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Communal Narcissism

Communal Narcissism

The narcissist is someone who wants power, who is a manipulator, and when something does not happen he or she wants the narcissist gets angry, and the reaction is severe. But what is a communal narcissist? Is it different from other narcissists? How can you identify and what you can do to deal with them?

This article is all about communal narcissism; we will talk about types, signs and some tips to deal with them, so let’s get started:

What is Communal Narcissist?

A communal narcissist is a person who wants other people (community) to see him or her as a very helpful and kind person. This type of narcissist desires sympathy, connection, and friendliness. He doesn’t seem like the other types of narcissists who want to be seen as the very powerful and smartest person in the circle. So, what is a communal narcissist? He or she is the one who wants to be seen as the most loving and caring person. What is a communal narcissist? This is the one whose communal narcissism attitude depends upon the likeliness of other people because he/she wants to be known as the most reliable and friendly person.

Communal Narcissism Inventory

Communal narcissism inventory is a scale used to measure the number or quantity of people who think the same as a communal narcissist. Everyone has their thoughts and opinions. Our actions are the results of our self-thoughts. These self-thoughts vary from person to person, depending upon his personal experience, likes, or dislikes. So, a communal narcissism inventory designed a scale consisting of 16 different self-thoughts a person can have. 8 of them which are related to a person’s present, e.g. I’m the most amazing listener or the most amazing friend anyone can have.

On the other hand, 7 of those self-thoughts are directed towards a person’s future, e.g. I will be the person who brings freedom to the deserving people. One of those self-thoughts is subjected to a person’s either present or future. Therefore, these inventory rates on the scale go from 1-7 (strongly disagree-strongly agree).

Communal Narcissism Examples

A communal narcissist is more like a grandiose narcissist, but they get power over others through kindness and reliability. Communal narcissism examples include a person who shows warmth and trustworthy behaviour to get other’s attention. He wants to become a supportive person; that’s why he tries to get it by showing friendly and kind behaviour to the people in his surrounding (community).

Agency-Communion Relationship

An agentic narcissist and a communal narcissist both share the same motives but in different domains. They want to get entitlement, power, and other self-satisfying motives to become superior to others. Their relationship (agency-communion) is also one of the communal narcissism examples. Both agentic and communal narcissists have a similar aim, to accomplish their self-needs. One of them wants to get superiority while the other one wants to get authority. They want everything to get done according to their preferences.

Difference of Domains

An agentic narcissist shows a superior attitude over others by saying things like, “I’m extraordinarily smart than others.” Contrary to this, a communal narcissist wants the same thing but portrays a different attitude like, “I think I will handle the situation better because people trust me and share their problems pretty easily with me.” The communal narcissist shows that he or she is kind-hearted and honest.

Communal Narcissism Signs

The communal narcissism signs show a narcissist who’s simply pretending to have others best interests in mind, but they do a very good job at pretending while, in actuality, they just want to meet their own needs. So now, let’s look at the most important communal narcissism signs.

Grandiose Sense of Egoism

The communal narcissists have a superior sense of power, just like agentic narcissists. As we discussed above that, they both have the same motives but choose different ways to gain them. They think that they are more honest and genuine than other people in the same community.

Sense of Privilege

A communal narcissist always thinks that he has a right to a particular privilege by the community. He or she says this because the communal narcissist believes that they deserve the most and more than others since people find him or her more empathetic and trustworthy. The communal narcissist portrays this sense of privilege in their attitude in a humble way that’s quite different from the agentic narcissist.

Cunning and Manipulative Behavior

Another sign of a communal narcissist is that he or she is very smart but doesn’t show it as he wants to gain the trust and sympathies of others. He or she is so cunning that can easily manipulate others just for their own benefit.

Daydreaming

A communal narcissist secretly wants power, and is always daydreaming about it. Of course, he or she never says it clearly to the community because he or she wants to make a good image. But deep inside, he wants to take hold and authority of everything. That’s why he always tries to get it by gaining the trust and approval of others.

Need Extravagant Appreciation

He always needs repeated approval and admiration from others. This makes him or her believe that they have gained the confidence of other people in the community.

Remarkable and Distinctive

A communal narcissist feels that he or she is worthy of special treatment because he/she is very soft-hearted, ethical, and a kind person. Thus, he or she considers themself a unique and special person from others.

Egotistical Behavior

Communal narcissists show that they are very upright and deserving of prosocial behaviour. But this statement of theirs most of the time doesn’t match their actions. They just pretend to be trustworthy and support providers, but in reality, they are very egoistic people.

Uncompassionate to Others

Another most common sign of communal narcissists is that they pretend that they want the betterment of people around them, but in reality, there’s no such thing as that. They don’t have any empathy for others because they think of themselves as the most superior amongst others.

Jealous Attitude

At times, a communal narcissist also becomes envious of others. They don’t like other people’s accomplishments due to the sense of self-importance and sense of entitlement.

Communal Narcissist Parent

A communal narcissistic parent shows empathy and kindness to others in the community but does the exact opposite to his child. They fit very well in all other roles, including a good mother or father. But it’s just pretentious. They are the perfect housekeepers and the perfect hostess. They show the world that they are experts in every field of life, but they are very unkind to their children in actuality.

They show the world that they are the perfect pillars of the community. They are very famous for their charitable works and compassionate behaviour. But they are actually very irresponsible in their duties. They show the community that they are masters of every skill. But this pretending behaviour doesn’t work when it comes to their family, friends, and children. They own a completely different personality.

Wolf Wearing a Sheep Outfit

A communal Narcissist parent is a wolf who’s wearing a sheeps outfit. They only care about how they can make things look prettier instead of focusing on how they are. They are attention-seekers and arrogant who just put on a very successful show when it comes to becoming a parent.

Pretentious Parenting Attitude

They try to pretend like they are very devoted and loving parents who fulfil all their responsibilities of a good parent. But behind the doors, they even don’t care about the true slogan of parenting. They don’t fulfil their responsibilities. They always make their children do things forcefully just to show that they are a very caring parent having full charge of their children. But they only care about the things that matter to them. They want the good grades of their kids just because they want to make their name in the community. They want to be viewed as role model parents.

Communal Narcissist Mother

A communal narcissist mother shows a list of unlimited charitable works in front of the whole world. But what happens behind closed doors is a hidden reality. Such mothers only want to portray their parenting skills just for the sake of the family name, but in reality, they have a very weak connection with their children. Their first and foremost priority is to hear their name as the most remarkable humanitarians. Otherwise, they show zero concern when it comes to fulfilling the needs of their children.

If you try to point this out by making them realize that they are giving so much to others but very little to their children, then you have made a very serious mistake. As they never tolerate the remarks where someone attacks their way of handling things and situations.

How to Manage your Relationship with your Communal Narcissist Parents?

If you have a communal narcissist mother, then you can use the following tips to make your relationship better with her:

Create Healthy Boundaries

The first thing to do is to make healthy boundaries. Make a list in your mind about what will be okay for you and what you will not tolerate at any cost.

Stop Reacting Emotionally

Don’t react emotionally or vulnerably when she insults you. She wants to feel the power and control over you that she can’t have on the people outside. So try to keep calm and tolerate her actions.

Think Before You Speak

When you feel that things are about to heat up, plan a well-mannered way to leave immediately. Don’t speak in anger. Be respectful towards her.

Professional Help

If nothing seems to be working, get a professional counsellor’s help. A therapist will help you in more strategic ways to handle your parent’s communal narcissism without affecting your relationship with them.BOOK FAMILY THERAPY NOW

Stop Comparison

A narcissist person never likes it when you compare him/her to others. Therefore, to enjoy a strong and peaceful relationship with your communal narcissistic parents, never compare them with other parents. Instead, make an effort to make your bond stronger and deep.

Make Them Feel Good

A narcissist parent never apologizes for his/her violent behaviour. Because they think that they are the victims. It’s also not their fault but their parenting. They have childhood traumas that trigger them to do such acts. It’s also not under their control. So, try to make them feel good by appreciating the little they do for you. If you also don’t understand their situation, then this narcissistic parenting cycle would never stop. Hence, take a step forward to make things better and healthier for your family.

Communal Narcissist Friend

A communal narcissist friend is a person who grandiosely feels superior to others in terms of reliability and honesty. He or she thinks that he/she is the only one who cares the most in his community or among his friend circle. He doesn’t like when someone questions him as it can bring real consequences. They get mad at you if you point out any fault in them, and then they try to use it against you. You always feel exhausted in the company of a communal narcissist friend.

Try to identify the Signals of a Communal Narcissist Friend.

A healthy and quality friendship is one in which you both follow the rule of give and take. You both understand each other well and also realize each other’s needs. But if you’re a friend with a communal narcissist, you will feel like every time you meet them; you feel very low in energy. They are the vampires who drain all of your positive energy. So when a communal narcissist friend starts affecting your mental health and life negatively, then realize that it’s high time to cut all ties with them.

They Think They Are Always Right

If you’re friends with a communal narcissist, then over time, you will get to know that they think of themselves as God. According to them, they are always right, and their way of handle things is the only right way. They believe that they know everything better than others. That’s why they never respect other’s opinions.

Only Warmhearted Person

In a friendship with a communal narcissist person, you’ll soon realize that they always brag about their accomplishments. They pretend that they are the only loving, caring, and warm-hearted people in their social surroundings.

Easily Get Jealous

They never show it, but they get envious of your pretty quickly. They never feel happy about your success. They pretend that they are happy for you but don’t believe them because they are not.

Personally Attacks You

A communal narcissist friend has a very extended social circle. He/she likes to make friends who always pay gratitude to his/her greatness. If you ever mention a flaw in him/her or give them advice, be ready for a counterblast.

Intentionally Make You Feel Bad

At the start of a friendship, a communal narcissist friend makes you feel very good, but over time, they start criticizing you among other people. They do this intentionally from time to time. But they also give you a “feel good” type of vibes just to make you stay in the friendship.

They Like to Satisfy Their Ego

If you have ever been in a friendship with a communal narcissist, then you know that they always want to satisfy their ego no matter what. To achieve this, they show others that they are the only ones who are best in whatever thing they do. They are the best housekeepers, best party planners, best cook, the best parent, best friend. They show other people that they are pretty amazing and jolly and social among their friends. All the efforts they put in to make others feel happy are just pretentious. Therefore, always keep one thing in your mind; making sincere efforts and showing genuine concern is not the nature of a communal narcissist friend.

Communal narcissism test

There are plenty of Communal narcissism test available online that you can try if you want to know whether you are a communal narcissist or not. You can also ask your friends to take these tests if you think one of them may have communal narcissism.

In the online communal narcissism test, you will be asked a few questions, and there will be some options for you to choose from. Make sure to choose the most relatable one. The assessment will be made on your answers, and you will get results at the end of the test. Keep in mind that these tests do not give a perfect assessment, so you can just have an idea. You have to go to a professional mental health provider.

Communal narcissism reddit

Do you want to know about communal narcissism Reddit experiences and suggestions, don’t worry; I have got you covered. Here are some communal narcissism Reddit experiences and suggestions for you:

  • “My mother volunteers in the animal rescue sector. You wouldn’t believe the amount of narcs she has seen come and go. They are “all about the animals” but in reality they feed on the attention they get for “being a good person”. They infiltrate and destroy rescue groups, squander donated money, push out people who really & honestly have devoted their lives to rescuing animals… It’s a shark pond. Animal rescue attracts a lot of weird & dysfunctional people – among them the worst of Narcs who didn’t find a source anywhere else. I wonder how my mother does it, I’d go nuclear thrice a day with these people.”
  • “Good question! I think it is a narcissist who gets their supply from helping others/being a “good” person, but they have the same need for attention, fragile egos and inability to handle criticism/narcissistic injury. found the article below on psychology today. This is a good example from the article: “A communal narcissist, however, may reason this way: “I deserve special treatment because I am extraordinarily warmhearted, trustworthy, and helpful; everyone feels at ease telling me all their problems.”
  • “Yes, she was obsessed with labelling everything as either good or evil. She trapped people in conversations about how “good” she is and ignores you when you say goodbye and continues the 1 sided conversation… There was so much that happened I am not sure if I want to go into it all right now… I have never met anyone like else her. She suffered a lot of violent childhood abuse and had no one she could depend on growing up and I think this is where her splitting comes from. Still, there can come a point where you can no longer tolerate this kind of narcissistic behavior in your life.”
  • “My nmom was like this. She’d essentially volunteer 7 days a week for almost the entire day at a Buddhist temple. She always complained if people didn’t thank her enough or talk poorly about the other people there. I started to figure out she was full of shit because of that because I’m Buddhism, you do nice things because you want to be kind, not for the recognition or pat on the back. That place was toxic AF though.”
  • “You will never change a Narc so you have to learn to change your response to her drama trianlge. Learn to set boundaries or medium chill her. You can also choose not to go. Pick any reason you want and see what if feels like not to be abused as her scapegoat. Would these link offer you some ideas?”
  • “One of the tests for N and BPD, is the way they react for being called on gossip (nasty or not). People gossip to various degrees of course so the right answer is “yeah s/he wouldn’t like to hear that I’d said that” and “s/he’d be hurt if she knew”. N’s and BPD’s blow up, throw it back, or angrily change the subject. And then maybe remember the affront.”
  • “You can have narcissistic traits and not be a narcissist, and you can also have sociopathic traits and not be a sociopath. Those traits in the right amount are beneficial to survival. It’s just some people have so many of these traits they become abusive to those around them.”
  • “What I’ve learned from being close to a real true to form sociopathic narc is that we all start out with the same fundamentals psychologically. We all have a part of ourselves that functions to make us believe we are important; this allows us to survive adversity. What happens with a narc is that this part of the mind becomes disproportionately influential over thoughts/actions until it completely eclipses any of the mental processes that are present to keep that self-valuing mechanism in check. So what I’m saying is that we all have a bit of narcissism; it’s just when that bit takes over that you get some real nasty interpersonal problems. But the person you’re describing doesn’t seem to be within that range.

Conclusion

Communal narcissism can be controlled if you take help from a professional and you are willing to improve yourself. So this was all about communal narcissism. I have tried my best to share some helpful information with you, hoping you will find it helpful.

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