Many guys would have heard their friend crying out about how her boyfriend treats her badly and cry for hours on their shoulder, terming them as their best friend.
Straightening the facts up here might seem bitter, but the reality is a little cruel; she is clearly with someone else. Even if she is not happy with them; she is not with you and has no intentions of hooking up with you either. She is dating someone else and is probably asking you for some pure piece of advice and a lot of attention so that you don’t go anywhere else.
Everyone knows the dating rule that until and unless a woman is not dating you; there is nothing that you owe her or she owes you. You are not her boyfriend and her judgements she has about you, really don’t mean anything. Also, if she is being very friendly with you or claims her stake on you; there is no way that you cannot go out with someone else. You are not her boyfriend! This is the basic fact that you must know and understand. Even if you like her, you ought to understand that she is with someone else and there is no way that you have to be her backup plan.
The worst thing to do is to sit and wait for her to dump that guy. Being honest, she might be just requiring massive support from you and also a sense of security that her boyfriend is not able to provide her with. There is no need to wait around for her to realise that you are the right guy for her because she has permanently friend zoned you to get unlimited access to affection and attention.
A lot of women might cringe at this but guys, if your situation is close to this one then you are falling into a trap. A girl telling you how bad her boyfriend is a clear sign that is she is getting interested in you and turning to you for support. But she is not ready to dump the guy she is currently dating, and at the same time, she does not want to lose you too. Therefore, the trap is set to make you sit around, wait until she dumps the man she is dating at the moment. And you never know, you might have to sit around all your life until she is married or has two kids. The truth is she may just be using you for emotional support or you may be a backup plan if she decides to leave her boyfriend.
We agree that not all women do this, and not all of them are setting a trap. For instance, if she is not happy with the man she is dating, she is going to ask for sincere advice without claiming her right on you if she is not looking for attention. Trust me when I say that you will understand it right away. But if you think that she is claiming you without a proper commitment and just random rants about her current boyfriend, then you need to step out of the trap right away.
The Real Problem:
Sorry to say but the real problem is the girl here.
This type of girl who is claiming right over a guy she is not dating is never going to put her 100% effort into a relationship. Also, if she is pinpointing her boyfriend’s negative aspects all the time, then you are probably going to face the same issues if you get the spot that you are trying to attain (which never really happens though).
The action of wanting attention all the time, without offering commitment is a cheap, emotional game. Sadly, a lot of people, both men and women, are doing this these days. She is also cheating on the guy she is dating this is emotional cheating if she is making you feel there is a chance. If he is unable to provide her with what she wants, then she should dump him? So, you see? She is just enjoying a constant tug of attention from both sides.
This is a perfect win situation for the girl. She has her boyfriend to go out with on movies and dinners and have the perfect sex too. But when her boyfriend is busy, she has YOU for male attention. YOU are the one who gets unfulfilled promises and a huge thankyou without a hug or a kiss or anything that might comfort you. You are the one who comforts her as she has kept you for that sole purpose.
This is simply wonderfully played by the girl, but you need to do something about it and here is what you need to do.
What to do?
Now, that you know that such a situation has no perks and is only offering you a handful of negative aspects and stress; you need to do something about it. Stop holding back when you are magnetized to someone else just because you are expecting that one girl to break up with her boyfriend soon. Darling, she just won’t. You are the backup plan! Even if she breaks up with him; she might not even date you. This is what backup plans get; NOTHING. In some cases she will leave the boyfriend but 90% of the time it doesn’t happen.
Thus, what you need to do is quite simple; cut her off from your life. One side crush or love can’t live long and it won’t. For someone who has not offered you a slight embrace or a hint of affection is not that hard to cut off, trust me.
You will need some reasons to do so, right? Here are some;
First, if you are hanging out with her, then she will hardly let you be with someone else. Every girl that you will like won’t be good enough. Also, you will not even get time to notice other girls as you are badly pinned to the imagination of having her. Dump that idea and to dump it, you need to stop hanging out with her so that you can look for someone or real affection.
Second, if it has been months that she is planning to leave her boyfriend for treating her badly and she has not done it yet; then she won’t do it anytime soon either. She is probably not being treated that bad too and wants to cling to you as a backup attention plan when her man is busy or she has low self esteem and will put up with a man that treats her like crap. If she is not dumping the man she has issues with; you need to stop looking at her with the hope of love. She isn’t the one and you waiting around, will not help you. Thus, cut her off as much as possible, and you will realize that there are a lot of appealing girls out there who you never eyed because of this one girl who has been claiming her right on you, without any reason.
Thus, boy, you need to go to her and tell her straight away that she no claim over you. Yes, you are her friend maybe, but you have a life apart from her too. Stop giving her the attention that she would want from her boyfriend because you are just a friend. Also, let her know that she can no longer rely on you for timeless attention as you have better things to do but do this is in a diplomatic manner.
At the end:
One sided love can be exhausting. It can make you feel horrible, and you lose yourself into attaching yourself with someone who is not willing to give you anything in return. Cutting off such a girl from your life is very important. We focus so much on women and how they feel emotionally that we forget that men have issues too. They might be going through emotional instability or confusions.
If you are unable to cut such a toxic girl off from your life then you can easily look for help too. Relationship counselling is trending rapidly and is helping people a lot these days. Thus, if you think that you are done with being the backup plan and you want help to get out of this situation, then you can try one our services; https://relationshipsmdd.com/services/
You will come across various services and will certainly find a therapist within no time to start taking you out from this trap! It is never too late to let go of such toxic people and start living a life of your own. We all deserve love and care, and nobody deserves being a backup plan at all. You are not a second choice, and you should not try being one either.