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Incompatibility in relationships

Incompatibility in relationships

What is incompatibility in relationships?

Incompatibility in relationships means when two people are so different in their nature that they can’t live together. Relationships are all about partnership, but when this sense of partnership among couples diminishes, a relationship falls apart. Opposing attachment needs, totally different beliefs and goals make a relationship incompatible. When people have to work constantly so that their relationship does not fall apart, they are incompatible.


During our whole life, we have been told that love triumphs overall. We are made to believe that we can make every relationship work with any person just because of love if we are good. But that is not true; if you believe this, you will get hurt in your relationships. There should be love, but the most important thing is compatibility.

Incompatibility in relationships can ruin them. This article is all about incompatibility in relationships, how compatibility is different from love and how you can deal with it. So let’s get started:

Incompatible personalities in relationships

A key to a satisfied relationship is being blessed with the personality traits that can complement each other or at least be able to coexist. When couples realize their huge personality conflicts, they end up breaking up with each other. In some cases, couples get divorced after a long marriage because they feel they are not compatible with each other. Personality traits conflicts can over time become irreconcilable differences, and reasons could be as follows:

  • When you live together, it becomes impossible to ignore the differences
  • Personality traits may grow stronger with time
  • these traits can wear someone out

Every personality trait has an opposite trait on the other side of the spectrum. Based on the trait different personalitys can conflict or complement each other.

Here are some examples of incompatible personalities in relationships:

Introversion vs extroversion

The best example of incompatible personalities in relationships is when one person is an extrovert, and the other one is an introvert. An outgoing person can urge a loner to be friendlier; however, a relationship only works when the couple has comparative introversion and extroversion levels. An extrovert individual yearns for social interaction, but this situation is awkward and exhausting for an introvert. An introvert person inclines towards calm evenings, close social interactions, and this can make an extrovert go crazy. Conflicting with your constant extroversion or introversion against your partner can make you feel terrible. You will feel tense and resentful towards your partner.

Impulsive vs organized

Some people want everything organized in their lives, while others do not appreciate being bound to plans. Impulsive and organized individuals can complement one another. But this only works to a certain extent. A couple will become disappointed with one another if neither one of the individuals will change or compromise with their personality for another person. One will make plans, and the other one may not show up, so the other one finds it frustrating. In another case, one partner may make a sudden vacation plan, and the other one may not want to go because it was not part of the plan-making both partners feel bad.

Dominance vs agreeableness

The distinction between these characters is individuals’ capacities to forfeit what they need to satisfy others. The dominant partner will frequently direct what the couple will do, with the agreeable partner accepting what the dominant one says to keep the peace. The dominant partner may not find anything wrong with the relationship unless the other partner resists. The agreeable partner may find no trouble in accepting what the dominant partner says initially, but may become resentful with time.

Adventurous vs traditional

Traditional individuals feel comfortable with activities and places that are known to them e.g religion ,culture, upbringing; however, adventurous partners are always looking for new experiences. An adventurous partner can cajole his traditional partner out of their familiar zone, particularly when they are a youthful couple. As they develop  and become more established, the traditional partner will need a tranquil and organized life, which the adventurous partner may not be comfortable with. This can lead to ending up a relationship.

Incompatibility in marriage

Incompatibility in marriage can ruin your relationship with your spouse. It can wreck mental health, and with time your relationship becomes even more boring ,frustrating, combative or uninteresting. You need to understand the compatibility is the strength of your relationship. It binds you two strongly based on mutual respect and love. But incompatibility forces you to coexist with your partner out of convenience or compulsion. You might not notice this incompatibility in marriage initially, but as you spend more time with your partner, you start wondering if your partner really is your soulmate or not. Here are some signs that can indicate you two are incompatible with each other:

Future seems different

If you are picturing your life in a big busy city while your partner wants a calm life in a small town with kids running around in the backyard, it indicates that your relationship has long term issues.

If you are planning to get married soon while your partner wants to keep it casual, believe me, your relationship is over, even if you do not realize it.

If you two want to stay happy together for a long time, you two need to align certain aspects of your future; you need to agree on marriage, kids and where you want to settle. But you can work on things like hobbies, vacations, pets etc., later on.

When you think about your future, does it seems to align with what your partner pictures? If it does not, it can be a sign that problems are huge and are you will be unable to overcome them.

You two are stubborn.

If one partner is stubborn in marriage, it can work because the other one will try to keep up the peace, but when there are two stubborn people, the result is not that encouraging. It is a case of incompatible personalities. No matter what, stubborn people will not leave their ground and back down on their stance, so they will never admit they are wrong and will never apologize.

When two stubborn people argue, you cannot imagine the damage. Both of you will try to hold your ground and will refuse to admit your fault. So this can be a sign that you two are incompatible with each other. But you can work on it if your two really love each other and willing to change for the sake of your significant one. Otherwise, it is a dead end.

Huge differences in intellectual level

If you are a PhD and your significant other is just a university dropout, it may not go like you hoped. Initially, you may try to overlook the differences and focus on having fun, but the start of a relationship is always blindfolded because of love. And when this honeymoon phase is over, you will start noticing big differences that might feel difficult to overcome.

The way you two think will be different because of the level of education you two have. Your professional lives will also tend to be different. This does not mean such a relationship with educational difference can never work; it can work as long as both partners respect each other and do not undermine, ridicule or belittle one another. You two can work on it and have a healthy relationship.

Communication issues

Does it feel like you two do not have much to say to each other? Instead of talking face to face, you prefer texting and not even calling. It seems like everything is like a routine, and you look like an 80 years old couple.

A little communication breakdown is normal, but too much can prove fatal for your marriage.  If you stay distant for too long in this phase, your relationship will be on the verge of ending. It can be a sign that you two are incompatible for each other. It can be because of a lack of mutual hobbies or interests. You need to bring back the spark. Communication is everything.

Love is faded

Remember the time when you use to look at your partner and your heart started beating really fast? But now, this feeling is gone. You do not feel the magic anymore. You do not feel that attraction anymore. But still, you choose to stay because you feel comfortable around them. This is what we call emotional compatibility. It is good to feel comfortable around someone, but if there is no sense of love, you lack emotional compatibility.

Initially, it does not feel like a problem, but over time it can lead to frustration and unhappiness in a relationship making the life of both partners miserable. You need to recall the reason why you fell in love with the person in the first place.

One of you spends more time with friends.

If you or your partner are channeling more time or energy into something or some else, it can be assigned that you have lost interest in your relationship. Time investment from both sides is very important. Choosing hobbies or friends over a partner is a clear sign that you are incompatible with each other, and the relationship is doomed. Just like some other things, this issue is also treatable if both partners are willing to change themselves for each other a little bit. Friends are important but so is your relationship make sure it is balanced.

Bickering has become a hobby.

Bickering and arguing is what couples usually do, and it is normal. You cannot avoid it at any cost. Limited arguing is healthy for a relationship because you can settle things over conversation; although it is not a desirable conversation it is still better than none.

The problem is when this arguing becomes abusive. It is time to end this relationship; you should never live with an abusive person. But if it is just bickering, there is hope to save this marriage. You should do whatever you can to make your marriage work but not the abusive one.

Financial incompatibility in relationships

Financial incompatibility in relationships can also make two people incompatible with each other but not always. Sometimes it may also indicate some deeper issues in your relationship. One partner may not take the other partner seriously because the individual is not strong financially. It is stated that about 22% of divorces are based on money issues. So these are the things you need to talk to your partner about before you get into anything serious; otherwise, your relationship will be at a dead end. If you two are willing to overcome your issues and having a healthy conversation, your relationship has a better chance of surviving financial incompatibility.

Compatibility vs love

Compatibility vs love is a huge battle; some will say love wins, and some are in favour of compatibility. Two people meet and fall in love, but then real life hits hard. Initially, it seems like everything is complete about that person we fall in love with, but when the honeymoon period ends, reality hits hard. Habits that seem cute initially now become annoying, and you just want to run away from that person.

Compatibility vs love which wins? For me, compatibility is the most important thing. In practical life, when you two have to be real partners who complement each other, compatibility is the only thing that keeps you two together. Although we cannot deny the importance of love but in the real world, it is a bonus. Lucky are those who love their partner and also are compatible with them, but life is not so generous for all of us sometimes we have to date a few terrible people before we meet the right person.

Overcoming incompatibility in relationships

Overcoming incompatibility in relationships is not easy. It is only possible if both partners are willing to work on their differences and ready to make a small compromise. Otherwise, there is no hope for the relationship. Compromise should be not in a way that you start blaming your partner after a while. If you really love your partner and want this relationship to work, you need to find common ground and should be willing to make small sacrifices with all your heart.

If you are thinking about overcoming incompatibility in relationships, here are some suggestions for you:

Communication is key

Communication is key to any relationship. The more you talk to each other, the more you understand about each other’s beliefs and perspectives. If you two have different perspectives, that does not mean you two are incompatible and should end the relationship. There should be a sense of understanding. No one has to be right or wrong; you two should accept each other the way you are. Having different perspectives and talking about them gives you an opportunity to analyze a situation with more depth.

Try to have fun together.

In a long term relationship, sometimes you feel there is no spark left; some people may tend to end their relationship because they think that they do not feel happy anymore. It is not that big an issue. You just need to find some new adventurous activities that you can try with each other. Also, laughter can replace the boring soundtrack of your relationship. When you laugh together, you feel closer to each other so try this too. You can go to laughter therapies together or can just have fun in your comfort zone and try new experiences and hobbies together laugh and smile together.

Focus on good things

When you are having second thoughts about your relationship or notice that you two are incompatible with each other, your main focus are the flaws in your partner. You completely forget to think about their positive aspects, which is wrong. Remove this negative lens and try to focus on their good qualities. If you give your mind something positive to think about, you will be able to discover the best things in your marriage.

Flirting will help too.

It feels like there is no spark left in your relationship, but that is not the end of the world. You just need to make your marriage more fun. Bring back flirtation, playfulness and seduction to your marriage. Never look for someone else to fulfil your desires. Talk to your partner, and you will be glad to know that your partner also thinks the same way.

Try couples therapy

Sometimes things are uncontrollable. You have no clue of how to make things better. At that time, it is better to take help from a professional. You two fight a lot, have arguments, things get worse, and no matter what you do, nothing helps. In that situation, couples counselling is the best solution. Sometimes you are not able to pin point the real issue, but a professional counsellor can figure out the real issue behind all this drama and can guide you accordingly. COUPLES THERAPY CLICK HERE

Incompatibility in relationship Reddit

You might be looking for some incompatibility in relationship Reddit suggestions so that you can know what other people have to say about it. Don’t worry, I have got you covered; I have researched about Incompatibility in relationship Reddit suggestions and here is what people are saying about it:

“Incompatibility about essentials to be happy are not okay, and everyone’s essentials are different. The others are manageable as long as it’s not a list too long to handle.”

“Okay: different hobbies, taste in music, books, if you’re an extrovert and they’re an introvert. If you’re a dog person and they’re a cat person.

Not okay: you want kids, and they don’t. You’re really into “clean” eating (whatever your definition maybe), and they’re not supportive of you (doesn’t necessarily mean they have to do it too, but both sides should respect the other choice). Not open minded about alternative views (they don’t have to agree, but they should at least listen to both sides and try to emphasize). You want to get married, and they don’t.

Ultimate deal-breaker: They do not strive for self-improvement/betterment in some form, or they do not think it’s important.”

“Your top priorities need to match/be compatible…

So, religion, diet, political beliefs, family values can all be okay or not okay incompatibilities. The individual would decide by the level of priority they put onto the particular issue. Ex: politics aren’t a huge priority for some couples, so they have mates with opposing views. Politics are a huge priority for others, and they would be seriously hindered by a mate with an opposing view.

You can have differences in personality, background, etc., but you need to be unified in priorities and goals. If you’re going to walk together, you need to walk in the same direction.”

“I am lazy; my husband is not. He brings me up a gear, I bring him down a gear, and we meet in a happy medium. I am easy going; he is highly strung, again we meet in the middle. Everything else we are pretty similar on. We like movies and board games, have the same beliefs on how to raise children, share the same political ideas, are open and honest about money, are both quite introverted and prefer a night in than a night out. The big stuff we are very similar, the stuff we differ on balances us into a sort of well-rounded people. We are very happy.”

“Core values need to be aligned, including your beliefs in how you treat people etc. The rest is fine; having too much in common would make for a super boring relationship, and your partner wouldn’t be adding anything new to your life nor teach you much or expand your horizons. If you’re both open minded and take an interest in what the other enjoys etc., then it should be fine.”

“Lifestyle and values need to be the same. Everything else depends. In a lot of cases, I think small incompatibilities are solved by who cares more. If I care a lot and she cares a little, we do it my way. If she cares a lot and I care a little, we do it hers. If we both care a lot, we hash it out. Works out aight.”

“Very few. My husband and I are so alike in so many ways we could be relatives. Our differences are minor – we both read, but we don’t read the same things; I like to make things, he hasn’t got a handy/crafty bone in his body; I like vegetables, he doesn’t. These are all things that can be navigated by two people who are respectful of differences. But on all the big issues, religion, politics, family, values, we’re on the same page. I really can’t imagine being with someone where we were always compromising on things so we could get along.”


I always thought that relationships need hard work to survive, but that is not right. Relationships do need work, but it does not have to be hard. There should not constantly be worrying. These problems you will face in incompatible relationships. While in compatible relationships, things are comparatively easy, they still need care, but they will not drain your energy or your peace of mind. You will find comfort in turning to your partner always. Incompatibility in relationships, even in long-term marriages, is a real thing. If you two are not willing to make little changes in your life for the sake of your partner or relationship, there is no hope. But you can save your relationship; it is all in your hands. You can also take help from a relationship counsellor or couple’s therapy.COUPLES COUNSELLING CLICK HERE

I have tried my best to share useful information about Incompatibility in relationships, hope you will find it helpful.

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