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I Am Married But So Lonely

I Am Married But So Lonely

I am married but so lonely

I Am Married But So Lonely. When you take the plunge and marry “the One”, your life partner, you might think you’re set for life, that you’ve married your best friend, right? “No more lonely nights” as the Paul McCartney song says.

 

But sadly, that’s not necessarily so. Loneliness in marriage affects millions of couples around the globe. And this is where at least one partner, typically the woman, feels emotionally abandoned.

 

Marriage and loneliness don’t seem like two words that should go hand in hand. Yet, that’s often the case.

 

Loneliness is real for many couples. At this point, you might be wondering why that’s the case, why you and/or your partner may be experiencing loneliness in your marriage—the marriage you imagined would be your haven.

 

Perhaps, the connection you once had has vanished or at least dimmed so much that it’s barely noticeable.

 

Maybe, over the years, your communication has become openly argumentative and hostile. What started as constant little flare-ups, in time, evolved into major blow-ups.

 

And to avoid those destructive interactions, you stop talking altogether.

 

I Am Married But So Lonely. Lack of emotional intimacy which, in some cases, can lead to extra-marital affairs is yet another reason why you might feel lonely in your marriage.

 

Also, you may feel unsupported by your spouse. During times of high duress, your partner may not show enough empathy for your feelings, compelling you to pull away and further causing a slow erosion of your emotional connection.

 

I Am Married But So Lonely. Reasons Why You Feel Lonely in Your Marriage

Let’s take a closer look at some of the variables that can cause loneliness to creep into a marriage.

 

  • Fear of Your Spouse

If unfortunately, you are married to someone who is emotionally and psychologically abusive, there’s no doubt that you are experiencing long bouts of loneliness.

 

I Am Married But So Lonely. If you fear your spouse’s aggressive behaviour and verbal beatings you probably spend a great deal of time avoiding them or walking on eggshells to circumvent any type of conflict.

 

To further complicate matters, during the early years of your marriage, your partner may have isolated you from your family and/or friends, causing you to feel like you have no one to turn to.

 

  • Frenetic Schedules

I Am Married But So Lonely. You and your partner may be like ships crossing at night. Perhaps, one of you comes home after the other one is asleep or leaves before the other one is awake.

 

If so, chances are you’re not going to connect much. This can cause you to lose touch with one another to cease sharing all the little daily happenings.

 

Eventually, this creates a rip in the fabric of your relationship that feels too big to patch

 

  • Lack of Emotional Support

Things happen! Unfortunate situations show up at your doorstep when you least expect them.

 

At that time, you expect your partner to be there for you to support and lift you when you’re down.

 

I Am Married But So Lonely. If time and again you don’t feel emotionally supported, that can and usually does create distance and loneliness.

 

If that emotional support has been missing from your marriage and your partner has failed to consistently exhibit much compassion or empathy, you can see how that would impair the relationship and germinate seeds of loneliness in your marriage.

 

  • No Sexual Intimacy

I Am Married But So Lonely. How often are you sexually intimate with your spouse? In marriages where one or both partners are lonely, rarely do the couples make love or take time to bond.

 

Furthermore, the little displays of affection that may have occurred regularly when you first got together, such as a good morning kiss, a caress on the shoulder, a pinch on the behind, etc., may have disappeared altogether.

 

Those displays of affection may seem insignificant, but they’re not. They are the precursor to sexual intimacy. If you are experiencing none of those, then chances are that you may be feeling lonely.

 

“Simple moments of touch between spouses are invitations to remember the gift of a shared life. A kiss. A hug. A squeeze on the shoulder forces us to slow down, even for a few seconds.

 

They allow us to notice and be noticed. These PDA moments both ground us and fuel us,” says Jenny Leboffe, in her article Public Displays of Affection are Good for Your Marriage and Family.

 

  • Absence of Quality Time

If you and your spouse see each other 20 minutes a week in between taking the kids to soccer and ballet and a gruelling work schedule, loneliness and rigour Mortis can set in. Being absent is one of how couples lose touch with each other.

 

I Am Married But So Lonely. Effective communication and quality time together thus plays a major role in sustaining a relationship, preventing it from becoming boring.

 

It’s not necessary to block out large chunks of time for each other, although that would be nice.

 

But the time you share must be meaningful. This allows you to stay actively tuned in to each other’s lives. All the little things add up to the big stuff. They create life.

 

Why Do I Feel Lonely Even Though I Am Married?

why do I feel lonely even though I am married

Why Do I Feel Lonely Even Though I Am Married? There are several causes of loneliness in marriages. From miscommunication to other complexities, such woes can create a gap between you and your partner.

 

If you are unable to communicate with your partner, the spark of your relationship fizzles out.

 

Even though they are supposed to be your lifetime companion, such problems may make them the reason behind your loneliness.

 

Why Do I Feel Lonely Even Though I Am Married? Loneliness happens when you both are in one place, but cannot connect. You both feel awkward being alone with each other.

 

There is neither physical nor mental intimacy between you. In simple words, you are a couple to the world out there, but not for yourselves.

 

Causes Of Loneliness In Marriage

  • Bullying and terrorizing:

Your spouse thinks that he/she is all-powerful. They bully you and keep you in constant fear. Psychological and emotional abuse becomes a regular affair.

 

You are afraid of your spouse because you do not know what circumstances can invite their wrath. This keeps you away from them as much as possible.

 

  • Hectic schedule:

I Am Married But So Lonely. A prominent reason for modern-day divorces is the busy schedule of couples. You and your partner are so busy with your careers or with family matters that you hardly get any time to spend together.

 

This creates a vacuum and time widens that gap. When you sit back and think, you could feel the loneliness all around you.

 

  • Experiences from the past:

I Am Married But So Lonely. Loneliness after marriage does not always stem from your spouse. The past events or relationships in your life can also be the culprit.

 

According to research studies, your loneliness can also be the result of depression or friction with your parents or siblings, and your past relationship with them.

 

Loneliness need not always be in-your-face. It may be subtle, or you may be too busy to realize that you are lonely.

 

When couples fall into the monotony of daily life without making intentional time to connect as a couple, the relationship can begin to feel stale and lack affection.

 

This can create feelings of loneliness if one or both parties feel like they’re not receiving special, romantic attention, time, or energy from their spouse,

 

When a partner has the feeling that their partner doesn’t listen to them anymore; feeling of not having enough sex; poor communication or lack of communication; money issues; life transitions; and day-to-day stressors can all create an emotional disconnection.

 

  • Parental responsibilities getting in the way

Sometimes, couples struggle to separate the role of being parents and that of being spouses, focusing entirely on their parental responsibilities and neglecting their relationship.

 

Our role as a parent is very important, but you also have to give time and energy to your marriage. And when you don’t? You can feel lonely.

 

Spending all your energy on caring for others and not receiving any dedicated affection yourself can feel isolating, not to mention draining.

 

  • Partners being overly dependent on each other

In a 2020 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology on almost 1,400 heterosexual married couples in their 50s through their 70s, the researchers noted that married couples are dealing with increased enmeshment, wherein their lives are unhealthily intertwined.

 

When couples exclusively rely on each other as their primary social connection, it can put a strain on the relationship – and leave the individual people susceptible to loneliness when the relationship inevitably goes through phases of disconnection.

 

It’s easy to fall into the trap of making your spouse wholly responsible for your sense of fulfilment and validation. However, partners need to be able to feel complete on their own as individuals.

 

What Are The Signs Of A Toxic Marriage?

what are the signs of a toxic Marriage

What Are The Signs Of A Toxic Marriage?

A toxic marriage is where both or one of the partners causes unhealthy mental, physical, and emotional issues. These issues turn into big problems and take out the spark of the relationship.

 

Living in a toxic marriage may remove all happiness from your life, deteriorate your mental health and well-being, push you into a constant feeling of self-doubt and shame, and even lead you to suicidal thoughts.

 

If you already feel these things or notice any of the below-mentioned warning signs of a toxic relationship, you need to dissolve the relationship.

 

Lack of communication

Talking to one another is considered a great way to remove misunderstandings and develop a bond between two people.

 

Similarly, couples usually opt for talking it out when having issues in their married life. If there are times when neither of you wishes to speak to each other, this is a clear indication that something is not correct.

 

If your partner is constantly texting you and wants to know where you go and who you hang out with, this shows their insecurity and need to control you.

 

It’s not common knowledge for the sake of it. Multiple studies back this up too.

 

A jealous spouse requires constant updates and limits you, taking away your freedom.

 

  • Stalking your phone

They may even monitor what their spouse does on their phone or computer and may feel jealous of seeing them talk to others, particularly the opposite sex.

 

Having no trust in a relationship is a clear sign that your marriage is falling apart, and there may be nothing worth left to hold on to.

 

  • Threats and blame games

What Are The Signs Of A Toxic Marriage?

When a relationship is toxic, you may find your partner often threatening to manipulate you by hurting themselves and blaming you as the reason for their pain.

 

How much a person blames their partner depends on their perception, and it also decides how much they let it affect their marriage.

 

  • Fights and arguments

Couples tend to learn more about each other over the years and develop a better understanding that helps them minimize marital conflicts and enhances love and support between them.

 

Even after all these years, if spouses are constantly fighting, possibly over the same reasons, there might be a big chance they have lost the love they once held.

 

  • Feeling like you are walking on eggshells

Suppose you are living in a toxic marriage. In that case, you will eventually find yourself to be always in a constant state of anxiety and afraid to do anything that you feel may offend or disappoint your partner.

 

This is entirely due to the fear of being criticized or yelled at. If you feel like ‘walking on eggshells, ‘ which means always being careful about trivial matters, this is a massive sign that you are unhappy in this marriage.

 

  • You’re depressed

If you think that you are constantly drained out of positive energy and feel sad all the time, you should think about getting out of your toxic relationship.

 

Depression is the biggest sign of a toxic marriage. If your relationship keeps you dull, you should start doing something about it.

 

  • You constantly feel exhausted

You are always tired and not up for anything. It seems as if someone sucked the joy out of your life. You feel disconnected from everything because you have no energy left in you.

 

If all this sounds familiar, it’s time to analyze and think about how to leave a toxic relationship.

 

  • You overcompensate by talking about how great your relationship is

You constantly need to assure yourself that your relationship is fine. You find yourself constantly talking about how amazing your relationship is when the reality is far from it.

 

What Is Gaslighting In A Marriage?

what is Gaslighting In A Marriage

What Is Gaslighting In A Marriage? Gaslighting is a term taken from a 1938 play entitled Gas Light. In the play, a husband tries to make his wife think she is losing her mind.

 

He does many things to make his wife doubt her senses and reality, including turning down the gas lights at their home. He would deny that he noticed anything, making his wife doubt herself.

 

The term gaslighting became popular in the 1960s. It is used to describe the manipulation of another person’s perception of reality.

 

What Is Gaslighting In A Marriage? Gaslighting is a common tool used by narcissistic and abusive spouses to control their partners.

 

When done correctly, gaslighting can make a spouse doubt their senses and memory. A spouse that is the victim of gaslighting may appear to have emotional or mental disorders.

 

Gaslighting makes you doubt your reality. It can make you believe that you are at fault for the breakup of your marriage.

 

What Is Gaslighting In A Marriage? In an abusive marriage, gaslighting can make you more dependent on your spouse and separate you from family and friends.

 

Gaslighting can destroy your self-esteem. It can make it easier for your spouse to manipulate you into accepting a property division settlement or child custody agreement that is not in your best interest.

 

It may make a judge, therapist, counsellor, or child advocate believe that you are not fit to have custody of your children.

 

SIGNS THAT YOU ARE A VICTIM OF GASLIGHTING

Gaslighting can be subtle. It may accompany domestic abuse, including verbal, emotional, financial, sexual, and physical abuse.

 

Some of the signs that your spouse may be trying to gaslight you include, but are not limited to:

 

  • Manipulating Your Emotions and Feelings

Your spouse makes comments that initiate conflict between you and your spouse. The comments may also cause conflict between you and your family and friends. In all cases, your spouse believes they are right.

 

This type of gaslighting aims to isolate you and make you more dependent on your spouse. For example, your spouse may tell you that your boss is hitting on you, and you enjoy it. He may give you an example of your boss giving you flowers for your birthday.

 

You know the gesture is innocent and that your boss is not hitting on you. However, your spouse continues to bring the matter up until you ask your boss.

 

Your boss denies that he is interested in you in any manner other than a professional relationship.

 

When you tell your spouse, your spouse accuses your boss of lying. Your spouse says that he loves you and you should trust him. He would never lie to you.

 

Constantly being told that other people are lying to you and that your spouse is the only one you can trust can make you doubt other people’s intentions.

 

It makes you rely on your spouse and doubt your feelings and perceptions.

 

  • Proof Does Not Matter

Your spouse denies accusations, even when you have proof they are lying to you. No matter how much proof you might provide, your spouse remains calm in the face of the proof and continues to deny the allegations.

 

When you become upset, your spouse points out that you are hysterical and see things incorrectly.

 

A gaslighting spouse may create a different scenario to explain the situation. They may create an alternative set of facts that are just plausible enough to make you doubt yourself. They may accuse you of being paranoid and shift the blame to you for the situation.

 

Blaming You for Their Poor Behavior

Gaslighting spouses turn the tables and blame you for their poor behaviour.

 

They distort the narrative to make you appear to be the one mistreating them. For example, if you work overtime, you neglect them and do not want to spend time with them. Therefore, you must be having an affair.

 

Lying

Telling lies is perhaps the foundation of gaslighting behaviour. When a spouse lies to you, they control your perception of reality and destroy the trust that should exist between spouses. They may also have excessive, overblown emotional reactions if you question their lies.

 

Denying

Gaslighters commonly deny past events. This includes contradicting how situations played out, and things they did or said. They may try to make you think you’re crazy about how you remember events.

 

This can be highly destructive, as a gaslighter’s convincing insistence on their version of events can cause you to lose trust in your memories and feelings.

 

Trivializing

Gaslighters will often trivialize your feelings and reactions. When a gaslighter uses trivialization, it’s common to hear phrases like:

 

Calm down

You’re overreacting

It’s not a big deal

You’re too sensitive

You’re being paranoid

 

Trivializing is intended to make you question your own ability to behave reasonably and think rationally.

 

A gaslighter’s confidence and insistence can make you feel like you’re overreacting when you’re having a valid, reasonable response to abusive behaviour.

 

  • Projecting

Projection is another tactic used by gaslighters. Projection is when the abusive partner remains on the offensive by blaming you before you can question their treatment of you.

 

Projecting partners tend to start big arguments over minor issues or accuse you of the behaviour they’re exhibiting.

 

You might be accused of lying or having an affair. Projection is an attempt at deflecting blame onto you before you can rightfully place it on the gaslighter.

 

  • Hoovering

Hoovering happens when you try to leave a gaslighting spouse. When faced with losing control over you, an abusive spouse may suddenly change their behaviour

 

They begin treating you with love, respect, and consideration. They might talk about how they’ll change, or agree to attend couples’ therapy.

 

Often, this is just another manipulation tactic. It’s intended to make you think that the relationship is improving or that you just went through a rough patch. Once a gaslighting spouse feels secure again, they return to their abusive behaviour.

 

When To Call It Quits In A Marriage

when to call it quits in Marriage

When To Call It Quits In A Marriage. You deserve happiness, and if living year after year in a miserable long-term marriage stands in the way of your happiness, it might be time to call it quits.

 

It is unfair and unnecessary to give your life over to somebody who no longer appreciates you. Worse, if you live in a marriage that is beyond repair, it can make you sick.

 

When To Call It Quits In A Marriage. Your Relationship With Your Spouse Brings You More Pain Than Joy.

 

You find yourself sitting at the kitchen table eating in silence with each other. The thought of telling them about your day seems almost silly these days as they rarely ask you about it anyway.

 

You try to appreciate the time you have with them, but it feels more painful than joyful. You still have hope in your heart when you think about them, yet the days seem to keep getting darker as more time passes by.

 

And, even though they are only a foot away the distance between the two of you seems like thousands of miles away.

 

  • You Keep Making Up Excuses For Your Spouse’s Behavior

Anytime your friends or family ask where your significant other is you typically fib to avoid talking about your relationship.

 

Trying to keep things “hush, hush” out of fear of judgment can weigh heavily on your inner spirit.

 

You know your family always has your best interest, but at the same time you haven’t made up your mind on what’s best for you.

 

So it’s easier to say your spouse had prior commitments or they aren’t feeling good than say you are living in separate bedrooms.

 

  • Your Values And Goals No Longer Align With Each Other

You and your spouse have been living separate lifestyles for the past few years. What once kept you together, seems to have dwindled.

 

You take different vacations, you have separate hobbies, and you haven’t talked about what you both want as it always turns into an argument.

 

As the relationship has continued the divide between you and your spouse seems to grow bigger and bigger. It’s like you are living with a stranger, not your spouse.

 

  • Your Spouse Refuses To Respect Your Boundaries

It’s the same argument over and over again, as it all goes back to your spouse not respecting your values based on your emotional needs.

 

And every time you set a boundary, they walk away as if you were expressing yourself to a ghost in the room.

 

This frustrates you more and more leaving you feeling trapped. You are starting to outgrow the relationship because there’s no respect. And without respect, there’s no trust or honesty.

 

  • You Continuously Relive Past Memories Instead Of Focusing On The Present

Tossing and turning every night has become routine. You keep replaying old memories like a broken record player playing a scratched vinyl.

 

You do your best to get up and make the most out of your day, but then you are simply reminded when you see their face of all the hurt and pain they have caused you.

 

You try to move on for yourself and live each day for the best, but then you notice something that reminds you of your spouse. The nightmare continues to live in your waking hours and dreams.

 

  • You Self-Blame Yourself For The Marital Issues

You find yourself blaming and beating yourself up because your spouse psychologically is emotionally abusive, making you feel like it’s all your fault.

 

Deep down in your gut, you know you didn’t cause all of this but then you cannot remember the facts because you are emotionally depleted with anger and resentment.

 

The minute you start to seek the light, your spouse emotionally berates you for not having dinner on the table after work. No matter what you say or do, you can’t win. You start to tell yourself something must be wrong with me.

 

  • You Never Feel Appreciated, Loved, Or Respected By Your Spouse

Doing their laundry, cooking your spouse dinner, and cleaning the house, has become your weekly household chore.

 

And when you go out of your way to show them how much you do for them, your spouse tells you it’s your job even when you still work full-time.

 

Being a caregiver comes naturally to you, but they rarely appreciate or respect the time you spend doing things to make them happy. They actually feel they deserve to be pampered because it’s how they were raised.

 

  • You Stay Hoping Your Spouse Will Change For The Better

It’s eating at your core, and you’re not sure if you should believe your mind or what your heart feels.

 

You are basking in confusion because you still have hope every time they take interest in you for a split second.

 

The thought of walking away seems terrifying because you would feel like you failed at your marriage goals.

 

And, each time they take you out to dinner for your birthday or buy you a nice gift during the holidays, you feel like there is still a bit of romance left.

 

  • You’re Always Fighting

There will always be disagreements in a relationship, but if it seems like you’re fighting with your partner more than you’re getting on, that could mean it’s time to call it quits.

 

  • You Have Nothing To Talk About

Perhaps the lust and the butterflies of the honeymoon period have disappeared and now you’ve realised you have very little in common.

 

  • You’re Unhappy Around Them

A long-term relationship is supposed to make you happy. If you’re mostly unhappy around your partner, it could be time to end the relationship.

 

  • There’s A Lack Of Trust In The Relationship

When To Call It Quits In A Marriage. Trust is one of the most important relationship pillars. If two partners don’t trust each other, the relationship is doomed to fail.

 

If your partner doesn’t trust you and this leads to conflict, they need to address this with individual therapy if they don’t want to break up. Of course, if you’re giving them reasons not to trust you, that’s something you need to work on.

 

It works the opposite way around if you’re the one who doesn’t trust them too.

 

How Do You Know It’s Time To Divorce?

how do you know its time to divorce

How Do You Know It’s Time To Divorce? The decision of whether to get a divorce is never an easy one to make, and there are a lot of things to consider before broaching the topic with your spouse.

 

If you’ve been thinking about getting a divorce, we rounded up signs it might be time, plus how to move forward, according to relationship experts.

 

Signs that it is time to get a divorce

 

How Do You Know It’s Time To Divorce? There have been instances of abuse. Instances of abuse are non-negotiable when it comes to divorce, without question.

 

This is one sign that you should never ignore, whether it’s physical, emotional, or verbal abuse.

 

You feel criticized and put down by your partner frequently, and this leaves you feeling less than “good enough.” According to renowned relationship expert Dr John Gottman, the author of Why Marriages Succeed or Fail (Simon & Schuster), criticism is one of the main reasons why marriages collapse.

 

  • You find yourself being defensive and/or guarded with your partner.

You have difficulty being vulnerable, and you’re often left regretting that you revealed your feelings and desires.

 

  • Your children’s needs tend to come first.

You put your children first, day in and day out, you will exhaust your marriage.” He posits that many parents fall into the trap of putting their children first, and the outcome is resentful, alienated parents and demanding, insecure children.

 

How Do You Know It’s Time To Divorce? You don’t enjoy socializing with each other’s friends or families, so you begin spending more time away from one another.

 

This may start as an occasional weeknight away from your partner when they invite you to socialize with them and others.

 

But if not nipped in the bud, it can spill over into weekends ideally when couples have an opportunity to spend more time together.

 

  • You often feel lonely when you’re with your partner.

As a result, you experience less affection, closeness, or intimacy. You may find yourself confiding your marital problems to a close friend or co-worker, someone who has a sympathetic ear.

 

  • You have vastly different needs for sexual intimacy and/or you rarely have sex.

Whether it is him or you that has lost interest, a lack of regular intimacy in a marriage is a bad sign. Sex is the glue that binds, it is the way we adults play and enjoy each other.

 

  • You’ve fallen into a pursuer-distancer pattern.

One of you is usually seeking more intimacy and the other is looking for distance. This is one of the main causes of divorce.

 

Over time, it erodes the love and trust between you because you’ll lack the emotional and sexual intimacy that comes from being connected.

 

  • Your disagreements seldom get resolved, so you tend to argue about the same things over and over again.

You fall into the trap of blaming each other and fail to compromise or apologize. As a result, you experience less warmth and closeness.

 

In summary, all couples have problems, even those who appear to be soulmates, but the secret to a happy marriage is a willingness to be vulnerable

 

How Do You Know If Your Marriage Is Beyond Repair?

how do you know if your marriage is beyond repairs

How Do You Know If Your Marriage Is Beyond Repair? You never thought you would be one of “those people.”

 

You were much more careful than them. You worked hard to find a mate who had all of the things you thought were important. You took marriage seriously.

 

You dated for a long time. You were in love. You agreed on everything that mattered … or at least you thought you did.

 

Now, you’re not so sure.

 

Now, you and your spouse seem to be at odds over everything. What’s worse, it’s not just the big things that are dividing you.

 

All of those little things your spouse does that you used to think were so cute now bug the ever-living crap out of you!

 

While there’s no fool-proof way to figure out whether your marriage is just going through a rough spot or whether your problems are getting so big that you’re close to passing the point of no return, there are certain signs that will clue you into whether your marriage is in serious trouble. Here are some of them.

 

  • You have lost all respect for your spouse.

Once you lose respect for your spouse (for whatever reason), every other aspect of your relationship becomes harder.

 

You start feeling your spouse is “less than” what he was. You start holding him in contempt.

 

Just as your contempt can destroy your marriage, so too, can your spouse’s contempt for you do the same.

 

If you feel like your spouse is constantly judging and criticizing you, and that nothing you do is ever good enough, chances are, you’re feeling your spouse’s contempt.

 

If you want to save your marriage, you and your spouse need to address what’s happening and take steps to re-establish mutual respect in your marriage as soon as possible.

 

While many marriages can survive an affair (yes, it’s possible!) Few marriages can survive one partner having an ongoing affair that he or she refuses to end.

 

Cheating can be a punch in the gut to your marriage, but the real knockout punch is when one spouse doesn’t care enough about the other’s feelings to end the infidelity.

 

  • You fantasize about life without your spouse — a lot!

Every person who’s ever been married long enough for the honeymoon effect to have worn off has probably fantasized about being single again at some point.

 

But, if you find yourself thinking about living life on your own every day, your marriage is in trouble. If you have gone so far as to check out apartments, that trouble is critical.

 

  • Everything is a fight.

Everyone fights sometimes, but no one can live in a marriage for long when you’re fighting all the time over everything.

 

If every conversation you have with your spouse ends in an argument, chances are that a bigger problem is lurking under the surface of your marriage than you want to admit.

 

To work through issues that have gotten this big, you’re probably going to need a marriage therapist.

 

  • You tear each other down with criticism.

Like contempt, criticism is also one of the deadliest killers of a marriage. If you and your spouse are each trying to prove you’re “right” while your spouse is “wrong,” or you find that you no longer have anything good to say about the other, criticism has taken root in your marriage.

 

If you don’t dig it out now, it will eventually grow to the point where it devours all the good feelings you and your spouse once had for each other.

 

  • Your spouse is physically abusive.

There is no excuse for physical violence. At all. Ever. Period. If your spouse has become physically abusive to you or your children, it’s time to stop wondering whether your marriage is in trouble and start making plans to leave. Now.

 

  • One of you has a substance abuse problem and won’t get help.

Uncontrolled substance abuse can be the kiss of death to even the strongest marriage. While just having a drug or alcohol problem can derail a marriage, many couples find they can weather the storm as long as the person with the problem deals with it, rather than denies it.

 

If, however, the person with the problem won’t get help, maintaining a marriage with that person often becomes impossible.

 

  • According to your spouse, everything is your fault — always.

No one in a marriage is always right or always wrong. If your spouse refuses to take responsibility for what he or she does, the defensiveness will prevent you from ever discussing and dealing with any issues you may have in your marriage (regardless of whose “fault” those issues are).

 

Your spouse will become the eternal victim, while you play the role of the “bad guy.” This kind of defensiveness is another serious marriage killer.

 

How Can You Tell If Your Wife Is Checking Out?

how can you tell if your wife is checking out

How Can You Tell If Your Wife Is Checking Out? If you’re asking yourself, “Has my wife checked out of marriage?”, consider if it’s a matter of taking each other for granted. Are you no longer prioritizing mutual efforts that your marriage used to be a foundation for?

 

If you don’t keep practising love for each other, it can’t get stronger. Look at it this way: you’re just out of practice, that’s all.

 

It doesn’t mean that your marriage is over, it just means it’s time to wake up and work on what truly matters to you.

 

Marriages are hard work. Every marriage brings with it a huge scope of constant friction — of values, routines, likes, dislikes, needs, and communication styles.

 

What keeps a marriage going is the continued feeling of love, safety, and respect for each other. If this starts to crumble, it’s bound to leave you feeling destabilized and scared.

 

To work on your marriage, you first have to be able to watch out for signs your wife has checked out of the marriage. Here they are:

 

Love is dormant

It’s not that she doesn’t love you, but that love has not been dipped into a real, living puddle of emotion for a long, long time. Love, like a skill or a muscle, needs to be exercised to keep it alive and kicking.

 

If she hasn’t been telling you that she loves you, then slowly and surely, the emotion will fade away too.

 

The absence of expression of love severely impacts the health of a relationship, and it could even reach a point where your marriage is over.

 

A missing or mechanical sex life

Intimacy in a relationship doesn’t have to be just about sex. It’s also about gestures in love like cuddles, hugs, foreplay, kisses (and not just on the lips), gentle touch and caresses, and honouring each others’ bodies in whichever way two people deem fit.

 

When was the last time she initiated any of these acts of intimacy? If you can’t remember, then you have reached the stage of slowly drifting apart.

 

  • No physical contact is one of the signs your wife has checked out of the marriage

There’s no spark or whisper of touch between you two anymore. This isn’t about sex. Remember when you couldn’t go five minutes without holding each other’s hands, or sitting close together, or when you would keep poking your elbow into her shoulders to annoy her?

 

You’ve noticed that she doesn’t like to acknowledge you with her touch the way she used to.

 

A peck on the cheek, ruffling of your hair, the comforting touch of a hand upon one’s hand. It’s not just you, she’s probably thinking it too, that “I’ve emotionally checked out of my marriage.”

 

 

  • You’ve started noticing roommate marriage signs

How Can You Tell If Your Wife Is Checking Out? She spends time separately from you to the extent that you have separate lives under the same roof.

 

The home is run well, the plants are watered, the chores are shared, the food is delicious, the kids are picked up from school on time, and the bills are paid, but she doesn’t feel the need to be lovers with you anymore.

 

It’s almost like you’re roommates. These are all roommate marriage signs. You know the ins and outs of living together with a person but have forgotten how to be romantically and intimately involved with them.

 

  • You don’t talk anymore

How Can You Tell If Your Wife Is Checking Out? She may talk for hours with her friends and have a wonderful time with them, but goes silent in front of you.

 

Conversations have run their course. If your bond went from talking with abandon to each other to you now feeling abandoned by her, it’s time to talk.

 

Tell her what’s on your mind. It is only through gentle conversations that you will get through this painful stage.

 

  • No compliments, gestures, and gifts

She doesn’t compliment or notice you anymore. You’ve noticed a gradual decline in the special gestures and gifts that she used to love surprising you with.

 

These little things aren’t about transactions and materialistic needs. They show how much the other person loves you and knows you, and finds joy in your joy.

 

“I don’t know how and when it happened but we’d become different people. It wasn’t just her. I told her that she takes me for granted and doesn’t care for me anymore.

 

It’s only then during our conversations that I realized I’ve emotionally checked out of my marriage too. We found it best to accept our losses and part as friends,” shares a friend.

 

What is Walk Away Wife Syndrome?

what is Walk Away Wife Syndrome

What is Walk Away Wife Syndrome? With over a million marriages that will end in divorce each year, about two-thirds of those divorces will be filed for by women. So, what is the Walk Away Wife Syndrome?

 

After the honeymoon, wives are usually the caretakers of the marriage. They carefully notice the ongoing quality of their intimate bond, continually monitoring the level of closeness and connection.

 

When deficits are detected, wives will do their best to call attention to the problems they are trying to fix.

 

And when their husbands ignore them, as they often do, they become miserable. They start criticizing him about everything under the sun… things that need to get done around the house, responsibilities for the children, etc.

 

Unfortunately, when women criticize, men generally retreat, and the marriage deteriorates even more.

 

Often husbands are dismissive, don’t respond, or make half-hearted efforts. Part of the reasons why husbands get defensive is that as the wives become increasingly unhappy, they start “kitchen sinking” their criticisms.

 

“You never take out the trash on time.  You always leave your clothes on the floor. If I told you once I told you a hundred freakin’ times to clean the basement. You never have time for me anymore etc. etc”.

 

The walk-away wife believes change is impossible. They have convinced themselves by now that the problem is with their husband and not between them.

 

When wives ratchet up their nagging and criticizing, husbands get more defensive and withdraw. And then the marriage breaks down even further.

 

Usually, after several years of cajoling, and then criticizing, the wife concedes. She becomes utterly convinced that there’s absolutely nothing that will ever change.

 

Contempt seeps in. She begins to fantasize about divorce. She might tuck some money away, pursue additional training or education, or take other concrete steps to prepare for her eventual “freedom.”

 

What is The Walk Away Wife Syndrome? A walkaway wife may even rationalize that reconciling the handling of the children and divorce is not so important.

 

And while she is dreaming of divorce, she “goes dark” to her husband.  She stops complaining or nagging.

 

She cultivates a “whatever” mindset…and doesn’t try anymore… because deep down she doesn’t care anymore.

 

Most women turn to divorce as a final solution when in their minds, they have exhausted all other options.

 

Typically, women value and attend to their marriages, but now women are walking away from their marriages like never before.

 

Wives tend to prioritize marriage, monitoring amounts of quality time together, meaningful togetherness and shared past times. When women feel connected to their husbands, there is peace in our time.

 

Marriage is taken for granted by many husbands. However, if the marriage is delegated to the back seat, the wife will tend to ardently pursue her husband for more connection, asking or demanding more frequent interaction.

 

The capacity for husbands to accept influence and connect with their lonely wives determines what happens next.

 

If the husband learns to manage his anxiety, and tunes into his partner, understanding what is needed… Well, that would be helpful.

 

But unfortunately, too often, she gets a little shrill because she’s being ignored. Her harshness is not endearing. Emotional Gridlock usually follows. The couple has become stuck and remains stuck.

 

Walk away wife syndrome, what to do instead

Give her space to calm down

Now that she has told you, she may feel a bit like a drowning person would feel if — as soon as he or she came to the surface — you would plunge that person back under the water.

 

Don’t keep texting her or leaving her messages. Let her nervous system calm down.

 

Curiosity and concern about the feelings your Walk Away Wife has behind that wall should be your top priority. Her well-being should be the most important thing to you; therefore, the wall can stay as long as it is needed.

 

So instead of acting desperate. Calm down. Relax. Don’t self-medicate. Give her space. Let her see that your personal spaces and your body are well-groomed and cared for.

 

Dress well. Be respectful when you communicate but be brief and be gone. Be the best version of yourself possible.

 

If there are little things in the environment that annoy her, attend to them quietly. Pick up after yourself.

 

Admit you blew it to your walk-away wife

Look, at the end of the day, you are not responsible for your Walk Away Wife’s emotions.

 

But if you can fess up and admit your role in the deterioration of the marriage… Well, that would be a helpful and healing admission.

 

You can suggest couples therapy and do what it takes to understand her and work together to clear out old hurts and resentments.

 

Intelligent men learn to accept influence from their Walk Away Wives and eliminate their need to erect tall emotional walls.

 

The most important thing is to let your Walk Away Wife calm down. Clear out any sources of irritation in your shared environment.

 

When she has shown evidence of being open to dialogue, ask to discuss science-based couples counselling as a way forward.

 

What Does A Lonely Marriage Look Like?

what does a lonely Marriage look like

What Does A Lonely Marriage Look Like? When you feel lonely within your marriage, you don’t feel like you’re part of anything bigger than yourself. You feel alone, and there is no “we,” only you and your spouse, completely separate entities.

 

You may or may not seem to be a happy couple to others, and you may or may not be able to keep a united front for the kids. Either way, when it is just you and your spouse talking to each other, you don’t feel close, connected, secure or safe.

 

I Am Married But So Lonely. You realize that you and your spouse are worlds apart on some basic values, which frightens you and makes you wonder why you married him or her at all.

 

Your spouse seems to say the wrong thing at the wrong time all the time, and you wonder if this was always the case and you were too young, stupid or infatuated to notice.

 

What Does A Lonely Marriage Look Like? You feel like your spouse doesn’t pay attention to you. Compliments are few and far between, and not about things that you are proud of. You feel that your spouse wouldn’t be able to answer basic questions about what’s important to you or what you feel or think daily.

 

You have very little idea what he or she thinks about all day, either. You have tried to ask and the conversations seem to go nowhere. Your spouse seems confused and annoyed, wondering what you want.

 

You often argue about silly things that are stand-ins for deeper issues. Sometimes you argue because it’s the only way to feel that your spouse is even paying attention to you.

 

Every so often, you try to put yourself out there emotionally, but your spouse’s tendency to make sarcastic, mean, or cold remarks makes you worried about taking any emotional risks.

 

You say increasingly less about yourself, and the majority of your conversations become about the kids, work, or the house.

 

What Does A Lonely Marriage Look Like? When you are in a lonely marriage, your spouse may want sex as much as ever, but it makes you feel sad, shut down, and even angry when you try.

 

You feel that there is no emotional connection there. You learn to go through the motions so that you can appease your spouse, or keep up appearances in your mind, but you often become detached from your sexuality in the process.

 

I Am Married But So Lonely. Kissing and hugging usually stop before sex, except for the kiss goodbye in front of the kids.

 

In a lonely marriage, sometimes you become a better parent because you throw yourself into your children. (But then you worry about smothering them or burdening them with too much of your emotional need.)

 

Sometimes you become a worse parent because your depression and anger make you shut down and pull away from your kids, or snap at them in irritation.

 

Your kids try to cheer you up when you seem sad, and that makes you feel sadder because you want your kids to have happy parents. But you just can’t always seem that way.

 

Sometimes you are attracted to other people, which makes you feel both guilty and angry. You don’t want to be that person who has an affair, but you feel that your spouse is driving you to it with emotional neglect.

 

You find yourself unable to picture what your marriage will look like in five or 10 years. If you can, it makes you sad.

 

How Do I Deal With Loneliness In My Marriage?

how do I deal with loneliness in my Marriage

How Do I Deal With Loneliness In My Marriage? If you’re married but lonely, take inventory of what might be making you feel this way. The experience can stem from many things, such as being at odds with your partner or having no physical and/or emotional intimacy.

 

I Am Married But So Lonely. Once you know why you’re feeling lonely, you can take steps to address it, which may include working on communication, showing more appreciation, or consulting with a mental health professional.

 

Here are tips on how to deal with being married and lonely:

 

If you are feeling lonely in the marriage it may be time to have a discussion to share what might help with your feelings. It is always good to start these conversations gently.

 

Blame will lead to arguments and less understanding. A good way to start the conversation might sound like, ‘I’m not sure if this is just me going through a phase, but I haven’t felt as connected to you lately and I miss you.

 

Have you felt this? What are your thoughts?’ It is good to discuss what the other person is doing that does make you feel loved so they can focus more on these areas.

 

  • Figure Out What Changed in the Marriage

It’s important to look back and think about patterns, communication styles, and changes that may have happened.

 

Maybe one of you got a new job, maybe it was a move that was made or perhaps when you had your second child.

 

It can be hard to pinpoint what exact moment things changed so it’s productive to think about patterns and lifestyle shifts that may have taken a toll on the marriage.

 

Ask questions. Be curious about your partner’s day, how they are feeling, what they’re struggling with or stressed about, what they’re excited about or looking forward to, what their goals are, and how you can be helpful to them.

 

This will help you and your partner begin to share more and improve your understanding of each other’s experiences in the world.

 

  • Practice Active Listening

Listening to one another, really listening, even if you disagree, validating your partner and conveying that you understand even if you disagree.

 

When communicating about your emotions allow yourself to be vulnerable and not judge one another. This can create a deeper bond in a couple.

 

  • Avoid Playing the Blame Game

When one person in a marriage is feeling lonely and upset, both people in the marriage are losing.

 

Marriage is a team sport, and blaming your teammate won’t help you both succeed. It’s important to be mindful of your feelings, work to understand them, and healthily communicate them.

 

It’s also important that your partner is receptive and takes the time to hear you out and consider your needs and emotions. Working with a couples therapist can help you with this task as well.

 

  • Make Sure to Laugh With Your Partner

“Bring humour into the relationship. Not everything has to be so serious. Many times, couples are so stressed that they forget to just laugh or have fun and be playful with each other.

 

  • Make a Plan For Connection & Rituals

“Create a plan on how you can connect more. Relationships must be intentional, they do not just happen. Building ‘rituals of connection”  can be a great way to start connecting and decrease feelings of loneliness.

 

Rituals can be something you do daily (such as finding time in the evening to share your days and/or snuggle on the couch) or they can be weekly (such as date night).

 

It is important to have daily and weekly rituals for you and your partner to stay connected.

 

  • Practice Acts of Kindness Toward Your Partner

I Am Married But So Lonely. Engage in small acts of kindness or do favours for your partner to show them you care.

 

For example, make them a meal, clean up their dishes, run an errand for them, or help them with a task they’re struggling with.

 

Be spontaneous, have a picnic and go watch the sunset, and surprise your partner with something they are not expecting (have to breakfast in bed, leave a little note on the nightstand, bring them their favourite food, go to a hotel even for one night to break the routine).

 

  • Express Appreciation & Gratitude

Show gratitude towards one another, tell each other how important each one is in each other’s life.

 

Talk about things you’ve overcome together and how much stronger you are as a couple because of it.

 

Compliment one another and talk about the things you like about each other. Say thank you even for tiny things (when your partner gets up to get you that glass of water you asked for, etc.).

 

  • Remember What Brought You Together

Thinking about old memories or looking at photos from trips, events, or your wedding can be useful in recalling what connected the two of you, to begin with.

 

Talk about cherished memories, what you used to enjoy doing together, what you loved about each other, and the activities you engaged in that made you feel connected.

 

These are great reminders of what brought you together and how you can integrate changes into your relationship to feel more connected again. For example, if you and your partner used to connect on hikes together, try to restart that activity.

 

Lonely Wife In Marriage

lonely wife in Marriage

Lonely Wife In Marriage. If you are truly lonely around your husband, get to counselling. Work through it, and make sure you are both on the same page when it comes to what you expect out of your relationship. It could be incompatibility or it could just as easily be a lack of clear communication.

 

Anyone who depends on a single person to fulfil all of their needs will get lonely. A relationship, even a fantastic one, can’t be your entire life.

 

You need outside interests. You need friends. You need pets or kids or plants… whatever level of involvement suits you.

 

Even the greatest, most undying love cannot keep you from feeling lonely.

 

I Am Married But So Lonely. Loneliness happens not when you are alone (being alone can be very satisfying), but when you expect interaction from others that you aren’t getting. So you can be lonely in the middle of a party. At a family event. Sitting at a table across from the love of your life.

 

Change your reality or change your expectations. You need to fill your life up with things you enjoy. Even if you have a bad relationship, if you have interests and hobbies and friends, the outlook is not so grim.

 

Lonely Wife In Marriage. If she is a housewife, the loneliness will be more acute

 

The moment a woman gets married her life changes. She has to take responsibilities on her shoulders like never before.

 

She would be the one taking care of everyone’s happiness. She would be the one adjusting to in-laws’ what-so-ever rituals and cultures.

 

Even after that nobody will say a single thanks, instead her sacrifice is taken for granted. Her single ‘mistake’ won’t be spared.

 

Bits of Advice come from every direction. And suddenly she starts to suffer from identity crisis and loneliness, in extreme cases chronic depression. And so it is easy to become lonely.

 

If you are unable to communicate with your husband, if after several years of marriage you feel like you have to “translate your soul” to the person you should feel closest to, then you become exhausted and begin to feel invisible.

 

Throughout a relationship, men often retreat into themselves when they are stressed, or they are “present” at home but are mentally absent.

 

Birthdays come and go, she changes her hair or makes him a new recipe and he doesn’t notice or comment, he goes to bed with no interest in sex, he is too tired to have a meaningful conversation and if he does it’s obvious to know he is not interested in what she has to say.

 

She tries to plan activities to do with him to keep the relationship dynamic, and to build new experiences together and he has no interest in trying anything new.

 

He doesn’t care or even notice that she stops smiling or seeking his opinion or sharing something about her day.

 

He thinks all is ok because she isn’t complaining or nagging him and is secretly relieved she doesn’t talk as much anymore.

 

Lonely Wife In Marriage. If the woman doesn’t have a solid social network, sisters or a mother or friends, she becomes increasingly socially deprived.

 

She has much to share with the world but starts retreating within herself because she realizes no one cares about what she has to share.

 

At these times if another man begins showing her attention, interacting with her and flirting with her she feels seen and important, she will remember how desirable she was in her youth and at her best.

 

She can quickly develop feelings for a man who helps her rediscover parts of herself she has suppressed for a long time. Usually, her husband will remain completely oblivious.

 

He will notice his wife begins to look vibrant, is taking a new interest in her appearance and smiling more often.

 

He will even feel relieved that she has finally figured out how to be happy without needing much from him.

 

He won’t realize it’s because she has moved on with her life. After all, someone else is making her come alive, and she is no longer expecting anything from her husband, so she isn’t disappointed in him anymore.

 

Often in cases where a woman has “left” her husband, he will claim that it came as a complete shock to him because she never seemed to be too unhappy.

 

He doesn’t realize until it’s too late that the signs were there all along but he was too self-absorbed to notice.

 

When your wife has little to say to you, when she seems placid and stops having an opinion, don’t thank your good luck, instead be very alarmed.

 

 

Signs That You Are Alone In A Relationship

signs That You Are Alone In A Relationship

Signs That You Are Alone In A Relationship.

You might be experiencing loneliness if you’re in a relationship but experiencing feelings of isolation, sadness, and alienation because of your social situation.

 

If the last time you had an amazing time without your partner was a long time ago, you might need more social connections outside your relationship.

 

Your partner has trouble being affectionate with you

It always feels great to get home after a tiring day and receive a warm welcome from your significant other. Cuddling and smooching and relaxing in your partner’s arms while watching a romantic movie strengthens your bond.

 

If you feel like your partner is reluctant to hug, kiss or get intimate with you, it’s no surprise that you’ll start to feel lonely.

 

You feel like your partner judges you

In every relationship, each partner must support and be honest with the other. One must be safe and comfortable to open up to the other without receiving harsh criticism.

 

Signs That You Are Alone In A Relationship.

If your partner is very judgemental; his attitude towards you is preventing you from sharing your thoughts and ideas with him, then you are on your own.

 

Signs That You Are Alone In A Relationship.

You aren’t being your true self with him

Hiding your true self from your partner means you are living a fake life around him and that will make you lonely. Being yourself makes you happy to appreciate the little things others do for you.

 

You will value the things he does for you. If you are acting up just for him to accept you then you probably shouldn’t have been with him in the first place.

 

Married But Lonely Support Group

Married but lonely support group

Married But Lonely Support Group. Most people feel lonely while married sometimes, for many different reasons. If loneliness is affecting your life, there are things you can try that may help.

 

Support is also available if you’re finding it hard to cope with stress, anxiety or depression.

 

Married But Lonely Support Group. Being part of a support group to talk about your experiences is a helpful way of dealing with loneliness in your Marriage.

 

At least when you get to hear about other people’s stories, you’ll know that you’re not alone. It is also a great way to make friends.

 

Married But Lonely Support Group. Contact us at Miss Date Doctor to guide you on how to join a support group.

 

Below is an experience shared by one of the users on the Mumsnet online support groups

“Married but very, very lonely 88

chestnut blue ·

 

“Hello all, I thought I’d put this out there as it’s colouring every day of my life. I have a husband and our relationship is “ok”. We have problems but none of the enormous kind but I am so lonely.

 

He is an extremely defensive person which makes it very difficult to communicate. His go-to response is defence and he finds it extremely hard to take responsibility for his actions, always believing that something or someone is ultimately to blame.

 

He’s a good person and a kind and loving father but although he swears that he loves and is in love with me he seems to have no energy for our relationship the only real relationship we have together is as parents and occasional lovers.

 

I am so lonely I found myself searching the internet for platonic friends sites, then realised it is a partner’s intellectual company I miss, I already have female friends, so got a grip and decided to try here first.

Any thoughts, advice, or similar experiences?

 

Married But Feel Alone Quotes

Married but feel alone quotes

Married But Feel Alone Quotes. Not being able to share your happiness and sorrows with your spouse can make you feel lonely.

 

Here below are some of the best loneliness-in-marriage quotes you can use or send to someone, enjoy.

 

Married But Feel Alone Quotes.“I thought marriage was supposed to be happy…but it seems like my husband and I are two lonely people stuck in a room together.”

 

“Life can be lonely at times… Marriage, too.”

 

“Loneliness is not something to be overcome, it’s a state of mind.”

 

“When you’re married and alone, it’s easy to feel like no one understands. But when you get to know your husband, you discover his heart is larger than the world.”

 

” Loneliness in marriage is a sad and lonely place to be, but you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself first.”

 

“Marriage is hard. But it’s only harder when you’re lonely.”

 

“Even though we are together I still feel alone.”

 

“Sometimes, marriage cannot be an escape from solitude.”

 

Married But Feel Alone Quotes. ” What is the greatest challenge in life for a man? Climbing Mount Everest? Winning a triathlon? Building a successful business? Becoming president of the United States? No. No. No. And no. These challenges are a piece of cake compared to life’s ultimate man test: living with a woman. Women are wonderful, fascinating, and exciting. They are also difficult to please, confusing, and unpredictable. At least they are, to men.” – David E. Clarke

 

I know you love your wife, more than anyone else on this earth. But if you are not talking with her regularly on a personal level, I have some bad news: she doesn’t feel loved by you.” – David E. Clarke

 

Lonely Marriage Forum

lonely Marriage forum

Lonely Marriage Forum. There are various forums to join online that discuss various topics and issues. You can join any of them to share your story or read other users’ stories and get inspired.

 

Read below some experiences shared on forums:

 

“You know when your having a long day and you just want to come home to someone –

 

I feel like today I want to come home to a hug and not an empty home. How do you explain that to someone who wants to do their own thing and if you ask them to stay in because you just want to see them they will tell you that you’re making them feel guilty.

 

The low days are on your own, as the person you reside with has told you they do not want you if you’re low.

 

It’s hard to keep a smile on your face but you do everything you can to be happy so they don’t leave you but you just feel broken, tired and lonely all of the time.

 

You fear being on your own without the person you love beside you, but you know that’s not their fear.

 

It’s hard to find any comfort as you always wonder what is going to happen if and when you eventually cry. Being married shouldn’t feel that way. I thought it would be the point where you become closer, but now I feel like I’m holding onto someone who just doesn’t want to be with the real me anymore.”

 

So sad and lonely.63

MadameFeuveral

 

“Hi everyone. I’d be very grateful for any advice you can give me.

 

I’m in my early thirties with three D.C. I’m so unhappy but I don’t know how to turn things around or accept them as they are.

 

We’ve been married for nine years. Since we married he’s become less and less affectionate. He no longer kisses me or hugs me, and we haven’t had sex in months. Since we married and I had the children I have put on weight, which I think is a big problem for him, although he won’t admit it.

 

I used to have time for the gym and the hairdresser, and I used to look lovely – now all my time is spent looking after the home and children.

 

I have no time for myself, and he won’t come near me. Because I feel so repulsive and lonely I comfort eat, which I know doesn’t help, but I don’t know any other way of coping.

 

We’re very polite to each other on a surface level – both of us hate confrontation and there are no arguments. But every six months or so the loneliness gets too much and I break down –

I tell him how unhappy I am, he takes pity on me and will make an effort to hug and kiss me for a few days, and then we’re back to living as housemates again. I don’t know if he’s unhappy- he won’t talk to me or tell me so.

 

I feel misled as he married me under false pretences. Before we were married we were the most affectionate, loving, caring, generous man – but he’s since told me he doesn’t like talking about his emotions or feelings, finds my desire to show him affection suffocating and finds me boring.

 

I don’t have any input into our finances at all. I don’t even know how much he earns. I can’t plan birthdays or holidays or buy birthday presents.

 

I’ve begun to think that he knows what he’s doing. He knows exactly how to hurt me – because I’ve broken down and told him – and now he’s doing it purposely. If I cry, he ignores me. If I try to talk to him, he leaves the room. I have so much love to give him,

but he doesn’t seem to want it.

 

I have to accept this though, don’t I? I made this bed – I must lie in it. I can’t leave him, I won’t do it to my children. I want them to have a stable home and parents I didn’t have. I just wish acceptance came more easily, that’s all.”

Lonely Wife Syndrome

lonely wife Syndrome

Lonely Wife Syndrome. Being in a lonely marriage doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner.

 

However, the emotional distance between you has increased to the point that your love is lacking an essential intimacy — a tenderness of words, actions and thoughts.

 

A type of gentleness you know is possible in your two-ness because it was that gentleness which attracted you to each other in the first place (remember?).

 

And here’s the good news: It’s with that sense of possibility you should remain hopeful, even if you’re reading this with a knowing dread that the emotionally-distant marriage I describe is your current marriage.

 

Why hope? Because most relationships in which loneliness has taken up residence can be shifted. They can be ushered back to a we-ness, replete with positive energy and renewed intimacy.

 

With a little work and a few tweaks in your behaviour, you can come back to a better daily reality, one that looks more like this: a relationship in which you know your partner’s current worries;

 

in which you can laugh together at life’s daily absurdities and annoyances; in which you want to create and anticipate with joy an evening when the kids are elsewhere and the two of you do whatever it is just the two of you find joy in doing.

 

Lonely Wife Syndrome. Yes, you can get back the emotional connection with your husband.

 

As you decide to reclaim your connection with your partner, resolve first and foremost to be patient.

 

Not unlike the work of getting back in physical shape after an injury or illness — you wouldn’t just head out and run a 10K immediately after a three-year hiatus from exercising — rebuilding your relationship muscles after allowing them to atrophy will take some time and require a little effort.

 

But little is the key word. Muscle memory is a powerful thing, and that goes for intimacy muscles too.

 

Here are three tips as you begin to flex those relationship-connection muscles:

 

Ask questions

If you are feeling lonely, your partner is probably also feeling lonely—and hopeless and helpless, not sure where to begin. So, begin with you.

 

Take the initiative by simply asking your husband at least one question a day about something not related to managing your life. Questions like “Did you pay the electricity bill?” and “Can you grab the kids tomorrow after school?” do not count.

 

Ask your partner what they’re currently worried about, excited about, stressed about, or looking forward to. Then really listen to their answers.

 

Start small, and don’t be surprised if your partner is suspicious at first. Re-establishing emotional connection is a shift in energy — a shift in wanting to know what the other person is thinking and feeling again, and sharing your thoughts and feelings.

 

Make it a goal to engage your partner in more of these curiosity conversations each day. Most likely, they will begin to reciprocate, asking you similar questions.

 

It might not happen right away, but trust that it will over time. Humans are pretty predictable; we tend to give back what we are given.

 

More specifically, get into the world of their thoughts. Yes, this will naturally happen by asking questions.

 

But also important is making a quiet, internal effort to take your partner’s perspective—an exercise that you can’t skip as you work to rebuild an emotional bond.

 

What does this entail? Pick just 60 seconds every day, close your eyes, and take just one minute to imagine what your partner’s world is currently like—from their vantage point.

 

What might they be feeling/experiencing/needing right now? What is their current reality? What might their challenges be?

 

Where are they finding joy? What might they be worried about, yearning for, or what might be weighing them down?

 

Come into this minute of perspective-taking with a generosity of heart and mind.

 

You don’t even have to talk to your spouse about what you see in your mind’s eye — at least not immediately, and sometimes not ever.

 

Because by simply engaging in this brief activity you will have more empathy and patience as you go about navigating daily life with your partner.

 

Most important: this increased empathy can be the root of renewed emotional connection.

 

Lonely In Marriage Christian

lonely in Marriage Christian

Lonely In Marriage Christian. Sometimes marriage can leave us feeling the most isolated and lonely we have ever felt before.

 

Probably because our spouse is supposed to be the closest one to us and when that bond is broken it can leave a gaping wound in our hearts.

 

Especially when we still see our spouse day in and day out, a reminder of the agony we are suffering.

 

Hardships, trials, frustration, bitterness, arguments, financial stress, lack of intimacy and resentment are just a few ways husbands and wives can be pushed into isolation.

 

Sinking into hopelessness is a miserable place to be in a relationship, and unfortunately, many marriages experience it.

 

The message I feel encouraged to bring to you today is God loves you!  I know that sounds cliche, but listen and truly accept these words, that is not just mine, but inspired by a magnanimous God…”He loves YOU!”

 

He loves you, He cares for you and your marriage, and He wants you to be fulfilled in every way!

 

Lonely In Marriage Christian. God will always be there with you!  No matter how isolated or lonely you may feel in your marriage, cling to God!

 

Rest in His Word and pray in faith that you will experience restoration in your marriage relationship.

 

Continue to seek after God daily, whether your husband does or not.  Pray for your husband and wait on God.

 

Make sure you are being intentional about growing as a Godly wife and remain in faith, hope and love that your husband will too.

 

Know that God cares about the transformation of our character!  Sometimes we endure painful seasons so that He can refine us.  So ask God how He is refining you!

 

Lonely In Marriage Christian. I would like to encourage those of you who are in such despair you are contemplating the pros and cons of separating from your husband.  DON’T LEAVE!

 

That option is never easy to even consider… but the reward you will receive by staying is so great!

 

The marriage covenant is too important to God and should be for us as well!  Hold fast and hold on tight for as long as you possibly can, in faith!!

 

*If you are considering leaving your husband due to a life-threatening situation such as physical abuse, this is much different than the situations I am referring to above.  Please use your judgement and seek professional help.

 

I Am Married But So Lonely Conclusion

I am married but so lonely Conclusion

I Am Married But So Lonely Conclusion. Quality time is important in marriages because no matter how much you know each other, with time, there will be something new to discover, including their changing interests, passion, aspirations and even friends or enemies.

 

I Am Married But So Lonely Conclusion. Always find an opportunity to spice up things in your marriage in order not to reduce the emotional connection.

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