GUIDE TO A GOOD MARRIAGE

Guide To A Good Marriage. Marriage as we may have come to understand is one of the most beautiful things to experience yet one of the toughest as well.  Marriage has no handbook but with the experience and tips of people who have come to understand the blueprints of how a marriage should be ( although no two marriages are the same), we can also enjoy a good marriage.

 

Here is a guide to a good marriage you can follow

 

• Happiness is not the most important thing. Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness will come and go. Successful couples learn to intentionally do things that will bring happiness back when life pulls it away.
• A couple in a successful marriage discovers the value of just showing up. When things get tough and couples don’t know what to do, they need to hang in there and be there for their spouse. Time has a way of helping couples work things out by providing opportunities to reduce stress and overcome challenges.
• If you do what you always do, you will get the same result. Wise couples have learned that you have to approach problems differently to get different results. Often, minor changes in approach, attitude, and actions make the biggest difference in marriage.
• Your attitude does matter. Changing behaviour is important, but so is changing attitudes. Bad attitudes often drive bad feelings and actions.
• Change your mind, change your marriage. How couples think and what they believe about their spouse affects how they perceive the other. What they expect and how they treat their spouse’s matters greatly.
• The grass is greenest where you water it. Spouses in a successful marriage have learned to resist the grass is a greener myth — i.e., someone else will make me happy. They have learned to put their energy into making themselves and their marriage better.
• You can change your marriage by changing yourself. Veteran couples have learned that trying to change their spouse is like trying to push a rope — almost impossible. Often, the only person we can change in our marriage is ourselves.
• Love is a verb, not just a feeling. Everyday life wears away the “feel good side of marriage.” Feelings, like happiness, will fluctuate. But, real love is based on a couple’s vows of commitment: “For better or for worse” — when it feels good and when it doesn’t.
• Marriage is often about fighting the battle between your ears. Spouses in a successful marriage have learned to resist holding grudges and bringing up the past. They remember that they married an imperfect person — and so did their spouse.
• A crisis doesn’t mean the marriage is over. Crises are like storms: loud, scary, and dangerous. But to get through a storm you have to keep driving. A crisis can be a new beginning. It’s out of pain that great people and marriages are produced.

What Are The 3 Most Important Things In A Marriage?

What Are The 3 Most Important Things In A Marriage? There are two things all relationships have in common: ups and downs. While relationships have their seasons and are bound to have their rough patches, a strong foundation can help you weather the storm and continue to grow and strengthen your bond as time passes.

 

Fortunately, no one has to take on relationships alone. Establishing and maintaining a healthy relationship is hard, and a therapist can help you navigate difficult times and develop essential relational skills.

 

What Are The 3 Most Important Things In A Marriage?

 

1. Intimacy

 

You may think of the sexual aspect of a relationship when you hear the word intimacy, but this relational building block covers so much more. More broadly, it can be thought of as closeness between people. A relationship with strong intimacy allows both partners to feel emotionally connected, encourages trust and vulnerability, and nurtures a sense of acceptance or shared values.

 

While romantic relationships normally start with high levels of affection and attraction, intimacy takes more time to develop. Few people feel comfortable exposing the innermost parts of themselves from the get-go, and how the other person responds to these displays of vulnerability can either build intimacy or extinguish it.

 

2. Commitment

 

What Are The 3 Most Important Things In A Marriage? Commitment can be thought of as a mindful and consistent decision to invest in a relationship. It is this building block that helps push relationships through times of difficulty and stagnation. It is different than simply cohabitating the same together or remaining in a labeled relationship without actively engaging in it.

 

While people often associate certain markers with commitment, such as being married or living together, these benchmarks are not true indicators of whether your relationship has a strong level of commitment. For a relationship to be successful and healthy, both partners must actively work towards its growth.

 

3. Communication

Even if a couple has strong commitment and intimacy with one another, bad communication skills can lead to unhappiness in a relationship. Conflict is sure to surface and knowing how to handle it healthily can help mitigate damage caused by careless words and even strengthen the bond in the long run.

 

What Are The 3 Most Important Things In A Marriage? Communication is a skill that needs to be learned, and many people grew up in homes where healthy conflict resolution wasn’t demonstrated or taught to them.

 

Both you and your partner need to identify the bad communication habits you have now and establish healthier routines. This can include learning how to calm yourself down when you’re stressed before engaging in a conversation or avoiding shutting down when issues do arise.

What Are The 5 Ingredients Of A Successful Marriage?

What Are The 5 Ingredients Of A Successful Marriage? Any blissful marriage you see today has things that keep it going that way and these are the 5 essential ingredients for a successful marriage:

 

1. Mutual Goals

 

She might be the most generous, most charismatic, most intelligent, and most attractive person in the Universe. But if you want to raise a large family, live in Darfur, and utilize hypnotherapy to change the world, and she wants to contemplate geomorphology and live in a cabin in Vermont, it’s not going to work very well.

 

Fortunately, when our life goals are so diametrically polarized we usually recognize the disparity. But more often, we enter a relationship without formulating any goals at all. We mistake commonality for mutuality and find out too late that we view life very differently.

 

We mistake commonality for mutuality and find out too late that we view life very differently.

 

You may not be 100% certain about your objectives in life. That’s okay. But you do need to know enough about them to see if your relationship mate is on the same page…or at least the same chapter. Without goals or objectives, your relationship will lack a bearing and a direction and over time, will stagnate.

 

2. Appreciation

 

What Are The 5 Ingredients Of A Successful Marriage? Everyone wants to be appreciated. But great relationships take this concept much further.

 

Each of you contributes different qualities to the relationship. These qualities are rarely balanced. While one may give the bulk of the financial support, the other may carry the social and emotional responsibility. True appreciation means that you value what the other one brings to the table and are grateful for every contribution.

 

And those involved in very special relationships, do exactly that. They see and understand the characteristics that make their partner special. They convey that feeling sincerely and lovingly. And they never lose sight of what makes them exceptional.

 

3. Giving out and Taking in

 

What Are The 5 Ingredients Of A Successful Marriage? Giving and taking is how our needs get satisfied. And in every good relationship, a balance of these concepts is essential. But that doesn’t mean that each of us must give 50% and take 50%. Some of us are heavily wired to give, while others are programmed to receive (mostly).

 

Real balance is achieved when you understand how it works in each relationship. You may be very generous with your money, but less so with your time. You may be very needy of compliments and affirmation but material gifts and possessions are meaningless to you. So one party may end up doing 70% of the giving, but the balance can still be perfect.

 

The key is: to know yourself and know the other party in the relationship. When you know what you need most and what you are capable of giving, the delivery system works. The better you know yourselves and each other, the better you’ll both be able to get what you need and give what you should.

 

4. Communication:

 

What Are The 5 Ingredients Of A Successful Marriage? This is probably the most over-used and least understood concept in the world. Simply, communicating is the activity of conveying information. But in the context of creating a fabulous relationship, it is much more than that. It is how feelings and emotions are transmitted and processed.

 

Naturally, words are the building blocks of good communication. But much of how we feel and what we need is conveyed through body language, mood, and expression. When a relationship is in trouble, the parties often complain that they cannot be expected to “read minds.” But being able to read your partner’s mind well is often a telltale sign that a special closeness exists and that the communication is of a very high level.

 

Mind reading should never be an expectation, but it can be an exhilaration. Couples who have attained an exceptional level of togetherness often report an ability to “know” exactly what their spouse feels and thinks and desires at any given time. Of course, this requires dedication and a commitment to being totally in tune with one another. And it does take some serious time to develop.

 

And being a good communicator does not mean that you feel free to “bare your soul” and “let it all hang out.” That’s like saying that freedom means being able to do whatever you want. That’s life in today’s warped blogosphere.

 

True freedom is the ability to intelligently evaluate your choices before acting. And communicating well involves an assessment of what to say and when and how to say it – and also when to say absolutely nothing at all.

 

5. Healing with Forgiveness:

 

Life is short and complicated and precious. If you allow your sensitivities to dominate, you will forever be depressed and resentful. You may also find yourself pretty lonely. Nobody wants to bond with people who are stuck in the victim role all the time.

 

A great relationship does not get bogged down by life’s miscues; it moves on. People are not perfect; they are far from it. We all make mistakes, all the time. We say the wrong things, we are impatient and callous, we are selfish and demanding, and on top of all that, we always think we are right. But children hold grudges; mature adults allow for imperfection and forgive. They see the big picture and weigh the indiscretions with appropriate measures.

 

Anticipating the oncoming red flags is a great way to avoid the need for forgiveness. If you know that your partner just can’t stand having to wait for you, making that extra effort to be on time becomes essential. If clutter drives her up the wall, make it your business to be tidier – even though neatness may be unimportant to you.

What Are The 7 Principles Of A Successful Marriage?

What Are The 7 Principles Of A Successful Marriage? They say there’s no roadmap for the most difficult endeavors in life, but four decades of marriage scientific research and real-time lab observations compiled in one book come as close as folks might get to a marriage guidebook.

 

Dr. John Gottman and Nan Silver, in their book “The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work,” combine research and practical applications for creating long-lasting, fulfilling relationships.

 

Their principles stem from years of longitudinal studies on couples. Applying their principles takes practice but can be pivotal to creating a healthy partnership.

 

1. Enhance your love maps

 

Gottman states that emotionally intelligent couples are familiar with their partners’ love maps.

 

Enhancing your love maps is about being familiar with your partner’s world — understanding their lived experience, knowing their love language, and remembering their life-changing events.

 

Mutual understanding can arouse care for each other and increase connection.

 

Enriching your love maps involves a deep comprehension of what makes your partner your partner. Some questions you may think about or try to answer about your partner include:

 

• What are their top three favorite songs and why?
• What is their biggest fear?
• What are some dreams they have for the future?
• What stresses them out?
• What are some of the major events that have occurred in their life?

 

These example questions can give you an idea of how familiar you are with your partner’s love map. If you notice this is an area lacking, it doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage is doomed to fail. Enhancing your love map through honest discussion is possible.

 

2. Nurture your fondness and admiration

 

What Are The 7 Principles Of A Successful Marriage? Fondness and admiration in marriage demonstrate an affinity for your partner, based on an inner belief that they’re worthy of respect.

 

Gottman and Silver explain that the marriage may no longer be salvageable when fondness and admiration are lacking.

 

Gottman suggests that a good way of evaluating whether you have admiration and fondness for your marriage is to recount the story of your first meeting and courtship.

 

His older research found that the way couples recount their relationship origins story predicted divorce or marital stability with a 94% accuracy.

 

Nurturing your relationship may look like this:

 

• planning date nights together
• trying a new hobby or activity together
• expressing appreciation for your spouse
• complimenting your partner
• If nurturing fondness toward your spouse isn’t a priority, you may consider seeking couples therapy.

 

3. Turn toward each other instead of away

 

In a healthy relationship, partners make bids for each other’s attention.

 

If you tell your partner, “I’m having a bad day at work,” and your partner replies, “I don’t have time to talk right now,” this is turning away from each other.

 

When your partner bids for your attention and you take the time to be present, listen, and support them, you’re turning toward each other.

 

“Turning toward is the basis of emotional connection, romance, passion, and a good sex life.”

 

– John Gottman, “The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work”

 

4. Let your partner influence you

 

What Are The 7 Principles Of A Successful Marriage? Couples are more likely to stay together when they work as a team.

 

When one person has all the power in a relationship, it creates a hierarchal difference. When you turn toward each other when making big decisions, sharing opinions, or involving your spouse in your thought process, you allow them to influence you.

 

Letting your partner influence you isn’t the same as allowing someone else to control you. It’s more about communicating and involving your significant other in decisions.

 

Even if you disagree, there are still ways to have calm, rational discussions that show respect toward your significant other.

 

5. Solve your solvable problems

 

There are two types of problems that can occur in a marriage: perpetual and solvable.

 

Perpetual problems usually are complex and may result in communication gridlock.

 

But just because you have recurring issues with your spouse doesn’t mean you can’t have a thriving marriage.

 

Solvable problems are usually more straightforward. With solvable issues, you can directly tackle the problem and find a solution. There isn’t typically underlying conflict or resentment with solvable issues, only the challenge at hand.

 

Gottman suggests five steps for tackling solvable problems:

 

• Soften your startup. If you approach the problem from a calm, respectful place allows you both to feel heard.
• Learn to create and receive repair attempts. Repair attempts are actions or statements to keep conflict from escalating. They can involve levity, humor, an inside joke, or a special code.
• Soothe yourself and each other. Taking a 20-minute break, calming down, and soothing your partner can be an effective problem-solving strategy.
• Finding a solution that you can both live with may help establish healthy conflict resolution.
• Be tolerant of each other’s faults. Understanding your partner is human and accepting their flaws helps create an attitude where calm negotiation can occur.

 

6. Overcome gridlock

What Are The 7 Principles Of A Successful Marriage? Gridlock occurs when persistent disagreements cause conflict. For example, you’re gridlocked with your spouse when ongoing problems lead to a lack of productive conversation. Perhaps you both can’t seem to agree to disagree.

 

Overcoming gridlock is not about solving the problem but having a healthy conversation about the situation. But first, you have to understand what’s causing the problem. Gottman believes that unrealized dreams create gridlock.

 

To overcome gridlock, here are some steps you can take:

 

• try to understand the root of the issue
• communicate calmly
• find a way to assess your nonnegotiable and flexible areas of the conflict
• end the discussion on a calm note, expressing thanks and appreciation for your partner

 

Research from 2017 by Gottman suggests that happy couples who stay together can move from gridlock to dialogue about their perpetual problems.

 

This happens when you accept your partner and understand their unconscious dreams or agendas.

 

7. Create shared meaning

 

Creating shared meaning involves fusing your goals, roles, and rituals. You can find fulfillment in sharing purpose by allowing yourself and your partner to have their needs, wants, and dreams recognized.

 

You can create meaningful experiences when you share and explore all types of intimacy.

 

For example, some couples may experience shared meaning if one partner plans their mate’s ideal birthday celebration. Sharing purpose with your partner may help you feel closer.

What Are The 5 Principles Of Marriage?

What Are The 5 Principles Of Marriage? Too many people fail to understand some of the principles that build a strong marriage. In addition, some people simply don’t understand how much hard work it can take to build a loving and long-term relationship with your spouse.

 

1. Focus on Your Needs as a Couple

 

Many newlyweds and young couples have difficulty retaining their thought patterns and thinking of themselves as a team. Instead of selfishly worrying about your own needs, you need to think about what’s best overall for you and your spouse. You need to balance the satisfaction of your individual needs so that one spouse isn’t always left feeling like they have been neglected.

 

2. Attitude is Everything

 

What Are The 5 Principles Of Marriage? We have all heard the adage that it’s not always what you say, but how you say it. In a long-term relationship, your attitude not only affects how well or poorly you communicate, but it also affects the moods and happiness levels of you and your spouse.

 

More often than not, we can choose our attitudes. Choosing to stay in a depressing or angry frame of mind can weigh down and overburden your spouse as well as place undue stress on your relationship. Remember to keep a positive frame of mind for long-term success.

 

3. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!

 

What Are The 5 Principles Of Marriage? Let’s face it, our lives are pretty hectic and we always seem to have something important to do. Between our work life, familial obligations, and other challenges, it can be hard staying in touch with your spouse, even if they’re sleeping right next to you!

 

You can’t let the stresses and challenges of daily life drive a wedge between you and your spouse. Instead, you need to constantly communicate with them. Whether it’s talking about your day or your feelings over dinner at home, or through the myriad technologies now available if you’re away, talk! Nothing can get resolved—and often, simple issues can get worse—if one party is in the dark on the issues!

 

4. Develop a Strong Foundation of Trust

 

What Are The 5 Principles Of Marriage? Trust is the foundation on which all relationships are built. If you and your spouse don’t fully trust each other, the foundation of your marriage could start to crumble little by little, leading to big problems in the future.

 

Trust is the centerpiece of every marriage, and if you feel that you could improve trust between you and your spouse, it’s high time you took action. If you aren’t sure how to go about improving trust, you should consider working with a counselor to improve your marriage.

 

5. Don’t be too Proud to Ask for Advice

 

If you have friends that have a successful marriage, never be too proud to reach out to them and ask them for help. They may be able to help you by providing advice that will point you in the right direction. Sometimes it can feel humbling to ask others for help or advice, but why wouldn’t you do everything in your power to ensure the success of your marriage?

15 Tips For A Successful Marriage

15 Tips For A Successful Marriage. The effort that goes into a successful marriage (read happy, functional, and fulfilling) is the type of work that can be fun and therapeutic.

 

1. Be independent

 

Independence was rated extremely important in a marriage. To be happy in a relationship, we must be happy first. That is, in fact, the key to a successful relationship. With that in mind, wives and husbands must continue to take out time for themselves, enjoy their hobbies, and in general, spend some time apart.

 

Not only does absence make the heart grow fonder, but in the time we spend alone, we get to reunite with our spiritual side, re-establish our sense of self, and check in with the progress of our personal preferences, goals, and achievements.

 

On the other hand, being dependent weakens your resolve and ability to move forward as a free thinker.

 

When we maintain our independent sense of self, we will always have something to talk about at the dinner table, and we are forever stronger, healthier, and more attractive to our partners.

 

2. Be a good listener

 

We need to talk. Most partners dread this sentence but do you know that if you are wondering how to have a successful marriage, then creating a platform for healthy conversations is the way to go?

 

While all women should work on active listening, we emphasize this as an area of special attention for men. Too often, men do not realize that all their partner needs from them are a listening ear.

 

This is due to their programming and how they are taught to relate to others.

 

Remember that listening and hearing are not the same things. Listening involves our hearts. Open yours, hear what she says, look at her while she speaks, paraphrase even, and reassure.

 

Listening is the real key to a happy marriage, for that matter, to every relationship.

 

3. Respect each other (in private and in public)

One of the highest compliments you can give to another person is to have them hear that you have been singing their praises to others when they aren’t even there.

 

When you are out and about professionally or socially, respect your partner by singing their praises in conversations. Also, respect your partner through your actions, both in public and private.

 

If you said you would be home by 5, be home by 5 (as often as you can). If you are running late, respect your partner enough to call.

 

In private, respect your partner by speaking to them as if they matter to you. Sing their praises in front of your children. Listen to them when they tell you about their day. It is such a simple gesture, and it matters.

 

4. Communicate

 

15 Tips For A Successful Marriage. There are several books out there on the Languages of Love. This was developed from the concept in psychology that each individual has a unique way of communicating love.

 

By knowing your partner’s preferences and hobbies, metaphors can be used to communicate something the person understands well.

 

Observe the physical way your partner shows love, and you’ll know what makes a successful marriage.

 

This could be washing your car or picking up the kids. It could be keeping the toiletries stocked and ironing his shirts. For others, it’s words, letters, and affection.

 

Our advice for a successful marriage? Figure out your partner’s love language so you will always know how to speak to them. Love languages are often talked about, but couples don’t pay as much attention to this as they should.

 

Understanding a partner’s love language is the secret to a happy relationship.

 

5. Forgive each other

 

This can be one of the most complex keys to embrace, especially if you typically hold a grudge. This key goes hand-in-hand with praying together and offering grace.

 

Forgiveness is an extension of both of those keys. Take a deep breath and forgive your husband for not remembering to stop and grab milk. Forgive your wife for shrinking your shirt.

 

Forgiveness can transform your marriage, but it takes time and patience with yourself and your partner to look at them and tell them that you forgive them for hurting you in the past.

 

But if you can forgive your partner, you can move forward together without anger or frustration, and that past pain can begin to heal.

 

Start small if you can and work up to those big situations. Forgiveness is a powerful tool in marriage and will help you have a more successful marriage this year.

 

6. Acceptance

 

A major relationship killer, lack of acceptance, is a trait more commonly attributed to women known for their nagging. Remember, you married your partner for who he was then and now. Even if we wanted to change him now, we can’t.

 

The key to a successful marriage lies in realizing this as soon as possible.

 

When urging or persuading him, you only focus on his weaknesses or problems. Change your perspective immediately and start focusing on positive traits instead.

 

7. Take responsibility

 

It is that easy and one of the secrets of a successful marriage. When you participate in a project, take responsibility for your successes and failures.

 

When you and your partner have a disagreement or argument, remember to take responsibility for your actions, including anything you did or said, especially if it was hurtful, unthoughtful, or created adversity.

 

8. Never take one another for granted

 

15 Tips For A Successful Marriage. Taking one another for granted may be the most toxic pathogen of all. Once they are comfortable, it is easy for couples to slip into a complacent state – and expectations form.

 

This is only a matter of human nature, as we get comfortable with what is familiar, but in marriage, you absolutely should never come to a place where you take your partner for granted.

 

Pledge to respect your partner indefinitely no matter what. Avoid assumptions, and offer to do nice things for your partner whenever possible. Most successful marriages have partners who vouch for this.

 

9. Date night

 

Among the other tips for a successful marriage, dating is the most ignored and overlooked by couples. It does not matter what a couple does on their date night.

 

Simply having a night when they spend their time with each other strengthens the bond and maintains it over time. When you have a date night, you should turn your phones off and put them away, so you are free of distractions.

 

Watch a movie at home with popcorn or go hiking or rollerblading together. Change it up often and be helpful and cheerful to one another. A romantic and thoughtful date night is not just one of the steps to a successful marriage.

 

It is important to schedule this monthly, if not weekly, to maintain accountability and establish a pattern of importance regarding date night.

 

11. Keep intimacy alive

 

Sex is very important to a healthy marriage. Sex should be regular, and therapists suggest doing it even when you’re not in the mood!

 

We suggest keeping it interesting by talking about what pleases you and adding any fantasy role-playing, positions, or bedroom props you may want to introduce to keep it exciting.

 

After all, what is a successful marriage if it doesn’t let you get what you desire?

 

Life coach Giovanni Maccarrone talks about how making this one conscious decision before getting married can help make a marriage successful.

 

12. Compliments

 

“A compliment a day keeps the divorce attorney away.” Acknowledging your partner’s positive attributes every day, and paying compliments, will go a long way in your relationship.

 

Stay positive, and keep track of what your partner does well.

 

When the going gets rough, and his not-so-great attributes come forward, rather than focusing on the negative, try switching gears, and point out the positive stuff instead.

 

13. Look for the soft emotion

 

15 Tips For A Successful Marriage. Behind every “hard” emotion is a soft one; psychologists teach this concept.

 

When we feel anger, it’s usually masking another emotion behind it, such as sadness, disappointment, or jealousy.

 

We often use anger as a disguise to protect our vulnerabilities.

 

Looking for the “soft” or vulnerable emotions underneath someone’s complex display of anger will help keep you connected as you are better equipped to empathize with that person’s genuine emotion.

 

We are often searching for marriage tips for a successful relationship. Still, We fail to realize that a simple thing such as identifying the reality of emotions can keep us on the right track.

 

14. Let go of the fantasy

 

Unfortunately, we are socialized to believe in fairytale endings, and we may carry some false perspectives on reality into adulthood. We need to recognize that, while marriage can be a beautiful thing, it is not effortless, nor will it ever be perfect.

 

Have realistic expectations and do not fall victim to the fairy tale – you may find yourself sorely disappointed. This is not only one of the most important keys to a successful marriage but plays a massive role in your happiness as an individual too.

 

15. Do not control

 

Married people often come to a place where they start to lose themselves, they give in to jealousy or feelings of inadequacy, or they forget that they are separate people away from their partners, and they may try to control their partners.

 

Most of the time, this is done inadvertently, as expectations may grow over time.

 

What makes a marriage successful are communication, independent time, and healthy indulgences that will keep any couple on track. If you sense you are being controlled or are the controller, get a handle on it or make an appointment for a family counselor.

Healthy Marriage Checklist

Healthy Marriage Checklist. This marriage checklist helps you keep track of how well you and your partner relate and how often you do.

 

Tick the box for YES and leave it empty for NO

 

• We discuss things regularly
• We disagree sometimes but usually reach a compromise
• We talk openly and honestly about most issues
• We negotiate on issues that are more important to one party
• My partner listens to me
• I am good at admitting it to my partner when
• I am wrong or have made a mistake
• My partner accepts responsibility when he/she has made a mistake and apologises
• I can be myself when I am with my partner
• I feel loved
• I feel respected
• I feel acknowledged
• I feel heard

 

• My partner has a good sense of humour
• It’s okay if we don’t agree sometimes
• My partner asks me how I feel
• My partner respects me
• My partner likes me the way I am and doesn’t try to change me
• My partner asks me what I think
• My partner wants me to succeed
• My partner is honest with me
• My partner admits mistakes
• My partner sticks to our agreements
• Conflict drives us apart
• When I am tired I sometimes say hurtful things to my partner
• Our arguments are destructive to one or both parties
• My partner puts me down

 

Healthy Marriage Checklist.

 

• My partner insults me, tells me I am crazy or stupid
• My partner blames me for everything that goes wrong
• My partner lies to me
• I feel on edge when I’m out with my partner,
• I can’t relax or unwind
• My partner cheats on me
• My partner lies about hurting me
• My partner makes important decisions without me
• My partner makes me do all the work
• My partner yells at me
• My partner sometimes hurts me physically
• My partner won’t let me see my friends
• My partner lies to me about money
• My partner takes all the money
• I can’t be myself when I am with my partner
• I don’t feel like my partner listens to me
• We often fight and lose our tempers
• My partner does not prioritise our relationship when he should
• My partner shares the work that supports us
• My partner trusts and supports me
• My partner loves me for who I am
• We communicate well

 

Healthy Marriage Checklist.

 

• We share equal responsibility for our relationship
• When we disagree, we do not attack each other
• We make time for each other
• We have similar friends and separate friends
• When we host friends, my partner helps do things that need to get done
• My partner thinks it’s okay when I spend time with my friends
• I feel strong in myself and not overshadowed by my partner
• My partner understands and accepts my family
• I am not insecure when my partner wants time alone
• We understand each other’s family dynamics
• Sex is pretty well most of the time
• My partner does nice things for me
• My partner believes in me
• My partner makes me feel safe
• oo We share responsibility for the practical things in life
• We remember important dates and events
• We take care of ourselves as well as each other
• We try to understand each other’s needs, desires, and expectations
• We genuinely like each other and love spending time together
• We freely and openly express our love
• We are compassionate toward each other
• My partner and I share our money
• We share financial responsibility
• My partner doesn’t waste our money

 

Healthy Marriage Checklist.

 

• My partner is a good parent
• My partner helps the kids feel good about themselves
• My partner listens to the kids
• We share parenting values
• We parent in complementary ways
• We share the parenting responsibilities
• My partner doesn’t think he/she is ever in the wrong
• My partner is inconsiderate of my needs
• My partner expects me to fall in with his/ her plans
• My partner never asks me about my day or my life
• My partner is not supportive of my parenting techniques
• My partner is uninvolved in our home and family life
• Given a choice, my partner wouldn’t choose to spend his / her free time with me and our children
• My partner is influenced heavily by what his / her friends think
• My partner is disrespectful to me
• We do not have an intimate relationship as often as we used to
• My partner doesn’t seem to find me attractive anymore
• I don’t find my partner attractive anymore

Top 10 Keys To A Successful Marriage

Top 10 Keys To A Successful Marriage. Keep reading to find out the keys to a successful marriage.

 

1. Trust

 

You have to trust in a marriage. And when I say this, I mean having assurance and confidence in one’s intentions. Trust in your partner is believing that they want the best for the relationship and that they are giving every effort to make it work.

 

Trust is essential in building the foundation of a marriage. Having doubt only causes stress in the relationship and causes excessive worry. Without trust, you can’t fully enjoy your marriage because you are always skeptical, suspicious, or expecting the worst.

 

Trust builds courage, strength, and confidence. Be trustworthy and do what you say you’re going to do. Let them know they can depend on you!

 

2. Communication

 

Top 10 Keys To A Successful Marriage. You have to learn to listen. You can’t just hear what they say, but you have to understand what they mean. For example- “You’re never at home” may mean “I miss you and I wish we could spend more time together.” Now it would be great if they would just say that. But we all know that this is not always the case.

 

It’s really hard for someone to “read between the lines” so here are a few things to consider:

 

The tone of voice is very important- when they raise their voice means they are trying to get a point across- there are intense emotions behind what they said- it may even come to the point of being disrespectful

 

• Take note of body language- rolling eyes, smirking, crossed arms, etc.
• Learn to be assertive- express what you feel without being aggressive (trying to make them hear you) or being too passive (not wanting to hurt their feelings).
• Be clear, concise, and direct.
• Learn how to talk it out sit down at the kitchen table and talk about the finances, the kids, retirement- whatever is important to your relationship.
• Be respectful- don’t talk over them or make them feel like you don’t care. And even if you don’t care- make effort to support them by saying “Wow, sorry you feel that way” or “that must be tough” or “I understand what you are saying”
• Know that your feelings matter as well- express what you feel and try to find a middle ground (compromise)
• Actively listen to what they have to say and ask for clarification if you don’t understand- DON’T ASSUME- we all know what that means!

 

3. Commitment

 

Your commitment is necessary to make the relationship work. You can’t be half in and half out either you’re ALL IN or you’re just wasting time. Commitment is a requirement for a fulfilling relationship. And if you find yourself questioning your commitment- this needs to be addressed. Why do I feel this way?

 

What happened that caused me to lose faith in my marriage? What can we do to restore our promise to love and cherish each other? You both must be dedicated to celebrating the good times and enduring the bad.

 

Learn to hold on to one another when it’s tough and lift each other when you want to give up. Set goals, talk about your dreams, establish your values and find purpose in your relationship- always have something to look forward to.

 

4. Stability

 

Your overall stability is important for a successful marriage. Emotional, relational, and financial stability- these three factors will make or break you. Finding balance by learning the process of giving and taking can help you develop stability.

 

Understand that a stable marriage is a happy marriage- It means everyone’s needs are being met and no one feels depleted. I always talk about the “love box” with couples. It’s like a small box between you- You both put in, you both pull out. The key is that you have to put things in that your partner wants and vice versa.

 

5. Faith

 

Top 10 Keys To A Successful Marriage. Your faith will keep you committed. Your faith will keep you focused. Your faith will keep you grounded. It will keep you from giving up and walking away. It will keep your sanity when the marriage appears to be falling apart and you feel like you’re losing your mind.

 

If you both expect that your commitment to the marriage will pay off- it will. But you have to BELIEVE THAT IT’S POSSIBLE to be truly happy in your marriage. Trust that you can overcome any obstacle together.

 

The key is that you are TOGETHER. Now, it’s possible that you can have faith in your spouse. I’ve seen this work many times. But God is usually in the midst of this. When you are both committed to God, your faith can truly work miracles- but your partner has to be open and want change as well.

 

If they have given up, then this will be a more difficult challenge- this is a common situation that opens the door to divorce. But if there is the smallest glimmer of faith- IT’S POSSIBLE…

 

6. Patience

 

Your patience in the process of building a successful marriage is required. It’s part of the package when you say “I DO.” So many times we think that we “become one” at the altar, but this is not the case.

 

You become “one” with priority (putting your partner first), perseverance, and priority. You make the choice, but then you have to allow the process of “becoming one” to occur. You should allow them room to grow and make mistakes.

 

Understand that having a mature relationship takes time- it’s a process. You have to be patient and offer support to one another. With patience comes forgiveness- with patience comes tolerance- with patience comes fortitude- with patience comes reward.

 

7. Acceptance

 

No one is perfect. You must be willing to accept the good with the bad- flaws and all. There is a level of grace required- understanding that they are human and will make mistakes. In addition, you must also identify your strengths and learn to balance one another.

 

One of you may be better at managing the money- the other may be better at managing the kid’s busy schedule. Learn to use your strengths as an advantage. At the same time, learn to acknowledge your weakness and work to improve them.

 

It’s important to understand your spouse’s weaknesses and learn to balance them with your strengths. Accept them for who they are and allow them to grow.

 

8. Chemistry

 

Top 10 Keys To A Successful Marriage. Attraction is a key component of any relationship. There should be some level of chemistry for your marriage to work- not just sexual but on a more intimate level. Focus on what you love about them- the things that attracted them in the beginning.

 

Also, consider the things that you have grown to love over time. Desire your partner for their inner beauty as well as outward. Don’t bank on outward physical appearance to keep you in love, but seek characteristics about them that make you want them more. Focus on your friendship and increase intimacy through communication and emotional connection.

 

9. Unconditional Love

 

Unconditional love is kind and gentle- it is compassionate and empathetic- it gives and doesn’t take. Unconditional love means you love them despite their flaws. You love them, through their mistakes.

 

You accept them for who they are and offer them support when they need it most. When you love unconditionally, you are not judgmental but open and forgiving. This is the greatest love you can experience.

 

10. Inspiration

 

In a relationship, you should be inspired to grow and “do better.” You can’t just settle for less. You have to be willing to learn more about the dynamics of your relationship. Study your partner and gain knowledge about their goals and aspirations.

 

Motivate them to be the best they can be. Recognize their potential and help them reach their goals. You will find that when your partner is happy, you may be a little happier too!

12 Characteristics Of A Successful Marriage

12 Characteristics Of A Successful Marriage. Every married couple remembers their honeymoon phase after their wedding. It probably involved frequent sex, lots of love and affection for each other, and a lack of arguments.

 

However, once the honeymoon ends and life starts to settle in, you realize that marriage is not always going to be a fairy tale. Marriage takes a lot of hard work from both spouses. Sharing your life with someone else can be a big challenge but also offers many rewards. Here are twelve characteristics of successful marriages.

 

1. Communication

 

Having good communication with your spouse is one of the most important things in a marriage. If you and your spouse have poor communication, you might have noticed that there is some trouble in paradise.

 

Once you and your spouse start confronting each other with anger, tension, and hostility, it will cause communication to fail and a lack of listening and understanding to occur. However, not all communication is good communication – and not all disagreements are bad.

 

One of the most damaging patterns of communication that couples get stuck in is a pursue-withdraw pattern, where one partner pushes for change or attention and the other partner withdraws or avoids discussing the issue. Being able to respectfully and effectively relay your feelings to your spouse without placing blame upon them is key.

 

2. Admiration and Respect

 

12 Characteristics Of A Successful Marriage. Everyone wants to be respected and appreciated for who they are – especially by their spouse. Having support from your spouse means everything. Try to support your spouse’s achievements, help build up their self-esteem, and fulfill their emotional needs.

 

Make sure you respect their differences as much as you respect their similarities to you; after all, differences can be sources of excitement and novelty in a relationship.

 

3. Companionship

 

Make sure that both of you are making time for each other. Spend some quality time enjoying each other’s company by doing activities together that you both enjoy. If you want more ideas on fun things you can do, read this post.

 

However, also take some time apart and hang out with other friends. Having space from your spouse and doing your own thing will make those special date nights together feel even more meaningful.

 

4. Spirituality and Values

 

Having a shared sense of spirituality and values can be helpful in a marriage. Your faith can give you emotional, social, and spiritual support. Places of religious worship can be a source of friendships and activities for the couple to do together.

 

Turning to your faith in times of hardship has offered spouses guidance in making important decisions regarding their marriage.

 

5. Commitment

 

12 Characteristics Of A Successful Marriage. To make the marriage work, you both must be committed to each other. Marital sustainment is more attainable if the commitment is mutual. Marriage is not easy. It has its ups and downs, and to overcome those obstacles, a certain level of effort is required. If you have kids involved, commit to keeping the family together by putting effort into your relationship with your spouse.

 

6. Affection

 

Make sure you are showing your spouse affection, whether that be mentally or physically. You should know their love language by now (if not, click here to check out one of our earlier posts on this topic). Whether it be words of affirmation of or physical touch, make sure you fulfill your spouse’s need for affection and intimacy. Don’t forget to make time to have sex with your spouse. Meet each other’s sexual needs and try to spice things up from the usual bedroom routine (if you’re looking for some ideas, we wrote an earlier post on this too).

 

7. Ability to Deal with Crises and Stress

 

Nobody goes through life without facing some challenges. When you said, “I do,” you signed up to be there for your spouse “for better or for worse.” What sets spouses apart is how they can resolve their problems and constructively manage stress.

 

Whether you are faced with a personal issue or an issue as a couple, you should address it with your spouse in a healthy way. Work on having greater tolerance for frustration and dealing with your anger.

 

If necessary, take some space to process the crisis and stress. Try to not transfer your anger onto your partner. Remember that you both are a team and need to work together to fix your problems.

 

8. Responsibility

 

12 Characteristics Of A Successful Marriage. You both need to be able to take accountability for your roles and actions in the relationship, as well as your actions. For your marriage to be successful, make sure you are fair (which doesn’t necessarily mean equal) in how you divide responsibilities between you and your spouse.

 

Putting most of the responsibilities onto your spouse – especially if you’re not taking on the majority of other types of responsibilities – will likely lead to them feeling overworked and underappreciated.

 

9. Compassion

 

There is no room for selfishness in a marriage. You cannot give 25% into your marriage yet expect 100% from your spouse. You both need to make it a priority to unselfishly attend to your partner’s needs as well as your own. Try to focus on “we” more than “I” or “you” – you’re a team and sometimes will need to put the needs of the team first.

 

10. Empathy and Sensitivity

 

As a spouse, you need to be able to identify with your spouse’s feelings, thoughts, and attitudes. Being able to listen to your partner confide in you, verbally express your support for them, and show how much you empathize with their feelings and emotions is necessary for having a successful marriage.

 

There is a lot of evidence suggesting that emotional intimacy grows through the process of one person sharing vulnerable emotions with their partner and having their partner support them. So, try to share with your partner – and attend to them when they’re sharing with you. Those are really important moments. You don’t want to miss them.

 

11. Honesty, Trust, and Fidelity

 

Having the ability to trust your spouse without hesitation is one of the best feelings. You know that when they say they will do something; they will follow through with it. Knowing that your spouse is dependable and faithful to you creates peace and satisfaction in your marriage.

 

Once trust is broken, it can be hard to build it back up. However, do not lose hope if that is the case for your marriage. Displaying remorse and making an effort to show your spouse that you care about them and want the marriage to work is a good first step in building back the trust.

 

12. Adaptability, Flexibility, and Tolerance

 

You and your spouse are likely not the same people that you were on your wedding day. As your marriage has progressed, the dynamics of it may have changed, and you must be able to adapt to these changes. Embrace who you and your spouse have become and continue building from there.

 

Along those same lines, except that the two of you will disagree sometimes – your different people after all! It is important to not adopt a “my way or the highway” type of approach. Being able to talk it out and come to a compromise is important.

 

We know that it’s a tall order. Relationships are complex and can feel like a lot of work sometimes. But research shows that having a happy relationship is also one of the most important things we can do to have an overall happy life. So, it’s worth the effort!

Marriage Tips For Wife

Marriage Tips For Wife. acknowledging your responsibility as a wife goes a long way in sustaining a beautiful marriage. Both partners have their fair share of responsibilities cut out for them. Knowing what you should do is the right dose of magic required for your relationship to thrive.

 

1. Respect

 

A man’s greatest need is to be respected, and for any husband, the person he most desires respect from is his wife.

 

Of course, we all recognise that respect and trust need to be earned, but there needs to be a baseline from which we operate, a minimum foundation of respect that is there, no matter what, simply because you said your vows sincerely to each other and committed to living the rest of your days together.

 

And the truth is, your man will mess up many times in the course of your marriage – and so will you. No one is perfect. There’s no place where forgiveness is more needed or challenging than in the marriage relationship.

 

2. Know his love language

 

All of us give and receive love in different ways, and one of the best gifts you can give towards your marriage is to understand yourself and your spouse’s love languages. According to psychologist Gary Chapman, the five main love languages are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

 

3. Make time for romance

 

Marriage Tips For Wife. When a marriage begins, it doesn’t mean that your dating days are over. It shouldn’t. Romance begins at home – from the littlest things, like making his favourite French toast breakfast on weekends, or surprising him with lunch at his office. Plan one-on-one special dates on anniversaries and birthdays, and random days in between.

 

Of course, this is more challenging if you have kids, but babysitting can always be arranged. And don’t talk about the kids, housework, or family finances all the time, if you can help it. Instead, share your dreams, plan your next holiday, talk about your fears, or even explore a new hobby together.

 

4. Communication is key

 

The root of most relationship problems is a lack of communication. There is no substitute for open, honest communication in a marriage. Never assume that your husband will be able to read between the lines or presume that he knows what to do, feel, or say.

 

Say things as it is – doesn’t beat around the bush or randomly drop hints. If you need him to step up to do his share of the housework, just tell him. Instead of “I didn’t have time to do the laundry today yet,” and then feeling upset when he doesn’t offer to do it, just say “I couldn’t finish the laundry today. Can you help me do it?”

 

5. Guard your heart

 

Marriage Tips For Wife. Ladies, your husband doesn’t just want to be head of the household – he longs to be king of your heart. As part of your marriage vows, you committed your heart to one man for the rest of your life.

 

Now is the time to stick to your commitment, when the rubber hits the road. While there is nothing wrong with having a BFF or circle of close friends, be mindful to guard your heart against being too emotionally tied to any other individual more so than to your spouse.

 

This applies to both male and female friends, although it’s more dangerous territory if there’s a male friend involved. No one starts out expecting anything scandalous to happen, but when emotions run high and unchecked, things can change in a split second.

 

6. Let your “Yes” be Yes and your “No” be No

 

Honesty is truly the best policy, and so is marriage. Ladies, we sometimes give vague answers when we are uncomfortable with the truth, or when we don’t want to appear pushy or demanding, but in truth, your husband wants to know your real opinion on things, not just what sounds good.

 

We’ve all been in that situation when we agreed to do something for the sake of making our spouse happy, but then secretly resented being dragged into it. Little things like these can build up over time, creating bitterness and eroding trust.

 

7. Give him space

 

Marriage Tips For Wife. Ladies, we need our me-time for retail therapy, the occasional pampering sessions at the spa, and catch-up time with our girlfriends. Men need their me-time too. However, they may not “get it” in the same way as we do.

 

Many husbands need some personal downtime at the end of the workday – a break from the stresses of work and the expectations of family life – just to do whatever it is that energises them.

 

For some, it might be just catching up with the news online; for others, it might be a half hour of video games. Working mums, you’re tired too and as in need of your personal space as your husband is. The main thing is to recognise that you BOTH need to carve out this me-time regularly, and to figure out a strategy for including it in your family’s schedules.

Marriage Tips For Husband

Marriage Tips For Husband. Contrary to the many romantic movies you may have seen with your better half, marriage is not about having that picture-perfect home, an adorable brood, and hearty home-cooked meals every day, although those things can be the icing on the cake.

 

Real marriage is hard work. You might have days when you feel like you just can’t understand the woman you married, and are completely at a loss as to what to do.

 

1. Love

 

A man’s greatest need is to be respected, and a woman’s greatest need is to be loved. Demonstrating your love does not have to be a lavish affair, but it should be an integral part of day-to-day life. Love for a woman is rarely just about sex.

 

From the way you speak to her in private and public, to whether or not you contribute to managing chores at home, to the time you spend together on weekends – every little act you do can speak volumes to your wife.

 

There will, of course, be days when your wife just seems unlovable, possibly after harsh words have been exchanged or a seemingly unreasonable request made, but remember that no one is perfect. Remember your marriage vows, to love and cherish “for better for worse”.

 

2. Know her love language

 

All of us give and receive love in different ways, and one of the best gifts you can give towards your marriage is to understand yourself and your spouse’s love languages.

 

3. Treat her with gentleness and respect

 

Even the most independent, assertive woman wants a partner who will treat her with gentleness and respect. Not out of fear of incurring her wrath, nor out of a sense of male superiority that thinks of her as weak and ineffective, but out of a genuine desire to lead the marriage by example and honour his wife.

 

4. Listen well

 

Most men are natural problem solvers and gravitate towards finding the solution to any problem that presents itself, including your wife’s. On the other hand, most women are not as interested in solving their problems as they are in finding someone to come alongside them on the journey. Your wife wants your empathy, not your suggestions.

 

She wants you to set aside your newspaper to listen to her share, not for you to brush her worries off as “trivial”. Guys, learn to listen well to your spouse first and discuss options later.

 

5. Make time for romance

 

Marriage Tips For Husband. When a marriage begins, it doesn’t mean that your dating days are over. Often, the daily routine of everyday life can squash out the sparks of romance that were so much a part of your courtship, and it will take effort from both parties to keep the flame alive.

 

Romance begins at home – from the littlest things, like making her breakfast in bed, or surprising her with a bouquet of her favourite blooms. Plan one-on-one special dates on anniversaries and birthdays, and random days in between. Make time to share your dreams, plan your next holiday, talk about your fears, or even explore a new hobby together.

 

6. Communication is key

 

The root of most relationship problems is a lack of communication. There is no substitute for open, honest communication in a marriage. Many women make the mistake of assuming that their husbands will be able to read between the lines or know what to do, feel, or say in response to what they have shared.

 

Conversely, many men prefer to “say things as it is”. Sometimes, your wires will get crossed. Husbands, don’t give up! Communication is truly a fine art that takes much time and experience to perfect, and even though it may be frustrating at times to try to “read” your woman, keep trying. The effort alone means more to her than you may know.

 

7. Share responsibilities for the home

 

Marriage Tips For Husband. It takes two hands to clap, and it will take both parties in the marriage to make the house a home. Granted, not every man is house-husband material – nor should he have to be – but men are not exempt from housework simply by their gender.

 

This is especially true today when most households are dual-income. At the end of a long day of work, your wife is at least as exhausted as you are, so surely she shouldn’t have to bear the brunt of the household chores.

 

And husbands, if your wife is a Stay-At-Home-Mum, know that she has not been sitting on the sofa shaking her legs all day – the job of mothering is one of the toughest jobs there is.

 

8. Take time to get to know her family and friends

 

You might not like every single family member or friend of your wife – you don’t have to – but now that you’re married, it would mean the world to your wife if you would at least try to get to know the people that matter so much to her. So if you haven’t done this pre-marriage, make it a point to get to know these key people in your wife’s life.

 

9. Don’t compare

 

Marriage Tips For Husband. Comparison is a great thief of contentment in any marriage. Resist the urge to compare your wife with your buddies’ other halves or characters on-screen. No woman is perfect, and the same goes for men.

 

This is especially dangerous when it applies to a man’s sexual fantasies and is one great reason why so many married men turn to porn to satisfy their desires. And yet, by doing that, they are effectively ruining the actual sexual experience for themselves, and ultimately, the relationship will suffer.

 

10. You are not her father

 

That moment when the bride’s father hands his beloved daughter to the groom can be one of the most poignant moments in a wedding. For a man, it can feel like he has been entrusted with a priceless treasure to protect and keep – and in some senses he has.

 

But sometimes, a concern can turn into over-protection and leadership into a dictatorship. Always remember that you are not your wife’s father – she already has one. Husbands: Love, respect, protect and support your wife as an equal, not as a child in need of your parental authority.

Marriage Advice From Old Couples

Marriage Advice From Old Couples. Do you ever wonder how those who’ve been married for 20+ years remain happy, loved, and content? What does this type of marriage look like? Here are 8 traits of a long-lasting marriage that you can put into practice today.

 

1. Understand compromise

Every couple in existence will have a conflict or some form of obstacle throughout their relationship. Some are more severe than others. The number one thing to be resilient in the face of adversity is understanding how to compromise.

 

Being able to solve problems together is crucial to a resilient marriage. This means knowing the needs and priorities of your partner and vice versa to communicate and find common ground. Don’t throw in the towel to just “get it over.”

 

True compromise is sitting and listening with an open mind to each other until each person feels heard and understood, and then making a mutual decision TOGETHER.

 

2. Show emotion and be vulnerable

 

Gone are the days when men used to hide their emotions. Understanding and being in tune with your feelings and emotions can help you show compassion towards your partner in times of conflict.

 

Marriage Advice From Old Couples. By showing your partner compassion, you are showing that you care and respect your partner. Vulnerability is what connects people and helps form the foundational bond of a long-lasting relationship. If we aren’t vulnerable, we aren’t connected. And if we’re not connected, we’re not in a real relationship.

 

3. Trust fully in your spouse

 

Trust is a major indicator of a resilient marriage and one of the most important things to keep strong in a marriage. If trust is broken or taken away, long-term work will have to be put in to redeem the relationship, and the trust may never come back.

 

Trust isn’t just about infidelity, it’s about knowing that you are secure, your deepest thoughts are protected, and that no matter what your spouse will be there to love and support you in the long run.

 

4. Show physical affection- be intimate!

 

Marriage Advice From Old Couples. The last thing you want to happen in your marriage is to feel like you are platonic roommates. Physical intimacy is a strong foundation for a happy marriage and is what keeps your bond evolving and growing as time goes on.

 

Intimacy helps you feel truly loved and accepted by your spouse and improves loyalty, honesty, and appreciation towards one another. Physical intimacy helps connect you and makes you feel wanted and loved by your partner.

 

5. Respect one another

 

If you feel respected by your spouse and vice versa, you will grow security and confidence in your marriage. Respecting your partner in difficult times and difficult situations (both within and outside of your relationship) helps your spouse feel truly appreciated and loved.

 

When we care about others, we show them respect. So if you aren’t respecting your partner you’re sending the message that you don’t care about them.

 

6. Appreciate every moment of your time spent together

 

This means practicing mindfulness and being present. This could be putting your phone away during meals, eating together without the TV on and talking about your day, giving your spouse your full attention when together,

 

and showing them that you are there for them instead of just physically being by their side. Try an experiment: take a minimum of 15 minutes each day for 1 week to truly be present with your partner – see what happens.

 

7. Be best friends

 

Marriage Advice From Old Couples. Having a solid friendship with your spouse is the foundation of a happy marriage. You know each other better than you may know your close friends, you can laugh with each other and enjoy spur-of-the-moment adventures, and can share many exciting memories as best friends would.

 

By being your spouse’s friend, you will strengthen your relationship long-term and will know that you will be by each other’s side no matter what. Share secrets, tell stories, laugh together, cry together and explore together.

 

8. Make your marriage a priority in life

 

If you want your marriage to be resilient, you need to put your marriage first. Your spouse is not only your lover but your life partner and will be by your side throughout your entire life. Someone who has dedicated their life to you should be your number one priority.

 

By making each other a priority, you are practicing the art of mutual respect, being in the moment, and every other trait explained above. Even when kids and “life” come into the picture, continuing to make your marriage a priority is a crucial factor in a long-lasting marriage.

Successful Marriage Stories

Successful Marriage Stories. This story is about a couple that has been married for 12 years. They have 2 children ages 7 and 10. They started like any ordinary couple, fell in love, got married, and had kids. She immersed herself in the role of mother and wife. He worked full-time and saw his role as a provider.

 

He has been involved in his kids’ lives, but not to the full extent that his wife was. She became a stay-at-home mom and was devoted to the kids. During the 10 years of parenthood, these two didn’t take a whole lot of time to be alone with one another.

 

Everything they did was with or for the kids. Being a full-time mom, she rarely took time for herself and when she did she felt guilty. She wanted more help from her husband but never asked for this because 1. she shouldn’t need help, she should be able to manage on her own as a good mother should, and 2. he should know he needs to help out more, she shouldn’t have to tell him.

 

Slowly over the years, resentment built up inside of her that she never communicated to her husband. Well, she would communicate subtly, but not in any way that he was able to register and respond to.

 

After 10 years of this, she hit burnout. She began going out and disregarding how her actions impacted her family. She went into an emotional crisis and began acting opposite of her normal self and began taking time for herself, away from her family in large doses.

 

She then met a man that showed interest in her and she engaged in an emotional affair. (It was caught before it got physical). Upon her husband’s discovery, they entered into counseling.

 

She was seething with bitterness toward her husband for his lack of help around the house all these years. He was confused. He worked and felt he did his part and had no idea that she was so angry with him.

 

Successful Marriage Stories. He was hurt and upset by her emotional affair, no longer had a trust, and became insecure in the relationship. As they began to dig into their marriage to understand why the affair happened, she was able to stop blaming her husband and take a harder look at herself.

 

She began to uncover the faulty thinking that was behind her behaviors. She realized the affair was an escape from dealing with the realities of her marriage. She avoided conflict which was part of how things got this far.

 

She had a negative relationship with her mother and was giving herself the message that she had to be perfect to be good enough. She expected her husband to step up even though she never communicated her needs to him.

 

Successful Marriage Stories. So her husband was oblivious to his wife’s unhappiness and completely taken off guard by the affair and her admission that she was carrying so much resentment toward him. He also avoided conflict. He realized over the years he may have read the signs of her discontent, but he turned away from it to avoid causing conflict and their disconnection grew slowly over time.

 

At the time they came into counseling, they were on the brink of divorce. With two children, they didn’t want to go on this road, but they were both in so much pain, that they didn’t know how they were going to make it work.

 

They engaged in counseling every week for 6 months and then did monthly check-ins for 6 months after that and they not only succeeded in taking their marriage off the ledge, but they feel happier and healthier and are experiencing a new relationship with one another.

 

How did they do it? She worked at understanding her faulty thinking. She realized she doesn’t have to spend every minute with her children to be a loving mother. She realized that she is allowed to take time for herself and doesn’t have to feel guilty about it.

 

Successful Marriage Stories. She worked on communicating her needs to her husband, and he listened and was responsive. He realized he needs to do more than just provide financially and is taking a much more active role in parenting the kids and helping around the house.

 

She was able to acknowledge the pain she caused with her emotional affair and together they worked to understand why it happened, and how to prevent it, and together they found forgiveness. She became transparent so he could begin to regain a sense of trust.

 

And when anything went awry, they talked about it together openly, honestly, and with love and kindness.

 

So overall, through their experience and the counselling process, they were able to learn to communicate with one another, express their needs, and become responsive to one another, they were able to forgive and rebuild trust, and they learned a great deal about themselves and each other and in the end, created a marriage that they both feel good to be a part of.

Guide To A Good Marriage Conclusion

Guide To A Good Marriage Conclusion. The secret to a happy marriage just might be a neverending discovery of the meaning and purpose of love. Love is incredibly deep and unfathomable. What it means to love and be loved are vast and complex mysteries that have been puzzling humankind for centuries.

 

Guide To A Good Marriage Conclusion. These are concepts that definitely deserve our attention and contemplation. And the more we ponder love and work on understanding it (and more importantly GIVING it) the more full of love we will naturally become.

 

If you want to build a great marriage, the best and most honest advice I can give is to continually open your heart to love.

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