Is It Worth Going To Couples Counselling?

Is It Worth Going To Couples Counselling? Unless you have the tools to properly deal with issues like arguing too much, growing apart or stress from your job, these issues (among many others) can be overwhelming. Couple counselling aims to help give both you and your partner the tools to successfully communicate with each other and navigate through these challenges.

Effective couple counselling should help the two of you better understand your relationship, and assist you in increasing skills that support healthy relationships. This may include effective communication, conflict resolution skills with a strong emphasis on listening, and increasing the harmony and positive aspects of your relationship.

Is It Worth Going To Couples Counselling? If you are looking into couple counselling, here are four things you can do to help improve your chances of success.

Soul Searching

Before heading into counselling, think about what it is you want to achieve and the direction you want for your relationship. Be ready to accept your faults and your role in the current state of affairs, and be ready to do the personal work to make your counseling efforts successful.

Set Boundaries with Friends

Having the support of your friends with boundaries in place can help work through the issues brought up by counseling. However, your progress will be hindered if your friends are simply telling you to leave your partner rather than respecting your ability to make your own decision.

Find a Counsellor You Both are Comfortable With

Counselling requires the collaboration between the personality and beliefs of you, your partner, and your counselor. You must find a counselor you are both comfortable with, and be ready to move on to the next one if your current counselor isn’t working out.

Start Early

Waiting too long to get help can cause issues to fester, making you grow to resent each other and the relationship irreparably. Getting help as soon as you start to have issues can help the two of you overcome these challenges and strengthen your relationship.

How Does Couples Counseling Work?

Is It Worth Going To Couples Counselling? There are many different approaches, techniques, and skills in couples counselling but for the most part, they all have a few things in common.

First, think of the counselor as a professional facilitator helping you reprocess through modeling communication, feedback, and validation. The counselor is also a feedback loop, helping bring to light dysfunctional patterns, negative coping skills, and problematic interactions.

The counsellor then helps to provide a different way of interacting. In the specific type of couples counselling I largely draw from, Gottman and EFT, we heavily focus on using the session time to reprocess and choreograph the exact type of interactions you desire outside of the session.

Is It Worth Going To Couples Counselling? The relationship with your counsellor is also paramount because it’s a real relationship, it’s a professional relationship but it’s still a real relationship in which you can practice and change how you interact in relationships with the belief that these interactions will begin to take place outside of session.

How Often Should You Go To Couples Counselling?

Is It Worth Going To Couples Counselling? We recommend beginning couples counseling with weekly sessions. This helps to build momentum quickly. At the start of couples counselling, there is quite a bit to unpack to get your counsellor up to speed.

Your counsellor is also likely to recommend behavioural changes in the interest of an improved relationship. These changes are oftentimes counter-intuitive. As such, when there is too much time between sessions, couples may want to forget about the suggestions and fall back into the patterns that brought them to counselling in the first place.

That being said, not everybody can come in weekly for various reasons (financial reasons, time reasons, etc.). In such cases, bi-weekly sessions are a viable alternative. Sessions that are as infrequent as once a month may not have the impact that you would like to see.

What should I not tell a marriage counsellor?

You have a right to your privacy. Always. If there is anything that you feel uncomfortable divulging, it is your right to keep it to yourself.

At the beginning of the therapeutic relationship, you are likely to assess the degree to which you feel you can trust your couple’s counsellor. As such, it would make sense that you are somewhat cautious about sharing certain aspects of yourself and your relationship.

As the counselling progresses, you may feel more inclined to open up about all the pieces of your life story/relationship story. If you have the sense that something you are choosing not to disclose is inhibiting the progression of the counselling, ideally you would be able to discuss that with an individual counsellor.

If that’s not possible, then discussing your fears around talking about “it” (without naming “it”), in couples counselling, is helpful.

Is It Worth Going To Couples Counselling Conclusion

Is It Worth Going To Couples Counselling Conclusion? A prerequisite for success in couples’ work is the willingness of each person to own their part in the problems as well as the process of bringing about positive change.

Many individuals come to couples counselling with a list of complaints about the other person and a desire for the therapist to validate the complaints and then change the behavior of the other person.

Is It Worth Going To Couples Counselling Conclusion? Although there are often valid complaints, nothing is resolved unless both individuals are open to changing some aspect of their own behaviour.

Is It Worth Going To Couples Counselling? Positive outcomes are most likely when the partners beginning therapy have a willingness to learn some basic skills and to become more self-aware as well as emotionally vulnerable to each other.

Only very basic communication skills are necessary, such as using “feeling” words. Many people have difficulty distinguishing feelings from thoughts. However, this skill can be learned, and it is encouraged during the therapy process.

Is It Worth Going To Couples Counselling?

How Does Couples Counseling Work?

How Often Should You Go To Couples Counselling?

Is It Worth Going To Couples Counselling Conclusion

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