Answer Summary

Sexless relationships are relationships where partners have little or no sexual intimacy for a period of time, particularly when the change is unwanted or creates distress. There is no universal definition based on a specific number of sexual encounters. What matters is whether the level of intimacy works for both partners and whether differences in desire, communication, health, emotions or relationship dynamics are causing difficulty.

A relationship can be loving and committed while sexual intimacy changes. Equally, a prolonged lack of sex can sometimes create loneliness, rejection, resentment or emotional distance. The important question is not simply “How often should couples have sex?” but “How do both partners feel about their current level of intimacy?”

At Miss Date Doctor (M.D.D), relationship coaching and couples counselling can help partners explore the emotional, relational and behavioural factors behind reduced intimacy and develop healthier ways to communicate about sex, affection, expectations and connection.

Important: A sexless relationship is not automatically an unhealthy relationship. Couples have different needs, preferences and circumstances. The focus should be mutual consent, wellbeing, communication and satisfaction rather than meeting an arbitrary sexual frequency.

What Are Sexless Relationships?

Sexless relationships are commonly understood as romantic or marital relationships in which sexual activity has become very infrequent or stopped altogether.

There is no universally accepted medical threshold that determines when a relationship becomes “sexless”. Some couples may have little sexual activity and feel completely satisfied, while another couple may experience significant distress after a relatively short period without sex.

The difference is often the gap between what one or both partners want and what is actually happening.

Research supports the importance of this distinction. A 2025 study of 2,101 male-female couples found different combinations of sexual frequency and relationship satisfaction, including couples who were highly satisfied despite different levels of sexual activity. (PubMed)

Is a Sexless Relationship Always a Problem?

No.

A couple may mutually decide that sex is not a major part of their relationship. They may still have affection, companionship, emotional intimacy and a strong sense of partnership.

A problem is more likely to arise when:

• One partner wants sexual intimacy and the other does not.
• Neither partner understands why intimacy has changed.
• Sex has become a source of arguments.
• One partner feels rejected or unwanted.
• There is resentment or emotional withdrawal.
• Physical affection has disappeared altogether.
• Infidelity has occurred or is being considered.
• One or both partners feel lonely within the relationship.

The goal of relationship support is therefore not necessarily to “make a couple have more sex”. It is to understand what each person needs and whether the couple can create a mutually acceptable and consensual way forward.

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What Causes Sexless Relationships?

There is rarely one universal explanation.

A reduction in sexual intimacy can develop gradually or happen suddenly. Sometimes the cause is primarily relational; in other situations, physical health, medication, hormones, mental health, stress or sexual difficulties may be relevant.

Common causes include:

• Stress and exhaustion
• Work pressure
• Parenting and childcare
• Relationship conflict
• Resentment
• Poor communication
• Emotional disconnection
• Infidelity
• Loss of trust
• Anxiety or depression
• Low self-esteem
• Body-image concerns
• Menopause or hormonal changes
• Pregnancy or the postnatal period
• Pain during sex
• Erectile difficulties
• Vaginal dryness
• Medication side effects
• Different levels of sexual desire
• Trauma or difficult previous experiences
• Boredom or loss of novelty
• Major life changes
• Grief or bereavement
• Chronic health conditions

The NHS notes that low libido can have relationship, mental-health, medication, hormonal and physical causes, and that treatment depends on the underlying cause. (nhs.uk)

This is why it can be counterproductive to assume that the partner with lower desire is simply “not attracted” to the other person.

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Why Do Couples Stop Having Sex?

Sometimes couples stop having sex because the relationship has become emotionally disconnected.

For example, unresolved arguments can make physical intimacy feel difficult. One partner may feel criticised, while the other feels ignored. Over time, the couple may continue functioning as a household or parenting team while becoming less connected romantically.

Other couples experience the opposite situation: the relationship remains affectionate, but sexual desire changes because of stress, ageing, hormones, medication or physical difficulties.

The desire discrepancy

A particularly common issue is sexual desire discrepancy.

This happens when partners have different levels of interest in sexual intimacy.

For example:

“I want sex because I miss feeling close to you.”

versus:

“I don’t want sex because I feel pressured and emotionally overwhelmed.”

Both experiences can be genuine.

Trying to resolve the problem through blame can increase distance. Exploring the meaning behind each person’s experience can create a more productive conversation.

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Sexless Relationships and Emotional Intimacy

Sexual intimacy is only one form of intimacy.

A couple may also experience:

• Emotional intimacy
• Physical affection
• Intellectual intimacy
• Recreational intimacy
• Spiritual intimacy
• Communication intimacy
• Companionship
• Trust and vulnerability

Research has found that sexual communication can be particularly relevant to sexual and relationship satisfaction. In one study of young heterosexual couples, sexual communication predicted relationship satisfaction more strongly than sexual frequency itself. (PubMed)

This is an important distinction.

More sex does not automatically equal a better relationship.

A couple may have frequent sex while experiencing significant emotional problems. Conversely, a couple may have limited sexual activity while maintaining strong affection, communication and commitment.

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Can a Sexless Relationship Survive?

Yes, but the answer depends on the people involved.

A sexless relationship can continue when both partners genuinely accept the situation and maintain other forms of intimacy and connection.

It can become much more difficult when one partner is unhappy and the issue remains unresolved.

Ask yourself:

• Am I genuinely comfortable with our current level of intimacy?
• Is my partner comfortable?
• Have we actually discussed it?
• Do I feel rejected?
• Does my partner feel pressured?
• Have we stopped showing affection altogether?
• Is there unresolved resentment?
• Are there health or emotional issues affecting intimacy?
• Are we avoiding difficult conversations?

These questions can help distinguish between a relationship with naturally low sexual frequency and a relationship experiencing an unresolved intimacy problem.

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How Does Relationship Counselling for Sexless Relationships Work?

Relationship counselling provides a structured environment in which partners can discuss sensitive issues without relying on blame or repeated arguments.

A session may explore:

1. What changed?

The therapist or relationship professional may explore when intimacy changed and what was happening in the relationship around that time.

2. What does intimacy mean to each person?

One person may associate sex with love and reassurance. Another may need emotional safety before sexual desire develops.

3. Are there communication problems?

Couples sometimes argue about sex without discussing the underlying feelings.

4. Are there unresolved relationship issues?

Infidelity, criticism, resentment, trust issues or repeated conflict can affect intimacy.

For couples affected by infidelity, M.D.D also provides resources on cheating counselling and rebuilding relationships after infidelity.

5. Are physical or psychological factors involved?

Where appropriate, couples may be encouraged to speak with a GP or another qualified healthcare professional about symptoms, medication, hormonal changes or sexual difficulties.

The NHS also explains that sex therapy can involve counselling alongside structured changes relating to sexual difficulties and that emotional and psychological issues can be discussed in a non-judgemental environment. (nhs.uk)

You can also learn more about the general concept of therapy and therapeutic support.

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What Happens in a Sexless Relationship Coaching Session?

At M.D.D, conversations can focus on the wider relationship rather than treating sex as an isolated problem.

Depending on the circumstances, topics may include:

• Communication
• Emotional connection
• Attachment patterns
• Sexual expectations
• Rejection and reassurance
• Self-esteem
• Relationship conflict
• Trust
• Infidelity
• Boundaries
• Affection
• Resentment
• Desire differences
• Dating and attraction
• Long-term relationship dynamics
• Personal development

The purpose is not to pressure either partner into sexual activity.

Instead, the aim is to help individuals understand what is happening and communicate about it more constructively.

You can learn more about M.D.D through the Miss Date Doctor About Us page.

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Types of Sexless Relationships

Every relationship is different, but several patterns commonly appear.

1. The emotionally connected couple

The couple has little or no sex but remains affectionate, communicative and mutually comfortable.

There may be no major relationship problem.

2. The desire-discrepancy relationship

One partner wants considerably more sexual intimacy than the other.

This can create feelings of rejection, guilt, pressure or frustration if it is not handled carefully.

3. The emotionally disconnected relationship

Sex has stopped alongside affection, communication and emotional closeness.

The sexual issue may be a symptom of a wider relationship problem.

4. The health-related intimacy change

Physical health, medication, hormonal changes, pain or sexual dysfunction may contribute to reduced intimacy.

In these circumstances, professional medical advice may be appropriate alongside relationship support.

5. The post-infidelity relationship

Sexual intimacy may stop after an affair because trust and emotional safety have been damaged.

Rebuilding trust may need to happen before physical intimacy feels comfortable again.

6. The high-conflict relationship

Frequent arguments, criticism or unresolved resentment can make closeness increasingly difficult.

7. The transitional relationship

Pregnancy, new parenthood, bereavement, career changes, relocation or other major life events can temporarily alter intimacy.

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Is a Sexless Relationship Worth Saving?

This question cannot be answered by sexual frequency alone.

A more useful question is:

Is there enough mutual willingness, respect, affection and commitment to work on the relationship?

Some couples discover that improving communication changes their relationship considerably. Others discover that they have fundamentally different needs and must have an honest conversation about what that means for their future.

Relationship support can help couples explore these questions without immediately assuming that separation or staying together is the only answer.

For structured support, explore M.D.D’s couples therapy packages or marriage relationship counselling service.

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How Can Relationship Coaching Help Me?

Relationship coaching can provide a practical framework for understanding patterns that are difficult to change alone.

It may help you:

• Identify recurring communication patterns.
• Understand your emotional needs.
• Express concerns without escalating conflict.
• Understand your partner’s perspective.
• Recognise unhealthy assumptions.
• Rebuild emotional connection.
• Develop healthier boundaries.
• Work on self-confidence.
• Explore relationship expectations.
• Decide what you want from the relationship.

M.D.D also provides a Relationship Coach London Package for people looking for more structured relationship support.

If your concerns are more individual than couple-focused, M.D.D also offers relationship advice for men and relationship advice for singles.

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Signs You Might Need Support for a Sexless Relationship

You may want professional support if:

• You constantly argue about sex.
• You avoid talking about intimacy.
• You feel rejected or unwanted.
• Your partner feels pressured.
• Affection has disappeared.
• You suspect resentment is affecting intimacy.
• You have experienced infidelity.
• You are struggling with trust.
• You feel lonely despite being in a relationship.
• You have considered cheating because of unmet needs.
• You no longer know how to reconnect.
• You have repeatedly discussed the problem without making progress.
• You are unsure whether you want to stay in the relationship.

You do not need to wait until your relationship reaches crisis point.

Sometimes couples seek support simply because they want to understand each other better.

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Sexless Relationships and Self-Esteem

A prolonged lack of sexual intimacy can sometimes affect how a person sees themselves.

Someone might begin thinking:

“My partner doesn’t want me.”

“Am I unattractive?”

“Is something wrong with me?”

“Are they attracted to somebody else?”

These thoughts may be understandable, but they are not necessarily factual.

Sexual desire can change for many reasons unrelated to a person’s attractiveness or value.

If relationship difficulties have affected your confidence, M.D.D’s Practice Self Love Package can be explored alongside relationship-focused support.

You can also use M.D.D’s self-improvement quizzes and tools to reflect on patterns relating to confidence, relationships and personal development.

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Can Attachment Style Affect Sexual Intimacy?

Attachment patterns can influence how people respond to closeness, rejection, conflict and emotional vulnerability.

For example, someone who becomes anxious when they feel rejected may seek reassurance through increased closeness. Someone who feels overwhelmed by emotional demands may withdraw.

This can create a cycle:

One partner pursues → the other withdraws → the first partner becomes more anxious → the second partner withdraws further.

The resulting emotional distance can eventually affect physical intimacy.

Understanding the pattern can be more useful than blaming either person.

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Sexless Relationships After Infidelity

Infidelity can fundamentally change how sexual intimacy feels within a relationship.

The betrayed partner may experience:

• Anger
• Shock
• Anxiety
• Loss of trust
• Fear of comparison
• Loss of self-esteem
• Sexual insecurity
• Emotional withdrawal

The partner who was unfaithful may experience guilt, shame, defensiveness or confusion.

There is no single timeline for rebuilding trust.

For couples dealing specifically with this situation, M.D.D’s complete guide to cheating counselling provides additional information.

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What If You Cannot Get Over a Previous Relationship?

Past relationships can also affect intimacy in a current relationship.

Someone may compare their current partner with an ex, remain emotionally attached to a previous relationship or struggle with unresolved grief.

M.D.D’s Why Can’t I Get Over My Ex? quiz can provide a starting point for personal reflection.

If the issue is connected to recurring emotional patterns, you may also wish to explore why you always self-sabotage yourself.

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Can Sexless Relationships Be Improved Without Having More Sex?

Sometimes.

Improving intimacy does not necessarily begin with intercourse.

Couples can work on:

• Holding hands
• Cuddling
• Kissing
• Spending uninterrupted time together
• Talking without phones
• Going on dates
• Showing appreciation
• Giving affection without expecting sex
• Discussing fantasies and boundaries
• Addressing resentment
• Rebuilding emotional safety

Research has found that affectionate communication may help reduce the negative association between infrequent sexual activity and relationship satisfaction, although the evidence should not be interpreted as proving that affection alone solves every couple’s difficulties. (PubMed)

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How to Talk to Your Partner About a Sexless Relationship

Choose a calm moment rather than beginning the conversation immediately after rejection or during an argument.

Try statements such as:

“I miss feeling close to you and would like us to talk about what has changed.”

rather than:

“You never want sex anymore.”

Focus on your experience rather than assigning blame.

Ask open questions:

• “How are you feeling about our intimacy?”
• “Has anything changed for you?”
• “Do you feel emotionally connected to me?”
• “Is there anything making intimacy difficult?”
• “What would make you feel safer or more comfortable?”
• “What kind of affection would feel good to you?”

The objective is a conversation, not a negotiation for sex.

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Sexless Relationships in Later Life

Sexual intimacy does not have an age limit.

Desire and sexual functioning can change throughout adulthood because of physical health, hormones, medication, stress, relationship circumstances and other factors.

People over 50 may therefore experience changes in intimacy without those changes automatically meaning that the relationship is failing.

M.D.D provides specialist relationship support for people exploring relationships later in life, including dating over 50.

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When Medical Advice May Be Appropriate

Relationship counselling should not replace medical assessment where physical symptoms may be involved.

Speak to a GP or appropriate healthcare professional if you are concerned about:

• Persistent low libido
• Pain during sex
• Erectile difficulties
• Vaginal dryness
• Sudden changes in sexual functioning
• Medication side effects
• Hormonal changes
• Symptoms associated with menopause
• Depression or significant anxiety

The NHS states that low sex drive can have several possible causes and recommends discussing concerns with a GP where appropriate. (nhs.uk)

For people experiencing anxiety or depression, the NHS also provides information about NHS Talking Therapies.

Mental-health information and support can also be found through Mind.

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How to Choose the Right Relationship Support

When choosing a professional, consider:

Qualifications and experience

Look for relevant training and experience in relationships, couples work, counselling or coaching.

Approach

Ask whether the provider takes a non-judgemental and collaborative approach.

Privacy

Sexual and relationship issues can be extremely personal. Consider how confidentiality is handled.

Individual or couples support

Some people benefit from individual sessions first. Others prefer to work together as a couple.

Practical accessibility

Consider whether sessions are available in person, by telephone or by video.

Clear pricing

Understand session duration, fees and cancellation policies before beginning.

No pressure

A reputable professional should not pressure you or your partner into sexual activity, reconciliation or separation.

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How Much Does Relationship Support Cost in the UK?

Private relationship counselling and coaching prices vary significantly depending on the provider, location, qualifications, session length and level of specialist support.

At M.D.D, relationship coaching and counselling services generally fall within a £75–£300 per hour range, depending on the service and practitioner.

You can explore the available couples therapy packages to understand the options available.

For clients who prefer a structured approach, M.D.D also offers specialist relationship coaching packages.

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How to Get Help for a Sexless Relationship

You do not have to know exactly what is wrong before seeking support.

A first session can help you identify whether the main issue involves:

• Communication
• Emotional intimacy
• Desire discrepancy
• Relationship conflict
• Trust
• Self-esteem
• Infidelity
• Sexual difficulties
• Life changes
• Personal wellbeing

M.D.D offers relationship support through a wider team of qualified coaches, qualified therapists and certified consultants.

Sessions may be available through different formats, including in-person, telephone and video support, depending on the practitioner and service.

To discuss your circumstances, you can book an M.D.D appointment.

You can also explore marital counselling near you with M.D.D.

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Sexless Relationships: Questions to Ask Yourself

Before your next conversation with your partner, consider:

1. When did our sexual relationship begin to change?
2. Was there a specific event that affected intimacy?
3. Do we still show physical affection?
4. Do I feel emotionally safe with my partner?
5. Does my partner feel emotionally safe with me?
6. Are we carrying unresolved resentment?
7. Have we discussed our different expectations?
8. Could stress or exhaustion be affecting us?
9. Could medication or health issues be relevant?
10. Are we avoiding an uncomfortable conversation?
11. Do I want more sex, more affection, or more emotional connection?
12. What does intimacy actually mean to me?

These questions can help you move from “We don’t have sex” towards the more useful question of “What is happening between us?”

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Frequently Asked Questions About Sexless Relationships

What is considered a sexless relationship?

There is no single universally accepted number of sexual encounters that defines a sexless relationship. The term generally describes a relationship in which sexual activity is very infrequent or absent, particularly when this causes distress or represents a significant change for the couple.

Can a sexless relationship be happy?

Yes. Some couples have little or no sex and are mutually satisfied with their relationship. A sexless relationship becomes more concerning when the lack of intimacy is unwanted, creates distress or reflects wider emotional and relationship difficulties.

Can a sexless relationship cause infidelity?

A lack of sexual intimacy may contribute to dissatisfaction for some people, but it does not cause or justify infidelity. Infidelity involves a choice, and couples experiencing intimacy problems may benefit from addressing the underlying issues openly.

Can couples therapy help a sexless relationship?

It can help couples explore communication problems, emotional distance, resentment, desire differences and other relationship factors that may be affecting intimacy. Where physical or medical issues are involved, healthcare support may also be appropriate.

Should couples have sex a certain number of times per week?

There is no universal number that applies to every couple. Research indicates that relationship satisfaction involves factors beyond frequency, including sexual communication and the quality of the relationship. (PubMed)

Can low libido be caused by stress?

Yes. Stress, mental-health difficulties, medication, hormonal changes, relationship problems and physical health conditions can all be associated with changes in sexual desire. The NHS recommends speaking with a GP if you are concerned about low libido. (nhs.uk)

Can a relationship recover after years without sex?

It can be possible for couples to rebuild intimacy, but there is no guaranteed timeframe or outcome. Progress depends on the reasons intimacy changed, both partners’ willingness to communicate, and whether underlying relationship, emotional or physical issues can be addressed.

Is relationship coaching worth it for a sexless relationship?

It may be useful when you feel stuck, repeatedly have the same conversations or cannot identify what is causing the emotional distance. The value comes from having structured support to understand the relationship and decide on practical next steps rather than simply trying to increase sexual frequency.

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M.D.D Support for Sexless Relationships

At Miss Date Doctor, the focus is on understanding the person and the relationship rather than reducing a complex issue to a single symptom.

A sexless relationship can involve intimacy, communication, attachment, self-esteem, trust, emotional safety, life circumstances and physical wellbeing.

Whether you are trying to reconnect with your partner, understand why intimacy has changed, recover after infidelity or simply make sense of what is happening, professional relationship support can give you a confidential space to explore the situation.

If you are ready to take the next step, book a relationship counselling or coaching appointment with M.D.D.

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About the Miss Date Doctor Team

Miss Date Doctor (M.D.D) is a relationship coaching, counselling and personal development service supporting individuals and couples with relationship, dating and personal-development concerns.

M.D.D was founded by Nia Williams, Registered Relationship Therapist and Certified Life Coach, and operates with a wider team of qualified coaches, qualified therapists and certified consultants.

The service is designed around personalised, empathetic and practical support rather than a one-size-fits-all approach.

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Author Bio

Nia Williams — Founder of Miss Date Doctor, Registered Relationship Therapist and Certified Life Coach

Nia Williams is the founder of Miss Date Doctor (M.D.D), a relationship coaching and counselling platform supporting individuals and couples with relationship challenges, dating concerns, emotional wellbeing and personal development. Her work combines relationship-focused guidance, coaching and psychologically informed approaches to help clients understand patterns, improve communication and make more informed decisions about their relationships.

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Medically Reviewed By

Medically Reviewed By: Qualified Therapist — M.D.D Clinical Review Team

This article should be medically reviewed by an appropriately qualified therapist or healthcare professional before publication where claims relating to sexual health, mental health, medication, medical conditions or clinical treatment are included.

Medical review should confirm that health-related information is accurate, appropriately qualified and does not present relationship coaching as a substitute for medical diagnosis or treatment.

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Miss Date Doctor Editorial Policy

M.D.D aims to publish relationship information that is accurate, responsible, useful and grounded in credible evidence.

Our editorial approach prioritises:

• Evidence-based information where research is available.
• Clear distinction between professional guidance, research findings and personal opinion.
• Ethical and non-judgemental relationship advice.
• Respect for individual circumstances, boundaries and consent.
• Appropriate signposting to healthcare professionals when medical support may be required.
• Regular review and updating of information.
• Helpful, user-first content rather than content created solely for search engines.

Relationship and sexual wellbeing research continues to develop, so individual studies should be interpreted within their population, methodology and limitations.

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