Control Complex

Control Complex is not a clinical one, but it has to mean nonetheless because the term so clearly defines a problem: Men and women who have a high need for control can often be too extreme, giving rise to the notion that these individuals are abnormal or “freakish.

Needing a high level of control in situations is often not psychologically healthy because so much in life is beyond our control.

If you need total control even though you and everyone else know that it is impossible to achieve, then you are going to have more anxiety because of the bar you set for yourself.

Correcting people when they’re wrong. People with a control complex often feel the need to correct others when they’re wrong.

They correct someone due to an irrational argument; they correct spelling or pronunciation; they correct details of what happened in the past; they correct bad manners; they correct people when they do something wrong or inappropriate.

It’s important to understand, though, that underneath the motivation to correct others is the belief that they are usually or always right.

Always trying to win the argument or have the last word. Men and women with a control complex are difficult to have relationships with because they like to set the rules and subsequently enforce them.

They act superior to others and are determined to show everyone that they are the most practical, logical, and intelligent person in any crowd.

Refusal to admit when they’re wrong. Hands down, one of the traits that most annoy friends, romantic partners, and colleagues is the refusal on the part of high-control men and women to admit when they are wrong.

It could be the smallest, simplest issue, but high-control people don’t care they just want to make sure they don’t admit they were wrong. Their thinking is distorted to the point that they believe others may use their admission against them or will perceive them as incompetent or foolish because of one simple error.

As a rule, these individuals present all-or-nothing, black-or-white thinking; dealing with anything in between is uncomfortable for them.

Judging or criticizing others. Some of the most judgmental individuals you will ever meet are men and women may have a control complex. They are highly principled, with opinions on everything from how people should hold their forks to how people should live their entire lives.

These men and women have an answer for everything, and they come across as sanctimonious or hypocritical to those who know them well.

People with a high need for control often get very frustrated while driving. They believe they are the only ones who know how to drive correctly. They often put other drivers down, make nasty faces at them, or even curse or issue profanities when someone on the road does something that bothers them.

Yet the most common problem with high-control men and women on the road is their impatience. They get annoyed because drivers go too slow or too fast. They treat pedestrians as interference getting in the way of accomplishing their goals.

Again, in the minds of these individuals, it’s all about them and they don’t spend time trying to imagine what anyone else thinks or feels in the same situation.

The control complex behaviour can be so extreme that such individuals are seen as freakish or abnormal. Such individuals are often passively aggressive, obsessive, mood disordered, over-anxious, depressed or even phobic at times.

Although these characteristics can be desirable in some professional fields (such as scientists or air traffic controllers), people largely don’t want to interact with a control freak.

They tend to correct people. A person with a control complex is usually driven by the urge that they want everything to be done in a way that they feel is correct. These people avoid mistakes in their own life and as such have a high need to correct others in case they find anything wrong.

They can correct people for incorrect pronunciation or spelling, bad manners, details about something from the past if they see something wrong or inappropriate or an irrational argument.

The underlying factor for such behaviour is their belief that they are usually or always correct and as such, they have to let others know about that.

Those with a control complex are usually very judgemental and this comes to them very naturally. Consequently, they tend to judge people based on their errors or mistakes.

It is like a reflex action to them because they are highly opinionated about everything surrounding them and have a set of strict rules and principles.

They can have an opinion on things like- how people should lead their lives, how someone should go about his/her career etc. They see themselves as some kind of self-righteous superior being who doesn’t fit among their friends and family.

Control complex refers to the decentralization of powers and responsibilities among a group of people. However, control freak doesn’t believe in this term because they like to dictate terms to their team members.

They try to lead or micromanage the team by exerting their rules and methods over the rest of the team. As a result, their attitude is that of a micromanager rather than that of a team player.

It is so obvious that such a self-obsessed person with a control complex will seldom share the credit for their success with others.

According to them, the success of their team is only possible if they take over control of the entire team. This fact again emphasizes the need for a control freak to micromanage rather than allow the team to get involved.

They will never appreciate the possibility of a better and more effective way to achieve success other than their way.

One of the most astonishing characteristics of a control freak that annoys most of their friends, relatives or acquaintances is their audacity to refuse to accept that they can be or are wrong about something.

It can be for the smallest and stupidest of things, but a person with a control complex doesn’t care or bother about that because the only thing that they believe is that they can do no wrong.

Further, their thought process becomes so distorted that they start believing that others may utilize the acceptance of their mistake against them, or may perceive them as foolish or incompetent because of such mistakes or errors.

The control complex makes people who have it inherently think that they are the only ones know on the planet who know what is best for everyone under any circumstances. Such people even try to manipulate others’ behaviour to act in such a way that suits their agenda.

It is out of their superiority complex that they feel they have the duty to convince others to change their behaviour either through aggressive tactics, piling pressure or manipulating them.

If you come across any of the control freaks then you will be able to notice that they are very much worried about the future.

With that kind of backdrop, they just can’t help themselves but act like the Messiah and try to ensure that they prepare themselves for anything bad that is coming their way. In that process, they end up wasting much of their time by concentrating on events that might not even happen.

Beware of the people with a control complex because they can hold onto grudges against you for the rest of their life. Generally, a control freak likes to see things in their way and if he/she is not allowed to dictate terms then they’ll simply start to develop grudges against you.

Further, in case if things don’t go well with your ways too then you are up for some real criticism from them and then they will make sure that you are reminded of your failures now and then.

What hurts more is that these control freaks try to insult you in public. In short, try avoiding any mistakes if your boss is a control freak or otherwise you will regret the mistake for the rest of your life.

Irrespective of the topic of discussion, a person with a control complex simply wants to win all the arguments and as such he/she can’t let anyone else have the last say in an argument. The control freaks think that they hold the right to have the final word to finish off any discussion.

In situations where they are not allowed to have the last word, they feel that the discussion has remained unresolved and hanging and that is a kind of mental agony for them. As already said, they believe that they are the most practical, logical, and intelligent in any crowd and that needs to be shown to everyone.

A control freak will never empathize with someone who has committed a mistake and as such you will never hear them say to someone else “Don’t worry, we all make mistakes”. According to a control complex, if someone makes a continual mistake then he/she must either be too lazy or just plain stupid.

Regardless of how you feel about what your partner does, who your partner is friends with, or anything else, if you’re telling them what they are and aren’t allowed to do in terms of those things, you’re likely being too controlling.

“Controlling behaviour is often related to feelings of anxiety”. “If I feel anxious that my partner will leave me, I might try to control who they talk to or where they go or how they dress.” Working on managing your anxiety, working with a therapist, and being more mindful can help.

When it comes to control complex, if you regularly criticise those around you, that too could be a subtle sign that you’re being too controlling, Dr Sherrie Campbell, PhD, a licensed counsellor, psychologist, marriage and family therapist, and the author of “Success Equations”.

“Work on your issues around insecurity,” Campbell said. “Controlling people usually have issues with trust, and so they want to control whoever is in their lives as a way to protect themselves but they actually set themselves up for people to betray and/or leave them because the pressures of being with them are too demanding and/or demeaning.

It’s important for each person who is controlling to work to be whole. It is vital they turn to therapy and/or other methods of self-development. that can help them overcome this problem.” There’s a reason why you’re so critical all of the time and it might be that you’re dealing with insecurities that have yet to be addressed.

Controlling Behavior In Relationships

Controlling behaviour in relationships. If you say “no” to something, a controlling partner may try to talk you out of it. This can look like pressuring you to change your mind or arguing with you about why you’re wrong.

This goes for physical boundaries as well. For example, you make plans with someone else and let your partner know that you’re going to be unavailable, but your partner shows up at your house uninvited.

Control freaks in relationships like to exercise authority over all decisions. They present themselves as wise and possess the right expertise to drive you into checking with them.

Being with someone who has controlling behaviour in relationships, you feel you need to be next to your phone and able to respond anytime. When, for any reason, you are unable to do so they become angry, overly worried, or pout. In any case, you know there will be drama so you avoid such situations.

Being in a controlling relationship feels like you seize to have your own opinion, choices, and wants. The more sophisticated they are, the more they can mask it in the veil of genuine worry or advice. However, over time, it becomes obvious as you receive criticism or emotional freeze out any time you don’t do as they would expect.

Controlling behaviour in relationships is also detectable by who ends up being blamed in the relationship. For small things too, for example, if they broke a glass, they will say you were in the way and that is why they dropped it. Blaming it all on you is one of the controlling personality traits.

It might seem that anything you do could use improvement when you are in a controlling relationship. Your partner criticizes you over small or big things equally and expects perfection.

One of the signs of Controlling behaviour in relationships is threats. Those intimidations are not always physical and can be veiled. They might threaten they will cut your contact with kids if you divorce them, harm themselves, share secrets you shared with them, or cut the privileges you have at the moment.

Look out for feeling trapped in the relationship. The common thread in many controlling relationships is feeling like you need to earn their love. When you lose some more weight, they will be more attracted to you. When you are successful at work, they care more about you or when you grant them some favours.

All in all, you feel you need to earn their affection by what you provide to them or by changing yourself, otherwise, you feel not good enough.

Compared to a healthy dose of reciprocity, in a controlling relationship, it feels like there is a constant count of who did what for whom. It feels exhausting keeping track, but they do it so spontaneously. It could be their way of having the edge over you.

Making you feel you are not good enough is the most frequent characteristic of Controlling behaviour in relationships. You might have felt this way before you met them, but it sure intensifies when around them. Do you feel like you can’t have some time for yourself and feel guilty over it?

They might wrap their protest in wanting to spend more time with you because you are so busy, but you end up feeling like a villain. Having alone time is a healthy need and you shouldn’t be made into an evil person for having it.

Power Dynamics In Partnerships

Power dynamics in partnerships. This often plays an important role in romantic relationships. The most common ones are demand/withdrawal, distancer/pursuer, and fear/shame.

Power plays a role in relationships, but it isn’t always about dominance and submission. Often, it’s about the roles each partner plays when faced with a specific challenge or situation.

“Power dynamics” in a relationship refers to those roles and to ways of interacting that influence a partner’s behaviour. When there’s an imbalance of power, it can show up in many forms, including resentment, endless arguments, and emotional distance.

Understanding common Power dynamics in partnerships can help you resolve conflict and create a more balanced and emotionally secure relationship. When partners face power dynamics, most base their judgements on how they feel. This drives a reaction and eventually determines the partnership’s identity.

For example: “Our funders want to control what we do”; or “That big organization has more power, so we have to follow what they need.” Power over can quickly become what is expected in the partnership.

What if rather than allowing feelings to drive actions the partners oriented to a model where a strong sense of identity drives the whole? They could then move from being reactive to proactive.

Breaking through Power dynamics in partnerships requires intentionality and starts by thinking about who the partnership is committed to becoming. An honest, open dialogue puts power dynamics on the table and allows the partnership to have this important discussion, which can take place at the start or any time during the partnership.

Having a conversation about power dynamics enables a partnership to orient who they want to become, determines the virtues that will support this identity, and establishes the behaviours and actions that ensure the partners have the power dynamic they want.

When we talk about “power” at its basic level, it refers to one person’s control over another person or a relationship. In romantic relationships, power refers to the abilities that both partners have to influence or change their dynamic.

When there is an imbalance of power, the dynamic typically evolves into three different negative types: demand-withdrawal, distancer-pursuer, and fear-shame.

As you’ve probably gathered, these three types of Power dynamics in partnerships are considered unhealthy in romantic relationships. These don’t just have the potential to damage your relationship they can negatively impact your mental health as well.

When there is a negative power imbalance in a relationship, three likely power dynamics may occur.

Demand-Withdrawal dynamic: Power dynamics in partnerships, in this case, one of the partners feels the other half does not prioritize or consider their needs and demands. They might try to get through to their partner but get ignored. Often, this might cause resentment, malice, and frustration.

The partner who withdraws from the relationship may intentionally avoid responding to the demands of their partner. Partners in relationships can change this dynamic by being more sensitive to each other’s needs, alongside open and honest communication.

Distancer-Pursuer dynamic: This power dynamic is featured by the “distance” trying to avoid intimacy from their partner, so they become resistant to all their partner’s moves.  On the other hand, the “pursuer” strives to achieve a level of intimacy with their partner.

As a result, the pursuer is usually more invested in the relationship than the other, and they are more likely to always bring ideas and suggestions.

Fear-Shame dynamic: In this power dynamic, when a partner exhibits fear and insecurity, it affects the other party, bringing out shame in them. Most time, this power dynamic does not happen intentionally. For instance, in a relationship involving a man and a woman.

If the woman experiences anxiety, it can cause a shameful reaction in the man, who might begin to feel that his wife’s emotions are because he cannot protect her.

Establishing Healthy Boundaries

Establishing healthy boundaries. This defines what is appropriate behaviour in our relationships behaviour that keeps both parties safe. And setting healthy boundaries is crucial for self-care and positive relationships. But let’s first understand what boundaries are.

Boundaries differ from person to person and are mediated by variations in culture, personality, and social context.

Boundaries appropriate in a business meeting would seem irrelevant in a nightclub with old friends! Setting boundaries defines our expectations of ourselves and others in different kinds of relationships.

Establishing healthy boundaries requires self-awareness. You need to be clear about your expectations of yourself and others, and what you are and are not comfortable with in specific situations.

Setting healthy boundaries requires good communication skills that convey assertiveness and clarity.

You may have heard of people Establishing healthy boundaries, but what does that even look like? Well, for starters, a healthy boundary can look like a lot of things. If a friend wants you to stay out later than you’d like and you decide instead to trust your gut and go home, that’s a healthy boundary.

If your significant other has become too demanding of your time and you ask for some personal space, that, too, is a healthy boundary. Knowing when and establishing healthy boundaries can be tricky. When you evaluate your values and core beliefs, it’s easier to put protections in place to support your own physical, mental and emotional health.

When you do this, in most cases, you’ll be overwhelmingly supported. But you may also discover who your true allies are along the way

The first step to setting healthy boundaries is knowing what your needs are and what you need to be healthy, have good self-esteem and retain your sense of identity. To do this, consider making a list of your core values and beliefs: What do you need to be happy? What makes you feel safe? How much time and energy are you willing to spend with different people and situations?

“Establishing healthy boundaries is important early on so that people know how to best communicate and interact with you,” advises Salerno. “You also want to make sure you follow through on your boundaries. If you don’t act on them, it may make it harder for other people to trust your boundary setting.”

The first step to boundary setting is to trust and believe that you have the right to set and enforce a boundary.

“A lot of us have grown up in a family with no boundaries or with blurred boundaries, so we don’t always know that we have the right to set our own boundaries,” explains Salerno. “If setting boundaries is new to you, I would encourage you to start with small boundary changes to help build confidence when you set those larger boundaries in the future.”

Sometimes, if we fear confrontation,  Establishing healthy boundaries can seem frightening. You may worry about rejection or feel guilty for putting boundaries in place, but it’s important to know that it’s your right to carve out the space you need for the things that will make you happy, free and safe at the same time.

Overcoming Need For Control

Overcoming need for control. Control can simply be defined as exerting influence or power over the environment, actions, and behaviours of yourself or another person. There are many reasons why you may feel like you need to be in control, such as insecurities or fear of the unpredictable.

At times, your need for control may become overwhelming and tiring, causing chaos in your career, relationships, and your overall quality of life.

Overcoming need for control is a reaction to the fear of losing control. If you struggle with the constant need to be in control, it is likely that you fear being at the mercy of other people. Your trigger for control issues can even be as deep as a traumatic event that may have occurred in your past which left you feeling vulnerable and helpless.

Because of this, you may desire control in unhealthy ways.

An experience of neglect and/or abuse can make you seek methods to regain control. This need then makes you turn to the outside world. Overcoming need for control will make you may feel inclined to micromanage work projects or maintain rigid rules around your diet and exercise regimen. Your pain may be so deeply buried and unacknowledged that it is hard to pinpoint.

You may not even recognize that your behaviour and actions can come off as controlling to other people. You may chalk it up to having a Type-A personality where high achievement, impatience, and competitiveness are dominant.

Overcoming need for control can occur in a range of connections, from a romantic partner to a coworker. You can even try to manage situations or your environment. There are several important signs of controlling behaviour that you can learn to identify in yourself.

SOME SIGNS OF CONTROL ISSUES INCLUDE:

• Jealousy
• Mood swings
• Self-centeredness
• Possessiveness
• Fear of abandonment
• Continuously identifying as the victim in arguments or disagreements
• Difficulty accepting responsibility for your actions
• Sense of entitlement
• Finding little sympathy and/or respect for others.

When you realize that you cannot control every little detail of your life, you can place your valuable energy elsewhere. Overcoming need for control can make you realize that you can begin to focus on the things you do have control over, such as your attitude, outlook, mindset, and responses.

When you release outside factors, your confidence in yourself can increase. This then leads to improvements in both your mental and physical health. You can finally allow yourself to experience the joy of freedom. You are now leaving the door open for exciting and interesting possibilities to arise.

Respectful Communication In Relationships

Respectful communication in relationships. Commit To True Connection. The biggest misconception about how to communicate in a relationship is that communication is the same as talking or making conversation.

Communication in relationships, at its core, is about connecting and using your verbal, written and physical skills to fulfil your partner’s needs. It’s not about making small talk. It’s about understanding your partner’s point of view, offering support and being your partner.

Respectful communication in relationships: It is easy to let real connection and passion diminish, especially in long-term relationships. But the first key to how to improve communication in a relationship is to admit that you’re not connecting the way you used to.

Talk with your partner about rekindling your connection and provide a starting point. If your partner isn’t on board, don’t worry.

Relationships are a place where you go to give, not one where you go to take. You can still enact many of these strategies without a commitment from your partner and you may even inspire them to reciprocate.

Respectful communication in relationships: Identify Your Communication Styles. Before you work on learning how to improve communication in a relationship, you need to realize that not everyone has the same communication style. The four main communication styles are passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and assertive.

Passive communicators keep their emotions inside and are the ones who can never seem to say “no.” Aggressive communicators are loud and intense but typically have trouble making real connections with others. Passive-aggressive communicators avoid conflict and use sarcasm to deflect real communication.

The healthiest type of communication is assertive: These people are in touch with their emotions and know how to communicate them effectively.

Respectful communication in relationships: Communication styles also involve our metaprograms or the ways that we respond to information.

Some people like to talk, some prefer touch and others are more visual or respond better to gift-giving than an outward discussion of feelings. You probably know which communication style you prefer, but what about your partner?

Communication and relationships are all different. Effective communication with your partner will come from acknowledging this. Your partner can be telling you exactly what they need, but you have to be cognizant of how they convey this information to you.

If there’s miscommunication, you’ll miss the opportunity to build trust and intimacy, and you’ll both feel frustrated.

Respectful communication in relationships: When striving to learn how to communicate better, watch your partner respond to different perceptive cues over a day or two.

Does he or she seem to respond most to seeing and watching? Hearing and talking? Or touching and doing? For example, if your partner is more responsive to language, tone and other auditory cues, making lots of eye contact and gentle facial expressions aren’t communicating as much to them as you think. You’re sending signals but they’re not picking them up.

On the other hand, if you find that you are an auditory person and your partner is a kinesthetic person, remember that saying “I love you” may not be enough. Reinforce your love with touch, and remember to do so often.

Control Complex Conclusion

Control Complex Conclusion. High-control men and women, the people we call “control freaks,” engage in a series of behaviours that frustrate others and cause resentment. These individuals operate the way they do because they believe that they need to in order to meet their needs and accomplish their goals.

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