Narcissist love bombing
How do you become a victim of narcissist love bombing? It seems like almost every other person who is single wants to be in a relationship; thanks to the ever-growing dating websites world, it has become a lot easier. These websites no doubt help you find the best match based on your “type,” but sometimes these matches are a lot less than perfect. When you put yourself out looking for a romantic relationship, there is always a narcissist waiting out there to take it as an opportunity for manipulation. And what is the best weapon to manipulate someone? Love bombs.
This article is all about “narcissist love bombing.” In this article, you will learn about its narcissist love bombing meaning, what it looks like, how this cycle works, and how you can deal with it. So let’s get started.
Narcissist love bombing, meaning
Here is narcissist love bombing meaning explained:
“An attempt to influence another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection. We’re not just talking about romantic gestures, like flowers and trips. Love bombing invariably includes lots of romantic conversation, long talks about “our future,” and long periods of staring into each other’s eyes. It’s the combination of words and deeds that makes love bombing so powerful, especially considering today’s technology.”
You must know that not all narcissists are love bombers, and just like that, not all love bombers are narcissists. So it depends on the nature of a narcissist what weapon he uses to manipulate you. Usually, love bombing is their biggest weapon.
Narcissist love bombing examples
When you meet someone for the very first time and fall in love, the honeymoon phase starts. You shower each other with love and affection; it is natural and beautiful. But love bombing is different from that. This is when someone overwhelms you with compliments, actions, and behaviors for manipulating. It is usually to build trust so that they can get what they want. Shirin Peykar, MA, a licensed family and marriage therapist, says about love bombing:
“It’s often used to win over your trust and affection so that they can meet a goal of theirs,”
Here are some of the classic narcissist love bombing examples explaining the signs. If you see any of these signs, that does not mean your partner is toxic necessarily but look deeply if the person truly has the best intentions for you or is just trying to woo you.
Love bombing usually means showing over-the-top gestures; for example, they will send inappropriate overwhelming gifts to your jobs like a lot of bouquets, or they may buy you expensive plane tickets. They don’t like taking “no” as an answer. It may seem harmless, but they are trying to make you feel that you owe them something. A licensed professional counselor Tabitha Westbrook, LMFT, says:
“Most often, love bombing is done by a narcissist with the intent of drawing in and gaining control over the person who is being love bombed.”
They will compliment you a lot.
Who does not like praise, but constant admiration and compliments can make your head spin. If you have been in a relationship for a short time, like for a month, and your partner is expressing undying love. It can be a red flag that his emotions are not genuine. Some phrases that you might be told are the following:
- You are perfect, and I have never met someone like you.
- I want to spend my whole life with you.
- I love the way you look.
These phrases do not seem harmful, but you have to consider their behavior in a larger context.
A lot of calls and texts
They call and message you all the time over social media. While it is normal to be in touch all the time when you’re first dating, but it’s a warning if the connection feels uneven and turns out to be progressively overwhelming. Observe in case they start messaging you promptly toward the beginning of the day and consistently at the top of the hour.
They are extremely needy.
Regardless of how much you are available for them, it does not seem enough. However, ask yourself: Are you abandoning your friends since they can’t tolerate being alone for even a short while? Or then again, do you feel like you are obliged to answer each text since they bought you that costly iPhone? Somebody toxic will make you feel like you are indebted to them.
Narcissist love bombing friendship
Narcissist love bombing friendship is just like you have seen it in relationships. Your friend will give you little favors, and you will feel like you owe them, and then they will ask you a huge favor. You might help them if you can, but if somehow it is impossible for you to do what they want and you refuse, they will become your biggest enemy. Narcissist love bombing friendship is unacceptable. The individual wants to control you and tries to do so by being overly nice in the beginning.
Narcissist love bombing cycle
Narcissist love bombing phase
The narcissist love bombing phase is the first one in the abusive cycle. It starts when a narcissist showers you with love, care, compliments, and non-stop gifts. He/she will show you love to manipulate you. It will feel so good that you will feel like floating in the clouds. It is so perfect that you might feel like there is something wrong, but you cannot pinpoint the actual issue. It means you have become the narcissistic supply of your partner.
If you have already been in a relationship with this person, you will notice this narcissist love bombing phase after he or she has treated you badly. You may have made up your mind to leave him, but the narcissist is begging you not to leave.
Once they are bored of this and you, they will devalue you. They will try to show you that they have tried their best to make you feel happy and important, but you are not doing well enough. For example, if you reply to them late because you were really very busy, they will tell you that you do not care about them. They would make a big deal out of it, even if it was nothing. They will try to blame and pinpoint everything onto you
In other cases, after their abuse and love bombing, if you try to maintain a distance and want to set boundaries, they will make you feel terrible. They will make you feel like they tried so hard to make you feel happy, but you are so ignorant and unthankful.
You have fallen for their love bomb and devaluing tactics. But they are just following their old abusive cycle. They had manipulated you and got what they wanted, so now they are done with you. Now comes to discard you. This revolves around criticisms, passive-aggressive jokes, and Gaslighting. After this tension builds up, the explosion will occur, and the relationship will be discarded eventually.
Narcissist love-bombing after breakup or Hoovering phase
Narcissist love-bombing after breakup will start again. It is because they can’t see survivors happy in their own life. Other reason behind hoovering around is just they want something from you. They might apologize, will try to reach out to you randomly, and try to make huge promises. If you accept him again, a narcissist love-bombing after breakup will start, and you have to deal with the same things again nothing will change its all manipulation.
Narcissist love bombing new supply
Narcissists may seem very confident and independent, but deep down, they are extremely insecure and have low self-esteem. They need constant reassurance from people around them, and this is what we call “narcissist supply.” Unfortunately, nothing seems enough to them. They are actually afraid that they are undesirable. They define themselves by what others think of them, and that’s why they try to control what people think about them so that they can feel better. When they have suffered a loss, are depressed, or have been disappointed by their past conquest, they start looking for a new supply.
Some narcissists use seduction, some engage in game-playing, and some try to engage in a new relationship to make you feel inferior. So love bombs are what they use to get what they want. This is known as “Narcissist love bombing new supply.”
Narcissist love bombing new supply is for a really short period of time because their threshold of boredom is extremely low. Your traits that they adored at first are now annoying. Now they become extremely aggravated by these things. That happens when the love chemical wears off, and they realize you are not the ideal partner that they thought you were because you are not perfect(Who is perfect?!!!!!!). And somehow, it is your fault.
Sources of supply which are usually people are interchangeable/expandable. Narcissist love bombing new supply search starts when:
- The narcissist repeatedly fails (unable to be special, failed in business, let their partner down by lying and cheating), and the current source is nothing but a reminder of his/her own failures.
- What seemed attractive initially now seems boring. They cannot make emotional bonds, so their relationships are superficial.
- They feel like they have become dependent on their current source, which is unacceptable for them. Their fragile ego does not allow them to do so; that’s why they silence this pain by breaking up.
How they treat their new supply?
They do not treat their new supply differently; first, they show love, and then they get bored, so they devalue them and then come hoovering. They do not change after a new supply. They never see themselves as broken people; they think that they are perfect.
- The new victim can never heal a narcissist from a personality disorder magically
- If a narcissist seems gentle or loving, he is just finding a way to manipulate you; new supply did not convince him/her to change. The truth will be revealed eventually.
- and just like that, they are not blessed with a new heart as a new supply arrived someone new to manipulate and deceive.
How to recover from the narcissist love bombing cycle?
Dealing with narcissist love bombing and the whole abuse cycle is not easy. But you can recover yourself from this toxic past. Here is how you can do this:
Set healthy boundaries
I have shared plenty of signs and narcissist love bombing examples for you to understand narcissist love bombing. You are aware of the fact that a narcissist uses affection and love to manipulate you and then discard you. After that, he/she may try again be in touch with you, and this goes on. So you need to completely cut off your connection with them and set healthy boundaries. You do not have to be in touch with them, and if such a toxic person does not leave you alone, you can ask for help. Do not get drawn back into the world of the narcissist protect yourself.
Allow yourself to grieve.
You are hurt because you loved that person a lot; do not try to ignore your feelings. It is okay to feel this way; accept your emotions. If you do not accept that there is a problem, how can you solve it? Grieving allows you to communicate your feelings that you are trying to hide from yourself. Take some time away from everything, spend some time alone, and write down your emotions in the form of a letter or journal.
It was not your fault.
Being in love with a toxic person is terrible. When you are in a relationship with such a person, you keep on thinking where did you go wrong in that relation/friendship. But it has nothing to do with you. If someone manipulates you and uses you to get what he wants, it tells a lot about them, not about you. So you do not have to take responsibility for things you have not done. You must forgive yourself for falling for the narcissist they can be so convincing.
Seek help from a professional
You were in love with that person, so you tried your best to make everything work. But how did it turn out to be for you? It was so stressful to be with such a toxic person. It affected your mental health terribly; you might have trust issues now and insecurities. Dealing with the trauma is not easy, so you have to take help from a professional. The professional will assess the whole situation and suggest to you the best possible solution. SPEAK TO A PROFESSIONAL NOW
Narcissist love bombing Reddit
Are you wondering about narcissist love bombing Reddit user suggestions? Here are some of the best suggestions for you:
“Narcs love bomb because they NEED your affection and devotion. They throw everything they can at you hoping some of it will stick. This ropes you in so that you can become stuck on them and provide a continual stream of N supply.”
“The all day texting is overkill for a first date. A good guide is to date once a week and chat/call before the date to arrange. That is it. He could be lonely or be an N. You never know. One date is way too soon to know what he is doing. If you like him, take the lead and slow it down. If he balks or turns weird, it is love bombing. Do you want to go through being with a Narcissist again? Jumping in too quickly is trouble with anyone. You are projecting what you want onto him.”
“If he is a narcissist, it was all a manipulation. If you are seeing the nasty behaviors, never doubt it for a second. I was married to one and snookered for most of 40 years. When the truth hit me, it was a very hard blow, but undeniable. When I pulled off the mask, all that was staring back at me was pure, ugly, unadulterated hatred, like Halloween scary hatred. He is truly a monster. And he was always doing “nice” things for me. My friends thought and some still think he was a perfect gem and I’m the abuser, because he set things up that way. Many saw it though, and long before I did. Narcissists don’t have any real feelings, so no, he never did one thing for you that wasn’t serving him in some way, and likely a set up to do you harm.”
Here are some other narcissist love bombing Reddit user suggestions:
“To me, a lot of the “evil” stuff they do is near compulsive. So the answer to me is, to fill some deep seeded need they have and that’s about as nice as I can put it lol. What’s something that makes you feel the most amazing? To be loved. I can see how that pulls them right in and they feel a need to create it. But then they can’t sustain it, so it gets dropped.”
“I think in time, once you heal, you will learn the difference again. I was involved with someone for a short time post my nex who turned out to be another narc. I could tell he had been grooming me for weeks leading up to us going out. He claimed he liked me but his actions told me he clearly could care less, just wanted a warm body to control. Plus I just got the general vibe that something was off and his intentions were not good. Luckily, I ended up telling him off then started talking to someone else who was a night and day difference! He was honest about his intentions, could carry on a conversation and flirted like a normal person. No narc vibes whatsoever. Your walls may be up for a while and that’s totally ok. Eventually, you will meet the right person who will show you what normal is again.”
Narcissist love bombing quotes
Quotes are an excellent way to express your emotions. Here are some of the best Narcissist love bombing quotes for you:
- “Narcissistic personality disorder is named for Narcissus, from Greek mythology, who fell in love with his own reflection. Freud used the term to describe persons who were self-absorbed, and psychoanalysts have focused on the narcissist’s need to bolster his or her self-esteem through grandiose fantasy, exaggerated ambition, exhibitionism, and feelings of entitlement.” ― Donald W. Black.
- “Narcissus weeps to find that his Image does not return his love.” — Mason Cooley.
- “When I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary. I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose.” — Brené Brown.
- “Love is intermittent reinforcement with spouses and children alike. The child is love-bombed when the narcissist feels the child reflects their false self. The moment the child fails to do so, the narcissistic parent blithely discards them.” ― M. Wakefield.
- “I like to be admired from afar, and then complimented up close.” ― Gena Showalter.
- “Even though friends say they are interested in your life, they never really want to talk about you as much as you want them to.” ― Charise Mericle Harper.
- “Even though friends say they are interested in your life, they never really want to talk about you as much as you want them to.” ― Charise Mericle Harper.
- “When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth just like you did.” – Jill Blakeway.
You will find these Narcissist love bombing quotes most relatable:
- “Please repair your narcissism before you start loving your neighbor as yourself.” ― Charles F. Glassman
- “Emotionally, narcissists are like brick walls who see and hear others but fail to understand or relate to them. As a result of their emotional shallowness, narcissists are essentially devoid of all empathy or compassion for other people. Lacking empathy, a narcissist is a very destructive and dangerous person to be around.” ― Mateo Sol
- “I understand perfectly because I’m in love with myself. The fact that I’m not transfixed in front of the nearest mirror takes a great deal of self-control.” ― Anne Rice
- “The ‘I’ is the ego that we must avoid at any cost, if we truly wish to be different from narcissists. Instead of using ‘I’ repeatedly, it would be wise to replace it with ‘we’.” ― MwanandekeKindembo
- “Withhold admiration from a narcissist and be disliked. Give it and be treated with indifference.” — Mason Cooley
- “I wish that people would stop destroying other people just because they were once destroyed.” — Karen Salmansohn
- “Narcissists would rather lie and humiliate you than to admit that they were in the wrong.” ― Mitta Xinindlu
- “Narcissism is voluntary blindness, an agreement not to look beneath the surface.” — Sam Keen
- “Narcissists withhold affection to punish you. Withhold attention to get revenge. And withhold an emotional empathetic response to make you feel insecure.” ― Alice Little
Narcissist love bombing is unacceptable. The narcissist uses it as a way to manipulate his or her target. And the worst thing is the cycle never ends. Showing your love to someone is not bad at all, but when this goes over the board, it can be a red flag.