Emotionally safe

Emotional safety may seem like a lofty concept. Emotional is related to feelings, and safety is keeping yourself and those around you free from heartbreak. Put them together, and you will be able to understand emotional safety. It is something that makes you feel secure in a relationship. When you are an emotionally safe person, you remove yourself as a hindrance to others freely being themselves. Emotional safety is one of the key actors in a successful relationship.

This article is all about “emotionally safe” you will be able to know about signs of an emotionally safe person and how you can create an emotionally safe environment in a relationship. So let’s get started:

Emotionally safe person

An emotionally safe person is someone who makes you feel at home, you feel secure around them, and there is no drama. Emotional safety is necessary so that you can enjoy every relationship to the fullest. It is especially necessary for romantic relationships, or there will be nothing but toxicity in your relationship. So, if you have started dating someone and want to know whether they are able to provide you with emotional safety or not. Spotting an emotionally safe person is not easy, but if you take care of a few things, you can spot that right person. Here are a few signs:

They encourage you to express how you feel.

An emotionally safe person is someone who encourages you to share your feelings, your inner thoughts; he or she really wants to know what you actually have in your mind. There are a lot of people who will encourage you to share, but after listening to you, they will dismiss your feelings saying, “I don’t know why are you feeling like this.” But an emotionally safe person will not only listen to you but will also accept you’re your emotions and respect them.

They communicate about their feelings and needs to

Relationships are complicated, and sometimes lack of communication makes these relationships even more complicated. Partners, instead of directly talking about their feelings, want another person to already know about them. But that is not how it works. Poor communication can end your relationship. An emotionally safe person will not expect you to know everything on your own. He or she will talk to you about what their needs and their thoughts. The individual will make things clear to you.

They do not see you as a competitor.

People do not feel like equals in a relationship sometimes. Unfortunately, a lot of people build their relationships on control and power instead of respect and equality. On the other hand, an emotionally safe person will value equality more than anything. Equality means the interests and needs of each partner are equally valued and met to a reasonable degree. So, an emotionally safe person will encourage you to pursue your interests and will help you in achieving your goals. Partners are not always equal in terms of job, appearance etc., etc. He will not see you as a competitor; instead if you do better, he or she will feel proud of you.

They respect your need for space.

People might not accept that, but we all need space and privacy at some point within a relationship and outside of a relationship. We all need to set some healthy boundaries in our relationship and must respect our partner’s privacy.  When someone is capable of providing you emotional safety, he or she will not only set healthy boundaries but will also respect your boundaries. You do not have to defend or justify yourself every time.

They strive to be better, most importantly, grow.

One thing that I believe is our lives should never stop; we should strive to become our best version. Growth is not only necessary for us but also for our partners. The reality is we are not perfect; we all make mistakes and have flaws; even emotionally safe people are no exception. But the thing about emotionally safe people is that they try to be better. They won’t say anything like, “I am like this, take it or leave it.” Instead, they:

• Accept criticism
• Accept their mistakes and try to fix them
• Consider your feelings and act accordingly
• do not get stuck in a destructive pattern
• Take responsibility for their actions

Be attentive when they are talking

Undivided attention is a basic factor in a healthy relationship since individuals need to feel appreciated and comprehended to have a sense of safety. Undivided attention is the point at which you put your guards down, do not distract, and genuinely take in what your partner is saying. The ability to effectively listen implies that no matter what fears or issues emerge, you will feel happy he or she is telling you. Before your partner gets angry or things start getting worse, you’ll have the option to rapidly and effectively address it. Some approaches to rehearse undivided attention include:

• Nonverbal indications of listening like grinning, gesturing, and keeping eye contact
• Ask your partner for clarification
• Reflecting back or summarizing what they said

How to stay emotionally safe

How to stay emotionally safe in a relationship? Thinking about how to construct emotional safety or uncertain where to begin? We’ve separated seven supportive approaches to develop vulnerability and trust in any relationship.

Focus on your nonverbal communication

Non-verbal communication is fundamental for emotional safety. Posture, vocal tone, eye language, and other little expressions are constantly being deciphered by you and your partner, whether you understand it or not. As Dr. Jake Porter, a Houston-based licensed professional counselor, says:

“If you approach your partners with hard eyes, tightly pressed lips, and short words, they may not feel safe. The key here is to understand that we are each dependable for the words we say as well as the manner in which we send them.”

It’s a smart thought to work on focusing on the nonverbal communication you’re conveying before you approach your partner. Think about asking yourself, “What is my non-verbal communication imparting at present?”

Respect consent and boundaries

Defining and respecting boundaries can build security and safety in a relationship. By conveying a limitation, you allow your partner in on your choices and let them share their own. Consider boundaries that not only protect you and your partner but also your relationship.

Limits can be physical, financial, intellectual, and emotional, all basics in a relationship. When you set a boundary, it’s pivotal that you and your partner respect it. A few examples of healthy boundaries are:

• Regarding what is essential to you
• Sharing personal information bit by bit
• Try not to overcommit
• Requesting space when you need alone time
• Communicating your intimacy level

Transparency is very important

Straightforwardness is a significant factor for building emotional safety and trust. While practicing transparency, you wipe out the potential inclination that you or your partner are trying to hide something from one another.

While you don’t have to share all aspects of your life with your partner, general transparency about your activities, thoughts, and emotions is a decent method to build communication, security, and trust.

Consider couple’s counseling.

Relationships are not easy; you have to work a lot in order to make them successful. But sometimes, nothing seems to work. It can be because of a lack of communication or other stressful things. At this time, when nothing helps you considering couples counseling is the best option for you. You can consult a therapist individually if you are dealing with mental health problems, or you can go with your partner for relationship counseling.

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Your therapist will try to figure out the root of the issue in your relationship and will suggest some useful practices to make your relationship better.

Emotionally safe in friendships

Just like relationships, emotional safety is also important in friendships. Friends have to create an emotionally safe environment for each other so that they can enjoy this beautiful relationship for a long time. Emotionally safe in friendships is all we need. Here is how we can maintain a healthy and emotionally safe environment for our friends:

Try to understand

Your friend may seem happy in front of you, but he/she may go through a lot. Sometimes they may try to tell you but cannot. So when you feel like your friend is struggling with sharing something with you, do not dismiss them or appear disinterested. Encourage them to share how they feel and understand where they are coming from.

Offer empathy and validation.

Friends make fun of each other, sometimes try to be insensitive that is okay. But when you feel like your friend is disturbed, try to show empathy and validation.

Be supportive

A sense of competition is common among friends. They try to overcome each other. Healthy competition is good among friends but do not take it too seriously. Instead of being extremely competitive, be supportive. Friends should be supportive towards each other. It will create a healthy environment.

Trust each other

No matter what is the relationship, trust is very important. Without trust, no relationship can survive. So, trust your friend and be someone your friend can trust.

How to make a woman feel emotionally safe for you?

How to make a woman feel emotionally safe for you? We all want to feel safe. And women are always looking for a man who can make them feel safe. You want to give her this safety, but how can you do that? Here are some suggestions for you:

Do not cancel plans on her.

When you tell her that you two are going to have a date night this weekend, make sure you plan it nicely. Never cancel your plans at the last minute. It will hurt her. If there is a work emergency, try to tell her in a polite way and explain why you are doing this. She will understand try not to make lame excuses.

Express your love

The most beautiful language in this whole world is love. If she is secure and you want to make her feel safe, express your love. Do little gestures of love like give her gifts, cook for her, and most importantly, use your words. Saying “I love you” on a daily basis while going to the office will make her day.  You can also leave little notes.

Act like a man

Although the scenario is changing these days, men and women are equal. But sometimes feels really good to have a man by your side as a protector. I am not saying beat someone who messes with your girl, but you can make her feel that you are there for her. Little gestures like fixing things for her or opening a door for her can make her feel special and safe. Additionally, do not suffocate her; while doing all this, respect her boundaries.

Emotionally safe examples

Are you looking for some emotionally safe examples? Let me further explain these to you.

Here is what Mark D. White, Ph.D. states about emotionally safe examples

“Let’s be clear: People in a relationship are never equal in all (or any) ways. One person may be judged more attractive (by popular conventions), or may make more money. One person may smarter in one way, less smart in another. One person is more outgoing, one person is better with money, etc. Vive la différence! We look for people who complement, accent, or offset our various good and bad qualities with their own, and we value each other accordingly.”

Psychotherapist John Amodeo explains emotional safety as follows:

“Having boundaries means honoring ourselves as a separate individual with needs and wants that often differ from others. Without healthy boundaries, we allow others to override our own feelings and desires.”

I don’t feel emotionally safe at home.

“I don’t feel emotionally safe at home” here are some experiences and suggestions for you by some Reddit users:

“I feel you, my mom and dad are divorced, dad is an angry PoS so i went no contact and i’m with my mom. That isn’t great too since she is a narc. She never supports me in things and cusses at me constantly. If i were you i would talk to a friend and if some bad shit goes home, i would just run. Don’t take my advice blindly tho, i am not you. But i do reccomend r/raisedbynarcississts. Stay safe. You are great.”

“When my dad told that he was moving, I sat on the couch crying while he was on his phone thinking it wasn’t that serious. At least the dog cared tho”

“If he doesn’t help u feel it’s okay to feel what ur going through or he doesn’t allow u to get closure or communicate without being denial of the fact he’s in the wrong and ur in pain….leave him if he isn’t willing to learn his responses better. If ur not feeling safe talk to ur family pls because this isn’t okay for u to feel vulnerable against ur other half who should be accepting u and communicating certain flaws or happenings that perk up in a relationship. It isn’t ur fault because ur past should not define u and he shouldn’t have to say why why why when he should be allowing u to have that open convo and learning to move on with trust and support. He should not be the one questioning ur actions without understanding the feeling.”

“Well my first thing to say is that I’m sorry about what’s going on and I hope it gets better, but secondly, I used to be that guy as well, and I’m only 15, but I changed, so just take it from me if you want to, but he isn’t going to know until you tell him, I mean sit down and have a serious talk with him, tell him how it makes you feel, express how you feel without getting too aggressive about it because that will only make him want to be aggressive and make the situation bad, tell him detail by detail how those things he says makes you feel, and ask him to change, ask him to stop reacting that way, ask him to have more sympathy or whatever, that’s all you can do, if he doesn’t stop maybe you guys need space while staying in the relationship, because that’s what it took for me was space from my gf, so maybe he could go to his parents house or something and just give him that isolation self reflection period to weigh in on the things he does to make you feel that way so he will stop, and then once he feels like he has gotten to the point where he won’t react like that then you guys could live together again.”

Emotionally safe environment

Reddit users are sharing their experiences about how their partner has created an “emotionally safe environment” for them:

• “Being genuinely interested and compassionate when I share my feelings with him. Validating my emotions when I try to invalidate them myself.”
• “Came here to say this. I’ve been going through some mental health struggles lately, and my partner constantly reminds me that my feelings are welcome and allowed. They encourage me to share openly especially when I’m really judging myself for the thoughts I have that accompany those feelings. I feel so safe and free to share even the scariest fears and insecurities i have. I love them so much, and their constant, gentle support is helping me grow and heal some old wounds.”
• “He never makes me feel like his love is conditional. I grew up in a home where love/admiration always felt contingent on something (grades, cleanliness, my weight, etc) but with him, he just loves me all the time. Period. That’s the most comforting thing in the entire world to me.”
• “Idk why but sometimes he surprises me with things he knows I like. Things like food. It always makes me feel like he cares how I feel. He also always wakes up before me to leave a message of “good morning ❤️ love you” he hasn’t missed a day for 4 1/2 years straight.”
• “When I’m having my attitudes/bad days, he doesn’t invalidate them or say he’s going to give up on me and leave. He tells me some good qualities I have and reminds me that he loves me and we’re a team. I’m actually tearing up right now, haha.”
• “I feel a little embarrassed about this but.. He tends to keep me close or hold my hand through the things that scare me. I have trouble in quite a few areas, but he continuously supports me and comforts me with those kinds of actions. An example: I tend to have awful, cold sweat kind of night terrors from time to time (used to be nightly). He will hold me whenever I show signs, and simply stay with me to try to calm me down. It’s such a simple gesture but it really truly makes all the world of difference for me.”
• “My wife can put your soul through a rusty meat grinder if she’s not careful with her words in a stressful time. When I can tell she is carefully considering how she says things and what she says, I feel considered and cared for. It lets me know her intentions are to build and repair something rather than tear me down. She’s an amazing, wonderful woman, and my best friend in the whole world. That tongue can be a dagger though.”
• “Not using the private things that I tell him against me when he’s angry. I’ve had many relationships in the past where I would open up once I felt comfortable only to have it thrown back in my face later. That and defending me from people that don’t like me. Especially his friends. Not that he isn’t friends with them but he just doesn’t agree with their opinions and that’s that.”
• “He always shows that he cares. It doesn’t matter if I’m crying over a dumb show or having a mental breakdown after something happened at work, he’s always there to comfort me or listen. He never belittles me or invalidates what I’m feeling, even if it doesn’t make sense to him.”
• “He always lets me know he loves me, appreciates me, adores me. He listens when I need to talk about things, offers support, is empathetic, and is genuinely interested in what I have to say. One of the biggest things is that he never invalidates me, even if he doesn’t agree with the situation. He knows that my feelings are my feelings and regardless of what he thinks, I’m feeling them. He’s also consistent with these things and he’s honest. The quickest way to make me feel “emotionally unsafe” is to lie or be unpredictable in how he treats me.”
• “He’s a great listener, he acknowledges my feelings, and he doesn’t criticize. He has never bitten my head off over anything I have told him, and he accepts who I am. I always feel like he understands me and has my back when things go wrong.”

Conclusion

Lack of emotional safety can lead to disconnection, which is a huge threat to a relationship. Disconnection from a partner can make us feel distant and lonely, and the relationship will start to crumble. If you feel like you are disconnected from your partner, try to figure out the root cause. It could be you, or it could be them. Talking about it can make you two feel safe.

So, this was all about “emotionally safe” I have tried my best to share useful information with you, hope you will find it helpful. BOOK IN COUPLES THERAPY TODAY.

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