BOOK COUPLES THERAPY

Table of Contents hide

1.2 Couples Counselling Techniques

1.3 Couples Therapy Exercises

1.4 Effective Couples Therapy

1.5 Couples Therapy Goals

1.6 Couples Therapy Conclusion

1.7 FURTHER READING

Couples Therapy

Couples therapy. Couples therapy is a form of psychotherapy that can help you and your partner improve your relationship. If you are having relationship difficulties, you can seek couples therapy to help rebuild your relationship.

According to Mueller, there are numerous approaches to couples therapy, which can include:

Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): EFT focuses on improving the attachment and bonding between you and your partner. The therapist helps you understand and change patterns that lead to feelings of disconnection.
Gottman method: This method involves addressing areas of conflict and equipping you and your partner with problem-solving skills. It aims to improve the quality of friendship and the level of intimacy between you and your partner.
Ellen Wachtel’s approach: This is a strength-based approach that involves focusing on the positive aspects of the relationship. It focuses on self-reflection rather than blame.
Psychodynamic couples therapy: Psychodynamic therapy explores the underlying hopes and fears that motivate you and your partner, to help you understand each other better.
Behavioural therapy: Also known as behavioural couples therapy (BCT), this form of therapy involves shaping behaviour by reinforcing positive behaviours that promote stability and satisfaction while discouraging behaviours that foster negativity.
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT): Also referred to as cognitive behavioural couples therapy (CBCT), this form of therapy involves identifying and changing thought patterns that negatively influence behaviour.

If you’re concerned because you and your partner have been arguing and feel like you need support, marital counselling can help. You’re not alone. Couples therapy exercises with a trained therapist may help you both learn effective communication methods to enhance your relationship.

Many couples argue. According to marriage and family counsellors, it can happen monthly or even weekly. However, if your arguments end with fights, resentment, or unhealthy coping mechanisms, it may be beneficial to seek out support.

Couples’ arguments may involve a variety of concerns, including:

Money
Fair distribution of housework or other chores
Physical intimacy
Extended family obligations and issues
Children or parenting
Careers
Sleeping habits, such as snoring or staying awake late at night
Past relationships
Substance use
Unhealthy behavioural patterns

Instead of focusing on fighting less, couples in therapy might focus on better communication when disagreements arise. In couples therapy, you may learn to actively listen by hearing what your partner has to say and giving them space to speak their mind.

While in the heat of the moment, it can feel challenging to act objectively. However, learning to discuss thoughts and feelings healthily may be an invaluable foundation for a healthier relationship. In couples or relationship counselling, it can help to have the following points in mind.

If you’ve been together long enough, sooner or later you’re going to hit some bumps in the relationship road. Even new partners could potentially benefit from couples therapy interventions designed to ensure relationships stay on the right path.

Learning to communicate better, trust more, let go of resentments, or control our emotions can be worth the effort it takes to better our relationships because none of us is perfect. When two people are experiencing relationship distress or have relationship issues they need to deal with, knowing when to ask for help may be the very thing that saves the relationship.

If this sounds like you, online couples therapy might be just what the doctor ordered. Keep reading to learn more about couples therapy techniques that have proven effective for thousands of couples just like you.

According to The British Association of Marriage and Family, more than 97% of surveyed couples feel like they got what they needed using one or more forms of couples therapy techniques. Learn how to make your relationship stronger with some of the techniques below.

Couples therapy is an amazing way to get our partnership to its full potential. We have the chance to explore the roots behind why we both are behaving a certain way. With that understanding, we are more apt to try specific tactics that work for our relationship rather than trying a global approach that’s not catered to our needs.

Finding the approach that works best will be explorative, but at the same time, it is amazing what we can learn along the way.

If you’ve never been before, you might be tempted to think that all therapy is the same. This couldn’t be further from the truth. The reality is, there’s a type of therapy out there that’s perfect for you and your specific issues and needs. When it comes to couples therapy techniques, the options are plentiful.

You can rest assured that you and your partner can find the exact relationship counselling technique that’ll work for you.

Reflective listening. Reflective listening is a specific type of couples therapy that can be beneficial for partners who want to work on their communication skills.

By being in a healthy, safe environment where each person takes a turn being an active listener, allowing the other partner to speak freely, communication can be greatly enhanced. Read our guide on communication exercises for couples to learn more.

When we rephrase our statements using “I” phrases instead of “you” statements, a more productive conversation can be had.

For example, rather than saying “You hurt my feelings when you’re late,” you could express your feelings more productively by saying something more along the lines of “I feel hurt when you are late.”

Emotion-focused therapy: Emotion-focused therapy (EFT) is an effective couples therapy technique. EFT can help identify destructive patterns in a relationship that begin to interfere with attachments, ultimately preventing two people from bonding.

By focusing on those patterns and behaviours that create a disconnect in the relationship, two people can begin healing and bonding more positively.

Narrative therapy: Narrative therapy is a very specific therapy technique that involves both partners describing their relationship problems in narrative form. They’re then encouraged to rewrite their stories. The goal of narrative therapy is to help couples see that one single story on its own can’t truly encompass an entire experience together.

Narrative therapy is typically helpful when both people feel they’re to blame for the demise of a relationship. It can be a great form of therapy when each partner has the mindset that they’re a failure, and thus, they deserve a failing relationship.

Solution-focused therapy: Solution-focused therapy works best for couples who have a specific issue they want to work on in their relationship. The approach is helpful when working towards a short-term relationship goal. It helps couples create a solution to relationship issues they’re having instead of sitting in the same place and dwelling on the same problems.

Gottman method: The Gottman method can help couples create a deeper understanding of each other even during times of conflict in their relationship. The method aims to give couples specific problem-solving skills that enhance intimacy and friendship between partners.

While traditionally it utilises live workshops and homework in the form of take-home training materials, many therapists have trained to use adapted techniques of the Gottman method with couples in a private setting during therapy sessions.

Imago relationship therapy (IRT): Imago relationship therapy (IRT) helps couples identify childhood experiences that have created an impact on adult relationships. For example, imago therapy can help you uncover the reason for commitment issues or relationship anxiety.

Through an extensive exploration of childhood trauma, couples can become more understanding and empathetic towards one another.

Couples therapy interventions can be reinforced through various exercises and activities that are designed to promote understanding, deeper connections, forgiveness, or any other issue you’re struggling to overcome in your relationship.

Identifying feelings. Disconnects in a relationship often stem from a simple inability to quickly and effectively identify our feelings. Practising how to do so in a safe place like therapy can help you begin to express your emotions more constructively whenever you need to.

Focusing on solutions. Resolving issues, focusing on the positives, and redirecting negative behaviours are all effective ways to practice solutions-oriented patterns that can ultimately better your relationship.

Exploring the past. It’s not uncommon for the past to haunt future relationships. The trauma you experienced, fear you can’t seem to let go of, negative behaviour patterns you’ve developed or even hurt that makes it difficult for you to trust, can all affect how you behave with your partner today.

By looking at the past and identifying any unhealthy patterns you’ve created, you can begin to heal and establish a healthy relationship, both in the present and in the future.

Alignment. Alignment can help you deal with difficult issues or conversations by reinforcing the positives. This can be done using memories and feelings from the beginning of your relationship, which is typically a happy time, or by connecting on a deeper level to reinforce your partnership so you can tackle and navigate those challenging times.

During couples therapy, you and your partner will meet with a specialist to talk through and explore the problems you’re both facing. The therapist will help you both to open up, highlighting the strengths in your relationship alongside what might be causing you distress.

It is important to remember that this is a gradual process; it will take time for you both to open up fully and effort will be required to ensure that the sessions are effective. Patience and perseverance are key requirements for making sure that couples therapy is effective and useful.

Couples therapy, also called relationship counselling, can help when a relationship is in crisis (after an affair, for example).

Both partners talk in confidence to a therapist to explore what has gone wrong in the relationship and how to change things for the better. It can help couples learn more about each other’s needs and communicate better.

Couples therapy can improve the mutual support you provide for each other. Often people who find it hard to use psychological help on their own are able to attend and get something from doing so if their partner is also involved.

Couples therapy can help with depression and isolation, mental health issues and parenting issues. Many couples find difficulties start after a painful event or illness, or following a significant life change such as:

moving in together
the arrival of children
the loss of a job
taking on stepchildren
infidelity
retirement
other change or disruption

We support couples where the partners need help with their emotional lives and feel more comfortable coming together, as well as couples who have troubled relationships which might be affecting their children.

For troubled children, the relationship between the parents (whether together or apart) is often crucial to helping the child. One of the ways we provide support for children is by working with parents, although the emphasis of this work is on the primary carer (usually the mother) rather than the couple.

Research shows that couples therapy works better than anti-depressants in the treatment of adult depression. The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence recommends that couple-focused therapy should be considered for patients with depression who have a regular partner and who have not benefited from a brief intervention.

Couples therapy, also known as couples counselling or relationship therapy, is a form of counselling that helps couples work through their relationship issues. When the couple is married, couples therapy might also be referred to as marriage counselling.

Couples therapy is, of course, led by licensed professionals often licensed marriage and family therapists (Miss Date Doctor) who are experts in their field and equipped to help couples work through their unique challenges.

This journey often involves tough, yet productive conversations about one’s relationship, and requires both partners to communicate in an honest but respectful manner.

If you’re worried about being completely open with your partner or communicating calmly, don’t be the job of a couples therapy specialist is to mediate these discussions. They can help you and your partner improve your communication skills so that you’re better able to understand, listen to, and talk with each other.

In couples therapy, each partner will typically attend sessions together, whether they meet virtually or in person. And in addition to regular couples therapy sessions, they may both be asked to attend a few individual sessions to supplement their progress.

This will allow their counsellor to get to know each individual better, assess each of their personal needs, and develop the best plan moving forward.

By addressing both individual needs, as well as relationships, a therapist can help you to better express your feelings, discuss issues with your partner, and resolve conflicts.

Couples therapy can address a wide variety of issues relating to relationships of intimate partners. This may be specific relationship challenges, such as arguing or having different plans for the future, or problems of one partner that affect the relationship as a whole, such as unemployment.

Additionally, couples counselling is an option for couples who don’t have any specific problems to address but want to strengthen their relationship.

Relationship Counselling

Relationship counselling A romantic relationship is one of the closest forms of relationship that we have. Choosing a partner and staying together through life’s ups and downs is rarely simple – if you choose to then get married, buy a home, or start a family together, this only adds to the complexity.

Here, we take a look at what relationship or ‘couples counselling’ is, how it can help, and what to look for in a counsellor or therapist.

Relationship counselling (also known as ‘couples counselling’ or ‘marriage counselling’) is an effective form of talking therapy designed to resolve issues within an intimate relationship.

Very few relationships exist conflict-free – whether it’s the odd disagreement, repeatedly arguing or you’ve lost the fun element in your relationship it’s natural to start to question its longevity. When this begins to falter, our health and happiness can also suffer.

For many of us, our first instinct is to try and work through the problems alone but it can be incredibly helpful to seek outside support, whether that be through friends and family or even a professional.

In contrast to counselling for relationship problems, which can be undertaken solely through individual sessions, Relationship counselling is a term applied to talking therapy for two people within a relationship.

While the majority of the work you do will take place within the counselling room itself, it’s common that the counsellor will ask you to complete ‘homework’ in between sessions. This may be in the form of specific tasks or to discuss a topic together at home.

While couples therapy is ideally suited to couples attending the sessions together, sometimes one partner is reluctant to attend, so you can look to speak to a couples counsellor on your own, to begin with. You might find your partner wants to join you after you’ve had some initial sessions alone and it can be helpful to intersperse couple sessions with individual sessions.

When we’ve been in a relationship or marriage for a long time, it can be easy to fall into the trap of not listening to the other person, or not communicating our needs clearly. Sometimes talking to someone objectively, with no connection to yourself or your partner, is all it takes for you to gain perspective.

What Relationship counselling offers is the chance to speak to someone with no preconceived notions of who you are as a couple, with the expertise of skilled training behind them to guide you through your concerns.

Every couple is different, so when you choose to seek help will depend on the nature of the issue you’re facing. If you’re concerned about your relationship and feel you’re unable to reach a conclusion alone, it’s likely that you’ll benefit from couples counselling.

For some, the suggestion of Relationship counselling is considered a ‘last resort’ to save a relationship. While this is sometimes the case, you don’t have to wait until things get really bad between you before considering couples therapy.

Many couples use therapy sessions as a way to keep their relationship healthy and address any underlying concerns that may become conflicts in the future.

Couples Counselling Techniques

Couples counselling techniques. In couples therapy, a licensed counsellor works with two people to improve their relationship. Certain types of counsellors are also specifically trained to work with couples, including marriage and family therapists.

Reflective listening. “Reflective listening is a highly beneficial exercise where the couple takes turns being active listeners,” says Laura Louis, a licensed psychologist at Atlanta Couple Therapy.

Use “I” phrases instead of “you” statements. For example, say “I feel hurt when you do [X]” instead of “You’re wrong for doing [X].” “When couples take turns being active listeners, it boosts healthy communication skills as well as conflict resolution skills for the couple,” Louis says.

Emotionally focused therapy is one of the Couples counselling techniques. Many therapists use a method called emotionally focused therapy (EFT), which has been shown to facilitate long-lasting behaviour changes.

The goal is for couples “to identify maladaptive patterns within the relationship that are interfering with secure bonds and attachments,” says Ansley Campbell, a clinical director at The Summit Wellness Group.

People “learn and utilise techniques to heal or create safe and secure attachments within the relationship,” she explains.

Narrative therapy is one of the Couples counselling techniques. The practice of narrative therapy revolves around people describing their problems in narrative form and rewriting their stories. This can help them see that no single story can possibly encapsulate the totality of their experience.

“There will always be inconsistencies and contradictions,” says Sam Nabil, the CEO and lead therapist at Naya Clinics.

Narrative therapy may be helpful for couples who feel like their relationship is failing due to both of their faults. According to a 2016 study, it has even been shown to decrease conflict and increase cooperation among couples.

“These couples often believe that they’re subject to this romantic pitfall and emotional trauma because they have been a ‘failure’ from the start and it is what they ‘deserve,’” Nabil says.

Gottman Method is one of the Couples counselling techniques. The Gottman Method is a popular method practised among couples therapists. The technique is designed to help couples deepen their understanding of one another while managing conflict in their relationship. It may also help with other issues, such as intimacy and marital adjustment.

The Gottman Institute has more than 40 years of research under its belt. It provides live workshops and take-home training materials for couples, but many therapists have also trained using the Gottman Institute’s methods.

Imago relationship therapy is one of the Couples counselling techniques. Imago relationship therapy, developed by Dr Harville Hendrix and Dr Helen LaKelly Hunt in 1980, emphasises the connection between adult relationships and childhood experiences.

By understanding childhood trauma, the therapy is aimed at making couples more empathetic and understanding of one another.

Solution-focused therapy. If you’re dealing with a particular issue, experiencing burnout, or trying to work toward a specific goal, solution-focused therapy is a model to consider.

According to the Institute for Solution-Focused Therapy, the practice is “a short-term goal-focused evidence-based therapeutic approach which helps clients change by constructing solutions rather than dwelling on problems.”

Couples Therapy Exercises

Couples therapy exercises Marriage isn’t always easy and it can be helpful to have some professional guidance and advice along the way.

But, not all couples are excited at the thought of airing their marriage difficulties to a stranger in therapy.

Thankfully there are many couples therapy exercises you can do at home to strengthen your relationship and build trust and communication.

When you think of Couples therapy exercises, Do a trust fall. A trust fall is a trust-building exercise that may seem small but fosters large results. We may have done it as a fun activity with friends but it can be a part of couples’ therapy at home.

To do a trust fall, one partner stands behind their blindfolded spouse. The blindfolded spouse will then deliberately fall backwards and their partner will catch them.

It sounds like an easy game, but it requires trust and blind faith in the blindfolded spouse that their partner will catch them. This may cause the blindfolded partner to turn around, fearing that their partner will miss.

This exercise builds teamwork, and trust, and fosters a feeling of safety and security in the relationship.

When you think of Couples therapy exercises, Never go to bed angry. One of the couples therapy exercises that will soon become a “Code to live by” is that of never going to bed angry.

Beijing Normal University researchers Wanjun Lin and Yunzhe Liu performed a sleep study on 73 male students to see how negative emotions and memories would affect their sleep patterns.

The results showed the students were less capable of restful sleep and had a heightened feeling of distress after being shown negative imagery right before bed.

If these students were to be shown negative imagery hours before going to sleep, the brain would be able to subdue the distress response.

However, going to bed immediately after arguing or experiencing trauma causes the brain to protect that emotion, keeping it fresh and clear in the mind.

These findings suggest that the age-old adage “Don’t go to bed angry” definitely has some merit to it. Negative emotions directly impact the ability to sleep. If you and your spouse are in distress, you should make nice before heading to bed.

When you think of Couples therapy exercises, Write an appreciation list. Some of the best couples therapy exercises have to do with restructuring how you think and feel about your partner. A great way to do this is with an appreciation list.

Partners will write down five things their partner does that they appreciate, followed by five things their partner could be doing to make them feel more loved, secure, or appreciated in the relationship.

By writing down and meditating on their spouse’s good qualities first, partners will be able to focus on the good in the relationship before looking at ways to improve love and communication in a constructive way, rather than an accusatory.

You can also maintain couples therapy worksheets or marriage counselling worksheets with a more detailed analysis that can be used for self-assessment.

When you think of Couples therapy exercises, Unplug from technology. One of the best couples therapy exercises you can do is to unplug technology and have a talking session.

Smartphones and devices are a great way to connect to the world, but they have a surprisingly bad effect on your relationships. After all, how can you give your spouse your undivided attention when you are checking your phone every ten minutes?

For this exercise, eliminate distractions such as television, video games, and smartphones for 10 minutes a day. Use these 10 minutes to talk to one another. Go back and forth telling each other the things you love and appreciate about them.

Do not interrupt one another. This feel-good exercise creates positive thinking and boosts self-esteem. Abstaining from technology and focusing on your partner is actually advocated by many marriage counsellors among the relationship-building activities for couples.

Effective Couples Therapy

Effective couples therapy. Being a couples therapist does requires special skills but that is what the training is about.

Individuals who go into marriage and family counselling or therapy take years of rigorous coursework and supervision, go through an arduous credentialing and licensing process, and continue to receive education throughout their careers to learn about the field’s newest developments.

There inevitably is self-selection involved in who decides to become a family therapist and, even more so, who stays in the profession. The chances are excellent that the couples therapist you see is someone who is providing this treatment because he or she is committed to helping couples enact positive changes in their lives.

Effective couples therapy changes the views of the relationship. Throughout the therapeutic process, the therapist attempts to help both partners see the relationship in a more objective manner. They learn to stop the “blame game” and instead look at what happens to them as a process involving each partner.

They also can benefit from seeing that their relationship takes place in a certain context. For example, couples who struggle financially will be under different kinds of situational stresses than those who are not. Therapists begin this process by collecting “data” on the interaction between the partners by watching how they interact.

Therapists then formulate “hypotheses” about what causal factors may be in play to lead to the way the couples interact. How they share this information with the couple varies by the therapist’s particular theoretical orientation. There’s empirical support for a variety of approaches from behavioural to insight-oriented.

Different therapists will use different strategies, but as long as they focus on altering the way the relationship is understood, the couple can start to see each other, and their interactions, in more adaptive ways.

Effective couples therapy modifies dysfunctional behaviour. Effective couples therapists attempt to change the way that the partners actually behave with each other. This means that in addition to helping them improve their interactions, therapists also need to ensure that their clients are not engaging in actions that can cause physical, psychological, or economic harm.

In order to do this, therapists must conduct a careful assessment to determine whether their clients are, in fact, at risk. If necessary, the therapist may recommend, for example, that one partner be referred to a domestic violence shelter, to specialised drug abuse treatment, or to anger management.

It is also possible that if the risk is not sufficiently severe, the couple can benefit from “time-out” procedures to stop the escalation of conflict.

Effective couples therapy decreases emotional avoidance. Couples who avoid expressing their private feelings put themselves at greater risk of becoming emotionally distant and hence grow apart. Effective couples therapists help their clients bring out the emotions and thoughts that they fear expressing to the other person.

Attachment-based couples therapy allows the partners to feel less afraid of expressing their needs for closeness. According to this view, some partners who failed to develop “secure” emotional attachments in childhood have unmet needs that they carry over into their adult relationships.

They fear showing their partners how much they need them because they are afraid that their partners will reject them.

behaviourally based therapists, assume that adults may fear expressing their true feelings because, in the past, they did not receive “reinforcement.” Either way, both theoretical approaches advocate helping their clients express their true feelings in a way that will eventually draw them closer together.

Effective couples therapy improves communication. Being able to communicate is one of the “three C’s” of intimacy. All effective couples therapies focus on helping the partners to communicate more effectively. Building on principles #2 and #3, this communication should not be abusive, nor should partners ridicule each other when they do express their true feelings.

Couples may, therefore, require “coaching” to learn how to speak to each other in more supportive and understanding ways. The therapist may also provide the couple with didactic instruction to give them the basis for knowing what types of communication are effective and what types will only cause more conflict.

They can learn how to listen more actively and empathically, for example. However, exactly how to accomplish this step requires that therapists turn back to the assessments they performed early on in treatment. Couples with a long history of mutual criticism may require a different approach than those who try to avoid conflict at all costs.

Couples Therapy Goals

Couples therapy goals. No matter what Instagram shows you, no couple is perfect. They fight, say mean things, go to bed angry, and have years (even decades) of conflict that have never come to a resolution. It’s perfectly normal.

Every relationship, even the very best ones, has its moments, but the ones who can weather the storms and droughts are usually the ones who seek counselling. This is because the benefits of therapy go far just beyond your relationship- it helps you on an individual level.

If you and your significant other have considered seeking out couples counselling, you can get started today and use a therapy matching service to find a mental health professional that will help you two grow. If you aren’t prepared quite yet, read below for our tips to get a better understanding of what will come out of couples therapy.

Here are some Couples therapy goals;

Better understand you, your partner, and your relationship. Deepen your knowledge and understanding of yourself, your partner, and your relationship. This is an ongoing goal that can be cultivated and revisited over the course of your entire relationship.
Identify each other’s fears. Identify one another’s fears and acknowledge what each person needs to feel safe in the relationship.
Discover how to compromise. Discover a win-win problem-solving process to resolution of each of the issues on which they have been stuck. This process that you create together in therapy should not only help you navigate current and past issues but also prepare you with tools to tackle any new problems that come your way as a couple.
Couples therapy goals require you to learn how to handle individual differences. Learn skills to handle your fundamental differences collaboratively, on your own. This will help you avoid the need either to disengage from each other or fight to work through a problem.
Understand how to be loving. Understand new ways to keep the emotional tone between them happy and loving, without escalating into anger and antagonisation. Break down distinctions between healthy versus unhealthy expressions of anger.
Find the root of the problems. Gaining insights into your respective childhoods, where you might find the origins of problematic habits, could easily help prevent ongoing excessive emotional reactivity.
Get on the same page as your partner. Develop the capacity to get on the same page and envision a better life together, not just what you want as individuals.
Couples therapy goals require you to learn to work together. Grow the ability to work together as a team, both on larger, more complex emotional and logistical issues, as well as the day-to-day.
Push through the hard times. Couples will naturally always have problems. As we mentioned., no couple is perfect. But it’s all about handling those issues healthily and together. This goal will help push you to find the motivation to keep evolving, even when it gets difficult.
Share honest feelings. Create the space to speak from your heart about what really matters, instead of talking about important subjects where you may be afraid of the other person’s reactions.
Improve empathy in communication. Structure your communications to allow each to feel safe enough to empathically connect. Talk together and listen in a way that each feels accepted, validated, and understood.
Limit judgment and defensiveness. Identify one another’s triggers and defence strategies and replace limiting beliefs or judgments with ones that create a mutually enriching relationship. Reject subconscious narratives that block communication and cause reactivity and defensiveness.
Couples therapy goals require you to discover each others’ love language. Understand what you need to feel loved and clearly articulate that to your partner.
Find new strategies for solving problems. Identify and replace old habits, defences, and coping strategies, as individuals and as partners, with enriching ones.
Reignite the flame. Rediscover the romance and bring the fun back into your intimate relationship.

Couples Therapy Conclusion

Couples Therapy Conclusion Couples seek therapy to achieve better communication, increase trust, and enhance intimacy, among other reasons. Surprisingly, almost half of the couples who enter relationship therapy do so with the goal of determining if the relationship is viable enough to continue.

FURTHER READING

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