Table of Contents hide

1.1 How Do I Know If I Love Someone Or Not?

1.2 How Do You Know If You Don’t Love Someone Anymore?

1.3 Do I Love Him Or Am I Just Attached?

1.4 Is It Normal To Be Unsure In A Relationship?

1.5 What Does Being In Love Feel Like?

1.6 How Long Does It Take To Fall In Love?

1.6.1 Why Do I Not Know If I Love Someone Conclusion

1.7 Further reading

Why Do I Not Know If I Love Someone?

Why do I not know if I love someone? There are a couple of reasons that make one unaware that they are in love. Sometimes it may seem too sudden to place the love tag on it. Sometimes heartbreak plays a role in the denial of love. Other times individuals are simply clueless about what they are feeling.

Why do I not know if I love someone? But why would heartbreak stop you from knowing when you are in love or stop you from falling in love? No matter what the timeline, the story of lost love is one most of us can tell. This leaves the question “why do relationships fail?” to linger heavily in the back of our minds. The answer for many of us can be found within.

Why do I not know if I love someone? Whether we know it or not, most of us are afraid of really being in love. While our fears may manifest themselves in different ways or show themselves at different stages of a relationship, we all harbor defenses that we believe on some level will protect us from getting hurt.

These defenses may offer us a false illusion of safety or security, but they keep us from attaining the closeness we most desire. So what drives our fears of intimacy? What keeps us from finding and keeping the love we say we want?

Real love makes us feel vulnerable. A new relationship is an uncharted territory, and most of us have natural fears of the unknown. Letting ourselves fall in love means taking a real risk. We are placing a great amount of trust in another person, allowing them to affect us, which makes us feel exposed and vulnerable.

Our core defenses are challenged. Any habits we’ve long had that allow us to feel self-focused or self-contained start to fall by the wayside. We tend to believe that the more we care, the more we can get hurt.

New love stirs up past hurts. When we enter into a relationship, we are rarely fully aware of how we’ve been impacted by our history. The ways we were hurt in previous relationships, starting from our childhood, have a strong influence on how we perceive the people we get close to as well as how we act in our romantic relationships.

Why do I not know if I love someone? Old, negative dynamics may make us wary of opening ourselves up to someone new. We may steer away from intimacy because it stirs up old feelings of hurt, loss, anger, or rejection.

Love challenges an old identity. Many of us struggle with underlying feelings of being unlovable. We have trouble feeling our value and believing anyone could care for us. We all have a “critical inner voice,” which acts like a cruel coach inside our heads that tells us we are worthless or undeserving of happiness.

This coach is shaped by painful childhood experiences and critical attitudes we were exposed to early in life as well as feelings our parents had about themselves.

Why do I not know if I love someone? While these attitudes can be hurtful, over time, they have become ingrained in us. As adults, we may fail to see them as an enemy, instead accepting their destructive point of view as our own.

These critical thoughts or “inner voices” are often harmful and unpleasant, but they’re also comfortable in their familiarity. When another person sees us differently from our voices, loving and appreciating us, we may start to feel uncomfortable and defensive, as it challenges these long-held points of identification.

With real joy comes real pain. Any time we fully experience true joy or feel the preciousness of life on an emotional level, we can expect to feel a great amount of sadness. Many of us shy away from the things that would make us happiest because they also make us feel pain.

The opposite is also true. We cannot selectively numb ourselves to sadness without numbing ourselves to joy. When it comes to falling in love, we may be hesitant to go “all in,” for fear of the sadness it would stir up in us.

Love is often unequal. Many people I’ve talked to have expressed hesitation over getting involved with someone because that person “likes them too much.” They worry that if they got involved with this person, their feelings wouldn’t evolve, and the other person would wind up getting hurt or feeling rejected.

Why do I not know if I love someone? The truth is that love is often imbalanced, with one person feeling more or less from moment to moment. Our feelings toward someone are an ever-changing force. In a matter of seconds, we can feel anger, irritation, or even hate for a person we love.

Why do I not know if I love someone? Worrying over how we will feel keeps us from seeing where our feelings would naturally go. It’s better to be open to how our feelings develop over time.

Allowing worry or guilt over how we may or may not feel keeps us from getting to know someone who is expressing interest in us and may prevent us from forming a relationship that could make us happy.

Relationships can break your connection to your family. Relationships can be the ultimate symbol of growing up. They represent starting our own lives as independent, autonomous individuals.

This development can also represent a parting of our family. Much like breaking from an old identity, this separation isn’t physical. It doesn’t mean literally giving up our family, but rather letting go on an emotional level – no longer feeling like a kid and differentiating from the more negative dynamics that plagued our early relationships and shaped our identity.

Love stirs up existential fears. The more we have, the more we have to lose. The more someone means to us, the more afraid we are of losing that person. When we fall in love, we not only face the fear of losing our partner, but we become more aware of our mortality.

Our life now holds more value and meaning, so the thought of losing it becomes more frightening. In an attempt to cover over this fear, we may focus on more superficial concerns, pick fights with our partner or, in extreme cases, completely give up the relationship.

Why do I not know if I love someone? We are rarely fully aware of how we defend against these existential fears. We may even try to rationalize to ourselves a million reasons we shouldn’t be in the relationship. However, the reasons we give may have workable solutions, and what’s driving us are those deeper fears of loss.

How Do I Know If I Love Someone Or Not?

How do I know if I love someone or not? There is nothing more exciting than the feeling of falling for someone. The butterflies in your stomach, the longing to need to talk or be with them, and the unexpected need to find new ways to impress them.

When you start to fall for someone, the emotions can get truly exceptional, and there’s a feeling that can be very hard to express.

And even though it might feel like you are in love, it doesn’t always turn out to be love. But how to know if you love someone or are simply infatuated? Keep reading to find out.

Why is it important to know if you are in love

Just like any other emotion or feeling, realizing if you are in love with someone or not is essential.

Why do I not know if I love someone? It’s never simple being in a situation of not knowing if you love someone or not. You may be in a circumstance where somebody has pronounced their adoration for you; however, you don’t know whether you are genuinely prepared to respond to those emotions.

Or maybe the person you adore is about to move into a relationship with someone else, and you need to express your feelings before it’s past the point of no return.

Yet, how would you realize that what you feel is genuine, lasting, and valid? Love is significantly more than other sentiments we experience in our lives. It is something we shape our lives around. We move the world over and start families.

Hence, it becomes important to understand if what you feel is love or some version of lust or infatuation.

How do I know if I love someone or not?

You keep on staring at them

When you find yourself staring at them for a long time, then it could be a sign that you are falling in love with that person.

Usually, eye contact will mean that you are being fixated on something. If you are looking at someone several times, you should know that you have found a lover.

Studies have shown that partners who find themselves staring at each other have a romantic connection. And, that is true. You can’t be staring at someone when you don’t have feelings for them.

You wake up and go to bed with thoughts of them

How do I know if I love someone or not? When you are in love, you often think about the person you care for, but more than that, they are your first thought in the morning and last thought before going to bed.

Furthermore, when you have love feelings for someone, they are also the first person you think of sharing the news with.

You feel high

Sometimes it can be tricky to know whether you love someone or not. That’s why most people will get stuck with the question, how do you know you love someone?

In most cases, when you are falling in love with someone, you’ll feel high, and that’s normal for everyone.

A study trying to assess the similarities between drug addiction and romantic love found that there are many similarities between the early stage of romantic love and drug addiction.

Now, if you don’t know why you have been acting the way you are acting, this is the reason – you are falling in love.

You think about someone too often

How do I know if I love someone or not? When you love somebody, no doubt, you will not stop thinking about them. The reason why you always think about your new lover is that your brain releases phenylethylamine – which is sometimes known as the “love drug.”

Phenylethylamine is a hormone that aids in creating feelings between you and your partner.

If you have never known this, now you should. Phenylethylamine is also found in the chocolate you love.

So, if you consume chocolate daily, then it could be the reason why you can’t stop thinking about your new partner.

You always want to see them happy

In a real sense, love should be an equal partnership. When you already love someone, you’ll feel like you want them to be happy every time.

And, maybe if you didn’t know, compassionate love is a sign that you are getting into a healthy relationship. This means that you can do whatever it takes to make sure your partner is happy at all times.

Therefore, if you find yourself preparing dinner on behalf of your partner when they are busy with her assignments, then you must know you are falling in love.

You are stressed of late

How do I know if I love someone or not? In most cases, love will be associated with fuzzy feelings, but once in a while, you will find yourself stressed.

When you are in love, your brain releases a hormone called cortisol, which makes you feel stressed.

Therefore, if you realize that you are freaking out of late, they know it’s because of your new relationship. But don’t quit just because of that. Stress is normal in a relationship.

You feel some jealousy

Being in love with someone can invite some jealousy, although you might not be a jealous person in general. Being in love with someone makes you want to have them for yourself exclusively, so a bit of jealousy is natural, as long as it is not obsessing.

You prioritise them over other activities

How do I know if I love someone or not? Spending time with your loved one is a reward in itself, so you start prioritizing them over other activities.

When you spend time with them, your stomach says, “I’m in love with this feeling,” and craves for more, pushing you to rearrange your plans and put them on top.

You are falling in love with new things

If you love someone, you will find yourself doing things you were never used to doing. For example, if you did not love watching football, your new partner can influence you to start watching.

If you realize that you are giving life a different approach, you don’t have to worry because you are just falling in love.

Time flies when you are with them

Have you spent the weekend together, and you woke up Monday morning thinking how did two days fly by?

How do I know if I love someone or not? When we are around the person we are in love with, we are so involved in the moment, making hours simply go by without noticing.

You empathize with them

You know you love someone when you’re empathizing and going out of your way to help your partner.

Doing things for them comes easy because you want them to feel good, and you can sense their distress.

You are changing for the better

Most people say, ‘I think I’m in love ‘when their other half inspires them to become a better version of themselves.

This means you are motivated to change because you want to, although they accept you the way you are.

You love their quirks

All people have unique characteristics. So, when you fall in love with someone, you will realize you have picked a few characteristics that make them unique, and that’s normal.

You’ll start feeling like you want to imitate how they talk, how they walk, and probably how they crack jokes.

Such things keep a relationship going. Sure, they may not seem serious, but they are detrimental to your relationship.

You imagine a future together

The moment when most people realize and acknowledge ‘I think I’m in love ‘is when they notice making plans for a future together and choosing the names of children secretly.

So, how do you know you love someone?

To answer that, ask yourself, have you started to, and to what extent, do you imagine your future together?

You crave physical closeness

if you want to make sure you are in love before coming out with “I think I’m in love,” study your need for physical touch with your partner.

Although we enjoy hugging and being close to people we love, like friends and family, when in love, the feeling of craving bodily contact is different.

It consumes you, and you look for any opportunity to be intimate with the person of your affection.

How Do You Know If You Don’t Love Someone Anymore?

How do I know if I don’t love someone anymore? Partnerships aren’t cut and dry with a consistent romantic connection on both sides at all times. To achieve this, each person needs to maintain that commitment, put in the effort and genuine hard work, and give the union sufficient time.

How do I know if I don’t love someone anymore? Signs you’re not in love anymore, or that romantic connection is waning are when you no longer have a desire to nurture the relationship or find yourself paying less attention than the union craves.

It’s unfortunate (and hurts a mate), but you can fall out of love. The trauma for a partner will be devastating, but ideally, life will move on once they go through the stages of grief following the breakup.

Ideally, you will try to recognize the signs that you’re not in love anymore early to present the situation to your partner in as straightforward a way as possible, albeit compassionately.

In all honesty, mates can love each other and fall out of love with their partner often while in a long-term commitment. Everyone experiences ups and downs. Merely loving a person is not enough to sustain the couplehood.

Nurturing the partnership involves so many other “ingredients,” including communication, time, energy, undivided attention, and maintaining that sense of commitment. Once these things begin to fall away, it’s a sign that you’re not in love anymore.

While that can happen periodically during a partnership, one person can reach their end at some point. Let’s look at some signs this might be happening for you.

How do I know if I don’t love someone anymore?

Lack of communication with no desire to try

When you feel no desire to discuss anything, or you’ve pretty much stopped having conversations with your mate, it’s apparent there are no more feelings.

Confirming you’re no longer in love would be having little interest when your significant other makes attempts to talk with you and you, in turn, block them out as they’re expressing how they feel. While you may have the respect to respond to direct questions, there’s little else offered.

The foundation for a healthy union is communication. If you lack this component and have no wish to repair this aspect of the partnership, it’s a clear sign you’re not in love anymore.

Avoidance or excuses combined with dread

You begin to wonder, “am I not in love anymore” when excitement to spend time with your mate turns to dread. There used to be anticipation, initiation of plans, anxious conversations, calls to hang out merely, and an interest in what they were up to each day. Now there’s avoidance and excuses for why you can’t hang out.

How do I know if I don’t love someone anymore? In all likelihood, you’ll realize that you’re beginning to make other things a priority over your partner. Ignoring texts or silencing phone calls are also signs you’re not in love, and send that clear message to your mate.

Becoming a complainer or being critical is something new

It can seem as though everything your partner does at this point irritates you. The mate can do nothing right. You find that you’re complaining all the time, which is something new for you but has been happening for some time.

Generally, you’re a laid-back, accessible person. Instead of continuing to be hard on your significant other, it’s essential to take a step back and look at yourself to determine “why am I not in love” because that’s basically what this behavior should be saying to you.

It’s your way of validating your feelings. Your mate might genuinely not be doing anything wrong. You’re merely looking for things to find fault with so you can confirm for yourself why everything you once found endearing is now a source of annoyance.

Did you ever really love this person?

How do I know if I don’t love someone anymore? Infatuation is not genuinely loved but has the potential for enduring a long-term, making people mistake it for love. The problem is that emotion is not sustainable in the same way that genuine love can be.

If you imply similar interests, goals, lifestyles values to develop the relationship, the charade doesn’t have the possibility of growing into something stable, meaning the feelings will ultimately fade.

You might have been in love with the notion of loving that person rather than indeed ever falling in love with the mate. That will be difficult for your partner to hear and needs handling delicately.

When you feel there’s a need for a break

Generally when one person finds a need for a break away from the other person to have some “space” or to gain some time to “think about things,” one of those questions you’ll likely be considering is how to know if you’re not in love anymore.

Ultimately, taking this time apart is merely your way of gradually breaking away from the other person without officially calling it a breakup. Once there’s “space,” you’ll invariably find reasons why you can’t see the other person again, leading to the end.

Making a ton of new friends

Why do I not know if I love someone? If you’re finding fulfillment with a new social circle outside of the relationship, that can signify that you’re not in love anymore. When your mate is not providing the entertainment you desire.

Instead, you’re finding fun and excitement with other people. That’s a definitive red flag that there are problems in the relationship.

You can undoubtedly have friends apart from your mate, but when you don’t find stimulation from a partner, instead looking for that attention, that “click,” or emotional validation elsewhere, you’ll know if you’re not in love anymore.

Intimacy is virtually nonexistent

How do I know if I don’t love someone anymore? If you find that you’re no longer attracted to your mate, with intimacy at every level being the last thing on your mind, you’re indicating you’re not into your partner anymore.

When you no longer touch your mate, whether it be a simple hug or a hand on their back, find sex to be a dreaded chore, or flinch when your mate reaches to touch you, these are signs you’re not in love anymore.

Independence has become an important concept again

How do I know if I don’t love someone anymore? You might be noticing that you’re becoming more independent again. Where you were incorporating your partner more into the various aspects of your daily life, now you’re beginning the elimination process to show yourself that you don’t need another person to handle life.

When you’re in love, a mate’s guidance and advice are valuable. Even if you know you can handle whatever is thrown at you, support is essential and appreciated. Now those things are viewed as interference.

Discussing the future is no longer a topic

When you’re not in love anymore, plans for the future are no longer relevant. Discussions that lead toward the subject make you disengage from the conversation.

In times past, you would perk up when your partner wanted to talk about the possibility of perhaps living together or a more profound commitment. Now, this lends itself to feelings of stress and pressure.

You recognize the signs you’re not in love anymore

Why do I not know if I love someone? Your instincts might just be telling you that you’re not in love anymore. It’s essential to pay attention to your intuition. Before having the conversation with your mate, put considerable thought into whether there’s any possibility for working things through or perhaps there’s a future with them.

When you can honestly admit to yourself that you no longer love the individual, listen to the voice. Avoid the notion of overthinking the issues and communicating your feelings.

While it will be difficult, your mate will find a way to cope with their emotions and ultimately move forward.

Do I Love Him Or Am I Just Attached?

Do I love him or am I just attached? Are you in love with your partner or are you just attached to them? Love can be complicated, but this article explains a few of the differences between attachment and real love. I hope that these explanations will aid you in nurturing your current relationship or creating one based on genuine love in the future.

Love is selfless, and attachment is selfish

Do I love him or am I just attached? When you’re in love, you focus on making the other person happy. You’re always thinking of ways to make sure that your partner feels loved and fulfilled.

You aren’t keeping score, arguing over who helps more, or fighting over who is supposed to wash the dishes. You don’t emotionally blackmail your partner, try to manipulate them, or seek to dominate the relationship.

Do I love him or am I just attached? When you’re merely attached to someone, you’re focused on how they can make you happy. You become heavily dependent upon your partner and may even try to control him or her to avoid abandonment.

Instead of confronting your issues, you use your partner to improve your self-esteem and fill a void within you. You believe that they are responsible for your happiness and become frustrated and angry if they fail to bring you contentment.

Love is liberating, attachment is controlling

Mutual love allows you to be your true self. Your partner encourages you to be who you genuinely are and you won’t be afraid to expose your weaknesses. Mutual trust develops and becomes a powerful catalyst for personal growth for both of you.

Do I love him or am I just attached? Love is never controlling. In actuality, love transcends control. Your partner’s ability to accept you for who you are and encourage you to pursue your dreams allows you to let go of the need to control your life.

Attachment, on the other hand, tends to fuel controlling behavior. You may discourage your partner from spending time with their friends, play mind games, or put an unhealthy level of focus on pleasing them. You may even try to manipulate them into staying with you regardless of their feelings.

Love is mutual growth, attachment is encumbering

Do I love him or am I just attached? If you’re in love, you and your partner will grow together. When both of you work to become the best versions of yourselves, you’ll become better than you could have been on your own. In short, your partner stimulates your growth, and you do the same for them.

Do I love him or am I just attached? In cases of attachment, your urge to control and your inability to solve your problems restricts your growth as well as your partner’s. Your unresolved issues cause unnecessary dependence upon your significant other. Not surprisingly, this restricts the growth of both parties and makes it difficult to live healthily.

Love is everlasting, and attachment is transient

Love survives the passage of time. You and your partner may ultimately break up, be it temporarily or permanently. If you were truly in love, however, that person will always have a place in your heart and you will continue to wish them well for the rest of their life.

Do I love him or am I just attached? If, on the other hand, you were merely attached to them, you will likely hold resentment after a breakup. You may even experience feelings of betrayal. These feelings stem from the assumption that your partner had an obligation to make you happy that, in your eyes, was not fulfilled.

Is It Normal To Be Unsure In A Relationship?

Is it normal to be unsure in a relationship? If you’re questioning your bond with your partner, you’re not alone. It’s normal to have doubts about your relationship at times. After all, relationships are hard and no one is perfect.

Some degree of uncertainty can be good. It means you’re thinking critically about yourself and your partner, and it shows that you’re putting real thought into whether you both are compatible with each other.

However, being consumed with doubt about your relationship can be a red flag. While some level of conflict or differences is normal, you should be overall satisfied with your relationship.

Is it normal to be unsure in a relationship? It can be especially unsettling when you can’t quite put your finger on what bothers you about the relationship. You might feel like you need to name a specific problem, or else you’re just “crazy” or making it up–which isn’t the case. Relationship problems are not often straightforward, and your feelings are valid.

In this article, we’ll cover some of the potential reasons why you’re feeling unsure about your relationship. You can use these as a jumping-off point for further reflection.

Let’s dive in.

Is it normal to be unsure in a relationship?

There can be many different reasons why you might be feeling uncertain about the dynamic between you and your partner. Here are some things to consider.

You Lack Trust With Your Partner

Trust is a foundational element of any relationship. Without trust, it is difficult–if not impossible–to have a functional, healthy relationship.

Has your partner broken your trust in some way? Your mind may jump immediately to infidelity when you hear this question. While that is certainly a breach of trust, it is not the only way that trust can be negatively affected.

Is it normal to be unsure in a relationship? Maybe you have been unable to rely on them to show up for you physically or emotionally, or maybe they cannot be honest about their feelings. Trust is wrapped up in all of these issues, and more.

On the other hand, have you been keeping your partner at a distance? Putting up a wall around your heart does not allow your partner into your emotional world, making it challenging to build trust.

If you don’t trust your partner–either because of their actions, your own, or both–it makes sense that you’d feel unsure about your relationship.

You Have Trouble Communicating

It makes sense to have doubts about your relationship if you feel like you can’t talk to your partner. Like trust, communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship.

Both people in a relationship should be able to go to each other with thoughts, feelings, and concerns. It’s important to feel supported by your partner. It’s also important to be able to talk about issues with your partner so that they can be worked through.

Is it normal to be unsure in a relationship? Without communication, these things can build up and lead to resentment. This may be where some of your uncertainty about your relationship is coming from.

Keep in mind that no one is born with perfect communication strategies–they can be learned if you and your partner are willing to practice.

You Need To Get To Know Them (And Yourself) Better

There’s a reason why we refer to the beginning of a relationship as the honeymoon period. When you’re just starting with a new partner, it can be easy to get wrapped up in all of the great things about them.

The excitement of a new beginning and hope for the future can feel amazing. However, your heart may be taking the lead over your head. Your judgement and reason can be clouded by infatuation with your new partner.

Is it normal to be unsure in a relationship? When that starts to fade, you may be left feeling uncertain about the relationship. They’re no longer this “perfect” person you thought they were–so does that mean the relationship is doomed?

Not necessarily. You may just need more time to get to know them to get a feel for what they’re like.

You may also need more time to reflect on what exactly you want in a relationship, and whether this person can fulfill that role.

You Have Different Lifestyles

Being similar to your partner is not a requirement for a healthy, happy relationship. Many couples have different personalities, interests, and ways of thinking.

However, if you and your partner are on completely different pages with most things, it can be difficult to foster a strong bond with them.

Is it normal to be unsure in a relationship? It’s important to weigh your differences to consider how they may impact your relationship in the long run. For instance, do they love partying while you prefer to stay away from substances?

Do they feel strongly about starting a family? These types of differences can cause significant strain in a relationship as they represent completely different lifestyles.

On the other hand, differences such as taste in food, hobbies, or personality traits may be more workable in the long run–or they may not.

Both you and your partner need to be honest about how you feel about each other’s differences. Otherwise, you might continue to feel unsure about your relationship.

What Does Being In Love Feel Like?

What does being in love feel like? We grow up with ideas of love from the films we watch, and as enjoyable as romantic movies are, they aren’t always the most realistic.

So for many of us, knowing what real love feels like is a complete mystery.

We spend a good portion of our lives searching for love, hearing about love, seeing love around us, and finally wondering whether we are in love when we are in a relationship.

What does being in love feel like? Sometimes we think we’re in love…and then once the relationship ends we doubt whether it was ever even love in the first place. It can be hard to see the difference between infatuation, lust, and love.

For something so ingrained in our lives, it’s also one of the least understood feelings.

There are plenty of scientific explanations for some of the emotions we feel when we’re in love, but not many can explain the true depth of this feeling.

In this article, we’ll look at the different signs that signal what love feels like, and we’ll also explore the difference between love and lust.

They feel like home

Home can be much more than just a physical place, you can feel it in people too. When you are really in love, that person can make you feel several emotions, such as:

Safe
Comfortable when around them
Secure in your relationship
Content and relaxed

When we think of a happy home, it includes all those feelings, because after all, home is where the heart is.

No matter where you go in the world, the home will always be the place you look forward to returning to, and the same goes for someone who you are in love with.

Being in love will make you naturally more attached to that person, so you can often find yourself looking for support and reassurance from them.

You feel an intense connection

Why do I not know if I love someone? When in love, you often feel like your life, emotions, and dreams are entwined. You feel like you know and understand that person, and the empathy you feel toward them is far greater than those who you don’t love.

As described by MBGRelationships:

“An emotional connection is a feeling of alignment and intimacy between two people that goes beyond just physical attraction, having fun together, surface-level conversations, or even intellectual similarities. Instead, it feels like you’re connecting on a deeper soul level—and feel secure connecting that deeply.”

This is one of the reasons why we give second (and third, fourth, and fifth) chances to the ones we love.

We feel something deep inside us which can sometimes be so confusing and strong, as it rises above any superficial feelings.

Love brings out this instinct in men

What does being in love feel like? Does your man protect you? Not just from physical harm, but does he make sure you’re okay when anything negative arises?

This is a definite sign of love.

There’s a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment. It goes to the heart of the riddle about why men fall in love—and who they fall in love with.

The theory claims that men want to feel like a hero. That they want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and protect her.

This is deeply rooted in male biology.

People are calling it the hero instinct. We wrote a detailed primer about the concept which you can read here.

What does being in love feel like? If you can make your guy feel like a hero, it unleashes his protective instincts and the noblest aspect of his masculinity. Most importantly, it will unleash his deepest feelings of attraction toward you.

Because a man wants to see himself as a protector. As someone, a woman genuinely wants and needs to have around. Not as an accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.

I know this might sound a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

And I couldn’t agree more.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into our DNA to seek out relationships that allow us to feel like one.

If you would like to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this free online video by the relationship psychologist who coined the term.

Some ideas are game-changers. And for relationships, I think this is one of them.

You can’t stand the thought of them being hurt

What does being in love feel like? When you truly love someone, just the very idea of them being hurt, physically or emotionally, makes you feel upset and stressed.

Whilst your happiness shouldn’t depend solely on them, you can’t help but feel your emotions are linked to each other. If they experience hardships, you feel as though it’s happening to you as well.

And, the idea of you hurting them can be especially upsetting. You know you wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt and hurt, so even picturing a situation where you hurt them can feel like you’re in a bad dream.

You feel a rollercoaster of emotions

Why do I not know if I love someone? The cliche that you feel euphoria, happiness, and overwhelming joy can be true when you’re in love, but in reality, you’ll probably experience a mix of emotions.

You might feel vulnerable, scared, or confused, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past or have never been in love before.

Love can make you feel on top of the world, but it can also feel like you’re losing control of something bigger than yourself.

Suddenly, you become aware that if you ever lose that person, your life might change significantly, so it’s natural to feel a roller coaster of feelings and emotions.

You miss them

What does being in love feel like? When you’re in love, you just can’t get enough of them. Even after years of being together, their absence leaves you feeling like a part of you is missing.

It’s healthy to spend time apart and have personal time, but when you’re in love, you won’t be able to help to look forward to seeing them again.

Tiffany Henson explains the science behind missing someone in Odyssey:

“If your body is used to producing all of those chemicals, and processing them quickly, can you imagine what happens when you leave the person that causes it? In short, withdrawal happens. Your body stops producing an abundance of serotonin, oxytocin, etc.”

The good news is, there’s nothing you can do about it because it’s all chemical. The bad news is that it can make you feel miserable.

But this is also an opportunity…

The truth is, most of us overlook an incredibly important element in our lives:

The relationship we have with ourselves.

You happily prioritize them in your life

Why do I not know if I love someone? Prioritizing someone in your life is a big step to take. There are a lot of people that we meet in our lives who don’t always deserve to be a priority, so if you start making room for someone in your life, it’s because you have strong feelings for them.

Prioritizing someone can mean things like

Putting their happiness and welfare above your own
Making time for them even if you’re busy
Making sacrifices to help them when they need it
Always being considerate of their needs and feelings

When we think of the unconditional love a mother has for her children, she will always make them her priority. The same goes for romantic love because ultimately you want what’s best for that special person.

You dream of a future with them

What does being in love feel like? When you like someone, it’s easy and comfortable to make short-term plans, but being in love is a whole different ball game.

Even if you don’t want to, you can’t help but daydream of what a future together would look like. Let’s face it, when you’re head over heels in love, you can’t even imagine being with someone else.

Whether it makes you happy and excited, or uncomfortable and nervous, planning a future with someone is a sure sign that you’re in love.

How Long Does It Take To Fall In Love?

How long does it take to fall in love? Men take an average of 88 days to tell a partner “I love you”, compared to a woman’s 134, according to a survey. However. everybody is different.

But really, there is no average time — the moment is pretty much unpredictable.

How long does it take to fall in love? According to relationship therapist Dr. Gary Brown in Elite Daily on how long it takes to fall in love:

“There is no average time it takes to know that you’re in love…Some people fall in love on the first date. Some have been friends for months or years, and then one or both realize that they have developed much deeper feelings for each other.”

How long does it take to fall in love? What does this mean for your love life?

It could mean:

— That you can fall in love on the first date.

— That you may not be truly falling in love with someone until you’ve been dating them for five years.

How long does it take to fall in love? Some feelings of love happen in between these two contrasting periods, but you get the point.

But why is this so? Well, it’s because we all have different perceptions of love.

Some may think that receiving flowers and chocolates is extremely romantic — making it easier for them to fall for the other. Some think it’s just cliche and impractical.

How long does it take to fall in love? You may fall in love during a romantic dinner date.

Or, you won’t sense it until the two of you are comfortable in baggy clothes, watching Netflix at home all day long.

But should you pop the three words on your first date?

Maybe not.

However, consider these before explicitly telling someone how you feel:

— Are you saying “I love you” because you do believe you’re falling in love with them?

— Do you feel it’s the right time, or perhaps you’re just worried that they will leave if you don’t express yourself right away?

Because let’s face it:

How long does it take to fall in love? “I love you” is pretty darn powerful.

You don’t just throw it randomly and expect that the receiver won’t think about it all day.

So, yes, you can tell someone you love them the first time you meet them. But you must be prepared for what comes after.

Are you ready for a serious relationship, for rejection?

How long does it take to fall in love? Keep in mind that people develop love at different times, so you can’t expect your partner to fall in love at the same rate.

Why Do I Not Know If I Love Someone Conclusion

Why do I not know if I love someone conclusion? You may be at a loss when asked why you love your partner. That doesn’t mean you don’t love them, though. It can be overwhelming to try to think of why you love someone, but the answers may be simple.

Why do I not know if I love someone conclusion? Some people would prefer to write a letter expressing why they love their partner. Ask for time to reflect if you cannot answer right away. Every love story is different, and people are unique. At times, you are inexplicably drawn to someone.

Further reading

Treat your inbox