Every day, waking up to the same person and finding your comfort zone in their messy hair and morning breath seems a little monotonous. To some people, it might even seem boring. However, the best piece of advice that any married couple can get is;
“You make a conscious choice every day, to stay married.”
We all have the choice to exit and go the other way. It is not that hard. You can simply walk away, leaving behind the emotions, everyday chores and above all responsibilities.
A lot of women find out that their husbands start annoying them or start picking at them, without any apparent reason. Their jokes begin as daunting expressions, and they are hurtful too. So many women turn to their friends to vent out and talk about how my husband is very aggressive and is getting distant day by day. What many of us fail to realise is that a bond is created with mutual effort. This is usually what men tend to forget and start being aggressive within a short period. Relationship counselling can save you from the troubles and can make men realise that their behaviour is damaging their relationship. A lot of men take relationship counselling to save their marriages because anger and aggression destroys marriages. But when the issues have festered within a bond; nothing good can be bought out of it.
Marriages require effort; It can be hard
Marriages can be hard. It is a challenging journey for both the man and the woman. It is not just about incredible sex and intimacy. It is about sharing your room, your feelings and your daily bundle of hours with someone. You are no longer getting your “space” whenever you feel like. You cannot just jump onto a train without discussing it with someone, to get adventure from the monotonous routine. Whatever you do; has to be done for a package of two and your spouse needs to know your whereabouts. And if you are married for long and have children, your kids are included too.
As mentioned above, staying married is a choice. When you are staying with a person for years, issues and arguments are healthy. You cannot expect problems never to cross your path but aggression is an issue that needs to be addressed. However, a small dispute cannot undo your love for someone or should not become the reason for stepping outside the marriage. It is solely your choice, and you have to decide what you want. It is daunting that half of us choose every morning, to stay with the person we love and half of us, decide that we can walk away and find someone better. This is where we go wrong! Even if you see someone better; you are always going to be in arguments now and then because everybody has their perspective and you need to respect it.
The basis of a kind and healthy marriage is mutual effort and respect. You and your partner decide what you want from life, and you work towards it. But a daily hustle of work, kids and home are going to leave you dull and bored. It is easy to turn off the sexual connection switch when you are immersed in the daily hustle and bustle. This is when you will start feeling unsatisfied in your marriage. You are certainly achieving your lifestyle goals and you’re going places with your partner. But there is something that you are continually missing on, and that is a bundle of intimacy and love.
You cannot find love every day. You will stop feeling the butterflies, and the sex won’t seem crazily overwhelming all the time. After years, this feeling has to fade away. But with that, you get your comfort zone, and that is the key to marriage. Yes, it can seem tedious, but you have to make a mutual effort to keep that tiny bit of spark alive. However, in this entire process, men usually turn out to be tired. A lot of women who look up for therapy to save their marriages start with the statement that my husband is very aggressive or is getting meaner day by day, without any reason. The reason is there, but it is hidden, and maybe your husband is unable to see it too or is unable to vocalise what is truly making him angry and aggressive towards you.
Why men get Aggressive in Marriages:
Now that we have disclosed the reality of marriage, we need to understand why men tend to start changing a lot after they are married. We are not trying to justify the behaviour. We are offering help for it. As a woman, when you whine about the fact that my husband is aggressive, you usually do not understand the reason behind it. This is because your partner doesn’t know why he is behaving this way either. When you can understand the idea; it will get more comfortable for you to look up for help and choose a counselling package that is tailored to your specific needs.
If you are worried that my husband is getting aggressive or he does not love anymore, then here are some reasons why this behaviour might be prevailing in your partner. Try to understand him as most of the time, and men don’t get the attention they need.
- Lack of Appreciation:
Remember, Aunt Carl came up to your house and praised how you work day and night to keep the house together? Well, your husband felt odd as he wasn’t appreciated for the effort he puts in this entire cycle too. When you think my husband is aggressive always remember with every action there is a root cause, don’t tend to understand that men require appreciation as well. They are working in a constant loop of 9-5 or even more than that, to keep the house maintained. They are always indulged in the worries of the household budget and how they can provide their kids and wife with the best. They deserve appreciation, which does not come to them too often. This tends to make them aggressive and daunting. Therefore, the next time you say that my husband is very aggressive, try to remember when was the last time he was praised for his efforts?
- Kids need the BEST:
Marriage is more natural when you don’t have kids. To be honest, having children and raising them is a lot of responsibility. Many men do not realise this until they have a kid, and the other one is on the way. They are constantly juggling between home, kids and work and the cycle frustrate them a lot. They tend to get mean and aggressive, trying to find a way out. However, men need to understand that if you are not ready for kids, you need to plan if later on. Taking responsibilities is hard, and you must be prepared mentally and financially to make those.
- Monotonous Routine:
Your husband might be getting aggressive because of the dull and monotonous routine. It happens to all of us. Even women get tired of the house chores and daily routines of handling the kids and juggling between the office and home. It is normal behaviour. However, everyone does not treat it the same way. You need to make sure that you are not allowing the monotony of your routine, harm your partner. Men usually do not realise this and turn mean and rude. This is where they can look for help from a counsellor. You can also take a break and go out with your wife, to change the routine and find your love escape.
How can Anger Therapy help men?
The pressure in marriages is real; especially for men. Friendship is constant hard work, and handling relationships is hard. Parenting is fierce, and the daily challenges can make it all turned upside down. However, being aggressive or turning towards the wrong behaviour to help you vent out is not acceptable. You are not alone in this. Men tend to forget that their wife is also fighting the challenges of a daily basis. She is also working hard in the house to manage the budget and provide her kids with the affection that they need. The pressure on men is certainly a lot, but the key to success in marriage is a mutual effort.
Many women who whine about my husband is aggressive, turn towards relationship counselling for help. For men, it is hard to accept that they might need therapy, but it is a good and healthy source to vent out. Instead of venting aggressively; it’s better to vent out with a professional who can provide you with sane and practical ways to save your marriage and manage your anger too. MDD is a beautiful online counselling business which offers you various kinds of packages. From relationship counselling to anger therapy; they offer a lot of different packages which help couples in managing themselves in a better way. You can check out their packages here: https://relationshipsmdd.com/couples-therapy-packages/
Here are some ways through which anger therapy can be beneficial in saving your marriage:
- A therapist helps you look at the practical side of your issue. The social media definition of love has destroyed marriages and relationships. When you talk to a professional, you come out of the unreal bubble and face the reality of how a relationship works.
- You get a whole source to vent out to. When you are frustrated, you just hurt your partner. You say a lot of things that you did not intend to, but once they are out of the mouth; there is nothing you can do about it. It is better to look up to someone who understands your emotions professionally. A therapist will help you address issues and pinpoint where aggression and emotional issues are coming from.
- Anger management has to come into work to save your marriage. A lot of people struggle managing their anger and emotions. For men who get aggressive with the pressure; a therapist can help you efficiently achieve your anger issues.
We are going to repeat it; marriage is a lot of hard work. But if you are not allowing your frustrations to cloud your vision and love for your partner; then you can make it through quickly. Mutual work and a daily choice of loving someone is the key to success. It is not a garden of roses and responsibilities come handy when you allow someone to step inside your life (both for men and women). Aggression destroys relationships and can leave one partner walking on eggshells ,if you are thinking my husband is aggressive you need to address it.
As a man, if you are frustrated and aggressive due to loads of responsibilities and pressure, then you can look up to anger therapy for it. Miss Date Doctor (MDD) is an excellent and healthy source to let your frustrations out. You can contact them here https://relationshipsmdd.com/contact-us/ to set an appointment with the best therapist. If your husband does not agree to get a counselling session, we would recommend you, as a wife, to get in contact with a professional to handle the situation smartly. Try our couples therapy today and get your relationship with your husband back on track with a qualified, experienced therapist. https://relationshipsmdd.com/couples-therapy-packages/