need to know is how to handle this effectively. Well, it is not easy at all as you have to talk to them, which is never fun. So here are some tips for you that can help a little:
- First, you need to know that they behave a certain way because of them or the way they have brought up. Maybe pushed away by parents. They may have a terrible past; that’s why they try to act cold. So you need to understand them. It could be they act this way as a defense mechanism.
- Cold people do not trust others that why they are distant. So do not force them to talk and open up; you will only push them away further. Take a slower approach to deal with them. Do not rush things as it will not bring any good.
- Pretending to be someone else just to get their attention and impress them is the worst you can do. You might want them to respond, but if you are behaving unreasonably, you will push them away. So be yourself around such a person so that they can trust you.
- The more you try to push a cold person they behave colder. Pushing them to share their experiences and emotions will not bring any good, and you will leave with nothing. So do not force them in any way. If you want them to open up, talk about things they are passionate about, and try to understand their background, feelings and perspective. By communication. Patience is going to play a really important role here.
Cold personality Reddit
Most of you turn to Reddit when you want to get the answer to your questions or want to know what other people think about a particular subject. You post a question, your story or just random post about any particular topic and people starting commenting on these posts sharing their thoughts. Here I have shortlisted some comments regarding cold personality Reddit indicating what people know and think about cold personality, let’s have a look at these.
In reply to “What are the pros of having a “cold” personality?” people said:
- “People don’t get overly chatty with you.”
- “You don’t get close to people. You don’t have to be there for them when they think they need it, and they aren’t up your butt to “help” when they think you need it either.”
- “Working with pain, suffering and death has made me pretty “cold ” to even person issues involving such. Also the 1000 yard stare pretty much guarantees no one bugs me. Apparently I can seem “unapproachable.”
- “I have a bit of a Cold personality, and apparently people find me a bit intimidating. Like others have been saying, you don’t get bothered very much, and people rarely try to engage in small talk with you. You also get taken seriously. Even if you’re not completely serious on the inside, a cold personality can make it seem like you are. Along with this may come some respect, though it depends on other factors too. Finally, the friends you make are usually genuine ones because they’re the ones who can see past your “coldness.” It may take longer to make friends, but the friends you do make are true friends.”
During a discussion about cold personality Reddit In response to “Why is your personality cold?” people said:
- “I zone out often, which makes me seem cold and distant. I’m not cold. I’m just not all there most of the time. I apologize for OP and will strive to do better.”
- “My Girlfriend died 4 years ago. I’m doing better now since I discovered ballroom dancing.”
- “Childhood trauma and trust issues
- “I dislike interacting with people that I don’t know. I try to limit that as much as possible. One of the reasons I work overnights. Strangely I still enjoy bartending when I get called for an event.”
- “I’m afraid of opening up to people and being taken advantage of.
- “I think I’m just mean and lack empathy.”
- “My parents raised my sister and me to be isolated. All the other kids were bad influences; we didn’t have money to go out, they didn’t encourage physical activity if your “friends” don’t call you; don’t call them, etc. Social skills are like riding a bike, but I’ve rarely had a chance to use training wheels. Then I read things like nice guys being socially inept and never going outside, and I think “Hey, that’s me.” Except I don’t think I’ve hurt anyone or called them a slut/whore because they wouldn’t talk to me, so I get scared that I’ll become a full nice guy and never try.”
- “I used to think that I was cold. One friend told me that I wasn’t, another said (when I told him to stop answering his cheating ex-girlfriend) that “no one is as cold as you”. I realized that I’m not, but my interests are very far from the ones most people have (nothing extreme), that’s it.”
- “Honestly, it’s exhausting giving everyone the time of day. I have a very low span of time before I get bored of being in peoples company.”
- “Pretty much filled with disdain for the human race. I know it’s not healthy, but when I watch the selfish leechy way so many live their lives.”
Cold personality makes you less sensitive and empathetic towards others. You might have some cold people around you and no doubt they can make your life a living hell. Dealing with these people Is not easy at all you have to be patient a lot, and if you are not, you will lose the person you are in love with. Sometimes we just assume things on our own making assumptions which have nothing to do with actual reality. So before you think that a particular person has a cold personality, make sure to look at their traits to confirm. You can see these traits above in the cold personality traits section.
If you feel like you are a person with Cold personality after looking at traits, make sure to take an online cold personality test. These tests are not 100% accurate, but you can have an idea. If this test indicates that you have this personality, go talk to a professional about your situation. The professional can guide you properly on what to do next and how to deal with it.
This was all about cold personality. I have tried my best to share valuable information with you, hope that you will find this helpful. Make sure to read the full article so that you may not have any questions in your mind. TRY A SELF IMPROVEMENT PACKAGE TODAY WITH A PROFESIONAL LIFE COACH OR THERAPIST CLICK HERE.