Whatever you do, they find a way to criticize you, put you down, dredge up your most painful wound and sling it in your face, repeat what you appear to have done to them that can never be forgiven, etc.,

All of this causes you to doubt yourself, questioning your own integrity, objectives, and identity.

And… even if the narcissist in your life isn’t verbally criticizing, the things they do might leave you feeling undervalued, unimportant, and unworthy of their concern or attention.

How can we break through the haze and ambiguity surrounding Why does the narcissist devalue you? ?
How do we make it clear that this is something THEY do and not our fault?
I feel that understanding what they do and why they do it is the first step.
Why do narcissists think you’re worthless?
Toxic people are unhealthy and unpleasant to be around. Hurt people are hurt people, period.

The following are some of the reasons for Why does the narcissist devalue you? :

If a person’s inner trauma is unmet and unhealed, and they have a stunted True Self, which is a buried, disowned, abandoned inner child, and a fictitious False Self at the helm to take over, they have massive ego defenses that kick in every time they are provoked into internal anguish.

If someone isn’t at peace with themselves and doesn’t feel like their own source of emotional love, approval, security, and survival, they aren’t happy.

When necessary, the narcissist does not self-partner and is not attached to himself in self-loving, self-supportive ways. Instead of confessing and loving inner erupting wounds with developed and self-generative self-talk like “(Narcissist’s name) I’m really proud of you and you’re doing a fantastic job” or “(Narcissist’s name) what do you need from me right now?

Why does the narcissist devalue you? ” I believe in you, (Narcissist’s name), and I am confident that you will figure out what is best for the highest good in this situation.” The narcissist is utterly detached from himself or herself, and their self-talk is delusory, arrogant, outward-focused, and destructive.

It’s made to self-medicate and avoid dealing with the trauma, which is exactly what loving self-talk and a dedication to doing the deep inner work to heal achieves.

“(Narcissist’s name), you are so hot,” the inner-narrative goes. ” (Narcissist’s name) you know you are so much better than them, “or” (Narcissist’s name) you know you are so much better than them. They all enviously look at you and believe you have the best lover, life, body, and home (or whatever)”.

Why does the narcissist devalue you? It’s a bottomless pit for the narcissist to search externally for inner relief. It can only provide a temporary repair for the false self and will never be able to hold, heal, or fulfill its inner being.

The inner being of the narcissist, like the inner being of everyone, is yearning for the self to turn inwards and return home. Everything else is a replacement for the True Source.

The narcissist is in a permanent state of anxiety as a result of his or her gnawing inner abyss, never being held, loved, or restored to completeness. There is a toxic, chronic neediness going on.

Why does the narcissist devalue you? “I need you to comply,” cries the narcissist’s outer-seeking ego. I’m counting on you to relieve my suffering. I need you to fulfill all of my ridiculous and arrogant demands. I need you to follow my instructions. I require you to be obedient.

I need you to go above and above to reinforce my importance, and I need you to take the fall for me anytime I’m furious and want to blame someone else and lash out. ” And if you don’t accept it, I’ll find a method to punish you until I’ve vented enough of my wrath to try to find some comfort.

Malignant, toxic projection is what narcissists are doing. They are being eaten alive by their disowned, unhealed aspects of themselves. To survive these deep wounds, which the narcissist has no intention of meeting, holding, feeling, or mending, they are placed upon you, and the narcissist then attempts to eliminate them, which means you are lined up and assaulted.

Why does the narcissist devalue you? If you’ve ever wondered why the narcissist blames you for everything that goes wrong in their lives, or why they accuse you of committing the same crimes as them, now you know. And the creepiest part is that the narcissist honestly believes you are the one who is responsible for these actions. They are entirely oblivious to the outside world.

A narcissist can only awaken from their trance and come into consciousness of the truth by admitting there was something wrong with them that needed to be healed, turning inwards, and accepting full responsibility for their inner traumas that were detonating their sadness, wrath, and angst.

Why does the narcissist devalue you? There are many reasons, whats important for you to know is that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

Why do narcissists devalue and discard?

Why do narcissists devalue and discard? People who are in relationships with toxic narcissists can anticipate going through three distinct stages. The phases of love-bombing (or idealization), devaluation, and discarding

Following the discard, the abuse cycle may include a “hoovering” phase.

Throughout the relationship, the narcissistic cycle of abuse is frequently repeated.

The Painful Part of the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle: Devalue and Discard

You’ve been walking on eggshells for a long time now, but the narcissist doesn’t seem to mind. They are no longer courteous to you, let alone kind. You frequently wonder what happened to the wonderful person you met the first time.

You feel as if you can’t do anything properly these days. In fact, they will not accept whatever you say, do, think, or feel. And, as usual, the narcissist makes certain you are aware of it. Every action you take produces the same reactions: rage, irritation, and “justified” rage.

You’ll have learnt the hard way at some point that you need to keep your mouth shut or react in a certain way to keep this narcissistic wrath at bay.

Keep an eye on the narcissist if you call them out on their behavior – or, God forbid, if you can prove them wrong. That’s when they’ll go all out to injure you, pulling no punches and delving deep to find a way.

Watch out if you call a narcissist out on their behavior or prove them incorrect. They’ll go berserk and dig deep to inflict pain on you.

Why do narcissists devalue and discard? The narcissist will severely insult you during the devalue and discard phases, probing your deepest psychological traumas. They’ll try everything they can to convince you that it’s not just your fault, but that you’re so damaged and defective that you clearly DESERVE the abuse you’ve been receiving.

(It’s worth noting that this is absolutely incorrect.) In any case, the narcissist may tell you, flat out and to your face, that you are so bad, lazy, fat, whore-like, that you deserve to be treated the way they are.

They’ll make it apparent that you’re not important to them, and you’re not worth their time. They’ll insinuate, if not explicitly declare, that they don’t respect you. And in every case, they will downplay anything that is important to you.

Why do narcissists devalue their partners?

Why do narcissists devalue their partners? When narcissists are feeling unique and admired and acquiring narcissistic supplies, they often idealize their spouse at the beginning of a relationship. When they confront their partner’s behavior or cease treating them as exceptional, they undermine their grandiosity and self-esteem.

To keep their self-esteem from plummeting, they devalue their partner by finding fault with them in order to boost their own. Devaluation is a form of self-protection that allows them to avoid feeling the pain, but it also causes their partner to feel emotionally mistreated in the relationship.

When a narcissist is depressed, he or she can feel better by showing their point of view, conquering others, winning, playing like a victim, covering up their actions, distancing from the hurting partner, truth manipulation, lying, infidelity, addictions, secrecy, and verbal abuse.

In the excitement and thrill of the chase, a narcissistic lover would act as if they adored their partner and treat them exceptionally at the start of a relationship. They get their narcissistic supply by looking for people who can boost their self-esteem or grandeur by reflecting on how unique they are.

Their spouse may feel loved at this time, as the narcissistic lover may entice them in by telling them exactly what they want to hear in order to win them over. The narcissist transforms into a persona that others desire. As a result, their companion is enamored with the grandiose false picture they provide.

This is what James Masterson refers to as the grandiose fake self, which hides their genuine handicapped self, which feels imperfect because they aren’t flawless. The narcissist sustains connections by fusing with the idealized other’s expectations in order to obtain narcissistic supplies and to keep their fragile self-esteem in check.

Devaluation and narcissistic rage

Why do narcissists devalue their partners? When their partner does not treat them uniquely and does not match their grandiose self, which feels significant and above others, the narcissist feels severely wounded. As a result, individuals are left with insufficient feelings about their true selves.

Because critical comments in their relationship can feel like a slap in the face to their self-esteem, they project their hurt sentiments onto their partner. They blame their partner as the source of the problem because they feel inadequate. They are unable to hear their spouse and, as a result, deflect blame and place blame on them.

Their spouses then begin to question themselves, believing it is their fault and adopting the projection as if something was wrong with them. The narcissist can then get away with their behavior without having to take responsibility. After a while, a narcissist’s partner becomes exhausted and drained, losing their sense of self with each argument.

Many people are told that they are wrong, that they are insane, that they should get over their problems and not bring them up again, so they feel horrible and give up their positions to avoid devaluing remarks and narcissistic wrath. Remember that the narcissist is easily hurt when they are exposed as not being perfect or not being treated as if they are entitled to certain things.

How do you stop a narcissist from devaluing?

How do you stop a narcissist from devaluing? The same reason that “ideation” feels so good is the same reason why devaluation hurts so badly. The explanation is that these things feel the way they do because you have a very low view of yourself somewhere inside of you, for whatever reason.

The ideation feels amazing because it focuses on these specific issues and lifts you up from your poor self-esteem. You’ve lost the ability to hoist yourself up and honestly believe that you are a lovely person with many wonderful traits who is worthy of love, praise, and acceptance for whatever reason.

You have an innate feeling that these things must not be true unless you hear them from other people. They give it to you at the start.

Devaluation is the act of ripping the rug from under your feet only to discover that there is no floor in terms of your self-perception. Devaluation is them ripping that permission away in the cruelest way possible, doing a complete 180 on anything wonderful they ever said about you or allowed you to feel towards yourself.

This is accomplished through a variety of means, including words, actions, the way they look at you, the tone in which they speak to you, and so on. You’re this, that, and even something else all of a sudden, but it’s all horrible. None of it is even accurate. What they focused on you for in the first place are the things that are true.

You’re stunning, intelligent, caring, and generous. The sense of entitlement that a narcissist has demands that they “only go after the best, since they deserve nothing less after all,” right?

As you begin to see through their lies, you begin to wonder if anything positive they’ve ever said about you was true.

They lie about everything because they are liars. You’ve learned they don’t have any, so that must indicate you’re not all that wonderful either, right? Wrong. You’re fantastic.

It is rather straightforward to ensure that they cease all of their devaluation of you for all time, but it requires some effort.

How do you stop a narcissist from devaluing? It all boils down to self-love. And for their victims, that’s a lot easier said than done since we’ve somehow learned to feel that loving and treating ourselves well is selfish, vain, or whatever. And such a way of thinking is incorrect. So completely incorrect. But it is what we have been taught.

Loving and taking care of yourself isn’t one of those things, and it won’t make you become a narcissist either. It simply means treating yourself the same way you treat others, and not treating yourself as an afterthought or as the last person in line with unmet needs. It entails treating oneself with the same respect as the people you care about. Neither more nor less, but equal.

Once you’ve done that, you’ll discover that their jabs at you become far less painful because you know them for what they are: hate-filled lies. They’ll keep trying to lower your worth. Make no doubt about it. But keep in mind that you are not worthless merely because they refuse to acknowledge your genuine worth and all that you have to offer.

They have no right to define your worth or value, and you don’t need anybody else’s permission to love and treat yourself honestly. So tell him to leave you alone and start enjoying and believing in your genuine worth. That’s how you put an end to all of the devaluing… right there, all of it.

What are the signs you are being devalued by a narcissist?

What are the signs you are being devalued by a narcissist? The second stage of the narcissist’s abuse cycle is devaluation. The idealisation phase places you just where they want you, oblivious to depreciation. You’ve gone from the best thing since sliced bread to breadcrumbs all of a sudden.

Breadcrumbing is a dating technique comparable to Hansel and Gretel’s breadcrumbs, in which you follow tiny, suggestive morsels that lead you nowhere. People who utilize breadcrumbs check in to see if you’re still interested, but they put you on the back burner as a choice rather than a priority.

The breadcrumbs reflect what the narcissist thinks you’re worth during the devaluation phase. The narcissist greatly diminishes your worth, and you yearn for the person you knew before the idealization. The narcissist’s mask comes off, but it’s subtle enough to keep you hanging on and striving harder to get things back to normal.

In a strange way, devaluation is a good indication; it indicates that the narcissist has detected your presence. The narcissist’s fears have been activated, and they want you to suffer so they can discard you before you discard them. What are the signs you are being devalued by a narcissist?

The idealization phase has come to an end.

The narcissist no longer needs to drag you into the facade because you’ve settled into the relationship. The narcissist withdraws affection and spends more time with other people or hobbies that are not related to you. Between periods of narcissistic wrath used to drag you back into their drama until they can locate a substitute, idealisation takes control.

Passive-aggressiveness.

Making snide remarks, twisting your words, implying insults or negativity, sarcasm, misleading or backhanded compliments, playing mind games, and making excuses are all examples of passive aggressiveness. It is always employed in secret by people who want to hide their negativity and are unable to face challenging situations or talk directly.

The Use of Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of abuse in which the perpetrator creates a false reality for the victim. Narcissists will make you doubt everything about yourself, including your sanity and the people around you. “There’s something wrong with you,” “Everyone is concerned about your mental health,” “That’s not what happened,” and “You’re insane” are among the statements.

Calling people names

Name-calling and put-downs are intended to damage you, and they can include comparing you to others, whether it’s implying that other people are better than you or that you’re the same as someone they’re criticizing.

What you hold dearest to your heart is used against you. If you value your ideas, creativity, or environmental awareness, the narcissist will criticize your creations and then toss your recycling in the trash. Behind their backs, narcissists will openly condemn you and those close to you.

Projection.

Narcissists employ projection as a defense technique to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Because narcissists lack the emotional maturity to accept responsibility for their actions, they lie and place blame on others. Projection permits them to play the victim, reducing the amount of harm they cause themselves.

Blockading

Stonewalling is the act of withdrawing from tough talks and situations. It’s yet another passive-aggressive evasion technique intended to avoid taking responsibility and elicit an emotional response from you. Silence, eye-rolling, and smirking instead of responding are all examples of stonewalling.

Minimizing.

Minimizing abuse is a form of abuse in and of itself. The narcissist minimizes the effect of their actions on you and others. “It wasn’t that horrible,” someone might reply, or “You’re overreacting.” Simultaneously, they will minimize their abusive behaviors while maximizing your response to their abuse.

Scapegoating.

The scapegoat is a sacrifice animal that takes the punishment for the village’s transgressions. A scapegoat child is a child who is blamed for the family’s misfortunes by narcissistic parents. In a relationship, the narcissist blames their spouse for all of their flaws and actions.

Promises that were broken.

They’ll make promises or say they’ll fulfill a request, but they’ll never follow through. To see how you respond, narcissists may mention the task they promised to accomplish or something related to the task in front of others. Knowing that others are unaware of the abuse makes your response appear out of proportion to what was said or done.

The Smear Campaign.

Narcissists are deceitful and will backstab you in front of everyone. A smear campaign spreads false information about you to their friends, family, doctors, outside groups and organizations, and even your own friends and family. The smear campaign resembles narcissistic triangulation, in which another person or group of people becomes involved in your conflicts.

Why is the narcissist so mean after discard?

Why is the narcissist so mean after discard? To discard something (or someone) that is no longer useful is to throw it away.

People are objectified by narcissists. That is, they regard humans as disposable objects to be used and discarded as they see fit. They don’t regard you as a powerful individual. They perceive you as a disposable item that can be used to meet their demands.

You will be groomed, used, and abused by them. Then, when you’re no longer useful, they’ll get rid of you, generally in a brutal manner.

Why is the narcissist so mean after discard? They are, after all. They’ve always been that way. You just didn’t realize it because they were so good at concealing it. They have nothing to hide when you’re dumped, so they can finally be themselves and let go.

Believe it or not, narcissists aren’t harsh on purpose after they’ve been discarded. They don’t make lists of “what can I do next to be cruel?” It’s a result of their differences, essentially. They are simply unconcerned about the adverse effects.

Hate is the source of deliberate cruelty, which consumes psychic energy. It’s a very different mindset than “indifference.” A narcissist is uninterested in wasting energy on disliking and being unpleasant to you. As far as they’re concerned, you’ve simply vanished. They’re soulless and frigid to the point of seeming robotic.

As a result of the discard, the narcissist is likely to stonewall you because you no longer exist in their reality. That behavior is simply psychological abuse, and they are well aware that you will perceive it as harsh.

However, it is an unintended consequence of their rejection. After disposal, there is no specified punishment. To them, it’s merely a side effect of their leaving, and it only demonstrates your weakness if you can’t stand the discard, but they’ll still enjoy it.

Yes, once you’ve been dumped, some narcissists may start spreading rumors about you being mentally sick, or that you were the one who initiated the breakup, or that you lied about your behavior.

But that isn’t done on purpose as a nasty smear. It’s all a ruse to “shift the blame” from themselves to you. It is not a cruel act on purpose. It’s a bluffing strategy. It’s to deny that the split is yours.

So keep that in mind. After they’ve been discarded, their “indifference” and urge to transfer the blame sets in. It simply hurts like hell, just like cruelty does.

How long does the devalue stage last?

How long does the devalue stage last? Because of their internal suffering, the narcissist begins to devalue you. It does not have anything to do with what you did or did not do. To exist, the narcissist is an empty vessel that requires total control, adulation, and admiration.

Devaluation is an indication that the narcissist is bored and looking for new sources of stimulation, as well as a confirmation that they have you in their clutches and can now control you. Devaluation begins when their idealized image of you is no longer idealized. But the truth is that no one is flawless. We are all flawed human beings, but the narcissist is not one of them.

Because most narcissists are adept at targeting their victims, the devaluation stage works well in this situation. Empaths and co-dependents are the people they select. These people are continually looking for ways to improve things, to understand others, and to need the love of others in order to feel better and validate themselves.

As a result, instead of seeing that the narcissist is influencing you to accomplish what they want, you believe you are the problem and that you have done something wrong when the narcissist withdraws their affection in a variety of ways.

This is just what a narcissist desires. So there you have it, right in the thick of currency depreciation. How long does the devalue stage last? This period can last for a long time. The narcissist is consolidating his or her authority over you, leaving you feeling vulnerable, doubtful, and befuddled.

Every narcissistic personality is their own individual, just as every other human being is. And they all go about things in their own unique way. The devaluation stage is a two-sided process.

There are two types of people: narcissists and non-narcissists. The length of this interval is determined by both parties. It can last anywhere from a single day to several years or even longer.

With each cycle, the duration lengthens as the honeymoon shortens. Every abusive relationship is different. The longer they are together, the more the partner becomes entangled with the narcissist and the more damaged he or she becomes.

Until the relationship ends, it will cycle through the idealization, devaluation, and disposal phases. This is the trend, whether the relationship lasts 2 days or 30 years. Once this pattern is formed, it virtually never ends.

Narcissist devalue examples

Narcissist devalue examples. If you are aware of your weight, a narcissist will tell you that you are obese; if you are not aware of your weight, they will tell you that you are overweight.
Others will tell you you’re foolish if you believe they’re smarter than you.
If you are insecure, they will make it plain that they are cheating.
They will point out whatever defects you have and, in most cases, exaggerate them.
They’ll brag about how much better other people/we are at some things, e.g., an ex is a better cook, their mother is a better driver, and an ex makes more money than you do.
They’ll cut down on their interactions with you, for example. One-word answers to queries, being in the same room but not conversing for hours, and constantly checking their phones.
They will speak ill of you to others; you will be aware of this, but you will observe other people’s views toward you changing, particularly the narcissist’s family and friends who are of the same sex as you.
They will purposefully do things that would irritate or upset you, such as: It’s not a big deal, but I’ve always had to have my tea, coffee, and sugar cans in that order; it’s the way I’ve always done it, and it seems right. When my narcissist moved in with me, I told her about this, so she kept the cans in the appropriate order until she tried to devalue me, at which point she would purposely reshuffle the cans. I literally observed her walk into the kitchen, rearrange the cans, and walk out again (I was in the garden). In the kitchen, that was all she did.

When a narcissist devalues you, you’ll notice that they become distant and cease conversing with you, even when you try to converse with them normally.

Narcissist devalue examples. They’ll shrug, raise their brows, and stretch their arms up, palms up, as if they have no idea what you’re talking about.

They’ll get snarky with you, treat you like you’re ignorant, and scoff at what you say when you ask what’s wrong as the devaluation process continues. Because they aren’t listening to you, they won’t take whatever you have to say seriously. And if they’re paying attention, they’ll entirely disregard what you’re saying in order to respond.

They don’t listen with the intention of understanding what you’re saying because they don’t care; all they want to do is respond by dismissing you. They’ll begin muttering about you under their breath, just loud enough for you to hear what they’re saying, so that if you respond, you’ll be accused of beginning the inevitable quarrel.

They’ll make mountains out of molehills and act disgusted by your presence in their lives in general. Even if you reside in the same house, they will ignore you and go days without speaking to you. They’ll brush past you as if you don’t exist.

And if you say something, they’ll act as if it’s a big issue for them to answer, and they’ll argue with you about everything you say, whether it’s true or not. They’ll say the sky is dark if you say it’s blue.

You’ll get that typical narcissistic attitude of them raising their eyebrows and widening their arms and saying something to the effect of “well you should know what’s wrong, you’re here,” if you mention you feel like there’s anything wrong between the two of you.

What do you believe the problem is? And whatever you say, whether it’s how you feel they’re separating themselves from you or that they don’t want to spend time with you, you’ll get that classic narcissistic pose back, and if you question it, they’ll either ignore you or twist it around to make it seem like it’s your fault that they’re not speaking to you or speaking of you in a derogatory way.

And they’ll make you feel inferior by telling you that you can’t do anything correctly, say anything right, and you certainly can’t understand them the way they want you to.

You’ll catch them in a few minor falsehoods that will make you doubt yourself, and by the end, you’ll be doubting everything you’ve ever known about them, everything they’ve ever said to you, and everything they’ve ever done for you.

You’ll have altered so much of yourself to make them happy that you won’t recognize yourself when you’re alone, and they’ll still be unhappy and want you to change even more.

Devaluation is the start of a perplexing and damaging nightmare, but it isn’t nearly as horrible as the discard phase that will follow.

And, of course, it has nothing to do with what they did to you. It’s always twisted around so that you’re the one who’s to blame for everything.

Covert narcissist devalue tactics

Covert narcissist devalue tactics. Overt narcissists are usually easy to recognize, and perhaps easier to stay away from. On the other hand, covert narcissists pose fresh issues because they might appear modest, innocent, benevolent, and even humble at first glance. They can be seductive and even affectionate, as well as affable and gracious.

However, beneath their calmer demeanor and ostensibly compassionate exterior, lies a contempt and attitude of entitlement that is ultimately more detrimental simply because it is so shocking and frightening to those who experience it.

Their strategies work behind the scenes to degrade, demean, and undermine their victims, which is why their manipulation and exploitation can catch their loved ones off guard and leave them reeling from the unanticipated psychological damage they inflict.

Here are three Covert narcissist devalue tactics:

Coded language, multiple meanings, and insults with multiple meanings

When a covert narcissist feels threatened by someone else’s intelligence, accomplishments, prestige, looks, or any other resource he or she desires, a mixed put-down happens. It entails knocking the sufferer off their pedestal while also allowing them to reclaim it.

To tear their victims down while avoiding accountability, the covert narcissist will first give them a lovely complement, followed by a backhanded smack (ex. Wow Mary, you’ve dropped a lot of weight! Isn’t it a shame about the sagging skin?

This can also happen in reverse: the narcissist may attack with a harsh tone, only to soften the impact with a smidgeon of a complement to confuse the victim (ex. You do realize you’re entirely incorrect about that, right? At the very least, I’ll give you credit for your diligence.

This will make their remark appear more like a valid criticism rather than an opportunity to tear you down.It “trains” and “conditions” the victim to seek approval and validation from the narcissist over time.

Covert narcissists can even become inventive and deliver a confused message by contrasting their seemingly innocent comments with a subliminal message.

Giving you a compliment in a condescending tone of voice, repeating an amusing joke at your expense with a scornful glance, making a startling gesture or suggestive facial expression, or stating something that could easily have two meanings are all examples of this (one innocent, and the other, abusive).

Of course, they will try to persuade you that they never intended to transmit the more malicious message, but there is always an underlying undercurrent of something deeper in such an exchange.

They may also use coded language, as I like to call it. This can include putting you down in front of others by making a joke about something they know you’re sensitive about but which others may not understand is a weakness of yours.

The knowledge of how this comment affects you is shared between you both, much like an inside joke, but unlike an inside joke, it is intended to undermine you rather than establish rapport. It also serves to elicit reactions in you that may appear exaggerated to an outside observer.

This is a means for them to get away with their abusive behavior while also provoking the victim’s public reaction. They then exploit their victim’s reactions to establish the victim’s instability while posing as the innocent party.

By choosing to “believe” in the abuser’s version of events, the victim decreases his or her own cognitive dissonance and perplexity. Slowly but steadily, the covert insults, coded messages, and ambiguous remarks get ingrained in the twisted reality that the covert manipulator constructs for his or her victim.

There is a major detour.

The covert narcissist will do anything they can to divert your attention away from the fact that they are putting you down in the first place. That implies they’ll devise a variety of distractions to distract you from your own understanding of what’s going on.

This serves to mask their evil purpose of gaining control and authority over you by making you feel like you’re walking on eggshells all of the time. They get you to refocus on your own behavior, personality, or invented flaws instead of holding them accountable for their actions.

When you express your confusion about the sudden “flip,” they may make a harsh, vicious remark about your physique one second and then be disarmingly nice and complimentary about how slender you are, as well as how you “read too deeply into things” the next.

The next minute, they’re organizing a romantic evening out with you, and the next, they’re blaming you for expecting it from them in the first place, even if it was their idea to treat you. They can hide the reality that they’re continually transferring blame onto you by going from pain to pleasure, from discontent to passionate appreciation.

3.Minimize tunnel vision.

This is when a narcissist develops tunnel vision by hyperfocusing on something unimportant or unrelated in order to downplay what you’ve accomplished, are proud of, or that they recognize as an asset. If you recently signed the lease on your dream apartment, they might change the subject to something unsavory or mundane in your neighborhood.

If you recently graduated with a Masters, they might change the subject to something in your neighborhood that seems unsavory or mundane. There’s always a way for a narcissist to get under your skin and inside your thoughts.

While others are applauding you for a job well done, the narcissist is frequently lurking in the corner, pouting and waiting to burst your bubble like a needle in a balloon with a backhanded compliment, excessive critique, or a helpful obnoxious reminder of what they feel you lack.

Narcissist devalue phase

Narcissist devalue phase. You are open and trusting with the narcissist as a result of the lovebombing period, and your emotional life and welfare are in their hands, even if you don’t realize it yet.

Because you are starry-eyed, loved-up, and hooked, the ever-so-vague initial warning flags may be ignored until they become so large that they are impossible to miss.

Devaluation is referred to as “red flags.”

And what it truly implies is that the narcissist’s claims of valuing you above all others were false, and the true evidence of the human value the narcissist places on you emerges.

It could be by actions or words. It’s most likely a combination of the two.

First, let’s have a look at the actions…

Taking actions like:

When you’re in a potentially dangerous scenario, they show no regard for you.
Being unavailable in times of sickness, need, or distress, being angry, or playing “tit for tat” when “in need.”
Having a sexually transmitted disease (STD), having sex with you, and not telling you

There are numerous examples, but I believe you get the idea—the point being that your health and “self” are not valued or revered in the least. Your physical health or even life could be jeopardized. These are all big red flags, and after being “so adored” they will feel “off” and “not right”.

For most couples, when the honeymoon stage wears off, things begin to fall into a predictable pattern or routine. You can and still do love your partner dearly. However, that initial euphoria usually wears off. And yet, this is the time when most couples start growing closer in many ways and learning how to work together as partners.

However, in the Narcissist devalue phase, this phase of the relationship is quite different. It’s when the narcissist begins to devalue their partner instead of growing closer. They discover that their partner is actually not flawless (who is, after all?!), and they don’t perceive them as having any value. The value of a person is merely to fuel their own self-image and importance.

As a result, the narcissist tends to put their partner down or refrains from being intimate or displaying their affection. When their partner pushes back, the narcissist may consider themselves the victim and blame their partner, allowing them to devalue them even more.

Examples of devaluing someone

Examples of devaluing someone. In a narcissistic relationship, devaluation is the second of three stages.

After the honeymoon period and the best parts of a relationship with a narcissist, they will most likely have earned your trust and unwavering support because, after all, they have made you feel special. They’ll start putting you down gradually and surreptitiously in order to devalue you.

The narcissist’s motivation is to make you feel weak and powerless so that he or she can gain control over you. They are deeply insecure individuals who will project their own feelings of devaluation and insecurity onto you. They’ll find your weak spots and exploit them, making you feel as bad about yourself as they do.

They have an uncanny ability to read people and determine whether or not they need to hear something. You may recall from our previous article about the first stage of narcissism, “love bombing,” that they will tell you what you want to hear in order to hook you up, but now they are telling you the opposite in order to make you feel worthless.

The transition from stage 1 to stage 2 can take anywhere from a few days to several weeks or months. This switch may occur just as you are beginning to feel at ease in the relationship. The change is subtle, and you might not even notice it.

This is the stage in which the abuse occurs; it can be verbal, emotional, sexual, physical, financial, spiritual, or other types of abuse.

Abuse in a Narcissist Relationship: A Cycle of Abuse

Examples of devaluing someone:

Name-calling (leading you to believe you’re insane, paranoid, or sensitive when your reactions are perfectly normal)
Insults aimed at your physical appearance, personality, job, hobbies, or family (“You like that?”)It’s a disaster,” and “Your family isn’t fond of me. You shouldn’t see them as much as you do. “, “You’re not allowed to wear that.”)
Make you feel bad about how you feel and think until you lose confidence (“What’s wrong with you?” “No wonder no one else likes you”)
Withdraw affection
Withhold seductively
Emotional appeals (will make you feel sorry for them whenever you bring up an issue that bothers you)
Make you doubt yourself until you have no confidence in yourself (“What’s wrong with you?” “No wonder nobody else likes you”).
Passivity in aggression

When the narcissist notices that you lack limits but appear to require them (in your position as a co-dependent), they will continue to act in this way. You’ll get locked into a cycle where you put up with the abuse to the point of devaluing yourself, but you’ll still hold out hope that they’ll go back to being who they were during the love-bombing phase.

A narcissist 6 month cycle

A narcissist 6 month cycle. The narcissistic abuse cycle is a series of highs and lows in which the narcissist perplexes their spouse by manipulating them and causing them to doubt themselves. Idealization, devaluation, and rejection are the three distinct phases of the cycle.

To keep someone ensnared in the narcissist’s web, they work in tandem with each other.

This vicious loop can induce the victim to doubt their own reality, leading them to stay in an abusive narcissistic relationship because their world and worth have been shattered.

Idealization, devaluation, and rejection are all part of the narcissistic abuse cycle. Narcissists seek to divert all of their emotions onto others because they are in pain about their own feelings.

They, too, may have grown up with narcissistic caregivers or parents, or may have been subjected to abuse or a terrible event that altered their lives. This is not, however, an excuse for the emotional and physical violence they inflict on their victims.

Because they are unlikely to see their activities as faults, narcissists act in specific ways. The narcissist will not change unless they are able to reflect on their own conduct and feel their feelings, and their victims will feel worthless if they are trapped in the loop.

A narcissist 6 month cycle. After 3–6 months, the narcissist will find it difficult to hide who he is.

Do narcissists devalue everyone?

Do narcissists devalue everyone? Narcissists are people who are self-centered and egotistical and who have an inordinate desire for other people’s approval. Anyone who no longer feeds their “narcissistic supply” will be devalued and discarded by a narcissist.

Those who threaten narcissists are devalued.

Remember that narcissism is defined as an inflated feeling of self-importance in which a person believes they are superior to others. If the narcissist perceives that others may be able to overcome him in some way or even see through his facade, he may feel threatened.

So, what exactly does a narcissist do? He tries to “hide” his flaws by dismissing those who might expose him before they have an opportunity to do so.

Do narcissists devalue everyone? When a narcissist feels threatened or no longer receives the amount of attention and adoration that they desire, they will turn on their partner or acquaintance.

They’ll make them feel useless, insufficient, like a nasty person, and so on. Devaluation is the term for this process.

This is all part of the emotional manipulation strategies used by some narcissists (those who are more immature) while they are in a devaluation phase. Other (more developed) narcissists, on the other hand, see it as a complement to their lack of empathy and poor/weak boundaries when it comes to other people’s feelings.

However, in both circumstances, these activities go against one of the major characteristics that distinguishes a true narcissist:

Someone who sincerely believes they are entitled to preferential treatment and entitlement based solely on their characteristics and accomplishments… A narcissist takes it a step further, believing that they are so important that they are exempt from the standards that govern regular healthy individuals.

What happens when you devalue a narcissist?

What happens when you devalue a narcissist? Many abuse survivors’ books, essays, and online forums focus on what happens when a narcissistic abuser “devalues” and “disperses” their victims.

What happens, however, when survivors are fortunate enough to recognize their abusers and, with the correct assistance and tools, are able to flee their abusers first?

What happens when you devalue a narcissist? Unfortunately, the predatory nature of malignant narcissists, whose acute feelings of entitlement are mixed with an alarming lack of empathy that is essential to their disease, can hinder what would otherwise be a path to liberation.

This is a dangerous mix that can lead to a narcissistic injury (a threat to the narcissist’s sense of power and control) and, as a result, narcissistic wrath in the abuser.

This form of injury and wrath can appear in a variety of ways. According to Dr. Sarkis, narcissistic abusers will go to great lengths to reclaim their victims if they believe they are about to leave. This, however, also applies after their victims have left.

Why does the narcissist devalue you conclusion

Why does the narcissist devalue you conclusion. The devaluation phase precedes the discard phase, in which the narcissist discards you in favor of the next victim who will also be subjected to the same cycle. The devaluation phase is excruciating, and it can leave victims with serious mental health issues, including severe post-traumatic stress disorder, akin to the narcissist’s trauma (CPTSD).

Knowing that narcissism is a mental illness might make it tough to leave an abusive relationship. However, there is no excuse for abuse, and allowing abuse to continue would only exacerbate the problem.

Why does the narcissist devalue you conclusion. My heart breaks for anyone suffering from narcissistic abuse and devaluation. You can get through it by learning about narcissism and forming a strong support system of people who have experienced narcissistic abuse. Keep up the excellent work.

Further reading

Treat your inbox