I Am So Bad At Relationships. Relationships can feel like a maze to many people for different reasons which automatically translate as bad, terrible, awkward name it. And yes, this makes you suck at being a great boyfriend or girlfriend, I get it.

But have you thought about the possible reason that makes you terrible at relationships? As much as it could be of your doing, sometimes we pick up bad examples from people close to us without even knowing.

Let us dive into the reasons you keep saying “I am so bad at relationships”

Some people are just bad at love. You love the idea of love but cannot seem to ever get it right. Is that just who you are? Maybe. Are you destined to be alone or just float from relationship to relationship? Possibly. But it is also possible that you get it wrong because you are not ready or make a series of bad choices.

I Am So Bad At Relationships. Being bad at love doesn’t have to be a permanent situation. We all grow and change with time. If you want to find lasting love and have healthy relationships, you will need to identify why your other relationships didn’t work. You are bad at love for a reason.

Immature

You are not emotionally mature enough to have a healthy relationship. It takes maturity to respect differences of opinion and to respect boundaries in a relationship. Relationships can be challenging at times, and being able to communicate calmly, openly, and respectfully is a must.

Choose The Wrong People

You choose the wrong people. You choose partners based on looks, status, how great they are on paper, and how good you two look together. Instead, you should be choosing partners by your commonality, chemistry, and shared life goals, values, and interests.

You’re Selfish

Relationships are about sharing and compromise. Your priority is you, and you have trouble ever putting someone else first. To be a selfish or a giving person is a conscious choice. Of all the signs, this is the easiest to control and change.

Your Genetic Makeup

I Am So Bad At Relationships. This may surprise you but some people are genetically programmed to be bad at love. Scientists have found that your genes determine how well your body regulates oxytocin, which controls our behaviors, our ability to love, and how attached we become to others.

Your genes also determine your ability to be an emotionally supportive partner, which is a must for a long-lasting relationship.

Why Are Some People Terrible At Relationships?

Why Are Some People Terrible At Relationships? Although a relationship is a process of learning about yourself, your partner, and how you can both cohabit, some people just seem to miss the whole point due to several reasons such as:

You Have Unrealistic Expectations Of Your Partner

If you go into relationships with unhealthy (or unreasonable) expectations, then it may explain why so many ends in disaster. We all have a ‘perfect’ image in our minds of what a partnership is, and usually, it is pretty far from reality

You are setting your relationship up for disappointment, and your partner for letting you down when they have done nothing wrong.

You Don’t Know How To Communicate

Healthy communication is where it’s at if you want a healthy relationship. So look back over the years and see if you notice a theme. Healthy communication consists of “strong active talking and listening skills” as well as respect and a willingness to share. If you (and your past partners) have struggled with such things, it may explain a lot.

You’re Doing Exactly What Your Parents Did

Why Are Some People Terrible At Relationships? If you grew up in a home with lots of arguing and unhealthy behaviors, then that may be why you’ve seen more of the same in your relationships. If you had abuse or trauma that taught you an unhealthy ‘normal,’ you’re going to end up seeking that normal in your relationships because it is what feels safe

You Take Your Partners For Granted

Once you’ve been with someone for a minute, it becomes easier to take them for granted and forget all the things that brought you together. It’s important to appreciate each other, and say out loud what you love about your partner. Remember this going forward, and you might have better luck.

You Don’t Know What Your Deal Breakers Are

Why Are Some People Terrible At Relationships? If you keep finding yourself with one toxic partner after the next, it may be you don’t know what your deal breakers are. So take some time to figure that out. It’s helpful to start with a list.

Maybe you don’t want any drug users or people who are unwilling to compromise. Set those as your criteria, and promise yourself you won’t put up with it anymore.

You Need To Work On Your Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem seems to be a sort of homing beacon for toxic partners. If you can’t seem to get away from unhealthy relationships, it may be time to see what kind of vibes you’re throwing out. Low self-esteem, body image issues, an inability to set boundaries, and mental health issues such as depression are all common reasons women get involved in unhealthy relationships.

How Do You Know If You’re Bad At Relationships?

How Do You Know If You’re Bad At Relationships? It’s normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn’t as healthy as it should be.

To know what an unhealthy relationship feels like, you should know what a healthy one feels like too. So, what makes a healthy relationship? And How Do You Know If You’re Bad At Relationships?

Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that’s the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these qualities:

Mutual respect. Does he or she get how great you are and why? Make sure your BF or GF is into you for who you are. Does your partner listen when you say you’re not comfortable doing something and then back off right away?

Respect in a relationship means that each person values the other and understands — and would never challenge — the other person’s boundaries.

Trust. You’re talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you’d never cheat on him? It’s OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion.

But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There’s no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don’t trust each other.

Honesty. This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it’s tough to trust someone when one of you isn’t being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends?

The next time she says she has to work, you’ll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground.

Support. It’s not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but not that interested in hearing about the good things in your life.

In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.

Fairness/equality. You need to have give-and-take in your relationship. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner’s friends as often as you hang out with yours?

You’ll know if it isn’t a pretty fair balance. Things get bad fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time.

Good communication. Can you talk to each other and share feelings that are important to you? Don’t keep feelings bottled up because you’re afraid it’s not what your BF or GF wants to hear. And if you need some time to think something through before you’re ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that.

What’s an Unhealthy Relationship?

How Do You Know If You’re Bad At Relationships? A relationship is unhealthy when it involves meaning, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior. Some people live in homes with parents who fight a lot or abuse each other — emotionally, verbally, or physically.

For some people who have grown up around this kind of behaviour, it can almost seem normal or OK. It’s not!

Many of us learn from watching and imitating the people close to us. So someone who has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect or how to expect the same treatment.

How Do You Know If You’re Bad At Relationships? Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship. Someone who doesn’t yet have this part down may need to work on it with a trained therapist before he or she is ready for a relationship.

Meanwhile, even though you might feel bad or feel for someone who’s been mistreated, you need to take care of yourself — it’s not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind.

Warning Signs

When a boyfriend or girlfriend uses verbal insults, mean language, nasty putdowns, gets physical by hitting or slapping, or forces someone into sexual activity, it’s a sign of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.

Ask yourself, does my boyfriend or girlfriend:

get angry when I don’t drop everything for him or her?
criticize the way I look or dress, and say I’ll never be able to find anyone else who would date me?
keep me from seeing friends or from talking to other guys or girls?
want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?
ever raise a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit me?
try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

These aren’t the only questions you can ask yourself. If you can think of any way in which your boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or — this is a big one — harm you physically or sexually, then it’s time to get out, fast.

It can be tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence, possessiveness, or anger as an expression of love. But even if you know that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy. No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything they don’t want to do.

How Do You Not Be Bad At A Relationship?

How Do You Not Be Bad At Relationship? Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships that make us miserable more often than they make us happy, relationships that we know in our hearts are not right, yet still have a hold on us.

If you’re feeling stuck in a dead-end relationship that keeps drawing you back in, here are some research-based strategies you may not have considered to end it for good and get on with your life:

Don’t mistake addiction for love.

This is tricky because, neurochemically speaking, the two are very similar—studies have shown that when romantic partners who are intensely in love are exposed to photographs of their beloved, the brain regions that become activated are the same regions that are activated in cocaine addicts when they are craving cocaine.

But even if love has some addiction-like qualities, healthy love is likely to involve other qualities as well, such as respect, trust, and commitment, qualities that keep a relationship strong even on those days when excitement and passion are not at the forefront.

Addictive love, by contrast, tends to be more singularly focused on attaining those “highs,” whatever the cost. Partners whose behaviour is unpredictable (e.g., they don’t call when they say they will), are, unfortunately, especially likely to keep you hooked, since their inconsistent affection keeps you on your toes—and wanting more.

Give yourself a break.

How Do You Not Be Bad At Relationship? Your friends and family may fall into two general categories—those who make you feel good about yourself, always reassuring you that your partner does love you and that everything will work out in the end, and those who make you feel bad about yourself,

with subtle or not-so-subtle implications that you must be crazy, weak, or pathetic to stay with such a loser. You may find yourself drawn to both of these types of support—on the one hand, you want to feel comforted, but on the other, you need the motivation to make a change.

Lock yourself into a plan.

Research suggests that people are best at making lasting changes when they come up with specific implementation intentions, or “if/then” plans.

These plans have been shown to help people avoid temptation, meet health goals, and even avoid stereotyping outgroup members. You may currently have a lot of default “if/then” connections that are not working in your favor, such as, “If I feel lonely and miss [the partner], then I call him or her and ask him or her to come over.”

Instead, you could replace this default “then” with a behavior that is likely to make you feel better in the long run, such as calling a good friend or listening to an empowering album.

The more you practice making a different decision whenever the “if” stimulus arises, the more automatic the link will become, and the easier it will be to resist the old pattern.

Defy cognitive dissonance.

How Do You Not Be Bad At Relationship? Our minds have a sneaky way of justifying our actions so that we never have to feel like we did something stupid or made a mistake, a phenomenon known as cognitive dissonance.

This is the reason we tend to be more loyal to groups that we suffered to get into (e.g., a fraternity with intense hazing) and the reason why we find ourselves derogating the job we turned down once we make the final decision to go with another (post-decision dissonance).

It’s also one of the reasons it’s so hard to break free of bad relationships, especially when we’ve been in them for a long time.

Unless a relationship suddenly takes a turn for the worst after being smooth sailing before, ending it often means coming to terms with the fact that for a long time we didn’t end it, and that that was a mistake.

If we can’t come to terms with this, we might find ourselves continuing to justify our present commitment to the relationship, which in turn justifies our past decision to stay in it. Being aware of the way your mind can play tricks on you can help you avoid this trap.

Own your decision.

How Do You Not Be Bad At Relationship? Ending a relationship can be a long and painful struggle, and it’s not easy to do it alone. You will need a good support team to keep you on track and help you fill your life with healthy, positive activities.

But ultimately, the decision to end a relationship is yours, and succumbing to pressure from those around you is unlikely to last very long. When all else fails, sometimes it helps to step back and ask yourself, point blank, What do I want? Only you know the answer.

What Is Considered Bad In A Relationship?

What Is Considered Bad In A Relationship? Every relationship is different and may change over time. Some important qualities tend to characterize unhealthy relationships.

Relationships that are marked by these dynamics and problems tend to contribute to more tension, conflict, and stress. This can apply to romantic relationships, but other types of relationships can be affected by unhealthy patterns as well, including your relationships with family members, friends, and coworkers.

Control

In unhealthy relationships, one person may try to control the other person’s life. This may be done through intimidation, but it can also involve other types of manipulation.1

Sometimes the person may engage in behaviors that seem extremely affectionate and loving. In reality, these actions are designed to keep tabs on the other individual and prevent them from doing things or going places where they are outside of the other person’s control.

Controlling behaviour can also involve isolating a person from their friends and family. It can also mean cutting off communication, cutting off access to finances, or making it difficult to leave the situation.

Control may also take the form of possessiveness and jealousy. While both of these are normal human emotions that people may experience from time to time, they are unhealthy when someone is trying to control what you do, when they lash out at you when they become upset, or when they accuse you of infidelity.

Lack of Trust

I Am So Bad At Relationships. Unhealthy relationships are often marked by a lack of trust. You might feel like you have to hide things from your partner, or you might often feel like they are hiding things from you.

To develop healthy trust, both people in a relationship have to engage in mutual, reciprocal self-disclosure. This involves revealing things about yourself over time as the relationship deepens and grows.

The process of sharing and listening contributes to feelings of emotional intimacy and closeness. But if you feel like you cannot trust the other person with your innermost feelings, you’re not likely to tell them your feeling, thoughts, or memories.

How trusting you and your partner are may be shaped, in part, by your overall attachment style. These patterns of behavior are often established in childhood based on interactions and experiences with caregivers, but they continue to shape how you respond in romantic relationships in adulthood.

If you have a history of not being able to depend on the people you should be able to trust the most, you may find it difficult to trust your romantic partners.

Disrespect

What Is Considered Bad In A Relationship? Disrespect can take a variety of forms in unhealthy relationships. Sometimes it might mean someone being dismissive of the other person. In other cases, it can involve outright ridiculing or making fun of the opinions or interests of the other person.

This disrespect can often feel like rejection, which can lead to a range of emotions including hurt feelings, shame, guilt, loneliness, embarrassment, and social anxiety.2

Poor Communication

Good communication is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Unhealthy relationships are often marked by patterns of ineffective communication. This might involve not talking about problems, avoiding difficult issues, expecting the other person to be a mind reader, not listening, getting defensive, or stonewalling to avoid confronting problems in the relationship.

Communication style is a key predictor of divorce and has more of an impact than commitment, stress, and personality when it comes to marital success.3

Signs You’re In an Unhealthy Relationship

Relationships often grow, change, shift, and sometimes fall apart over time. A relationship might be mostly healthy when things are going well, but the addition of stressors can create strain.

People may respond by falling back on unhealthy coping mechanisms or by engaging in behaviors that are ultimately harmful to the health of their relationships.

Unhealthy relationships are often characterized by:

Betrayal

Blame

Bullying

Control

Disrespect

Dishonesty

Drama

Emotional abuse

Fear

Financial dishonesty or abuse

Gaslighting

Guilt

Hostility

Intimidation

Isolation

Jealousy

Loneliness

Negativity

Physical abuse

Poor communication

Ridicule

Stress

Unhappiness

Verbal abuse

In an unhealthy relationship, you might feel like you always have to walk on eggshells around the other person. Or you might feel like you always have to hide what you think or feel. You might even feel like you have to give up the things that you want to keep the other person happy.

Another sign of an unhealthy relationship is the feeling that things are imbalanced. One-sided relationships are those in which one person invests more effort, energy, and emotion in maintaining the relationship. Such relationships can be unhealthy and often leave the person who is doing all the work feeling unsupported, isolated, and drained.

Sometimes unhealthy behaviors can emerge during times of extreme stress. In other cases, persistent patterns of unhealthy behaviors may worsen over time or emerge during different stages of a relationship.

In some cases, these issues can be addressed using self-help strategies or with the help of mental health professional. But if your relationship is affected by abuse, whether it is physical, verbal, or sexual, your primary concern should be to ensure your safety.

How Do I Know If I’m Toxic?

How Do I Know If I’m Toxic? A toxic person is someone who regularly displays actions and behaviors that hurt others or otherwise negatively impact the lives of the people around them, and they’re usually the main instigating factor of a toxic relationship.

Of course, there’s a difference between being toxic and acting toxic. The first is when it’s ingrained in our personality, and we actively enjoy hurting others; the second corresponds to aspects of our behaviors. Sometimes without knowing it, these toxic behaviors can take us over.

So, How Do I Know If I’m Toxic?

You’re always sarcastic.

The clever retort that’s accompanied by raucous laughter on a comedy—we’ve come to think that’s a good thing, and perhaps even aspire toward that. It’s gotten to the point that people who don’t know how to be “clever” believe they’re terrible, dull conversationalists.

But the truth is, what’s funny in The Big-Bang Theory isn’t necessarily funny in real life when you’re on the receiving end. It hurts.

It’s easy for this to be your default mode if you work in an industry that’s all about acting tough and masking emotions or if you grew up in a family where 99% of your conversations are sarcastic quips, “I told you so’s,” or remarks designed to one-up another person.

While I never advocate echoism, people who only look for the negative can be incredibly draining to be around in the long run; the teasing, even in good jest, will start to feel like carefully cloaked animosity.

You deal with conflict in a roundabout way.

Conflict is uncomfortable. We don’t like to deal with tricky situations directly, so we devise ways of getting around them.

But if you’re always beating around the bush and then secreting hostility via sullen behaviour, stubbornness, and subtle insults, it just amplifies the problem and turns a single conflict into a larger issue.

No matter how logical our arguments or how upset we might be over what’s happening, passive-aggressiveness is painful and not helpful to anyone. It’s cancer in relationships.

Everything is a competition.

How Do I Know If I’m Toxic? Telling someone how you went through a similar experience as they did is different from trying to show how you’ve had it worse. The first is where you show you resonate with the other person and use that empathy to connect. The second is a competition.

Many people have indeed been conditioned to have some sort of seemingly objective metric of what’s worse—we prioritize physical health ailments over mental health difficulties, and for anyone who appears to be living comfortably, we dismiss it with the label “First World problems” over someone who is in abject conditions.

Sometimes we’re filled with indignation if we’ve been through “worse” and think, “How dare they?” Or sometimes, we genuinely believe someone is being weak and should just “suck it up” because we have done so ourselves.

Importantly, we need to be aware of these biases and realize that pain isn’t a competition. Regardless of a person’s diagnosable condition or lifestyle, pain is pain. When we try to convince them their situation isn’t so bad, we are effectively invalidating their experiences and alienating them.

The fix: Be aware of why you feel the need to “compete”—is it because this is the only way you’ll feel validated or feel some respite from your experiences? Sometimes, honesty is the best gift we can give ourselves, no matter how scary it is. This way, we can truly have empathy for ourselves and others.

If you find it hard to express compassion for someone else, perhaps ask yourself, “What would I want someone to say to me in my position?”

You turn everything into a joke.

We’ve all met that person who ends every line with “haha” and has to make a joke out of everything—even the most serious and saddest stuff. Maybe it’s because we don’t know how to deal with the situation, or we feel uncomfortable as it rips open old emotional wounds. So we try to escape via lightheartedness.

You want to fix everyone and everything.

I Am So Bad At Relationships. Some of us are naturally rescuers and fixers—maybe you’ve been trained to pre-empt and solve problems, or we unconsciously get drawn to similar relationships to fix a dynamic we were helpless in when we were younger. Or maybe you simply love to provide solutions.

But this is a form of emotional labor, and as the work piles up, so do our distress and resentments.

Put simply, other people aren’t our projects, and just because we can solve a problem doesn’t mean we should—the responsibility is squarely in the hands of the issue-holder, who may not even see it as a problem.

Additionally, recognize that you don’t need to fix everyone. Learn to accept people’s flaws, help them when asked, and if necessary, withdraw from those relationships where the person’s behaviors are seriously negatively affecting you. There’s no need for you to shoulder every single person’s problems and accompany them all on their development journeys.

You secretly crave disaster because of the care you receive from it.

When we want to make a change, there are usually two sides of us in conflict. One side desires transformation, but the other doesn’t—because it has something to gain from the status quo.

Much as we hate to admit it, a part of us may enjoy the attention from the drama and the subsequent pity parties we throw. Tough times happen, and we get stuck in a Groundhog Day rut.

A sign that we love the attention from pity parties is that we ask for solutions only to shoot them down. It’s a way of opening a conversation with someone else, bathing in their attention and care, and convincing ourselves we’re seeking help—but things never shift.

While this might feel good for us, it puts a lot of strain on our friends who need to continue picking up after us. We should of course feel free to lean on our network when we need help, but constantly injecting negativity into their lives just because we enjoy feeling the extent of their love is not fair to them.

If you feel a part of your life has become a consistently deteriorating train wreck, where the majority of your interactions are centered around getting this attention, it’s time to get it together.

Commit to stop managing the problem and its symptoms and instead start mastering the situation by mastering yourself. Think about a time when things were good, when you were in control, and when you liked who you were—your integrity and your energy.

Tap into how that feels, and use that energy to propel your momentum and strategy toward finding that person again.

You think pointing out someone’s flaws will help them to change.

I Am So Bad At Relationships. One of the most mortifying situations is when someone well-intentioned gathers others to shame you for a flaw, thinking this will whip you into action. We hear of such stories in families, where the flaw may be a mental health difficulty or a bad skin day.

If you do this, know that it’s hurtful and alienating. Most of us are aware when we’re a shadow of our old selves, and if it is sliding in the wrong direction, we are busy trying to adjust or even mourn the loss of our old selves. Adding salt to the wound only triggers more shame and anxiety.

You tell everyone to “just change” their mindset.

Someone told my friend Karla to “just be more proactive” when her professor had forgotten the deadline for her scholarship application, even though Karla had repeatedly reminded the professor for months.

Sarah was frantic and sad and then furious with said friend. We often tell each other to just “cheer up,” “stop thinking that,” or “be logical”—effectively applying cognitive Photoshop to our “negative” emotions because these feelings are uncomfortable or socially unpalatable. But it is irrational to put a rational filter over everything.

You push your truth on others.

When we discover a solution, especially after feeling stuck for a long time, we want to shout it from the mountaintops. Whether it’s the secret to weight loss or finding spiritual salvation, we hope our loved ones will reap those benefits.

And then there’s also another deeper subconscious drive that spiritual author Paulo Coelho writes about: We believe that an extra person subscribing to our truth makes it more valid.

Especially if we’re watching our friends’ lives deteriorate or worried about the afterlives of our loved ones, we feel compelled to proselytize. But this backfires in the end: Forcing our truths down someone else’s throat feels just as uncomfortable and invasive as the metaphor suggests.

Moreover, just because something’s worked for you doesn’t mean it’ll work for someone else—solutions must be tailored to someone’s personality, experience, and situation for maximum success.

What Is A Toxic GF?

What Is A Toxic GF? A toxic girlfriend isn’t always a bad human being, but she is someone who is inherently filled with flaws and wrong ideas about love.

Her expectations, her willingness to share and give in the relationship, and her needs in love are unrealistic and out of balance. She expects a lot but gives very little in return.

A toxic girlfriend could be a great person or even a very good friend. But when a girl has a skewed notion about love and relationships, it inherently shows in the way she behaves with her boyfriend or partner.

And eventually, what could have been a perfect relationship leaves her and you frustrated, angry, and miserable!

She believes that love is the most important thing in the world

I Am So Bad At Relationships. When you first read that, you might be wondering how that can be a bad thing, but wait a second. She doesn’t believe she can be happy unless she finds herself, someone, to be with.

For her, love is the biggest goal in her life. And this can place her in positions of being with people she doesn’t truly love. It’s a desperate kind of goal and one that means she’s likely to become needy and very clingy.

Her idea of love is very shallow

When you ask her about love and what she thinks of it, her answers are shallow. Her idea of love is based on what she’s seen on TV or read in romance books. There’s not a strong sense of reality in her definition.

She doesn’t talk about the struggles and obstacles people in relationships need to work through. That means your relationship is going to be rocky from the start because she doesn’t know what she’s getting into.

She lets go of her boundaries too easily

She has boundaries, but they’re all over the place. No one knows what she wants or what she’s looking for because she doesn’t even know herself.

Her boundaries are inconsistent, which is what brings on the drama and causes you a major issue from the very start.

Her view of what a relationship should be is very unrealistic

She wants to be chased by a man in the rain or proposed to on a baseball field after two dates. She’s watched way too many Disney films and she doesn’t have realistic views of love going on in her head.

She lives in her imagination, loving the drama and fantasy of what she sees in chick flicks. Of course, it’s not possible to recreate these images in a real and meaningful way. That’s not what love is about so your relationship is never going to click and be about anything more than make-believe.

She craves and loves attention

What Is A Toxic GF? It’s not that she loves it; she needs it. If she’s always texting you or calling you a couple of times a day, she’s craving attention. This is because she’s empty inside and needs something to fill herself.

Instead of self-reflecting, she looks outwards. Again, you’re looking at a pretty needy girlfriend coming your way and it’s one of the toxic girlfriend signs you need to be on the lookout for.

The smallest thing feels like the end of the world

She lost her earring or accidentally tripped going up the stairs – either of those actions would destroy her day. When things don’t go according to plan, she can’t handle it. She struggles to adapt to situations that aren’t flowing exactly how she pictured them.

She falls deep, very fast

She gives all of herself into her relationships, even to the point where she doesn’t know who she is. And the reason is that she doesn’t have a strong sense of self from the outset.

When you don’t know who you are, it’s easy to lose yourself in someone else’s hands. She wants to spend every moment with her partner, never letting them go.

She lacks self-awareness

If she was aware of herself, she wouldn’t keep dating the same guys over and over again. But toxic girls lack this self-awareness, always falling into their old ways. This goes beyond her dating life.

This lack of self-awareness runs through all aspects of her life and it’s going to cause you some pretty big problems over time.

She relies on her partner for self-esteem

What Is A Toxic GF? On her own, she has very little self-worth or respect for herself. But if her partner thinks she’s beautiful, then she is. She depends on her partner for her self-validation, and that’s a scary thing.

Without a partner by her side, she questions who she is and her worth in the world. [Read: How to deal with a needy girlfriend and help her feel secure]

Nothing you do is good enough

You could give her the world, and she still wouldn’t be impressed. This is because, for toxic women, nothing is good enough for them.

They keep wanting more and more, yet they don’t understand why they’re not happy. She has an emptiness inside of her that cannot be filled with outside people or objects.

She doesn’t understand how to compromise

Relationships are about compromise and if you’re with a girl who simply doesn’t know what the word means, it’s not going to go well.

A toxic girlfriend wants everything her way and will not bend in any way, shape, or form. There will be no meeting you halfway or doing what you want to do on one occasion and what she wants the next. It’s all about her.

She would much rather argue than talk

Every couple argues occasionally, but if every single conversation you try to have ended in a row, there’s something very wrong.

One of the signs of a toxic girlfriend is that she would rather argue and shout over you than sit down and have a grown-up conversation. She’s not good at communication at all and that is just going to signal the end of your relationship pretty quickly.

She deflects conversations about her feelings

I Am So Bad At Relationships. She just can’t talk about her feelings or reasons for doing something. Instead, she deflects and either turns the situation around on you or turns to humor instead.

She’s terrible at communication and there may be an underlying reason why, but can you handle waiting for her to share it? If she can’t talk about how she feels at any point, you’re looking at a toxic girlfriend.

She’s super-materialistic

To her, looks are everything. She has to have the latest gadget, the best car, the best looking partner, basically the best of everything. She wants people to turn and think “wow, look at her” and be envious of the things she has and how she looks.

She’s not that interested in personality and depth. A materialistic relationship is going to fizzle out pretty quickly.

What Are 5 Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship?

What Are 5 Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship? Regardless of how perfect it may appear, no relationship exists without conflict. Every couple is bound to experience the occasional rough patch:

Disagreements, misunderstandings, and general bad moods are unavoidable life challenges. But sometimes these rough patches aren’t so occasional. While healthy couples resolve friction through compassionate communication, other couples find themselves struggling in their partnership.

This can lead to animosity, depression, and an overall loss of self-worth.

What Are 5 Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship?

Dishonesty

Trust is the root of a thriving relationship. Lying and other deceptive behaviors break this trust, tainting the emotional honesty a healthy relationship requires. Of course, everyone tells white lies; but saying “I love your cooking” is vastly different from consistent dishonesty.

If one or both partners regularly lies about things like where they’ve been, how much money they’ve spent, or who they spend their time with, the relationship is not healthy. Lies like this prevent real intimacy, foster guilt, and put a strain on the couple’s dynamic.

Controlling behaviour

Controlling behaviour can be especially toxic and often escalates as time goes on. This sign of an unhealthy relationship takes on many forms and is usually focused on minimizing a person’s autonomy and independence.

Things like isolating a person from friends and family, governing a partner’s personal style choices, and limiting where they go or how late they stay out are all symptoms of control and manipulation.

A controlling person will try to convince their partner that the rules and regulations being built around them are for their good, leading to feelings of shame and reliance. This type of behavior is destructive, often walking (and crossing) the fine line between an unhealthy relationship and an abusive relationship.

Avoidance

Addressing conflict head-on is always nerve-wracking, and most people struggle to navigate difficult conversations. While it’s tempting to use excuses like, “I don’t want to talk about it,” these exchanges are often the only way to resolve a dispute.

This is especially important when nurturing a healthy relationship. If a couple avoids communicating their concerns just to “get by” or not “rock the boat,” resentment will build, and stress will multiply. Facing the truth is a hard but necessary step in cultivating a strong relationship.

Insecurity

What Are 5 Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship? Everyone has insecurities, but these should never be exacerbated by a partner. Relationships should be fulfilling both physically and emotionally. In an unhealthy relationship, however, partners can whittle away at the other’s self-confidence.

Subtle criticisms, like calling a partner “too emotional” or making a negative comment about their weight can fuel contempt and deplete self-worth. Relationship counselors found that frequent criticism is the single greatest predictor of divorce.

Co-dependency

Co-dependency is more than just being clingy or needing extra attention. In a co-dependent relationship, one partner is the taker while the other is the giver. The giver will subvert their own needs to conform to those of their partner, while the taker will rely on that partner for extreme support and validation.

This imbalance creates a high level of emotional distress— codependency often leads to anxiety, unhealthy boundaries, and low self-esteem.

Keeping an eye out for these five troublesome patterns of behavior can help you identify signs of an unhealthy relationship and act to ensure you are making your well-being a priority.

What Are The 10 Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship?

What Are The 10 Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship? Being in a relationship is not always easy but it should be an enjoyable and fulfilling experience, one where you feel supported and accepted by your partner.

New relationships are very exciting and sometimes even magical, the person you like likes you back! It is a time of going out on dates and getting to know one another. As you are learning about your partner be aware of behaviors that are unhealthy in relationships.

In healthy relationships, both people should feel safe and comfortable being honest with each other. Healthy relationships are rooted in equality, trust, and mutual respect, where both people respect each other’s values and boundaries.

In unhealthy relationships, one person has power and control over the other. They may be jealous or possessive and not respect your boundaries. Sometimes people are not sure if their relationship is healthy or not.

What Are The 10 Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship?

Your partner is very critical of you or the people you care about.

In a healthy relationship, your partner should be supportive of you and accepting of who you are. A person who is critical of you or the people you care about is not someone who is accepting you for who you are. Your partner should be building you up not putting you down.

Your partner becomes extremely jealous when you spend time with friends or talk to others.

Extreme jealousy or possessiveness can escalate into limiting your time with friends, family, and activities.

Your partner checks up on you constantly and wants to know what you are doing at all times.

Calling, texting, and demanding constant contact is not respectful of boundaries and are not healthy behavior in a relationship.

Your partner is consuming so much of your time you are no longer seeing your friends or doing things you enjoyed before.

At first, it can seem endearing that your partner wants to spend so much time with you, but if you no longer have the time for your friends, family, or other activities you enjoy, it could be a sign that your partner is not giving you enough space.

Your partner uses guilt or pressures you to do what they want.

What Are The 10 Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship? Healthy relationships should be based on equality and mutual respect. Pressuring your partner to do something they don’t want to do is not respectful of their wishes.

Using coercive language like “if you loved me you would do it” or “I will kill myself if you don’t” is a manipulative tactic used by abusers to have power and control over their victims.

Your partner has a bad temper and will yell or break things when they’re upset.

While disagreements and conflict are a part of life, being able to discuss issues and resolve conflicts is fundamental to having a healthy relationship. Dealing with uncertainty by yelling or being destructive is a sign of violent tendencies and should not be ignored.

Your partner blames you or others for their behavior or when things don’t go their way.

I Am So Bad At Relationships. We are responsible for our actions. Some people will never admit when they are wrong because they want you to believe they are superior. For others admitting a mistake means losing control of a situation. Be cautious of people who refuse to accept responsibility for themselves, or reflect on their actions.

Your partner makes all of the decisions in your relationship: where you are going, who you see, what you do.

Healthy relationships are equal partnerships where both people should feel heard and respected. If one person in the relationship is making all of the decisions then they are in control and the relationship is not equal.

Your partner intimidates or threatens to harm you or themselves.

Abusers use power and control in relationships. If a person is intimidating you or using their body to make you feel threatened (like blocking a doorway) this is a sign they are an abusive person. Abusive people may also threaten to hurt themselves in an attempt to manipulate their partners.

Something in your gut tells you this relationship is not healthy.

I Am So Bad At Relationships. Sometimes we know in our gut when something is not right. You may not be able to explain your feelings but if you don’t feel comfortable for any reason that could indicate that you know the relationship is not right for you.

What Are The Red Flags In A Relationship?

What Are Red Flags In A Relationship? Red flags are warning signs that indicate unhealthy or manipulative behavior.

They are not always recognizable at first — which is part of what makes them so dangerous. However, they tend to grow bigger and become more problematic over time.

Red flags are often used in conversations around toxic or abusive relationships. Toxicity can present itself in any close relationship: friends, colleagues, family members, or partners.

Red flags can be signs of narcissism, aggression, victimization, or even abusive behavior. By becoming aware of some common red flags, you can avoid getting involved in a toxic relationship.

When you encounter relationship red flags, it’s a good time to pause and reflect on the dynamic you share with that person.

Often, toxic behaviour is subtle and insidious. It creeps up on us in moments of weakness, and if we cannot fight against it, it can take control of our lives.

This can lead to both ourselves and those around us getting hurt. Cultivating self-awareness around red flags and toxic behavior can help us avoid them altogether.

Overly controlling behaviour

Overly controlling behavior is a common red flag. People that try to control your movements, decisions, or beliefs are more concerned about what they want than what is best for you.

In a healthy relationship, there is compromise and understanding around differences. Not one person controls the other person’s actions.

Lack of trust

I Am So Bad At Relationships. Trust is an important foundation in any healthy relationship. A major sign of an unstable relationship is when partners, friends, colleagues, or family members distrust you.

Of course, we all have doubts sometimes. But they shouldn’t stop us from trusting the people in our lives to do the right thing. Healthy relationships require trust on both sides.

Feeling low self-esteem

The people closest to you should build you up, not break you down. When you love someone, you are committed to supporting and uplifting them. If you do not feel that support from your partner, family, or friends, something needs to change.

Physical, emotional, or mental abuse

Physical, emotional, and mental abuse are undeniable red flags in any relationship. Physical abuse is easier to pick up. But emotional and mental abuse can be just as damaging in the long run. And just like physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse can cause PTSD.

Nobody ever has the right to use you as a scapegoat for their problems. Those should be dealt with constructively and fairly. Abuse is never an acceptable response to a problem.

Substance abuse

Substance abuse is a clear red flag. It indicates that a person struggles with impulse control and self-destructive habits. Depending on the substance, any relationship can quickly turn toxic if addiction is present.

With that said, substance abuse is an illness and your loved one might need help. If you or someone you know is struggling, reach out to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) for help.

Narcissism

What Are Red Flags In A Relationship? Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition that indicates self-obsession, and a misplaced sense of importance. It can come across as delusions of grandeur, although not in a clinical sense.

They are not experiencing a break with reality, although it might feel that way to the people close to them. Narcissists believe that the world revolves around them. And if anybody threatens this belief, turmoil and chaos tend to follow.

Being emotionally involved with a narcissistic, ego-driven person can be exhausting and traumatizing. Their needs will always be considered more important than yours.

Anger management issues

If someone you are close to has anger management issues, you might feel threatened or unsafe during the conflict. Lack of emotional regulation is a definite red flag for any relationship.

We all should feel comfortable enough with a partner or friend to tackle difficult subjects without fearing for our safety. Anyone who uses anger as an intimidation tactic is displaying toxic behavior.

Codependency

Codependency and the ensuing emotional labor might not always present themselves as toxic. But codependency in relationships can be a pervasive pattern that causes issues such as emotional exhaustion and increasing mental load.

Codependency, or “relationship addiction,” happens when two people rely on each other exclusively for emotional, psychological, and even physical support. This alienates them from their other relationships and can stunt personal growth.

Inability to resolve conflict

People that avoid conflict might think they are protecting the relationship from ruin. But in the end, it only results in long-winded passive aggression.

As uncomfortable as it can be, embracing constructive conflict is a crucial element of all relationships. Without productive conflict, serious matters can never be resolved. This can lead to resentment and wasted energy.

Constant jealousy

What Are Red Flags In A Relationship? It is natural to feel jealous when your partner or friend is spending a lot of time with others. However, that is not an excuse to let it cloud your judgment.

Someone who is constantly jealous of your connection with others cares more about what they want than your happiness.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a common tactic of manipulation. It is an insidious form of emotional abuse in which the manipulator will make you question your sanity or judgments.

Victims of gaslighting are made to feel guilty regardless of whether or not they did anything wrong. Gaslighting is a clear red flag in any relationship.

Lack of emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive and manage emotions. People with a low level of emotional intelligence are unable to pick up on your feelings or empathize with you. This often results in unnecessary conflicts or forms of manipulation.

Negatively affecting your relationship with family and friends

For many of us, our family and friends provide an important sense of community. It’s a major red flag if someone in your life is negatively affecting your relationship with those you love. Healthy relationships should never come at the cost of other healthy relationships.

When Should You Quit A Relationship?

When Should You Quit A Relationship? Knowing when to leave a relationship is one of the most confusing aspects of long-term dating. Because you’re emotionally involved, you may be completely torn about what you should do, even when you know that a breakup might be for the best.

Every situation is different, but here are a few signs to look for that tell you it’s time to leave a relationship.

You’re Not Genuinely Happy to See Your Partner

You may be afraid of being alone and you may even genuinely love your partner, but put those thoughts aside for a moment.

Whenever you see your special someone, are you happy to see them? Do you feel joy, relief, or at least a pleasant sense of familiarity? Do they make your day brighter?

On the other hand, does it seem like a room darkens when your partner walks in? Do you get stressed out when you see them? Do they seem to suck the happiness right out the moment when they show up?

We all have our bad days (or weeks), but if your partner doesn’t consistently add some kind of joy to your life, then there’s something seriously wrong. You may be holding onto the idea of the relationship even though you don’t like being in it anymore.

Your Partner’s Actions Damage Your Life in Some Way

I Am So Bad At Relationships. If there’s some kind of abuse going on, you need to start planning to get out of the relationship. Ask someone you trust for help if you feel like you can’t let go on your own.

Sometimes the problem is more subtle, though. It may not be deliberate abuse, but the situation is nonetheless damaging.

For example, maybe you are trying to scrimp and save to make ends meet, but your partner is addicted to shopping and spends all of the money. Any kind of addiction can end up causing unintended problems for both partners.

If your partner refuses to stop and their actions are seriously lowering your quality of life, you might want to seriously consider leaving the relationship.

You Realise That You’re Only With This Person Because You’re Afraid of Being Alone

When Should You Quit A Relationship? Let’s say that you could rub a magic lamp and produce an attractive partner who would love you and be with you forever. Would you feel empowered to leave your current partner?

If the answer is yes, then you may just be sticking around because you think the person you’re currently dating is your only option. Not only is this not true in most cases, but your fear of being alone will only make it harder for you to find a more compatible partner.

If this is your only reason for staying, then this is a huge sign the relationship is over already. You might be going through the motions, but you’re fueled by desperation, not love.

The Relationship Is Interfering With a Major Life Goal

Is it your life’s mission to become an astronaut, but your partner refuses to move to Mars with you? You might both be holding each other back.

This is nobody’s fault, and sometimes this issue is resolvable with compromise or some creative planning. However, if something important to you is always on the back-burner because of your partner’s needs, then resentment will slowly start to build in you.

Your Partner Seems to No Longer Be Interested

When Should You Quit A Relationship? Does your partner seem bored with you? Have they been ignoring you or giving you the run-around?

People who are interested in the relationship don’t blow you off or make excuses not to see you. Your partner could be checking out of the relationship and be in denial about it, or they may simply lack the courage to tell you that it’s over.

If you believe this is the case, the best you can do is bring these concerns to light. Talk with your partner and get a straight answer from them.

You Argue Frequently About Stupid Things

One of the more common signs a relationship is over is when little things start to irritate you about the other person. Do you get into constant fights about household chores, where to go for lunch, and whose turn it is to mow the lawn?

If you’ve been bickering and getting into arguments about dumb things, then the underlying respect and love may be waning. Disagreements are normal in a relationship, but usually, we’re much more willing to let things go quickly when we have deep feelings for the other person.

You Keep Making Excuses to Stay Together

This may sound counterintuitive, but there’s a difference between having reasons to stay together and excuses to stay together.

Reasons don’t need to be explained normally. They are so obvious that you don’t even need to think about them. You love your partner and feel a special bond with them, so you wouldn’t need to question your reasons.

Why Am I Bad At Relationships Quiz?

Why Am I Bad At Relationship Quiz? Relationships can be difficult, as it is a give and take between you and your partner. Relationships are a constant compromise between two people, and sometimes people aren’t ready to compromise on their goals in life.

Are you feeling like you are bringing your partner down or that you are not contributing to your relationship substantially? So, do you tend to ask yourself frequently, ‘Am I the toxic one in the relationship?’ If yes, take this quiz and get some answers.

Do you support your partner’s dreams and goals?

Yes, their goals are as important as my own

Sometimes, but I think my goals are more important

Not really; I don’t think their goals are interesting

Never, I only have time to focus on my goals and dreams

How often do you tell your partner that you love them?
Very often, every day!

Sometimes, a couple of times a week

Not really, maybe monthly or when I remember

Never, I do not tell them that I love them

Do you build your partner up with compliments or tear them down with insults?
Yes! I constantly compliment my partner

Yeah, I compliment them every once in a while

I don’t intend to, but sometimes they do get an earful of bad things

I don’t find anything compliment-worthy about them!

How often do you begin arguments with your partner?
Very often

Often

Rarely

Never

Why Am I Bad At Relationship Quiz?

Do you like spending time with your partner?
Yes! I want to see them every day

Yes, but not every day

Sometimes, I also like my space

Never, I prefer to be alone

Do you spend time with your partner’s family?
Yes, we see their family as much as they want to

Sometimes, it is hard to make time for their family

Not very often, we see their family less and less

Not at all; we do not have time to see their family

Do you listen to your partner’s feelings and concerns?
Yes! Their feelings and concerns are important to me

Yeah, I listen when they come up

Sometimes, I don’t ask, but sometimes they just talk about them

No, I don’t have time to listen to their nonsense

Why Am I Bad At Relationship Quiz?

Are you often frustrated with your partner or relationship?
No! We rarely fight with one another

Sometimes; we fight a couple of times a month

Yes, I find myself angry with them regularly

All the time! Everything they do makes me mad!

Do you engage in intimate moments with your partner?
Yes! I can’t keep my hands off them

Yeah, we are intimate regularly

Occasionally, I tend to postpone sex

No, never. I would prefer to do it myself

Do you yell or raise your voice at your partner?
Very often, I feel like I’m always yelling

Often, I feel like I can’t help it

Occasionally, I try to not yell usually

Never, I don’t think yelling is a good mode of communication

Why Am I So Bad At Being Romantic?

Why Am I So Bad At Being Romantic? Being bad at showing affection and being romantic is something you can help or change if you know why.

Neglect from primary caregivers in early life

People with EPD often experience neglect from parents or similar parental figures. A person’s emotional maturity develops from constant nurturing interaction with parents during childhood.

Without this, their emotional maturity becomes stunted.

Being ignored or rejected in their early life

Anyone who’s had interactions with kids would know how desperate they are for an adult’s attention and approval. For a kid to be openly rejected and isolated by others, especially their own family, has severe repercussions for their emotional development.

This negative experience makes them feel unwanted, and they feel incapable of love and isolate themselves as a result.

Constant criticism and verbal abuse

A person’s emotions are most sensitive during childhood, and any harsh words affect them later in life. In the same way, constantly criticizing them without a single word of approval not only alienates them but also impacts their self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

Lack of “love” in general

Why Am I So Bad At Being Romantic? We learn to love while we are young, and we understand it from our immediate family. So if someone either has no family to experience it from or a lack of love in other forms, they have no concept of love to bring to their adult life.

Fear of intimacy

Being intimate means being vulnerable. When someone is afraid of being seen for who they are without any more walls up, it can be horrifying for them. They feel incapable of love because they are too scared to get that close to anyone. It can be caused by tons of issues in someone’s past.

Low self-esteem

Low self-esteem can be brought on by one’s family life, school, bullying, and more. When you don’t believe in yourself, you don’t know why anyone else would. Therefore, if you don’t love yourself, you feel incapable of receiving love from others.

When you struggle with low self-worth, you attract people who use that to their advantage. They see it as a way to make themselves more powerful. They make that person feel useless without them and their attention. This becomes a pattern and can worsen emotional deprivation disorder.

Dependency

Why Am I So Bad At Being Romantic? When someone is dependent on others for everything, they don’t see what they bring to the table. Whether they rely on others for money, care, or attention, they don’t know how to depend on themselves.

When you don’t believe you can handle life on your own, you don’t feel capable of love because you need to rely on someone, not love them.

Fear of rejection

This is a classic, and we have all been there. The fear of rejection is strong. It can come from a parent leaving, a loved one dying, or a partner leaving. The pain that comes with being left for any reason can poison the potential for love in the future. It can be so intense it leads to emotional deprivation disorder.

Addiction

Addiction to drugs, alcohol, or anything else is powerful. It messes with friendships, romances, and familial relationships. that addiction overpowers any relationship or possible one. So, when you struggle with substance abuse, it can remove your chance of loving anyone more than your vice.

Perfectionism

Being incapable of love can come from a need for perfection. You will never see anyone as wonderful as you’d need to love them.

I’m Not Good At Relationships Quotes

I’m Not Good At Relationships Quotes. These are some quotes about being terrible at relationships to keep you going

“A wrong relationship will make you feel more alone than when you were single.”

“There is a difference between giving up and knowing when you’ve had enough.”

“Don’t force someone to make time for you, if they want to they will.”

“If they don’t appreciate you, they don’t deserve you.”

“Someone should break your heart once by leaving your life, than for them to stay in your life and break your heart continually.” -Terry Mark

“How many times do you need to get hurt for you to realize it’s time to let go.”

“Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince.”

“People hold onto the wrong person because they think that person has the potential to be a better person.” -Sonya Parker

“Love cannot live where there is no trust.” -Edith Hamilton

“Don’t stay in an unhealthy relationship because you think it’ll get better eventually. Know your worth and move on.”

I’m Not Good At Relationships Quotes.

“You gotta stop watering dead plants.”

“Don’t force together pieces that won’t fit.”

“A real man never stops trying to show a woman how much she means to him, even after he’s got her.”

“Just because you want it, doesn’t mean it’s for you. Letting go doesn’t always equate to losing.”

“You cannot change the past but you can change the way you look upon it. So treat the bad as a lesson and move on.”

“Don’t settle for a relationship that won’t let you be yourself.” -Oprah Winfrey

I’m Not Good At Relationships Quotes.

“You’re in a relationship to be happy, to smile, to laugh, and to make good memories. Not to constantly be upset, to feel hurt, and to cry.”

“You won’t let go of a bad relationship because you stop caring about them. You let go because you start caring about yourself.” -Charles Orlando

“Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop.”

“You cannot thrive in toxic relationships.”

“Being alone may scare you, but being in a bad relationship may damage you.”

“You’ve got to be in a bad relationship to understand what a great one is.”

“I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.”

“All relationships go through bad times, real relationships get through it.”

Why Am I Bad At Maintaining Relationships?

Why Am I Bad At Maintaining Relationships? Maybe in the past, you brushed it off as a bad spell or put it down to the fact that you keep choosing the wrong partners.

But as time goes on, and you keep falling into the same ‘trap’ it gets harder to pass off these relationships as simply bad luck. Perhaps you’ve started to realise that the common dominator in all of this might be… you.

Not everyone we enter into a relationship with is going to end up being our life partner. And breakups and failed relationships are part and parcel of the human experience.

Although they might not feel like it at the time, breakups can be healthy experiences, teaching us something about ourselves so we get clearer on what we’re looking for next time around.

But if you find yourself constantly entering into relationships that are very intense or dramatic and with a lot of conflicts, then it’s good that you’re here digging a bit deeper. You could be playing more of a role than you think.

Why Am I Bad At Maintaining Relationships? We rarely set out to self-sabotage. Whilst we might express it in different ways – some more obvious than others – most of us crave love and intimacy above anything else. But past experiences can sometimes set us off on the wrong footing.

Let’s take a closer look at some of the reasons you might be having difficulty maintaining a healthy relationship.

A string of failed relationships:

What holds us back from maintaining healthy relationships? You grew up in a dysfunctional family

Our relationships in adult life are usually tied closely to our relationships from the past. In other words, we go with what we know. Our relationship with our primary caregiver/s growing up is what generally sets the tone for our understanding of what intimacy looks and feels like. That’s all well and good if it’s a happy one but we run into trouble if something is amiss.

Dysfunctional might sound like an extreme word – but it doesn’t have to be. It can be as simple as growing up in an environment where our needs or feelings were not met.

This might cause issues with low self-esteem and self-worth where we grow up believing that our needs are somehow not as important as other people’s. Or perhaps we become defeatist in the sense that we believe they will never be met (remember: you reap what you sow).

Below are some of the ways a dysfunctional family might present:

Growing up with a single parent who over-relied on you.
Overbearing, intrusive, or controlling parents who didn’t respect your privacy.
Supporting or acting as a carer to a parent with chronic illness e.g. A depressed, needy mother who sought emotional support from you.
There was preferential treatment in your household – whether it was you, or one of your siblings.
One or both of your parents were either physically or emotionally absent.

When we feel like the rug could be pulled from under our feet at every turn as a child, it puts us in a state of high alert. We’re going to grow up lacking a sense of trust, whether that be in others, the world – or worse, ourselves. This might give us issues with our identity (shape-shifting), cause us anxiety or paranoia, and more often than not, lack self-worth.

You struggle to communicate your feelings

Why Am I Bad At Maintaining Relationships? Lots of people struggle with expressing their feelings. Particularly in the UK, society has taught us that expressing our feelings makes us appear weak or vulnerable.

But if we are unable to communicate what we need or how we truly feel, any relationship we enter into is going to be doomed from the offset. Good communication is an essential component of a healthy relationship.

If talking about your feelings is something you try to avoid at all costs, therapy is a good place to start accessing your emotions and working with them. Over time, you’ll start to feel much more comfortable sitting in your emotions. Both your relationships and your mind/body will thank you for it.

You self-sabotage and are addicted to drama

When we’ve had a string of failed relationships, we might find ourselves trapped in a vicious cycle. When we’re used to the feeling of intense and toxic relationships, a normal, healthy one is going to feel unfamiliar.

So when that lovely, stable partner does come around you might end up subconsciously sabotaging it by picking arguments or causing drama. Whilst there’s nothing wrong with the odd disagreement if this becomes your default way of communicating alarm bells should start ringing.

Trauma or abuse

Why Am I Bad At Maintaining Relationships? Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse in childhood can have a heavy impact on how we relate in later life. Sometimes abuse is obvious, but other times it’s less clearcut. Emotional abuse, for instance, might not appear as anything to an outsider but these kinds of wounds run deep and frequently carry through into adult life.

Suffering abuse at a young age can cause someone to respond – or cope – in different ways. At one extreme, a person might end up subconsciously keeping the cycle alive, entering into a string of abusive relationships.

On the other, someone might shut down completely and struggle to let anyone in at all. Either way, the impact of abuse can be devastating to the way we learn to trust, attach and choose our relationships.

If you suffered abuse growing up – whether that was physical, sexual, or emotional – it’s really important to acknowledge what happened to you and also to seek the right support. You can heal and recover. We all can.

You have unrelenting standards

Having standards – or boundaries – is a good thing. The alternative is a dangerous place to be. But there’s a difference between knowing what’s good for you, and being rigid and unrelenting in your standards.

We all need to have a bit of leeway and give people the benefit of the doubt from time to time. If you’re constantly cutting people out of your life because you think they don’t live up to your standards, you might also want to check that you’re not subconsciously putting up barriers.

Dating used to be more of a long-term game. With so much choice at our fingertips, it’s now easy to flit from one to the next in the belief that there’s always someone or something better out there. Take a moment to check in and make sure you’re not cutting chords as a means of distraction or chasing an unachievable idea of perfection.

Mental illness

Experiencing a dip in our mental health can take its toll on our relationships. If you’re struggling with depression or anxiety, the waves of emotion you experience are challenging enough to move through by yourself let alone having to explain them to a partner.

This can put a strain on any relationship. In these cases, open communication is key. However difficult it may seem, try expressing how you feel rather than bottling it all up.

Sometimes an inability to maintain healthy, stable relationships indicates something more ingrained. One of the key indicators of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is relationship difficulties.

It is much more than everyday difficulties with intimacy though – it is a persistent personality trait that can cause a great deal of distress.

When it comes to relationships, BPD is marked by a seesawing between love and hate. You can idolize your partner but this can just as easily switch to hate when things go wrong or if you sense impending rejection.

There tends to be very little middle ground. This is because someone with BPD struggles with their sense of identity meaning they shape-shift according to the person they’re with or who they love.

BPD has a lot of misconceptions but really what rests at the heart of it is empathy. Extremes in behaviour are often based around anxiety stemming from traumatic experiences in childhood, such as abandonment.

Because of this, someone with BPD becomes extremely sensitive to picking up emotional cues from others or ‘sensing’ or trying to predict when they might be about to experience rejection. This can lead them to cut a relationship short when there was little to worry about in the first place.

The most effective treatment for BPD is Dialectic Behavioural Therapy (DBT). Seeking the right treatment is especially important as it can help open up ways for you to help both yourself and your relationships.

Why Am I So Bad At Building Relationships?

Why Am I So Bad At Building Relationships? Being able to connect with other people is important for mental health and well-being. Creating such connections allows you to forge interpersonal relationships with others and helps prevent feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Connecting with other people serves as a foundation for self-disclosure, bonding, attachment, closeness, intimacy, and love.

So what does it mean if you feel like you can’t connect with people? Several factors might be at work, ranging from problems with social skills to poor past experiences with relationships.

If you are struggling to connect with people, there may be several different factors involved. Sometimes such feelings can be fleeting and related to changes in mood.

In other cases, feeling detached and unable to connect might be a sign of a more lasting problem. To overcome problems connecting to others, it is important to start by understanding the underlying causes that might be playing a role.

Lack of Social or Communication Skills

Feeling like you can’t form a connection with other people can sometimes be related to problems with social or communication skills.

If the thought of making small talk with another person makes you cringe, getting past the introductory stages of a relationship to form a closer connection can be more of a challenge.

Other factors can contribute to problems with communication. For example, poor self-esteem or a lack of confidence can sometimes impact social abilities in negative ways. In such cases, talking to a mental health professional may be beneficial.

Past Trauma

Why Am I So Bad At Building Relationships? Trauma can also play a role in making it hard to connect with people. If you’ve experienced trauma, particularly at a young age, it can sometimes make it difficult to trust others.4

If you’ve endured abuse, betrayal, or bullying, for example, you might find it much more difficult to place your trust in new people in social situations.

Traumatic experiences can also contribute to other psychological problems that can interfere with your ability to make connections later on in life.

Mental Health Problems

Several mental health disorders can also make it difficult to connect with others. For example, a social anxiety disorder may cause people to avoid social situations and make it more challenging to get to know other people. It can also cause someone to struggle more with social interactions, which can prevent them from developing meaningful relationships.

Conditions That Might Play a Role

Mental health conditions that can make it more difficult to connect with people include:

Anxiety disorders
Autism
Attachment problems
Depression
Low self-esteem

Personality disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder

Trust issues

Excessive Social Media Use

Why Am I So Bad At Building Relationships? Unfortunately, connecting in the real world can be more challenging than ever. Increased technology use, social media, and telecommuting may keep us in constant digital contact, but excess internet use might also play a part in degrading our abilities to connect in more meaningful ways.

People often connect with others through shared interests, activities, or goals. The internet and social media can help facilitate these connections in some ways, but research has also found that excess online time may make forming real, consequential relationships more challenging at times.

Negativity

If you find yourself always focusing on the negative in your relationships with other people, you might find yourself feeling disconnected from those around you. This may stem from having excessively high expectations for how others should behave, but it may also be caused by a general lack of empathy.

If you have a hard time understanding what others are feeling, you will likely find it more of a challenge to feel connected to them.

He Says He’s Not Good At Relationships

He Says He’s Not Good At Relationships. When you’re dating, it’s easy to label someone as “non-relationship material” when they flake out on you, make last-minute plans, give you a busy excuse, and take forever and a day to text you back.

After all, you’ve probably learned that not doing those things shows that someone respects you and wants to be a in relationship with you. But according to experts, it’s not always that simple. In some cases, you may be dating someone who’s just bad at relationships.

For instance, situations such as abuse, neglect, unhealthy relationship modeling from parents, and attachment issues can hurt someone’s ability to function in a good, healthy, adult relationship.

For a lot of people, being “good” at relationships takes some time and learning. You may even need to date a few people before you can acquire the skills that can make a relationship last. If your partner lacks experience or has unhealthy experiences in the past, it will affect their behavior in the relationship now.

So here are some reasons He Says He’s Not Good At Relationships

Their Definition Of Intimacy Is Sex

Although physical intimacy is great, emotional intimacy is the key to having a deep connection. When someone is bad at relationships, emotional intimacy may seem like a foreign concept to them. It’s something you build through opening up, being vulnerable, and communicating.

Your partner may be acting ‘bad’ because they’ve never been taught how a good relationship looks and feels.” If that’s the case, you may need to consistently communicate your feelings about things that need to change if you want to have more of an emotional connection.

They Have A Lot Going On In Their lives And The Relationship Becomes Less Of A Priority

A person may be seen as bad at relationships if their partner isn’t a priority in their life. They may have trouble juggling a relationship with work or other obligations and they won’t take the time to nurture their romantic relationship.

Because of this, you’ll likely end up feeling neglected even if they don’t mean to. This doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t care about you. Knowing how to juggle a relationship with work, friends, hobbies, and other obligations can be tough, especially for someone who’s been single for a while or doesn’t have a ton of experience with relationships.

They Get Confused When You Ask For Space

Taking some time apart from each other may seem like your relationship is headed in a bad direction. But as any healthy couple knows, having space is a good thing. people who are bad at relationships due to inexperience or toxic experiences may have a problem understanding that you need space from time to time.

They may be unaware that even if they love someone and are in a relationship partners need to establish boundaries for their comfort. Having a conversation about boundaries early on and often can prevent hurt feelings.

They Expect To Receive Just As Much As They Give

He Says He’s Not Good At Relationships. If you have a partner who seems to be selfish and does not consider your needs, this may be because they may have always done things themselves and never had to take someone else’s needs into consideration

Again, this can happen in situations where someone gets so used to being single, that they forget to invite their partner to plans or turn to their partner for advice. If this is the case, it’s important to be understanding

While you may be partners and want to share things and do activities together, you also need to make sure it’s OK for you and your partner to have a life outside of the relationship.

Their Communication Skills Need A Lot Of Work

Communication can pretty much solve a lot of relationship issues. But it’s a skill that needs to be learned. Some people tend to be more private with their true feelings, some may be afraid to rock the boat, and some have developed a habit of shutting down whenever problems arise.

If someone acts out or shuts you out after a fight, it doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. They just haven’t learned how to communicate healthily.

Why Am I Bad At Love?

Why Am I Bad At Love? You are right to acknowledge that you sometimes fail at being a good partner because you seek to know why and here are some reasons;

Fear of intimacy. Is there a point part way into any relationship where you start to experience feelings of panic and either sabotage the connection or just leave? Do people tell you you have a ‘wall’ they can’t get past?

Just because you appear confident and positive in relationships doesn’t mean you don’t suffer from fear of intimacy. We can’t fall in love unless we trust others enough to show them our weak side and our worries. So fear of intimacy is fear of being fully seen for all that you are, and also fear of being seen as imperfect.

Low self-worth. Do thoughts occasionally pop into your head like, ‘I am just too hard to love”, or, “there are too many things wrong with me”? Do you often feel flawed, ugly, or useless? Low self-worth means you feel like you are not as good as other people or that there is something wrong with you that can’t be fixed.

Why Am I Bad At Love? While it’s normal to struggle with self-esteem now and then, if you truly feel you are worthless it either attracts someone who will take advantage of you over love you or means you might hide from love, worried others will only see the negative things you focus on.

Dependency. Do you get so needy whenever someone likes you that you scare them away? Dependency is when you have a core belief that you cannot manage life by yourself and need others to take care of you. You are unable to see your inner resources. It might mean as a child you were heavily criticised or discouraged from being independent.

Abandonment issues. Do you constantly worry the person you are dating is going to cheat on you or leave you? Do you often leave at the slightest sign they are not happy with you?

If at some point as a child you were let down or neglected by the adults around you, even if as an adult you can rationalise what happened to you (a family death, a divorce that was for the best), it can affect your capacity to trust others. Which can mean you can’t fall in love easily or at all.

Codependency. Do you want to make others happy in relationships, but somehow always end up feeling unhappy and drained yourself? Do you often feel you are madly in love then suddenly you see your partner differently and panic?

Why Am I Bad At Love? Codependency involves confusing pleasing others with love and often stems from a childhood where you were only given attention if you were a ‘good’ child, or were forced to take care of others instead of being taken care of.

Attachment issues. Are you an independent person who is horrified to feel needy and manipulative whenever you try to like someone? Do relationships cause fear and anxiety for you? Or do you just feel completely unable to trust anyone to do what they say?

Attachment theory believes that to grow up into an emotionally stable adult, we need to have had a strong, trusting bond with a caregiver as an infant and that we needed that bond to be consistent no matter what our behaviour was – happy, sad, or upset. Otherwise, we grow up into the codependent or intimacy-fearing adults mentioned above who feel they can’t fall in love.

Childhood abuse. Do you just not trust anyone? Or are you attracted to the wrong types of people despite yourself? Abuse of any kind, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse, can leave you an adult who is wary of letting others close.

I’m Bad At Relationships Reddit

I’m Bad At Relationships Reddit. I [26m] feel like I suck at relationships. What am I doing wrong?

Relationships

For the longest time, I thought I knew what it took to make a relationship work. My longest relationship was 5+ years back from HS to college. Now, in my current relationship, I’m just having a ton of issues in a toxic relationship that’s back and forth. Not sure what the problem is. Is it me? Is it my girlfriend? Did I just get lucky with my ex?

I’m independent, outgoing, passionate, take the initiative, kind-hearted, educated, understanding, and more. I drink casually, rarely go out clubbing/partying, don’t do drugs, am financially responsible, and am career-focused.

I know I sound biased, but it’s just to give you a general picture of who I am.

I’m Bad At Relationships Reddit. I feel like I have relationships backward and what I think is the right answer, is usually wrong. At least, that’s how I feel with my current girlfriend.

For people, who are successful in their relationships, I need advice: What does it take to make a relationship work?

TLDR; I feel like I know a lot about making a relationship work, but my current one is making me feel otherwise. I need advice on how to make a relationship work.

EDIT: My relationship is toxic now because we’re too different people that have a lot of trouble accepting the other person for their differences, or, we just have a hard time accepting the other person’s way of handling relationships.

Examples:

I’m Bad At Relationships Reddit. When we fight, she thinks we should console each other. For me, when I’m upset, I need space. She doesn’t think that’s the right thing to do.

She believes we should keep no secrets from each other, anything I know, she should know too. I think it’s okay to keep certain things private when necessary, and that boundaries are okay and should be respected. She views this as being too secretive.

I think it’s perfectly normal and okay to spend a weekend to myself. We only see each other on the weekends because of our commute. She thinks we should spend every weekend together. I believe it’s important to spend time away from each other once in a while.

The list goes on…

I Am So Bad At Relationships Conclusion

I Am So Bad At Relationships Conclusion. Since relationship ruts are a common phenomenon, people have put a lot of effort into finding ways to haul themselves out of them.

Before trying to rejuvenate a relationship, remember there’s nothing wrong with losing a little passion now and again. Maybe you’re working too much or not striking an even balance between your time for intimacy and your obligations to others.

Perhaps you or your partner have chronic health concerns that might stand in the way of sexual activity or require some workarounds.

You may spend long periods apart due to travel, work, or family.

I Am So Bad At Relationships Conclusion. Whatever the reason, it’s important to put in the effort to sustain the relationship — if, of course, you both want to continue dating — during these lulls.

The same way you’d try to push a car with a dead battery the rest of the way to the mechanics to fire up the power, you might need a little elbow grease to get the relationship moving again.

Further reading

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