Fawn Trauma Response

Fawn Trauma response. When most people think of trauma responses, they think of fight or flight. They might even extend this into a fight, flight, or freeze, but did you know there is another trauma response? Fawning is a trauma response that uses people-pleasing behaviour to appease or supplicate an aggressor, avoid conflict, and ensure safety.

 

This trauma response is exceedingly common, especially in complex trauma survivors, and often gets overlooked.

 

WHAT IS FAWNING?

 

Like the more well-known trauma responses, the fawn trauma response is a coping strategy people employ to avoid further danger. Rather than trying to fight or escape the threat, the fawn response attempts to befriend it. By presenting oneself as a friend, supporter, or partner, a person who fawns in response to trauma may avoid further aggression from their abuser.

 

Examples of fawning include

 

• Ignoring your need to take care of somebody else
• Ensuring that you are as helpful and friendly as possible
• Responding to criticism with praise or admiration
• Never being able to say no
• Fawning in response to trauma often has several downstream effects. A person may carry this behaviour into other interactions, even when it is no longer beneficial for them because the fawn response has secured their safety in the past.

 

How Fawning Can Be Harmful

 

Fawning isn’t just being helpful and looking out for others; it requires suppression of basic needs that can cause someone to sacrifice their physical and emotional health.

 

Someone dependent on the fawn response can adopt several behavioral patterns that work to their detriment. Though fawning may have helped them in a traumatic situation in the past, continuing these behaviours can stand in the way of them living a healthy, balanced, fulfilling life. Here are some examples of how the fawn trauma response can present.

 

1. Ignoring your own needs to take care of somebody else

 

People who fawn in response to trauma often learn to care for others rather than themselves. For instance, a person who dealt with childhood abuse may have learned that taking care of their parents may have led to fewer violent outbursts. Of course, this caretaking is going in the wrong direction; a parent is supposed to take care of the child, not the other way around.

 

Fawn trauma response can continue into adult relationships and friendships even after they are safe from traumatic events or continue as a response to new traumatic events. While caring for others is admirable, it must come with boundaries.

 

Someone well-versed in the fawn trauma response may never learn to make their own needs a priority. Self-love and self-care are essential for maintaining a healthy sense of mental stability and well-being. People who fall into the trap of ignoring their needs to care for others will often find themselves burning out and becoming overwhelmed.

 

2. Not feeling seen or heard by others

 

Another common symptom of the fawn trauma response is not feeling seen. People who fawn tend to be primarily concerned with other people and their reactions and never get a chance to express themselves.

 

They often hide their true selves in fear of judgment or retaliation. Even when surrounded by friends and family, they can feel incredibly lonely. Psychologists have studied loneliness extensively. It is a distinct phenomenon that differs from social isolation. Loneliness can have several negative side effects, including

 

• Obesity
• Anxiety
• Depression
• High blood pressure
• A weakened immune system

 

Not feeling seen and heard can be incredibly discouraging and dysregulating for the nervous system, and this can manifest in a range of physical symptoms.

 

3. Never being able to say no

 

Fawn Trauma response. Always wanting to help and encourage is another common behavior among people who fawn. They jump at the opportunity to help others and can often take on more than they can handle. Instead of carefully considering whether they can accommodate requests, they may agree without hesitation and struggle to rearrange their schedules afterward.

 

This behaviour seems positive on the surface: others may see you as friendly and self-sacrificing. But constantly saying yes can leave fawning types stretched thin and over-encumbered, never getting a chance to recuperate or focus on the tasks that are important to them.

 

4. Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions

 

Often, people who fawn will see the emotions or actions of others as a direct reflection of their self-worth. For example, if you recommend a restaurant to a friend who doesn’t enjoy the food, you might feel like you disappointed your friend because the restaurant was your choice.

 

Rather than accounting for personal preferences, people stuck in the fawn trauma response see others’ emotions as their responsibility. Negative emotions are a threat that needs to be managed, and if someone is sad, frustrated, or disappointed, you may feel like it’s your fault and scrambles to find a solution.

 

This trait is particularly dangerous for people in codependent or toxic relationships because it lays the foundation for a harmful power dynamic. Other people may take advantage of the lack of boundaries. Other people’s emotions are truly out of our control – only by learning that you aren’t responsible for others can people who fawn find relief.

 

5. Not voicing your values

 

Fawn Trauma response. Struggling to speak up about the things that matter to you is another behavior associated with fawning. This behavior can range in severity; it could be as simple as not voicing your opinion on where to go to dinner or as severe as finding yourself agreeing with people whose views compromise your morals, values, and safety.

 

Essentially, many people who fawn in response to trauma are overly agreeable. They give up their voices to avoid conflict, even though it means more hardship for themselves in the future.

 

6. Not having clear boundaries

 

Fawn Trauma response. Lastly, not having clear boundaries around your own needs is another key symptom of fawning. For example, a person who is uncomfortable with touch may find themselves not speaking up about their preference with colleagues or friends.

 

Even though they may feel extreme stress over seemingly appropriate physical interactions, like friendly hugs or a hand on the shoulder, they allow it to happen because they struggle to set clear boundaries.

 

Again, this behaviour is a matter of attempting to avoid conflict. When we fail to set clear boundaries early in relationships, it can make it difficult to break away from uncomfortable situations. And, when we constantly find ourselves in stressful situations, we’re more likely to try to cope with unhealthy behaviors.

 

Starting Trauma Recovery

 

Fawn trauma response can cause a lasting impact, even long after the traumatic events have passed. While fawning is often useful in life-threatening or dangerous situations, carrying these behaviors into everyday life sets people up for undue stress, fatigue, and hardship.

 

Fortunately, there is a path to recovery. If you have identified with the behaviours listed above, you’ve likely learned to fawn through one or more events in your past.

How Do You Fix A Fawn Trauma Response?

How do you fix a fawn trauma response? Healing is a life-long process of unfolding. By taking a long, honest look at ourselves, we begin the process. If you recognise fawning or co-dependent behaviours in yourself, don’t turn away from the realisation.

 

Accept that you may have adopted some coping strategies that are not serving you anymore, but that helped you survive through some awful times. Never berate yourself for how you survived, but make a conscious choice to grow into the person you want to be.

 

1. Grieve, grieve, grieve.

 

Grieving is such an important part of the healing process. When we grieve, we acknowledge what was done to us, and the effect it had on our lives. We acknowledge all that we have lost, and all the time we have spent engaging in unhealthy coping strategies.

 

How do you fix a fawn trauma response? By acknowledging these losses, allowing the tears to fall, and allowing space for all the heavy feelings- we acknowledge our hurt inner child. We let them know that they are not alone, not anymore. That their feelings matter and their pain is valid.

 

When we stop fighting painful emotions by numbing them, ignoring them, trying to rationalise them, and just allowing them space to be, we begin the process of releasing them for good. Each time we return to those memories or feelings, they hurt a little less, and we grow a little more.

 

2. Focus on self-care.

 

How do you fix a fawn trauma response? Fawn types often put everyone else’s needs above their own. Make a conscious choice to focus on self-care- you could start with just one day a week if it feels intimidating. For that day, as much as you can, just go within. Ask your body what it needs, and what would make it feel good.

 

Do some exercise or gentle yoga. Run a bubble bath, and use a face mask. Wallow in the tub with a good book for an hour. Sit in the garden, and make yourself your favourite food for dinner. Have an afternoon nap.

 

How do you fix a fawn trauma response? Give yourself that love you give so readily to other people. Think of that hurt, needy child within you- don’t they deserve love, too?

 

Self-care is the foundation of self-love. You matter- your needs matter, and it is not selfish to attend to them. The more you practise, the more caring for yourself will feel natural to you.

 

3. Get to know yourself.

How do you fix a fawn trauma response? The reason many fawn types feel “unseen” by others is that they hide their real self from the world. The real self can become so hidden that someone might even feel like a stranger to themself.

 

Through journaling, therapy, shadow work, and self-reflection, we can develop a stronger sense of who we are, and begin to present that person to the world. Not everyone will like you- and that’s fine! I am sure you don’t like everyone you meet, either.

 

But when you are authentic, when you show your true self to the world, that is when you attract the people who love you for who you are, which creates much more meaningful relationships than those in which you have bent yourself out of shape to please the other person.

 

4. Learn to set and enforce boundaries.

 

Boundaries are something many survivors find difficult, and learning to set and enforce them is vital for healing and developing healthy relationships. When we set boundaries, we are telling ourselves and others that we matter and that we have a right to assert our needs and wants.

 

How do you fix a fawn trauma response? When we set boundaries and people violate them, it tells us that they do not respect our choices or individuality.

 

Fawn types tend towards having weak or no boundaries. They repeatedly allow others to cross boundaries they have set, reinforcing their low self-esteem and signalling to abusive people that they are an “easy target”.

 

When we learn to speak our boundaries and enforce them by calling out violations and cutting contact with repeat violators, our self-esteem grows. We begin to see ourselves as strong, worthy, and deserving of respect both from ourselves and the people in our lives.

 

Examples of healthy boundaries:

“I don’t feel like talking about that right now. I need some time to process first.”

“I need some alone time.”

“I feel frightened when you raise your voice like that.”

“I don’t like being tickled.”

“When you tease me about that, it upsets me.”

“Please don’t sneak up on me like that.”

“I can’t lend you any money.”

“I don’t feel comfortable right now. I’m going home.”

 

How do you fix a fawn trauma response? There are many different kinds of boundaries. You can use journaling to determine your values, which will help you to define your own. Boundaries are not completely rigid- they may vary from person to person and situation to situation, and they may change over time.

 

As a survivor, it will probably feel very strange at first, but as you practise with boundaries you will become more and more empowered and the process becomes easier.

 

Be kind to yourself.

Healing and growth require a lot of compassion, and fawn-types tend to have this in spades (when it comes to other people) – so always remember to extend this compassion to yourself.

 

You are stronger than you know, you have survived the worst. A beautiful future awaits!

What Are The 5 Trauma Responses?

What are the 5 trauma responses? All of us at some point in our lives will experience an event that to some degree leaves us shocked and traumatised. The spectrum in which the trauma is assessed and how we respond both on a psychological and physiological level depends largely on the experience and how our brains and bodies process information.

 

There are two types of trauma in my mind, event trauma and early attachment trauma. So today we are going to talk more about “Event Trauma” which is defined as being ‘’a deeply distressing or disturbing experience’’ and can be brought on by several life events. The way to determine whether a person is traumatised is if they feel any of the following:

 

Frightened

Trapped

Abandoned

Unsafe

Unheard or unsupported in any way

Unacknowledged or invalidated

Under threat

 

Often even with event trauma, the negative emotions associated with traumatic experiences can get ‘trapped’ in the body resulting in a person becoming ‘stuck’ in hyperarousal or what is commonly known as ‘fight’ and ‘flight’ mode.  Those that live with unprocessed trauma often feel like they are continuously waiting for the next attack or life-altering event to occur.

 

How the brain processes trauma

 

Trauma can be so severe that it can literally lead to a ‘rewiring’ of the brain, according to trauma experts. When the brain is under severe stress or becomes stuck there, it can result in physical changes and the dissemination of life-changing symptoms.

 

Primarily, the human brain is hardwired for survival which prevails over anything and everything. If we were to look at the way animals respond to danger, for example, they tend to ‘shake off’ the ‘freeze’ response caused by an external threat.

 

This ‘shaking’ allows the animal to release any pent-up energy brought on by danger. If for whatever reason, an animal is unable to release this energy, they are at risk of dying. In humans though, this can evolve into mental and physical illness.

 

Problems arise when the nervous system becomes unable to do its normal job by completing its natural, survival-based response, such as when a person is held against their will or is being physically immobilized in any way. In these situations, the negative experience can become stored in the body, resulting in several emotional and physiological problems.

 

On a physiological level, the human brain responds to danger in a variety of ways. If a traumatic event signifies a threat to one’s safety, for example, it creates a physical and emotional reaction within the individual which activates the Sympathetic Nervous System (also known as SNS) or a ‘fight’ and ‘flight’ response both of which are necessary for survival.

 

The Five F’s

 

What are the 5 trauma responses? Most of us are familiar with Victor Frankl’s quote: ‘’An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behaviour’’. And this is very true, especially when it comes to understanding trauma.

 

Traumatic experiences often trigger feelings of fear, hopelessness, and horror, and people who have been exposed to distressing events or obviously with attachment trauma too, often find themselves ‘reliving’ those bad memories long after the event has occurred.

 

What are the 5 trauma responses? How someone responds (or indeed processes trauma) is subjective to the individual and their history.  We also exhibit variations of ourselves, depending on which context we find ourselves in. The ‘Five F’s’ is our primary set of defensive fear responses which stands for:

 

• Friend
• Fight
• Flight
• Freeze
• Flop

 

What are the 5 trauma responses? The first three responses (highlighted in red) are known as ‘active’ defenses and the last two (highlighted in blue) are considered ‘passive’ defenses. Let’s look at each survival response in detail.

 

Friend

 

What are the 5 trauma responses? The primary human response to threat is known as ‘friend‘.  Sometimes we call this friend please, appease, and sometimes fawn or flock.  But if we were to look at how newborn babies interact with caregivers, it is usually by crying out for attention to get their immediate needs met.

 

However, as the baby develops (usually at about 4-6 weeks old) their attachment broadens and the baby increases its social engagement such as smiling at strangers and so on.

 

Through further development, the baby can form other attachments with people (and not just with its primary caregivers) and this is demonstrated through behaviours such as crying to be held or walking towards a ‘safe’ person (known as a ‘friend’). Essentially, the baby forms attachments towards others by eliciting a protective bond and thus making friends.

 

What are the 5 trauma responses? Adults behave similarly and tend to reach out for help in times of need or crisis. For example, if someone has lost their house keys, they might turn to a neighbour for help. This is often referred to as ‘social engagement’.

 

Unfortunately, when it comes to abuse survivors, their social engagement is (to some degree) impaired due to their primary needs not being met in childhood. Therefore, they rarely, if ever, ask for help and advice from others.

 

Because let’s face it, if your primary caregivers abused your trust why on earth would you naturally ever trust any other people either? Often, in recovery from trauma one of the main areas, we will try and work with is someone’s ability to learn to trust and ask for help from safe others.

 

Fight

 

This is often used as a ‘backup’ response if an individual finds the primary fear response (friend) is ineffective. Simply put, ‘fight’ is a survival strategy that can often result in a person demonstrating overt aggression or subtle aggression cues (such as the use of aggressive language).

 

Flight

 

The third response, ‘flight’ seeks to put distance between the threat and the person. This might involve fleeing the scene or hiding from the perceived threat. In this case, a variety of chemicals get released providing energy to the larger muscles in the body.

 

This might be why we tend to run a whole lot faster than normal when we’re being chased!   This adrenaline is produced in seconds and is mediated by the primary instinctive part of the brain.

 

Freeze

 

In the instance where the brain comes to realise that the first three responses: friend, fight and flight are not working, it automatically turns to ‘freeze.’ ‘Freeze’ is a prominent response almost always used by those who have been sexually abused.

 

When someone realises that befriending, fighting, or fleeing the abuser is not possible, the brain goes into a frozen state, leaving the victim paralysed in the mind and (sometimes) body.

 

This survival technique is also extremely useful in getting through horrific ordeals because numbing chemicals such as endogenous opioids are released into the body offering much-needed protection to the body and mind.

 

This allows the best chance of recovery and survival.  It is so very unfortunate and sad that many abusers interpret the ‘frozen’ state to equal consent, and many abuse survivors go on to experience shame and develop the belief that because they didn’t fight off their abuser, they are somehow to blame.

 

Of course, this is not true – as the survivor reacted in the best way they could with the (limited) information they had at the time. Essentially, what a person experiences in the ‘frozen’ state is an instinctual bodily response and is what almost every abuse/rape victim I’ve ever worked with has done.

 

Flop

 

What are the 5 trauma responses? Flop represents the last defence and comes into operation when ‘freeze’ is unsuccessful. Often seen in hostage situations, ‘flop’ is when the mind and body completely shut down and the person becomes totally compliant to an abuser’s demands and whims.

 

According to Rothschild (2000), the moment a threat is increased (and when Freeze is not able to put an end to a situation) the amygdala will go from sympathetic activation to parasympathetic activation (dorsal vagal).

 

It is at this point the body will shift from catatonic musculature tension to a ‘floppy’ state where any muscle tension is completely lost and both mind and body become completely malleable. (Rothschild 2000).

 

Rothschild adds that the point of the ‘floppy’ state is to ensure survival and that the situation will be deemed more bearable if the higher brain functions are ‘’offline’’. Crucially, in the ‘flop’ state a survivor will comply with an abuser to stay alive. (Rothschild 2000).

 

Which of the F’s is more helpful and why?

 

What are the 5 trauma responses? If we look at how each of our survival responses serves or protects an individual in danger, we will soon learn that each response has its own purpose (depending on the nature of the event).

 

For example, if one is being pursued by a lion, it’s probably not a great idea to flee, as this response might make things worse. However, it would make sense to use the ‘flight’ response upon hearing a smoke alarm.

 

Herman (2002) gives an insightful explanation regarding active and passive defenses. He says that: ‘’Those who are successful in the deployment of (friend, fight and flight) are less likely to be traumatised than those who use passive defenses.’’ (Herman 2002).

 

The bottom line is whatever ‘F’ a person engages at any given moment is to a large extent based on what is likely to promote survival.

 

The defense responses adopted by abuse survivors are often motivated by the primary defenses they have used in the past (namely freeze and flop). And since their primary needs have remained largely unmet throughout most of their lives, they turn to what they know and it is this response that can often lead to trauma in the long term.

 

Fortunately, with the help of a trauma therapist, it is possible to get ‘unstuck’ from past negative experiences which actively encourages the resolution of any existing trauma within.  Often in EMDR, the body will seek to release the adrenalin and cortisol that remain in the system on the memory if the victim was unable to fight or flee.

 

Often in allowing the body to complete this natural cycle and then the shame and blame of responsibility of any kind to be let go, the trauma can be transmuted and let go of.  The five F’s are most definitely our allies and to be listened to and embraced as part of our healing journey and balancing our nervous systems

What Are The 4 Types Of Trauma Responses?

What are the 4 types of trauma responses? The Four F’s of trauma response each describe a set of responses that someone may have when faced with threatening or abusive situations.

 

These various trauma responses may have been learned as a means of survival in childhood, abusive relationships, or severe trauma. The type of response then reoccurs later in life as a default every time the person faces anything they perceive as a threat.

 

What are the 4 types of trauma responses? The mental health community broadly recognizes four types of trauma responses:

 

Fight

Flight

Freeze

Fawn

 

What are the 4 types of trauma responses? These four types of trauma responses can manifest in different ways for different people. For example, a healthy fight response may look like having firm boundaries, while an unhealthy fight response may be explosive anger.

 

In an ideal situation, an individual should be able to access healthy parts of all four types of trauma responses.

 

Having an understanding of each of these types of trauma responses can help you understand your own behaviors. It’s necessary to have this understanding to take the first step toward changing your behavioural patterns and begin the healing process.

 

By taking this step you will be able to face a difficult situation and choose what kind of response works best at that moment, rather than defaulting to learned behaviors that may have been more negative in the past.

 

Understanding The Fight Trauma Response

 

What are the 4 types of trauma responses? The fight response is self-preservation and for people using it, it doesn’t matter who they hurt in the process. In some cases, the fight response is helpful and healthy.

 

For example, if a wild animal threatens you and you shoot or trap it, you have responded to a threat in an appropriate way. Similarly, if someone speaks to you in a condescending or abusive way, you might say, “I won’t let you speak to me that way,” which is a healthy fight response.

 

When used positively, the fight trauma response can help you:

 

Create boundaries

Be assertive

Find courage

Become a strong leader

Protect yourself (and loved ones) when necessary

 

However, when someone has been exposed to intense trauma over time, the fight response can become unhealthy. For some people, it may feel as though the threat of the tiger never went away. As a result, they find themselves always feeling as though they are on high alert, ready to fight.

 

An unhealthy fight trauma response can result in:

 

• Controlling behaviors
• Narcissistic tendencies
• Bullying
• Conduct disorder
• Demanding perfection from others
• Feelings of entitlement

Sometimes unhealthy fight responses turn inward. People can feel incredibly angry with themselves for seemingly no reason.

 

If you have had unhealthy fight responses in the past, take a moment to be compassionate with yourself. You may have learned these behaviours to survive and be safe. That’s okay. But it’s important to recognize that you don’t need to respond this way forever. Therapy is an excellent tool for changing our behavioral patterns, even the ones that are deeply ingrained.

 

Understanding The Flight Trauma Response

 

What are the 4 types of trauma responses? When the threat seems impossible to defeat in a fight, a person may default to leaving the situation entirely. That is the flight trauma response. Similarly to the fight response, the flight can be either healthy or unhealthy.

 

In healthy situations, a flight response to stress can help you:

 

Disengage from harmful conversations

Leave unhealthy relationships

Remove yourself from physically dangerous situations

Properly assess danger

The flight response is an important one to be able to access healthily. This is so that you will be able to sense real danger and leave it when possible. However, people with unresolved trauma may perceive everything as a danger, leading to unhealthy flight responses.

 

When trauma is involved, an unhealthy flight response may lead to:

 

Obsessive or compulsive tendencies

Needing to stay busy at all times

Panic and constant fear

Perfectionism

Workaholic tendencies

An inability to sit still

The majority of the responses listed above are attempts to outrun or outwork the perceived danger.

 

Understanding The Freeze Response

 

What are the 4 types of trauma responses? Though not as common as fight and flight, the freeze response is one with which many people are familiar. In nature, you might recognize it as “playing possum” – a term that is used to describe an animal playing dead or asleep when threatened. When applied to people, an individual will pause instead of trying to fight the danger or run away.

 

In a healthy freeze, the response can look like this:

 

Mindfulness

Awareness

Full presence at the moment

 

As with the other stress responses, the freeze response can become unhealthy when trauma is involved. For example, a child who has an abusive parent may be as still and quiet as possible to avoid the parent’s wrath. Or someone may become so overwhelmed by fear in a threatening situation that they cannot move.

 

When someone habitually reacts to stress with an unhealthy freeze response, it can cause:

 

Dissociation

Isolation

Frequent “zoning out”

Brain fog

Difficulty making decisions or taking actions

Perceived laziness

Fear of achieving or trying new things

 

Some people get stuck in this pattern of freezing because they fear the danger will still exist when they “thaw.” It’s important to learn healthy ways to deal with a real or perceived danger, rather than completely shutting down. A licensed therapist can help you learn to use the freeze response healthily.

 

Understanding The Fawn Trauma Response

 

What are the 4 types of trauma responses? Fawning is the least known trauma response, and it is primarily related to people pleasing. Individuals who spend a lot of time around toxic people sometimes learn to go above and beyond to make the toxic person happy, thus neutralizing the threat.

 

In some cases, fawning can be productive. For example, if you throw a piece of meat at a dog that is chasing you, you just might distract them long enough to use your flight response and escape the situation.

 

A healthy fawning response can facilitate:

 

Compassion for others

Compromise

Active listening

Fairness

Unfortunately, people who have been in toxic relationships often develop unhealthy fawning responses.

The fawn trauma response can cause:

Codependent relationships

Someone to stay in a violent relationship

Loss of self

People-pleasing to the point of destruction

Little or no boundaries

 

What are the 4 types of trauma responses? Do you think you have had experiences using any of the unhealthy trauma responses listed above? Whatever your past may be, therapy is a helpful tool to learn how to react and behave more constructively in different types of scenarios.

 

Many people could benefit from unlearning some of the behaviours they have learned to survive through challenging times. Therapy is a tool that can help you do this. Having the ability to respond to stress in a variety of healthy ways can help in many areas of life, including work, family, and relationships.

Fawn Trauma Response Conclusion

Fawn trauma response conclusion. The fight or flight or freeze or fawn response has been with us since the beginning of time and still plays a crucial role in coping with stress and threats in our environment.

 

By priming the body for action, one is more prepared to operate under pressure. In fact, the stress created by a circumstance can be important, making it more plausible that you will effectively deal with whatever is concerning you.

 

Fawn trauma response conclusion. These triggers can help you perform better at your job or school, in a situation where you can use pressure to do well, in cases where your life is in danger, and you need to escape or defend your life.

 

However, while the fight or flight or freeze or fawn response happens automatically, sometimes it is activated with no real reason or danger; therefore, it is not always accurate.

 

Starting therapy with a trauma-informed therapist can help you to identify the root cause of the behaviour and guide you toward new ways of acting and thinking that will help you find safety and healthy coping mechanisms that help you flourish.

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