How To Make Modern Long-Distance Relationships Work | M.D.D Dating Coach, Couples Therapy, Breakup Counselling, Personal development Consultancy

Table of Contents hide

1 Set out your expectations

2 Don’t over or under communicate

3 Make romantic gestures

4 Look at your long-distance relationship as a positive thing

5 Organise virtual date nights

6 Plan your visits

7 Further reading

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Thanks to the internet, social media, dating apps and video technology, long-distance relationships (LDRs) are more common than ever before. Plus, all of this technology makes it possible to have fulfilling relationships even from the other side of the world.

That being said, simply having the tools to communicate regularly doesn’t mean long-distance relationships are easy. They still require work and a certain amount of give and take.

If you’re in an LDR right now, or you plan to be in one in the near future, you might be worried about how you’re going to sustain this. Well, before you let your mind spiral into worry, we have some good news.

As with any relationship, if you put in the time, effort and dedication, you can make it work. And we’re here to show you how.

Set out your expectations

You and your partner need to be clear about what you want and expect from your long-distance relationship. Honest and open communication is going to be important for the future.

By setting out your expectations, you can avoid either of you being disappointed. Essentially, by bursting some bubbles early on, you’ll be better prepared to deal with the distance.

And this doesn’t mean either of you has to be left feeling upset. Instead, determining important aspects such as how often you intend to communicate and how frequently you will see each other can make you both feel better down the line.

Don’t over or under communicate

Hitting the communication sweet spot might take some time, but it can be the key to keeping your LDR strong. Really, communication is about quality and not quantity, so you don’t want to over-communicate with each other and expect one another to be texting or calling multiple times a day.

Similarly, going days without talking at all could damage your bond and leave one or both of you feeling even more distant.

A healthy long-distance relationship, well healthy relationships in general, require interactions that encourage a deeper connection. This can be achieved from a distance, either through phone calls, video calls or texting each other during the day.

Just be sure to set out terms that you both agree with so you don’t end up feeling pressured to talk when you’re busy or end up feeling disappointed if your partner isn’t replying or returning calls.

Make romantic gestures

Nothing is more romantic than a small gesture that lets you know your partner is thinking about you. This is especially true when you haven’t seen each other in a while! Some spontaneous ways you can show your partner you care might be:

A text on your lunch break to let them know you’re thinking of them
Shipping a gift in the post; something personal you know they will love (this doesn’t have to be big or expensive)
Ordering them a surprise meal from their favourite restaurant or takeaway using platforms like Uber Eats or Deliveroo
Writing them a letter; handwritten letters are a lost art, but who doesn’t love getting a letter in the post? It’s something you can keep for years to come

Just to reiterate, these gestures don’t have to be big, fancy or pricey. Even the smallest gesture can brighten your partner’s day and strengthen your relationship from a distance.

Look at your long-distance relationship as a positive thing

The worst thing you can do is look at your LDR as a negative thing. In doing so, you can impact your own mental health and wellbeing and find the distance even tougher.

Whereas, if you look at the distance as something positive, you will find it much easier, and your relationship will actually be stronger as a result.

So think about the distance as a way to work on yourself and spend some time rediscovering who you are outside of a couple. It is also an exciting opportunity to think of fun new ways you can get to know one another and create a different, possibly even closer connection from afar.

Organise virtual date nights

It is often the evenings and weekends that will be the hardest to be apart, so scheduling fun virtual dates can make these times a little easier. Video calls will always be a winner as you can see each other in person, but you can also do some other fun activities, such as:

Having a movie night – New features on streaming sites like Netflix have made it possible to watch a movie at the same time. So get cosy, get your favourite drinks and snacks and message one another as you enjoy the film together
Cook together – Set up your phone or laptop with a platform like Skype or Zoom, and cook dinner together. Then you can sit and eat with one another and even have a few drinks afterwards if you want to
Play games – If there is a particular game you love to play online, why not do this together? Even better if you can use headphones to speak with one another as you play
Do a virtual quiz – If you used to love a pub quiz, you can still enjoy these together online. There are plenty of platforms online that make this possible
Have some romantic drinks – You might not be together in person, but you can still set up your camera, light some candles and sip away on your favourite drink as you talk about your day and have a romantic evening

There are also lots of other virtual activities you can do together, depending on what you both enjoy doing in your free time. So get creative and do a little research; soon, your virtual date nights will be the highlight of your week.

Plan your visits

Last but not least, planning the times when you can see each other in person will give you something to look forward to.

How often you meet will depend on distance and money; for example, if you’re on the other side of the world, you may only be able to see each other a couple of times a year. However, if you’re in the same country, you might see each other once a month.

No matter what the case, getting a set date in your diary will give you something to look forward to and can make the distance feel a little less hard.