Growing Apart

Growing Apart. Growing apart in a marriage means that you both are drifting away from those vows that said, Till Death Do Us Part, moreover, you are drifting away from each other. Why do couples grow apart?

Experience changes people. If one partner is a hot shot corporate climber travelling the world and clinching deals and the other person is a homemaker looking after kids and walking with them in the park, then obviously they are experiencing life in different ways.

Not growing together, leads to growing apart. Sometimes in a marriage, two people don’t grow together. This leads to a lack of intellectual intimacy and that’s when your relationship stops growing.

You do not keep pace with each other when you are moving in one direction. While one person becomes more knowledgeable, mature and emotionally sound the other might not be growing as much.

The goals change. You could have started your life with the same couple of goals but as time went by the goals changed. Like a couple started Growing Apart in a marriage when a husband decided to become a homemaker and wanted the wife to become the breadwinner.

The wife had thought it was a temporary arrangement but when she realised he wanted to make it permanent they started growing apart in the marriage because their goals clashed.

You do things as individuals. When two partners begin to grow apart, at first their combined chores slowly start becoming their chores and before you know it, the spark is gone.

You both remain in denial that the marriage has come to a dead-end and keep dragging the marriage due to other factors such as parents, children, society, etc. to a point where none of you can drag the marriage any more and you call it off.

There is too much space in the relationship. Space is not an ominous sign in a relationship. It’s important to have space to thrive in a relationship. But when that space becomes more and more the trouble begins.

You start Growing Apart in a marriage when the space you enjoyed starts engulfing the relationship. You are happy in your own spaces and as soon you get together you feel you are in an unhappy marriage.

Warning Signs You Are Growing Apart In A Marriage. Growing apart in a marriage is not something that happens in an instant. Couples begin to move beyond the attraction and infatuation stages where love is, but not the priority. Responsibilities, career goals, personal ambitions, and a million other things make only love not enough to sustain a marriage.

Couples feel like their marriage is Growing Apart because they believe one of them is changing. However, there are some warning signs for you and your spouse in a marriage, and though they can vary for different couples, the essence largely remains the same. Has your husband checked out emotionally? Maybe you just did not notice.

You don’t do things together anymore. Married couples always have their thing. Whether it’s a Friday night or weekend binge-watching, you two always planned something to do together. You both would always sit down and decide together which restaurant to pick for date nights.

You both don’t talk about the future anymore. Marriages are all about long-term planning for the future. Both partners make short-term plans like going on vacations, having babies, etc. and long-term plans like investing together, and buying a car or house.

If you both don’t talk about the future anymore, it’s because the future doesn’t matter to you anymore. You both don’t care about having babies or going on vacations. Everything has become mundane.

You’re not having sex. Not having sex is an absolute sign you have grown apart in a marriage One of the major red flags of Growing Apart is that you both aren’t having sex anymore. The spark in your marriage has gone and you both behave like two strangers sharing the same bed.

Sex says a lot about intimacy in a relationship as sex isn’t just about the physical connection but the emotional connection that you both share. If you both don’t have those pillow talks anymore after sex then it seems that you both are losing interest in each other and growing apart.

You both have stopped talking to each other. You both don’t know how to talk to each other anymore. There’s always the regular small talk like What do you want for dinner? Or what time will you come home? But that’s not talking.

Two married couples talk about more intimate things and ask each other about their day or tease each other about various things. Did you just have a flashback about how you both used to be? If you both aren’t the same people anymore, there’s some thinking to do.

You both are Growing Apart growing apart emotionally. You both see each other as normal individuals. That emotional connection that you both had is fading away. One of you may have also begun to look for emotional satisfaction elsewhere.

You both don’t share intense things anymore. On the other hand, you both are starting to get irritated with each other’s presence. When married couples begin to see their partner as just another individual, it means that there are getting less emotionally involved with each other.

You don’t miss your partner. Remember those days of courtship when you both would look forward to meeting each other? You would miss your partner and keep checking your phone for his texts.

Share Your Concerns. The first step toward overcoming the growing distance between you and your partner is to talk about your concerns. However, it’s important to make sure this is a conversation and not a confrontation.

You might start the conversation by talking about what you are feeling. For example, you might say something like, “I feel like we aren’t as close as we used to be and I’d like to find ways to spend more time together.”

Don’t go into the conversation with comments like “You’re never around” or “You act like you don’t even care anymore.” While you might feel those things to be true, starting a blame game will only put the other person on the defensive and make them less likely to want to work together on rebuilding your intimacy and connection.

Growing Apart requires you to Spend Time Together. Research suggests that couples who spend more time together tend to experience greater happiness and less stress. Shared time together, however, isn’t always easy to come by.

Studies looking at the intersecting demands of work and family suggest that both are high-demand and time-intensive institutions that require a great deal of devotion. This requires individuals to make choices about where they spend their time, which sometimes leads to relationships getting short-changed to make time for kids and work.

Past research has suggested that marital well-being can have long-term effects on health, but one study found that simply spending time together can have several immediate benefits as well. The results of the study found that:

• People were almost twice as likely to report feeling happy when they were with their spouses than they were when they were apart.
• Individuals also reported finding activities done with their spouse more meaningful than those done alone.
• Simply having a spouse present also appears to decrease stress levels. Participants were 21% less likely to report stress during activities when their spouse was present.

Growing Apart requires you to support One Another Sometimes it’s easier to feel a connection to someone when you feel like they are in your corner. Look for ways that you can show care and support for one another.

“When we believe we’re supported, we feel better about ourselves and can cope better with stressful events and situations,” explained Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera, PhD, in their book “Making Marriage Work: Avoiding the Pitfalls and Achieving Success.”

Have Fun Together. Any relationship can start to feel less exciting over time as the realities of maintaining a lasting partnership and the grind of day-to-day life take precedence over keeping the passion alive.

“People stop engaging in the very activities that brought them together in the first place,” explain therapists Robert Schwarz and Elaine Braff, authors of “We’re No Fun Anymore: Helping Couples Cultivate Joyful Marriages Through the Power of Play.”

Schwarz and Braff suggest that even after your relationship settles into a pattern, it’s essential to maintain a sense of fun to have a successful and lasting relationship.

Get Professional Help. If the distance seems to be growing despite both of your efforts, consider talking to a mental health professional. Couples counselling can help identify underlying problems, help couples rebuild intimacy, and improve empathy and communication.

If you’ve ever been in a relationship, you will agree with me that it’s not always a stable experience. A relationship is a process filled with ups and downs… and downs and ups. But these ups and downs are natural. However, there are extremes to this, and today we’ll look at some of the warning signs you are Growing Apart in your relationship.

Every relationship starts pretty cool. There are lots of sparks and excitement. And this enthusiasm is fueled by the passion between the couple. It’s understandable because, at the initial stages, many things are YET to be discovered; the good, the bad, and the ugly.

When you eventually discover most aspects of the relationship, things might begin to get increasingly boring. That’s when you will notice that your partner snores a lot. Or that she nags, or that he talks too much.

Signs you are Growing Apart. Now, since you can’t possibly escape the thorny part of a relationship, and since the troubles (that can throw your relationship apart) will surely resurface at times, why not look for the signs and detect the danger earlier?

You Hardly Pay Attention. One way most couples display affection is by paying attention to each other. Attentiveness allows you to observe your partner and understand them better. An attentive partner knows when their better half is worried,’ when they’re happy or sad when they are tense or troubled, and even when they’re sick.

This is because such an attentive partner cares enough to show interest in what’s going on with their significant other. With proper attention, it could get to a point where your spouse wouldn’t have to say a word before you know exactly what they want at any given time.

You No Longer Do Favors. Another key sign you’re Growing Apart in your relationship is when you no longer go out of your way to do any favours for your partner, or vice versa. For instance, during the initial stages of the relationship, you can recall how you usually go out of your way to show some kindness to your partner.

No matter how busy you were, you created time for them, no matter how engaged you were at the office, you came back early to do the laundry. Remember, you used to buy your partner gifts – even when you didn’t have much.

You Always Disagree. This is another related cause for concern… when you are always on a different page with your partner!

Sure, it’s normal for couples to disagree at times. After all, they are two individuals with different backgrounds and experiences. So, opinions are bound to differ from time to time. But then, when you are ALWAYS in disagreement with your “boo”  even when it’s not necessary – then something is wrong.

You Prefer Spending Time Away From Them. If you’ve been in a relationship with your partner for quite a while, then you may be familiar with this feeling. At some point, it feels too boring to stay home with your spouse.  You just feel this urge to step out and have some fun with friends and family.

The Physical Intimacy Seems To Be Gone. This is often one of the earliest warning signs you are growing apart in your relationship. One of the reasons for any romantic relationship is to satisfy the need for physical intimacy. The level of physical intimacy between partners goes a long way to suggest if they are still close or if they are Growing Apart.

The Emotional Intimacy Is No Longer There. Apart from physical intimacy, another form of intimacy that is crucial between couples is that which is emotionally triggered. Husbands, wives, boyfriends, and girlfriends all need some sort of emotional support from their partners.

You’ve got to be there for your spouse when they’re emotionally down. That’s part of your responsibilities as their partner.

A sign you are Growing Apart is that you have Trust Issues. Quick question, does it make any sense to be in a relationship where there is no trust? The fact is, whether it’s a romantic relationship or a business relationship, as long as it has to do with the word relationship, then there must be trust. It’s as simple as that.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you and your partner couldn’t trust each other? How did it feelIt’s not a great feeling – it can leave you feeling like being alone in the middle of the wilderness.

The issue with a lack of trust is that you won’t ever be comfortable with your partner, and neither will your partner be comfortable around you. Both of you will easily clash and fight the synergy will easily be gone.

Distrust mainly manifests once you realise that you hardly believe whatever your partner says. You simply tag it as a lie.

Another evidence of mistrust is when you feel very disturbed to have your partner go on a trip alone. Or when you don’t feel okay with your partner hanging out with friends. Or even when you are not cool with your partner associating with the opposite sex!

A sign you are Growing Apart is that you No Longer Communicate. Another major sign you are is when there is little or no communication in the relationship. What’s the point of being in a relationship if the couple finds it hard to communicate frequently?

Simply put, where there is no communication, there is no relationship. The only way an issue (between partners) can be resolved is when they create time to talk. Without communication, mountains will always be made out of molehills.

A sign you are growing Apart is that you Have Other “Best Friends”. The BEST best friend you should have is your partner. The moment you start having another best friend who is above your partner, you’re already drifting apart.

It’s not entirely bad to have a best friend other than your partner, but think about it. You should be much closer to your lover than anybody else! This is the one person who should know everything about you, flaws and all.

Your partner should be your go-tell person. They should be your gossip mate. And you shouldn’t hide things from them, neither should they feel the need to hide things from you. If you are uncomfortable with opening up to your partner, especially when it involves secrets, it means you and your partner are not close. And it’s a bad sign that could mean that you are Growing Apart.

Recognising Signs Of Growing Apart In Relationships

Recognising signs of growing apart in relationships. They haven’t healed from a past/recent relationship. If you’re dating someone who recently got out of a relationship, notice if they have properly healed from it. This is especially important if sexual immorality was committed.

Having time in between relationships to heal is a good way of knowing whether they truly love you or if they are using you as they go through the stages of loneliness and withdrawal from the previous relationship.

Recognising signs of growing apart in relationships tends that  Emotional separation is hard after a breakup. The withdrawals come, and waves of loneliness hit. If you allow them to heal properly, it will provide insurance for your heart.

Body talk. You might be working hard to ignore the problem but your body won’t lie. It’s an annoying fact of being human that your body knows what’s going on often before the rest of you is ready to wise up.

Are you having more than your usual share of headaches, muscle aches, and backaches? Has your appetite changed? Is your sleep disturbed? They can all be signs that you’re off balance, and not just because of a dodgy pair of heels. What’s going on?

List it. You make two lists: ‘Reasons to Stay’ and ‘Reasons to Leave’. When the ‘Reasons to Stay’ list ends up longer you’re disappointed until you quickly decide that ‘our eyes aren’t the same colour’ is a completely legit reason to leave.

Recognising signs of growing apart in relationships tends that You Stop Having Sex. It’s not a good sign if you and your partner aren’t spending time together in the bedroom.

“Some couples find other forms of intimacy that can replace actual sex,” says psychoanalyst Dr Claudia Luiz over email. “But if there is no sex, no affection, no nurturing, and no intimacy, the relationship will not last.”

You Spend More Time Apart Than Together. It’s not a good sign if you and your partner aren’t spending time together in the bedroom. “Some couples find other forms of intimacy that can replace actual sex,” says psychoanalyst Dr Claudia Luiz over email. “But if there is no sex, no affection, no nurturing, and no intimacy, the relationship will not last.”

Recognising signs of growing apart in relationships tends that You Spend More Time Apart Than Together. “If you notice you’re spending more and more time in separate corners of the house rather than together, this can be a signal that you may be at an impasse with each other,” says relationship psychotherapist Dr Fran Walfish over email.

You Don’t Do Anything New. If you come home, watch TV, go to sleep, and repeat, you’re relationship might be stuck in a rut. No one’s saying you have to go out and be daredevils, but research shows that couples who try new things together are happier together, according to a study from Stony Brook University.

Recognising signs of growing apart in relationships tends You to Criticise Each Other A Lot. “One of the subtle signs of relationship distress is the presence of ongoing personal criticism,” Sheperis.

Reconnecting And Rediscovering Each Other

Reconnecting and rediscovering each other. When you have been together for a while, it’s easy to get “comfortable.” You each have your daily routines and interests. Of course, you both love each other.

Yet, that connection that you first had when you were dating has changed. The passion that you each felt has tempered a little over the years. Of course, that doesn’t mean you both don’t still love each other.

However, it might feel more difficult now to feel connected. If this is a problem for your relationship, there are ways to rediscover a meaningful connection with your partner. Here are some ideas to consider.

Reconnecting and rediscovering each other requires you to Spend Time Together Every Day Before you say, “I’m already booked every day!”, think about this for a moment. In order to have a meaningful connection, you have to spend time with each other. There’s no other way around it.

Why? Because time together means opportunities to share thoughts, ideas, laughs, and other things. Of course, that doesn’t mean you need to spend 6-8 hours with each other every day to make this happen.

Some ideas for spending time together are, for example: Dedicating 30 minutes or so at the start or end of each day to be together. Share coffee in the morning, or drink tea in the evening.

Reconnecting and rediscovering each other requires you to eat lunch together! Is it possible to arrange your schedules so that you can meet up for lunch during the day? That gives you an extra hour a week to connect. Maximising weekends by spending a longer stretch of time in each others’ company.

Having different lengths of together-time spread over the week will help to lay the groundwork for rediscovering a meaningful connection with one another.

Reconnecting and rediscovering each other requires you to become Experts at Resolving Conflicts. Every relationship has conflict. Yet, that doesn’t mean that conflict has to drive you both apart. Couples who are skilled at navigating and resolving conflict will be better able to stay connected.

Note that this is not a skill that occurs overnight. It takes time to master conflict management skills. And that process might involve a few bumps in the road for your relationship.

However, as both of you practice and refine those skills, conflicts don’t have as much of an impact anymore. If you quickly resolve relationship issues, then you can both put it behind you and move forward together.

Reconnecting and rediscovering each other requires you to Have Fun Together. When you have fun with anyone, you feel more relaxed and at ease. You have a common bond that is shared through something you do together. This applies to friendships, family, and your partner as well.

Nurturing Shared Interests And Activities

Nurturing shared interests and activities. Common interests usually refer to the interests in things, people, or activities that you have in common with your partner. It is assumed that partners who share common interests might get along better with each other as they can understand each other better.

Compatibility, on the other hand, refers to the dynamic that a couple shares. It can exist with or without the couple sharing common interests with each other.

Hobbies. When thinking about Nurturing shared interests and activities or common interests in a relationship, hobbies are the first thing that you can look at. Two people can bond over their specific interests in a particular activity or thing. For example, you and your partner can bond over art if you both are artistically inclined and pursue it to some degree.

Intellectual pursuits. The things that you are interested in intellectually can be a way for you to bond with your partner. Whether it is reading books, watching documentaries, or keeping up with the news, intellectually align a couple and give the couple something to discuss constantly.

Career pursuits. When thinking about Nurturing shared interests and activities or common interests in a relationship, A career and one’s goals in relation to that can bring two people together. You and your partner can work towards your career goals simultaneously and support each other in achieving these goals.

Furthermore, sometimes it is hard for couples with dissimilar career goals to understand each other. They may even get into conflicts because of it. But when the couple is aligned in relation to this, it can be gratifying and validating.

Travel. When thinking about Nurturing shared interests and activities or common interests in a relationship, Some people like to travel, while there are others prefer staying at home. When a couple has their love of travel in common, it can give them something to bond over and plan together.

If two people don’t agree on their travel preferences, it can become a cause for concern, as they may not understand each other’s natural inclinations.

Food and fitness. What are some common interests couples can share? When thinking about Nurturing shared interests and activities or common interests in a relationship, Food and fitness are a big part of one’s life. Whether you are someone who loves food or is a fitness freak, it is nice to have a partner who understands your desires in this department.

Maintaining Emotional Closeness Over Time

Maintaining emotional closeness over time. Openness. Emotionally intimate couples are open and vulnerable to each other. There are no barriers to forcing their partner to break through; they offer their heart and soul to each other without hesitation.  To create a vulnerable and open atmosphere in your relationship, you must lead by example.

It would be best if you offered a big piece of yours for your partner to open their heart to you. It will show them that you are willing to put yourself out there, even if it means getting hurt.

Without risking your heart and soul, you won’t experience the most profound connection. You may be protecting yourself by keeping your guard up, but you never really let your spouse or partner into your world.

Maintaining emotional closeness over time requires you to be Honesty and compassionate. Openness can only come through honesty within the relationship. The “it” couple you envisioned at the beginning of this article has learned that over time. When they speak to each other, they do so with a compassionate heart but an honest tongue.

There may be some harsh truths that need to be said, but they can be told in a way that doesn’t crush the other person. The only way to grow closer and truly foster emotional intimacy is by being truthful with one another.

It would help if you led from the front to create an honest and compassionate dialogue with your partner. Coming into the room with agitation and fury will never allow honesty to flourish. Come from a place of empathy and compassion and you will become closer with each conversation.

Maintaining emotional closeness over time requires you to practice Physical touch. Although the physical piece of a relationship is its own realm of intimacy, it’s important to highlight the magnitude of touch in transmitting an emotion. A simple touch can say a whole lot and communicate plenty of emotion.

Communication is not just something that passes through your lips; emotionally intimate couples use their bodies to let their partner know how they feel about them.

To bring a more intimate physical touch into your relationship, start being more intentional about how you use it within your relationship. Don’t think that your physical touch should only reside in the bedroom. Thinking about, “How to be more intimate with your partner?”

Maintaining emotional closeness over time requires you to Give more hugs, hold each other’s hand, or even tickle your spouse if the opportunity presents itself. There is plenty of emotion that can be packed into a meaningful touch. Don’t let that opportunity to get closer go to waste.

Forgiveness. The couples that make it the longest and love the deepest are those who can forgive and do so authentically. Being married to someone is a lifelong commitment and people are bound to make mistakes. As humans, we are imperfect. It just comes with the territory.

Maintaining emotional closeness over time requires you to Work on yourself first. How to repair emotional intimacy if you are ridden with a lack of self-assurance and don’t exude confidence? The bitter pill of truth is that you can’t enjoy emotional intimacy in marriage since a lack of self-esteem affects your relationship with your spouse.

Relationship Revitalisation Strategies

Relationship revitalisation strategies. Remember that no one is perfect. You must always remember that no one is perfect not even you. As long as you and your partner are trying and open to growth, there is still hope.

Remind yourself why you fell in love with them in the first place. We all have our own quirks and bad habits, and we expect our partners to love us despite all of that. Give them that same respect and understanding.

Relationship revitalisation strategies require you to Love yourself first. Loving yourself and working on yourself is the beginning of all change, whether the change is in you or in someone else. Simply put, you can’t change someone else, but you can encourage change in those around you through the love, positivity, radiance, and growth you reflect.

Spending your energy on pushing others to become what you want them to be will only detract from your own growth. Instead, focus on yourself and progress in your own way. Live as an example of what you want to see in those around you.

Relationship revitalisation strategies require you to Make decisions from the heart. Ask yourself what you’re really trying to achieve in your relationship; ask yourself why you are with this person.

If you really love your partner, is that reflected in how you act toward them, speak to them, or treat them? If someone were to see how you act in your relationship, would they be able to see a couple that really loves each other?

If not, it may be time to start making decisions and actions based on the love and respect you have for your partner. Just like in the previous tip, you can’t just think you want something; you have to have action and feeling behind it.

If you love your partner and really want to make it work, then take the necessary steps and commit. But know that both of you have to be on the same page. A relationship can’t be one-sided. If you do the best you can to make it work and it still doesn’t, at least you tried.

Relationship revitalisation strategies require you to Lead by example. Take responsibility for your wrongdoings in the relationship. We are all so quick to blame our partners for why things went wrong.

Look at yourself first. Take a day (or two) to observe your own behaviour. Be honest about whether you have a mean edge in your voice or a condescending tone when you talk to your partner.

Try to think before you speak to your partner, take a few deep breaths, and then say what you need to say coming from a place of love. Fully engage with your partner and really listen when he speaks. You really do get what you give.

Relationship revitalisation strategies require you to Go on an adventure. Take risks. Do something fun. Do something scary. Try something new together. Think outside the box and take the relationship to a whole new level.

Growing Apart Conclusion

Growing Apart Conclusion. Growing apart doesn’t mean that your relationship is over. There are couples that are going through rough patches, and there are those that are growing apart. Because some of the signs can be the same for both, you need to first make sure that you’re not going through a tough time.

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