We all have different values. We also have different principles and beliefs on how we choose to live. Some of us believe that marriage is the ideal way to raise a family while some of us believe monogamy is unrealistic.
Some of us believe in co-habiting and that as long as we are happy, that is all. Every individual is entitled to live their life the way they choose. But where the problem can occur is when you get a couple that absolutely adore each other but have completely different values. This problem is what I would call a grade A problem. (Grade A= significant problem which can affect the longevity and sustainability of your relationship). This kind of problem is an issue because you and your partner love each other. The fact is you both have different beliefs or ideal ways of how things should be done.
Definition of UPBRINGING:
The treatment and instruction received by a child from his/her parents throughout his/her childhood.
Before I tell you the list of things that can affect relationships due to upbringing,, I want you to understand that no one should be judged, belittled or made to feel inadequate because of the difference in upbringing. We all have different family structures. Below are a list of things that can affect our behaviour in a relationship.
(i) One of your parents left:
This can make you afraid of your relationship. It can make you fear your partner’s reliability and also the certainty of the relationship.
(ii) Parents never showed love or emotion:
Your mother and father have never said: “I Love You”. You are not used to sharing emotions and expressing your thoughts and needs.
(iii) Spoiling your children and giving them everything they ask for can lead to having a sense of entitlement.
These type of people tend to be selfish in relationships because they are used to having their way.
(iv) Very strict background with ill-treatment, being bullied by family members and feeling insignificant, not good enough.
People that have co-dependency behavioural patterns with partners also feel unworthy of someone loving them. These sort of partners tend to tolerate disrespect and end up in dysfunctional relationships. This can lead to subjugation characteristics of begging and pleading, pleasing the partner.
(v) Children put under pressure to constantly achieve the best standards:
They tend to be workaholics and high achievers but their partners suffer emotionally because they are emotionally blank. They are unromantic, unable to relax and show love. These type of people are always after attaining the best standards. Their relationships suffer due to this and they end up losing their partners as a result of lack of attention.
(vi) Parents married for years and happy:
This kind of background can make the child wanting emulate such standards. It naturally makes an individual have faith in lasting love and strong belief in unconditional love. However an individual who is a product of this home may unconsciously seek for perfection in their partners based on the stable upbringing they had.
(vii) Parents split up/Divorced/Single Parents.
This can go either way. Sometimes the child becomes determined not to let this happen to them and sometimes, history may repeat itself. This is not down to what happened in the past but to the selection of a partner. (By no means are these examples definite. They are merely examples)
No matter how you have grown up with certain beliefs of how a woman or man should be treated, in how you express your emotions, on how you want to raise a family. Understand that people are raised differently. Compromise and try to understand your partner’s needs and where they are coming from. Love and union means two people accepting each other and embracing each other’s needs and wants.
Love is compromising. We are all different.
Miss Date Doctor xxx.