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1.1 Steps For Finding The Right Couples therapist

1.2 Where To Find The Right Relationship Therapist For You

Find A Good Therapist

Find A Good Therapist. Relationship therapy also called couples therapy can be a powerful tool, whether you’re looking to increase intimacy, improve communication, build trust after a betrayal, or learn to navigate your differences as individuals.

Couples therapy has been around since the 1930s, but it didn’t gain popularity until the 1980s when different approaches described below came to life.

There are a wide variety of approaches to couples therapy, and experts say choosing the right one for you will ultimately depend on your goals for the relationship. Here are some common types of couples therapy and how to determine which is right for you.

The Gottman method

Gottman Method Couples Therapy, which was created by husband and wife psychologists John Gottman and Julie Gottman, was built based on the findings from 40 years of scientific research about patterns of behavior in successful and unsuccessful partnerships.

The Gottman method entails honing in on destructive behaviors such as “the four horsemen”:

Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
Areas of focus include:
Sharing relationship histories
Exploring areas of disagreement
Identifying various triggers
Discovering shared values
Gaining specific tools to help manage conflict

A 2018 study showed that couples scored significantly higher in regards to intimacy and overall relationship quality after receiving 10 sessions of Gottman’s couples therapy.

Cognitive-behavioural therapy

Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), which was originally designed for individual use to treat such issues as anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and eating disorders, centers around the notion that your thoughts influence your behaviours.

Research has shown that CBT is effective in treating communication difficulties as well as conflict resolution.

Emotion-focused therapy

Find A Good Therapist. Emotion-focused therapy, developed in the 1980s, is one of the most researched and tested types of couples therapy, according to Brown.

With this method, the therapist will typically have each partner share specific, problematic events in the relationship, and then work with them to identify, explore, and make sense of the underlying emotions that are contributing to those situations.

It can be difficult for people to address their more vulnerable emotions when they get stuck in anger, resentment, or apathy. It is when they can access deeper emotions such as sadness, hurt, or fear that they can then understand the unmet needs that these deeper emotions help to reveal.

Imago relationship therapy

The Imago method views a couple’s problems as a result of unmet childhood needs and unhealed wounds that later become sensitivities, conflicts, or pain points in adult relationships.

The premise of Imago therapy is that each partner experienced certain images in their childhood that formed their perspectives about what a relationship looks like.

The goal is to bring these images into consciousness so that you can identify negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to help you understand the childhood experiences that impact how you behave towards your partner.”

Narrative therapy

The philosophy behind Narrative therapy is that the stories you and your partner tell yourself shape your decisions and behavior toward each other. True to its name, this technique revolves around correcting self-defeating or otherwise negative narratives that may be sabotaging the relationship dynamic.

The therapist helps the couple see what erroneous beliefs and themes from their lives are contributing to the deterioration of their bond. The couple is guided to create a new and healthier narrative that honors and addresses the needs of each partner while fostering greater intimacy and connection in the process.

Solution-focused therapy

Find A Good Therapist. Solution-focused therapy is better suited to couples who are exclusively looking to resolve a specific problem, as opposed to those experiencing a wider range of conflicts.

Results from a small 2018 study revealed that brief solution-focused couple therapy can significantly reduce couple burnout — a physical, mental, and emotional condition that involves a lack of interest and attachment to one’s spouse.

A solution-focused style is to invite the couple to envision the positive changes they aspire for. From this imagined circumstance, the therapist and clients concretize and delineate actionable steps designed to achieve these goals together.”

Find A Good Therapist. Couples therapy is a great way to strengthen your bond with your partner. Having disagreements with your spouse is normal, and can even be healthy if you fight fairly. While you don’t have to be on the verge of breaking up to get the benefits of couples therapy, it can help if you’re having trouble in your relationship.

Signs Of When It Would Be Beneficial To Seek Couples therapy That Includes:

Increase in conflict and problematic communication patterns
Feeling emotionally shut down or lonely in the relationship
Trust issues and/or commitment issues
Parenting styles that clash and create conflict
Disagreement in managing finances
Being in a sexless marriage
Feeling unsupported and unable to confide in your spouse
Falling out of love

Steps For Finding The Right Couples therapist

A therapist isn’t a friend who listens to your woes and tries to give you advice. Instead, the right therapist will help you recognize and change things like negative thought patterns and/or problematic behaviours while simultaneously accepting you for who you are. A good therapist helps you improve without judging you for your struggles.

Being selective in your choice will help you get the most out of your time in therapy. It’s important to choose a therapist that possesses strong credentials and effective interpersonal skills that contribute to a feeling of trust and a sense of forwarding progress.

It can be tricky to know where to Find A Good Therapist, but there are several things to consider together as you begin the process of finding the right couple’s therapist. This is a big decision that you and your partner will make, so it is crucial to choose your marriage therapist carefully.

A few tips to begin your search include: searching reputable directories, vetting credentials, and asking for referrals.

Decide What You Want to Work on Together

Beginning couples therapy with a game plan will help you and your partner to be more engaged in the therapy process. This way, you can both get to the root of problematic issues in your relationship. One way of working as a team is to keep an open mind about the process and avoid the blame game.

This means agreeing to not get drawn into saying that they are the “problem,” but rather sharing the responsibility for how the relationship got to this point.

It is also important to agree to stick with the process of couples therapy no matter what happens and how difficult it may become. Couples who get the most out of therapy engage in the process ready to work as a team on their relationship issues.

Understand the Best Couples Therapy for You

Find A Good Therapist. There are many different approaches to couples therapy that can be especially helpful for certain issues. Make sure the type of therapist you see (psychologist, marriage and family therapist, social worker) is licensed in your state and has specific training in couples therapy.

Other more popular approaches to couples therapy include:

PACT Therapy: A type of couples therapy that quickly pinpoints what is causing the conflict and tension in your relationship. Sessions focus on moment-to-moment shifts in your face, body, and voice and ask you to pay attention to these as a couple. Your therapist will help you work through troubling issues in real-time during the session.

Sex therapy: Helps to solve sex problems that are negatively impacting the intimacy in a couple’s relationship. The goal is to help people move past physical and emotional challenges to have a satisfying relationship and sex life.

Be Aware of Important Credentials

There are so many types of therapists, and they all have different training and different backgrounds. When searching for a couples therapist, you should ask about specific training and experience the therapist has. Licensed family and marriage therapists (LMFT) are professionals who have been specifically trained to work with families and couples.

Find A Good Therapist. A crucial question to ask is about the type of marriage therapy the therapist uses. For example, the type of therapy that will work best for you depends upon your unique personality and any mental health issue you (or your partner) might have.

Make Sure You’re on the Same Page About Payment, Scheduling, etc.

The cost of relationship therapy can be expensive, so you and your partner must openly discuss the general budget, the timeline you’re both comfortable with, the goals of therapy, and the style of therapy.

The cost of couples therapy can vary depending on the type of therapist you see and where you live. Before scheduling a session, ask if your insurance will cover it. You might also want to ask for a list of mental health providers within your network.

If your insurance company does not cover marriage therapy, ask if the therapist is willing to offer you services on a sliding scale.

If you’re ready to work on your relationship, get the support and guidance of a couples therapist on Miss Date Doctor. Visit Miss Date Doctor

Where To Find The Right Relationship Therapist For You

Finding a couple of therapists can feel like a challenge initially, but if you and your partner are clear (from the get-go) about the type of therapist you want to see, their credentials and training, and the goals of therapy, it will make the process of finding a marriage therapist more streamlined. An online therapist directory is a great place to start looking.

What to Ask a Potential Couples Therapist

Find A Good Therapist. It’s important that you both feel comfortable with whomever you choose, so vetting a potential therapist on a phone consultation can be very helpful. Before starting relationship therapy, your mind might be racing with questions. Before hiring a therapist, you and your partner should put together a list of questions.

Here are some questions to ask a potential couples therapist:

What do you believe makes a relationship successful?
Have you worked with couples like us before?
Which type of therapy do you use?
What type of mental health professional are you?
What does working with you look like?
How much of your practice is devoted to marriage therapy?
How to Prepare for Your First Session

When preparing for couples therapy, it helps to have a specific outcome in mind. Be prepared to explore what is happening now and decide what goal(s) you want to set for the relationship you want to have once therapy is complete.

What to Consider After a Few Sessions

Find A Good Therapist. Having appropriate expectations from marriage therapy can help you get the most out of it. You will sense that your therapist is the right fit if you and your partner feel understood and you can be candid about what you find helpful (or not).

A good therapist will understand that what works for one couple may not work for another, and once you voice your concerns, they are willing to adjust how they work with you and the relationship. If you’re not clicking after a few sessions, the therapist might just be a bad fit and you should move on to another provider.

What If My Partner Won’t Go?

There are lots of reasons why someone might not want to go to marriage therapy, and to be a supportive partner, your first step is to listen to their concerns. Maybe you can try to persuade them to try a few sessions- with the agreement that they can end it at any time. Their unwillingness to go doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over.

If your partner is hesitant to try couples therapy, have a conversation about why, and you’ll be able to figure out how to move forward in a way that works for both of you. Also, individual therapy can be an important part of working out any relationship issues with an objective third party.

If Your Relationship Is On The Rocks, This Might Be Your Only Chance

Find A Good Therapist. I am not saying this to be scary or negative. I’m sharing this because I’ve seen what can happen, and I want to help you avoid a bad outcome.

Here’s the truth: While smart, successful couples are extremely proactive about getting help for their relationship sooner rather than later (which is WHY they are happy and successful) too many couples put off getting expert help for their relationship until things have been feeling hard between them for quite a while.

Marriage and family therapy researcher Dr. John Gottman has found that the most distressed couples wait for an average of six years before getting professional relationship help.

Too many couples erroneously believe that couples therapy is something people do when things are “really bad.” (This often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. The strongest couples have exactly the opposite belief, interestingly).

Sometimes people avoid getting help for too long because of the perception that marriage therapy is “too expensive.” (Marriage therapy is not expensive. Divorce is expensive.)

Some couples wait so long to get the help that by the time they finally do, it feels like a last resort. They are literally on the brink of divorce. (Finally) contacting a marriage therapist is their final attempt to resolve long-standing relationship problems before calling it quits in their relationship.

They may be Googling marriage therapists and divorce lawyers and setting up appointments with each, just to cover their bases. It’s bad.

So, in this kind of crisis, marriage therapy NEEDS to work. If it doesn’t, they’re done.

Sadly, when couples, especially couples who were kind of iffy anyway — have a sub-par experience with a marriage therapist they don’t always think, “Well that was just a bad marriage therapist.” No. They think, “We went to marriage therapy and it didn’t help, so this means our relationship is doomed.”

Furthermore, it’s hard to get a re-do. If you’ve had to beg and badger your partner to try couples therapy once, and it was a bad experience, it’s going to be a tough sell to get them into marriage therapy a second time.

So that is my friend / big sisterly advice for you about WHY you need to slow way down and get very serious about finding the right marriage therapist. Not just anyone will do. There’s too much on the line.