Blended family definition
A blended family, or in simple words, stepfamily, forms when partners live together with the kids from their previous relationships. It can be rewarding but is really challenging at the same time.
You might find it exciting or be expecting a joyful new family, but your own children or your spouse’s children might not like the idea. They will feel awkward and uncertain about the changes they are going to face and the way these changes are going to affect their relationship with their parents. They may also worry about their relationship with step-siblings, whom they do not know, or maybe they won’t even like them. In other cases things go very well
This article is all about blended family definition, meaning, problems associated with it and how you can make an effort to improve it. So let’s get started.
Having children from a previous relationship and starting a new life is really complicated. Sometimes one spouse has issues with their partner’s children, and unfortunately if they are arguing, children may not like them. Children are sensitive about sharing their parents with others. These kinds of relationships were not common previously, but in modern times now almost every other house has such a story. So if you are going to have a blended family, you must know the basics.
Blended family meaning
“The simple definition of a blended family, also called a step family, reconstituted family, or a complex family, is a family unit where one or both parents have children from a previous relationship, but they have combined to form a new family. The parents may be in a same sex or heterosexual relationship and may not have children with each other.”
Blended family problems
If you as of now have a mixed family or you’re going to form a blended family with your partner, it’s a good thing to consider exactly what issues you could face. You need to ensure that your family will be happy and healthy and be a cohesive, strong unit. That is simply going to occur in case you’re prepared for everything. What is necessary for you to know? What blended family problems faced by other families? How might you keep those issues from harming you? Let’s have a look:
Having different opinions
In case you and your spouse don’t present a solid and joined front, your kids will not be able to mesh well. That implies you two have to make firm decisions about how you will parent all the kids and what you will do if the kids get out of hand. In case you conclude that you’re simply going to be liable for your kids and your spouse is just answerable for theirs, that is something acceptable, yet you ought to agree on some punishments regarding specific situations, so the kids don’t feel that either is getting distinctive treatment there has to be some consistency..
Not changing yourself
You and your spouse are presently responsible for a bigger family. You need to ensure that you are discussing how this will change your relationship and your new family. Kindly don’t expect that you will deal with these things easily it is dependent on personalities, your kids acceptance of your new partner ,age of the kids etc.. Your family is unique, and that implies the interaction will be extraordinary. You’ll have to work with your new partner to sort out how you will deal with normal activities of life and all that needs to be done.
Ignoring the fact that your ex is part of the family
Regardless of whether your spouse has an extraordinary relationship with their ex or a horrendous one, that individual will be a significant part of your family from here on out. Very much like your ex will consistently be a part of a family, you will have to acknowledge their ex into the family too. It very well may be hard to work with them healthily and positively. In any case, it will be vital for your family’s general well-being and your relationship with your stepkids to recognize and accept this part of the equation.
Not allowing your spouse to parent your kids.
It tends to be hard for you to leave your spouse to be a parent your kids. Acknowledge they feel the same way. This implies that when you are negative about your kids, it tends to be hard for them to acknowledge, and it will be hard for you to acknowledge. You two should comprehend that there will be times you should be critical about your step kids. There is no need to get offended by such comments unless they are unfair or abusive. It is imperative to remember discipline and respect are essential.
Not preparing yourself to deal with the outside world.
Others will say things about your family, good and bad. That is an unavoidable truth. Regardless of whether they are a part of your family or totally outside of your family, they will have comments. They may ask you which kids are ‘yours’ or they might be amazed by the huge number of kids that you have. They may offer negative remarks on account of the number of kids you have. Acknowledge that these things will occur, and you will have to adopt a strategy to manage this.
Ignoring the fact that there might be siblings rivalry
Your kids won’t always get along impeccably between the two families. Regardless of whether your kids and their kids were the awesome companions before you two became one family, it doesn’t imply that you will mix without any issues. In case your kids are near a similar age, this can be really testing. Accept that the kids will have fights, and there might be times when they favour one side against the other. You need to ensure that you expect these things and that you have an arrangement for how to deal with them appropriately. Here is a great book for parents click here
Not giving attention to every kid.
This one is one of the big blended family problems. In the case of blending families, it is necessary to ensure that you focus on every kid inside the family. Remember that you have to take care of every kid just like your partner. That implies you will have to figure out how to invest some energy with every one of the kids in a positive manner. They need to comprehend that they are, on the whole, going to be your kids now and that you need them to feel loved and welcome by you just as they are by their biological parent.
Blended family divorce
It may seem heartbreaking, but some studies suggest that 40% of first marriages end in divorce, and the figure rises to 60% when we talk about marriages in blended families. In a blended family, if both parents have children from a previous relationship, this percentage rises to 70. I know it is hurtful, but it is reality. So before you think of jumping into this, make sure that you are ready. Here are some divorce complications that blended families face:
Custody of children and visitation rights are some of the biggest complications in blended family divorce. It is very important to determine who will be designated as the primary caregiver or residential parent of the kids. Usually, the parent with whom kids spend most of their time is designated as the custodial parent. The court considers the living conditions, age and incomes of parents before making any final decision regarding the custody of the children. If you want to get custody of the children, you will need a highly competent lawyer with huge experience in blended family divorce and be able to display stability, reliability and competence.
Matters of child support
The matter of child support makes things even more complicated for blended family divorce. Court and attorneys also need to consider if a parent from previous marriage or partnership is paying for child support already. Usually, the non-custodial parent and financially stronger individual is kept liable for child support in most laws.
Before going into a marriage that will involve a blended family, considering prenuptial agreement is necessary. It proves helpful if the marriage falls apart. If such an agreement is not established ahead, things can get dirty and blended marriage divorce becomes even more complicated.
Dividing business and assets
Another challenge that a person faces in blended family divorce is the equal division of business and other assets like properties, if any. If partners have business or properties together, they will have to make some really tough decisions always consider this factor no matter how in love you are with your partner.
Blended family marriage
We all know marriage is not easy, it needs real and continuous work, but that does not mean marriage is not worthwhile or a hassle as some would say. But when stepchildren and ex-partner are combined with modern difficulties in relationships, it may seem like you are going to sign up for a 24/7 job. Here are some do’s and don’ts that you must keep in mind about blended family marriage life so that you can have a bit of a smoother life. So let’s have a look at these:
Your marriage should be your priority.
Just because it is not your first marriage or your spouse’s, and it involves step marriage, that does not mean your marriage should be at the bottom of everything. In a common household, Your wellbeing is on top, then comes marriage and then children. If your family is going to have a complicated set up that does not mean you cannot apply these values. Your marriage should be the priority, and if your decisions revolve around kids and everything, you are welcoming chaos to your life. If your marriage is stable, kids will feel secure and will believe that their parents are in charge lead by example for your children this is extremely important.
Set healthy boundaries early
Respect is the most important thing in a relationship, and it applies to ex-spouses, all kids, and in-laws. Initially, it may feel like you are an outsider in your home because everything is new. Respect is a two-way thing. Make known your boundaries respectfully, what is acceptable and what is not. Do not only focus on small issues but big issues too because small issues can escalate if not addressed early. We all have different opinions about different matters, and what is important to us may not be important for the other person. So whatever your issues are, set healthy boundaries around it and stick to these so that you can have a successful blended family marriage.
Do not take it personally.
In a blended family marriage, you need to be sensitive about the emotions of kids and must have thick skin. You need to set aside your insecurities and act maturely. If you thought that blended family marriage was going to be a picnic, it was wrong. No one promised this to you. Your step-kids may compare you with their real parents, and your spouse will have to be in touch with their ex, But you need to be strong, confident and try to keep unnecessary stress related to this out of your marriage. Only then can you have a successful blended family. But if kids are disrespectful or your spouse is too much in touch with his/her ex, go back to tip no 2.
Seek professional help
There is nothing wrong if you need guidance or help from a friend or a professional. You can take help individually from a counsellor or can go for a couples counselling session along with your spouse. Having a sound third party who is on board with you can analyse the situation being neutral and keeps in mind the best interests this is all you need. When you say out loud things that are bothering you, and someone is willing to listen who will not judge you at all, it will feel good, and you will not feel as though you are just crazy. Couples therapy book now have a free consultation.
Do not be hesitant in talking about real issues.
Just like it feels difficult to set boundaries, stepparents find it difficult to talk about behaviour, discipline and some other issues like these with their stepchildren. But if you do not talk about these issues at the right time, you are going to regret it, and unhealthy resentment will build. If you manage to get on the same page about behaviour and discipline, it is the best. If you have step-children, set rules with your spouse and ask your spouse to enforce these rules, and you won’t be an evil step-parent this way.
Plan date nights
Your life is going to be very busy and complicated, I know, but that is life; nothing is easy. In all this hustle and bustle, do not forget to spend time together. Never stop loving each other or taking care of each other. From your busy life, set some time aside for your romantic date nights. Show your kids that date nights are part of a healthy relationship. Initially, you may find yourself guilty because of all divorce things, but if that’s not the right thing to do. If you share a healthy relationship with your spouse, it will unite all of you in a family unit and positively impact kids. Plan date night, ask kids, favourite baby sitter of kids, to stay at home with them, and everyone is happy. Although kids may find it awkward if you hug too much around them, and this is never going to change.
Hogging your spouse is not right.
A blended family includes everyone, and somehow kids are an important part of it. So whether you like it or not, you must give your spouse plenty of time that they can enjoy with the kids without involving you. This can include bedtime chats, a little trip to the grocery store, or having some fun activities. During this time you can read your favourite book, or can catch up with some old friends. It is not only a gift to your husband/wife and step kids but also a gift for you.
Never put your spouse in a position to choose sides
It is not right to argue with your spouse in front of kids about a decision they are making or a discussion they are having. Settle on this prior that you will avoid arguments in front of kids. Talk about it in a separate discussion. Putting your spouse in a position that he/she has to choose sides is terrible, Not only for him/her but for kids too.
Be ready and try to enjoy
Before walking down the aisle, make sure that you know how it would be like being a part of a blended family. You are not allowed to complain halfway into it. Before getting married, talk to as many blended families as you can. Every family has a different story; some will seem horrible but do not get scared because that can happen in first marriages too. It is going to be a bumpy ride, but I you are aware of this and willing to do this, you will see that it can be rewarding too. In some cases the both households blend well and in some cases there are some problems along the way.
Blended family quotes
Quotes are an excellent way to understand a situation and find an inspiration to deal with it. You might be looking for some of the best blended family quotes, don’t worry, I have got you covered. Here are some excellent blended family quotes for you:
- Bright families are just like bright colours: When you blend two, you get something beautiful! –Unknown.
- The 9 Coziest Nontoxic Candles for Your Pandemic Winter, Including One That Smells Like Cereal
- The bond that links your true family is not one of blood but of respect and joy in each other. –Richard Bach
- Blood makes you related; love makes you family. –Unknown
- There will always be steps you can take toward unity in your blended family. You will make—one step at a time! –Donna Houpe
- All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy, for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life before we can enter into another. –Anatole France
- Blended families are a beautiful mix of diverse people who each serve an important role in our lives. At times, it can be challenging to appreciate everyone’s unique beauty. –Deana Keller La Rosa
- The blended family isn’t just an ordinary family time two. It’s a special kind of family with special needs. –Maxine Marsolin
- If the family were a boat, it would be a canoe that makes no progress unless everyone paddles. –LettyCottinPogrebin
- Life feels complete when you’re together with your family. –Unknown
- Becoming a blended family means mixing, mingling, scrambling, and sometimes muddling our way through delicate family issues, complicated relationships, and individual differences, hurts, and fears. But through it all, we are learning to love like a family. –Tom Frydenger
- Cooperation is the thorough conviction that nobody can get there unless everybody gets there. –Virginia Burden
- The first key to balancing your busy life and creating a peaceful environment for your blended family to thrive in lies in defining your family values—first as a couple, then as a family. –KellyeLaughery
- You’re facing one of the most important challenges of your life. Yet, being a member of a blended family can be an exciting adventure for all concerned. –Kathie M. Thompson
- There is no such thing as a ‘broken family.’ Family is family and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, or adoption documents. –C JoyBell
- A family is a risky venture because the greater the love, the greater the loss… That’s the trade-off. But I’ll take it all. –Brad Pitt
- A happy family is but an earlier heaven. –George Bernard Shaw
- You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them. –Desmond Tutu
- The bond that links your true family is not one of blood but of respect and joy in each other’s life. –Richard Bach
- Give a little love to a child, and you get a great deal back. –John Ruskin
- Family means putting your arms around each other and being there. –Barbara Bush
- Blended families are woven together by choice, strengthened by love, tested by everything, and each is uniquely ours. –Unknown
- Family is family, whether it’s the one you start out with, the one you end up with, or the family you gain along the way. –Unknown
- Family is not defined by our genes; it is built and maintained through love. –Unknown
- Some families are created in different ways but are still in every way a family. –Unknown
- Alone, you are strong, but together, you’ll be stronger than ever. –Unknown
- Of course, there’s no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings. –Arthur Rubinstein
- Families are the compass that guides us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights and our comfort when we occasionally falter. –Brad Henry
- We aren’t ‘step,’ we aren’t ‘half,’ we’re just family. –Unknown
- Behind many great kids is a stepparent who stepped up, stepped in, and gave a sh*t. –Unknown
- Children can never have too many positive adult role models in their lives. –Unknown
Being a part of a blended family is not really easy, but it can be one of the best experiences. You will have to face many challenges; you have to take care of step kids who may not even like you. There are chances that your own kids may not even want you to get married. So there will be a lot of complications. You need to handle everything maturely.