HE SAYS I GO OUT TOO MUCH AND TRIES TO CONTROL ME (WOMAN). | M.D.D Dating Coach, Couples Therapy, Breakup Counselling, Personal development Consultancy

So you and your man are having loads of arguments. He says that you go out too much. He keeps calling you on nights out and checking where you are. He is getting really annoyed with you. This is what I call a standard argument. Reason being it is so common. It is like bread. It is everywhere! So don’t think your man is the worst man in the world or is he insecure.

Let’s get real and be honest about this situation. If your man was in a cage with loads of different women of different shapes and sizes trying to talk to him would you like it? If there was a possibility that even though he is extremely loyal if he has something to drink, he could be vulnerable. If he does behave, people will harass him all night anyway. Do you like the sound of that? I don’t think you do. There is no woman that wants loads of girls trying to persuade her man to be with them. But at the same time, I used to be a stubborn independent little madam in my early 20’s. I did not listen to anyone. I used to feel that insecure guys bossy guys would try and stop you from going out with your friends. I was so naive. I did not realise that it was pretty much normal protective behaviour of a caring boyfriend but that it was a signal of a lack of trust in the relationship(This is not the same in coercive control situations or domestic violence situations). You also have to be fair. Have you had previous incidents when you have gone out that provoked this behaviour to escalate?

You gave a guy a number.

His friends saw you out chatting to guys and flirting.

You got so drunk you were all over the place.

You had a drunken kiss.

You cheated. or you have cheated on your exes in the past

Any of these actions warrant a guy to be slightly doubtful towards you and want you to stay in more. Wow! How do we solve this problem? To be honest, I have been on the dating scene for well over a decade and can tell you that this argument in some cases can bring an end to a relationship.

Below are some options:

You choose to go clubbing over your man. (LOL… Just kidding. But, you understand what I am saying.

You reach compromise. (You don’t go out as much).

He comes with you sometimes.

You quit going out altogether to keep the peace, you could do this but it is important you date someone that allows you to be yourself.

You trust each other and go out when you want.

Different solutions will work for different couples. If you care for your man and respect him, you have to do something. The problem with unresolved conflict is it leads to breakups. Try and see things from your man’s perspective. Make the effort for the sake of your relationship and always address issues in your relationships never avoid them and remember love is not being controlled and bossed around. The main takeaway here is you have to respect each other and trust each other if there are seeds of doubt planted in your partners mind the situation needs to be addressed many relationships fall apart every day because of a lack of trust and not a lack of love.

Good luck.

Miss Date Doctorxxx.

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