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It is quite ironic that I am writing this article because, in my early teens, I was Miss Independent, “Don’t tell me what to do!!” I am a feminist. There is no over exaggeration when I say my mantra was “NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO”. I was a teenager with a strong personality and I really believed I knew it all. I used to go out with friends and enjoy my life but the one thing I never understood was why guys would start telling you what to do all the time. I used to think what is this all about? This guy is a joke! I am no longer a teenager and now a young woman and I have learnt something from my experiences and those around me. Do not have a relationship with a man that bullies you, manipulates you or takes advantage of you. Have a relationship with a man that loves you and if he loves you, he will not want you to do certain things. SIMPLE AS THAT!! If you are not ready to compromise, that’s fine. You should be single and not in a relationship. Here are examples of mistakes women make:

(i)               Thinking you can always hang out with your male friends the way you used to;

(ii)            Making decisions on things without even consulting with your partner;

(iii)         Not settina strong personal boundaries with the opposite sex;

(iv)          Going clubbing and bar crawling all the time (7 days a week);

(v)             Constant phone calls from other men;

(vi)          Excessive alcohol use and making a fool of yourself; and

(vii)       Talking to loads of guys on social media and sending inappropriate messages;

Bottom line: Ask yourself, if your man did any of these things, would you like it?

The thing is this, ladies do what you like, live how you like but if you chose to not compromise with your man, then BE SINGLE. You do not have to have a boyfriend. I am not even necessarily saying that every man will have the same views as the above list shows. EVERT MAN IS DIFFERENT but one thing that you must consider and understand is that if you decide to be in a relationship, you are now part of a team and if you constantly try to live a single girl’s life when you are in a relationship, it will backfire.

Some guys may be okay with some of the things on the list and some may not. There will also be some things not on the list that cause problems in relationships. Also, there are three levels that you must understand. See the chart below:

          MARRIED                    →               Fully committed and devoted.

          RELATIONSHIP         →               Trust, respect and compromise.

          SINGLE                         →                Do what you like (yolo) See who you want

                                                                   No commitment to anyone.

The problem we have with the chart above is when someone in a relationship starts to behave like they are single!! YOU CANNOT DO THAT. The truth is there are some women who have no problems attracting men but keeping them is an entirely different ball game.

There are many extremely beautiful and well-educated women who struggle with guys and meet men all the time and then guys start to act funny, all the sudden becoming distant and cold and in the end, break up with them just because of their behaviour. If you overdo it with the stance of “I’M MY OWN WOMAN”, it can really backfire. There is a difference between being an independent strong-willed young woman to being a non-co-operative difficult woman to date long term. If you never ever listen to what your man has to say and also consider his feelings when you do things “no problem” but don’t expect to be treated with respect if you don’t give respect. When you care or love someone and they reject you or keep arguing with you all the time, it can be difficult to deal with and as much as guys get a lot of criticism, we as women can behave very badly and misinterpret love/care for a guy trying to bully us or boss us around. The problem is also communication. Men do not always elaborate and explain why they are saying something. A little bit similar to a parent changing the channel from a violent TV programme to another channel. A child does not know why they are changing it and becomes defensive and angry but the parent knows that they are doing it for the child’s own good. This is how as a woman sometimes you can misunderstand a man. He tells you that he doesn’t want you hanging out with your make friends all the time and my response years ago would be “he’s my friend”. But the truth is quite a few of those male friends end up being guys that fancy you in reality but not all. Some are genuinely just friends but even so, do you mind if your boyfriend hangs out with girls all the time? No one is saying you cut off your friends. That would be ridiculous but just treat your boyfriend the way you would like to be treated. If you want to be in a happy, fulfilled long-term relationship, you must communicate with your partner. RESPECT YOUR PARTNER and try and compromise and understand each other.

Do you know what’s really sad?There are so many people that love each other but broke up based on lack of compromise and understanding each other.When it comes to finding the right person in love it is not easy. So when you find the right guy, value him and remember, you have to consider someone else’s feeling now other than your own. The truth is you are not ready to be in a relationship if you are not ready to consider another person’s feelings. The compatibility factor is also important. If you are out all the time and your partner does not enjoy going out, it can be a little awkward but two people do not have to be the same to be together but TRUST comes into play. Most guys that hate the going out clubbing all time because loads of guys are going to be chatting you up and the mixture of loads of guys, alcohol and groups of women sends off alarm bells for most boyfriends!! This may seem unreasonable but put yourself in a man’s shoes for one second. Loads of women, alcohol, trying to talk your boyfriend and take him away from you!! LOL!! It is not every woman’s ideal scenario. So sadly some men will try to make things work for you but when they feel you don’t listen to anything they say, they just call it off and break up with you. The bad thing is guys do not repeat themselves as much as women and do not always show how much something is getting to them the way women tend to. So this is where communication comes in. Know your man and know what upsets him!! If you want to BE FREE, BE FREE AND SINGLE. But if you want a boyfriend, remember there’s two of you now!! (So start to listen to your man).

Good luck.



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