What is relationship fighting?
We all are different, so the chances of conflicts are really high. The same is the case with two people involved in a relationship. They do not process life in the same way; they have different opinions about different things, emotional responses and thought patterns that can act as triggers of conflicts. So disagreements can lead to “relationship fighting” between couples.
If you ask more than 1000 married couples about are they going to divorce in the future? You will get a no answer, but chances are 40-50% of couples end up getting divorced or breaking up. Sometimes it is just because of little relationship fights.
We cannot avoid fighting in a relationship completely. It is a fact, but how can we deal with it? What are some relationship fighting rules? This article is all about relationship fighting, its styles, rules and some useful advice. So let’s get started:
Relationship fighting styles
Relationship fighting styles are of three basic types, according to Gottman. Let’s have a look at these one by one:
A more precise term is presumably “Conflict Reducers” on the grounds that these couples do not try to resolve their differences but rather than take this fight. These couples settle on a truce, try not to confront their differences directly. It seems as though they realize their bond is so solid they can neglect their contradictions. They show little enthusiasm but also have little wild fires. Their relationship has very little sense of sharing or companionship. Separateness is what they care about; for example, one partner may take responsibility of the kitchen, and the other one prefers doing outside tasks. These couples will, in general, lead pleasant and calm lives.
Passionate relationship fighting
These kinds of relationships are opposite to avoidant relationships and are also known as unpredictable relationships. In unstable relationships, clashes frequently erupt, bringing about serious fights. These couples express more outrage, and just like that, they laugh more and are more loving towards each other as compared to normal couples. They show more positive and negative feelings. They believe that in a relationship, there should be emphasized by individuality. At home, they will, in general, have individual space and do not disturb each other’s privacy. The two of them view themselves as logical. They are open about their sentiments – great and awful. They unveil their deepest contemplations and feelings, which fills both their fights and their sentiment (now and then over a similar revelation!). They believe that being honest is the most important thing in a relationship. These relationships will, in general, be energetic.
Validating relationship fighting
Compromise is the basic factor in this kind of relationship fighting styles; they work out their issues and conflicts in a calm way. There is a sense of mutual satisfaction. Even if they have some serious argument, still they somehow make their partner feel that his/her feelings are valid and they agree with what he is saying. These kinds of relationships are usually of the typical kind where the male does the finances, and the female does regular chores. Females are expressive. On the other hand, males are manly. They do not believe in individuality, but their focus is on couple goals and values. Communication and openness are the most valued thing. They show love, share their interests, activities, and most importantly, time with one another. They rarely or not at all have individual space.
Relationship fighting rules
Relationships are complicated. There will be arguments and conflicts, that does not mean you should give up. It is necessary for you to understand the cause of conflict and how you can negotiate for a healthy relationship. Being avoidant will not help at all. You need to learn expressing your emotions and stick to your point if you are right without being disrespectful. Here are some relationship fighting rules that you must follow:
Avoid being disrespectful
It’s not difficult to get comfortable with your loved one, which most of you take as being a little disrespectful sometimes and expecting them to ignore it. We should be especially cautious when our feelings are running high, and nobody is in the right condition of mind to think clearly. Strictly avoid cat-calling, yelling or any other things like this.
Try not to fear conflict.
People sometimes think that they avoid conflict or arguments; they make the relationship more steady. Shockingly, things don’t generally work like this. When we ignore things and do not talk about issues, they started piling up in our mind, and one day, just a little thing happens because of which we explode and bring up all the built up resentment. Dealing with our issues early and before they become significant issues is considerably more successful and less difficult than permitting them to brew for quite a while.
Avoid bringing up the past.
Raising previous mishaps during an argument is a certain method to cause your partner to feel hopeless. As though the recent issue wasn’t sufficient, you raise the past to totally deaden them so that they feel extremely helpless. If they have done something wrong, you can confront them on this issue. There is no need to blame them for their past, as what is done is done. Doing this will only make them hate you and weaken your relationship.
Try not to generalize.
Try not to use words like “never” or “always”. This procedure is ineffective for many reasons:
- It debases the other individual and causes them to feel useless.
- Since “never” and “always” are extremely broad, they incorporate numerous other random issues. Because of this, you will not be able to focus on the real issue and will not be able to find a solution to the problem.
Try not to lash out
Try not to wait until things become worse; try to discuss the little issues calmly from time to time before they become a significant disturbance and issue in your relationship. Before attacking your partner, practice what to talk about and how. This way, you can control your emotions, so you will not lash out at your partner for nothing.
Try to understand
Regardless of whether your partner has committed a big mistake, they actually need to be heard and perceived. In the case where you act like you are not willing to listen to their side of the story, you may win the fight, but you will not be able to save your relationship. It will make your relationship weaken and weaken. Stay quiet; do not over react; at least show them you are making an effort to understand them.
Try not to play the blame game.
Blaming is not right for a relationship; it promotes poor self-esteem. Moreover, it will just drag the argument. It can ruin intimacy too. Regardless of how much your companion loves you, it’s difficult to feel emotionally connected to somebody who is always making you the target for bad things happening around you.
Try not to mention breakup or divorce.
You may temporarily get your way by emotionally blackmailing your partner by giving a breakup or divorce threat, but it will not prove good for your relationship. Here is how:
- Breakup or divorce indicates ultimate abandonment; it will make your partner feel insecure.
- Regardless of whether you mentioned breakup or divorce without giving it much thought, the other individual may take it seriously and, since you give off an impression of being OK with the thought, they may start to think about it too.
Avoid using degrading language.
Also to shouting, ridiculing and corrupting language will not help in solving this argument. To start with, it very well may be exceptionally enticing for the other individual to respond. Second, regardless of whether the issue is resolved, the memory of you offending your partner may, in any case, trouble that person, making your relationship uncomfortable.
Try not to assume things on your own
This happens to almost everyone, we assume on our own what is other person going to say and what the other person is thinking, but it really surprises you when your partner says something else. Never think that you are too smart to tell what the other person is thinking. You can’t read someone’s mind and be willing to listen to what the other person has to say.
You cannot always get what you want, so you have to sacrifice for something. Relationships also need little sacrifice and compromise. That does not mean you have to compromise on your basic rights, but there are some things that you can sacrifice if you really want to save your relationship. Set healthy boundaries and try to work together. You need to be flexible; your partner has needs too; listen to them, tell your partner about your needs. Try to find a way that satisfies the needs of you both.
Relationship fighting over smalls
Relationship fighting over smalls is normal. It can bring a spark to your relationship. But it should be a healthy fight; you can tease your partner in a funny way. But relationship fighting over smalls should not be constant or offensive if you fight your partner often and aggressively you will lose the most loving person in your life.
Relationship fighting advice
Trust issues, unmet expectations and poor compatibility are a common reason behind failing in a relationship. In addition to this, if you keep on fighting with your partner, it can weaken your relationship, which will lead to a poor relationship, and there is a possibility that the relationship will end soon. Although fighting in a relationship is normal as we all are human, we still all need to learn the art of handling conflicts. Follow the rules mentioned above to make your relationship better. Here is some useful relationship fighting advice to handle conflicts in relationships:
Relationship fighting fair
Relationship fighting fair is necessary. If you are right, you can fight with your partner, but it should be a healthy fight. You can communicate your issues and your demands in a respectable way without using foul language or aggression.
Don’t be defensive
It’s typical and common to need to turn out to be quickly guarded when a battle starts. You may feel assaulted, violated, or censured for something you didn’t do. Taking analysis or proclamations from your partner is too close to home and it just stokes the fire. In any case, impartially assessing the whole situation is the best thing you can do. Did you say or accomplish something from hurting them? Assuming this is the case, work to make it right. This could incorporate saying ‘sorry’ fixing what occurred or simply asking how you can make it right.
If you are running high on emotions, step away.
Frequently during an argument or a fight, our feelings can get shady or unreasonable. During this situation, we may say things we do not actually mean. Things may get really worse. At this time, step away and try to cool yourself down so that you can clearly communicate your feelings.
The digital fight is not encouraged.
In our advanced world, we can think before we text, allowing us a chance to control our discussion. In any case, not every person understands messages and tones in a similar way, and your partner may take what you say in the wrong way. So it is suggested not to argue on text or whatsapp, do this face to face where you two can understand each other’s tone and body language can send a clear message.
Set healthy fighting boundaries
Fighting gets wild when you assault the individual’s character. Swearing, shouting over one another, and staying away from the genuine issue would all be able to mount over time and the fight turns into a full-scale war. To set healthy boundaries for relationship fighting fair. You can take help from the above-mentioned rules to make it easy for you.
Recall the reason behind being in this relationship.
Despite the fact that the honeymoon period of your relationship may be disappearing or totally finished, it doesn’t mean it’s an act of futility. Numerous individuals proceed to have fruitful and satisfying relationships long after they’ve initially begun dating or after a lot of years after marriage. Recall what you love about your relationship, whey you got in a relationship with this person in the first place. This way, you will understand that you have the most precious thing in your life called “love”.
Try couples therapy
Relationships need your efforts and time. When we keep grudges in our hearts or ignore little things, we start growing apart from our significant ones. This leads to fighting, arguments and even breakup. Both partners are unable to share their actual feelings, so it is almost impossible to pin point the real issue. A counsellor can help in this regard. Couples therapy is best to consider during these times of conflicts and confusions. It is the best relationship fighting advice for every couple.
Long-distance relationship fighting every day
Long-distance relation fighting every day is the worst. Over a phone call or a text message, it is impossible to know how exactly the other person is feeling. You do not have any idea about their mood. You do not know what might trigger them. You might try to avoid communicating about the hard stuff. But that is not the right thing to do. Here are some tips for dealing with long-distance relation fighting every day:
- If your feelings are hurt, talk about it. You might want to avoid it; it can be really tempting, but never do this.
- If you feel like something is off, talk about it with your partner.
- Whenever you have some time, prefer video calling, especially if you have to fight.
- Clearly tell them where they were wrong and if you were wrong, accept it.
- If you feel like everything is overwhelming, take a break.
Relationship fighting songs
Relationship fighting songs can help you in dealing with your bad mood after having a serious argument with your partner. Are you looking for some of the best relationship fighting songs? Let me share some with you:
The story of us by Taylor Swift
This is the right song for those who have a perfect relationship who still do not want to talk for a long while after having a serious fight. You will totally find this song relatable. Here are my most favourite lyrics from the song:
Oh, a simple complication
Miscommunications lead to fall out.
So many things that I wish you knew
So many walls up, I can’t breakthrough.
Now I’m standing alone in a crowded room.
And we’re not speaking.
And I’m dying to know.
Is it killing you like it’s killing me? Yeah
I don’t know what to say.
Since a twist of fate, when it all broke down.
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
Irreplaceable by Beyoncé
This is the right kind of song when your partner is a bit arrogant and thinks that he is way too special. He thinks that he can’t be replaced. But every toxic person should know that he is replaceable. Here are my most favourite lyrics from the song:
Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet, that’s my stuff, yes.
If I bought it, please don’t touch it.
And keep talking that mess, that’s fine.
But could you walk and talk at the same time?
And it’s my mine name that is on that tag.
So remove your bags. Let me call you a cab.
Standing in the front yard telling me.
How I’m such a fool, talking about
How I’ll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted
You must not know about me.
You must not know about me.
I could have another you in a minute.
Matter of fact, he’ll be here in a minute, baby.
Wrecking ball by Miley Cyrus
After a fight, you are usually sad because of the hurtful things your partner has said. You feel like you are dying inside because you did not expect this from your significant other. This song totally explains that feeling. Here are my favourite lyrics from the song:
I came in like a wrecking ball.
I never hit so hard in love.
All I wanted was to break your walls.
All you ever did was wreck me.
Yeah, you, you wreck me.
I put you high up in the sky.
And now, you’re not coming down.
It slowly turned; you let me burn.
And now, we’re ashes on the ground.
Don’t you ever say I just walked away?
I will always want you.
I can’t live a lie, running for my life.
I will always want you.
Problem by Arianna Grande
Sometimes you are so hurt by your partner that you can’t forgive them, but you also do not want to leave them. You are confused about what to do; this song explains this feeling best. Here are my most favourite lyrics from the song:
Hey, baby, even though I hate ya!
I wanna love ya
I want you!
And even though I can’t forgive you.
I really want ta
I want you!
Tell me, tell me, baby.
Why can’t you leave me?
Cause even though I shouldn’t want it
I gotta have it
I want you!
Head in the clouds
Got no weight on my shoulders
I should be wiser
And realize that I’ve got.
One less problem without ya!
Here is a list of some other relationship fighting songs that you will love:
- “Shallow”—Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper
- “Better Together”—Jack Johnson
- “All of Me”—John Legend
- “Earned It (50 Shades of Gray)”—The Weeknd
- “Perfect”—Ed Sheeran
- “R.E.M.”—Ariana Grande
- “Love Me Like You Do”—Ellie Goulding
- “Girls Like You”—Maroon 5
- “Meant to Be”—BebeRexha featuring Florida Georgia Line.
- “Love Story”—Taylor Swift
- “Please Forgive Me”—Bryan Adams
- “Never Stop (Wedding Version)”—SafetySuit
- “Someone Like You”—Adele
- “I Found You”—Alabama Shakes
- “A Thousand Years”—Christina Perri
- “Shape of You”—Ed Sheeran
- “Never Be The Same”—Camila Cabello
- “Back to You”—Selena Gomez
- “Make You Feel My Love”—Adele
Relationship fighting is normal. Honestly, I think it keeps the spark in your relationship. Little fights can make your relationship even more loving. But relationship fighting all the time with your partner may weaken your relationship. So it is necessary to communicate the conflicts at the right time instead of piling up grudges in your heart.