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White Knight Narcissist

White Knight Narcissist

White Knight Narcissist

White Knight Narcissist. When it comes to the white knight syndrome, most people think of it as a personality trait that mainly affects males, a certain type of men who are attracted to women with problems.

 

Devoting themselves to helping these women and rescuing them provides a huge ego boost, making them feel better about themselves and giving them a sense of mission.

 

However, this trait isn’t exclusive to men only, and it goes much deeper than scoring brownie points with the opposite sex.

 

The white knight syndrome also referred to as the Hero syndrome, affects a large number of women, and a relationship doesn’t have to be romantic for the syndrome to be present.

 

White Knight Narcissist. The white knight syndrome is closely related to this phenomenon but with a little twist. In the beginning, white knights may be truly emotionally sensitive and caring about the other person.

 

However, what once was a sincere concern may sometimes progress to a narcissistic desire

 

  • to be admired,
  • to be loved,
  • to be important,
  • to be indispensable,
  • to tell others what to do.

 

This is the reason why while many women dream of a relationship with someone who has the white knight’s traits, those who are in such relationships don’t think it’s that great after all.

 

Depending on where your white knight falls on a narcissism continuum scale, cutting off a relationship can be notoriously difficult.

 

But what causes the white knight syndrome? It could be several reasons, for example:

 

  • Low self-esteem
  • Lack of direction and purpose in life
  • Abandonment issues
  • Experience of having lost a caregiver in childhood

 

In personal relationships, white knights typically have the following characteristics:

 

  • A tendency to idealize their partner
  • Being oversensitive to any sign of rejection
  • An overwhelming desire to be important
  • A certain degree of manipulativeness (sometimes, white knights aren’t aware of their manipulative tendencies themselves)
  • Intentionally seeking partners with problems
  • Neediness
  • The conviction that they aren’t good enough to be liked as they are

 

People can sense the white knight’s hidden agenda and eventually grow to dislike him or her, which brings the white knight a lot of emotional suffering.

 

White Knight Narcissist. Even when the white knight gets love, attention, admiration and the feeling of importance, their investment is disproportional compared to what they get.

 

White Knight Narcissist. They are constantly overpaying for what other people get free, which doesn’t help their already low self-esteem.

 

White Knight Narcissist. Because white knights are attracted to the wrong people for the wrong reasons, they deny themselves a chance to have healthy and fulfilling relationships that don’t involve constant drama and working overtime.

 

White Knight Narcissist. Rescuing is often done at the expense of the white knight’s well-being. For many white knights focusing on other people’s problems is a way to avoid dealing with their issues.

What Is A White Knight’s Personality?

What is a white Knight personality

What Is A White Knight’s personality? White knight syndrome characterizes many people who grew up neglected. Their need to save others is almost compulsive, although they don’t always do it most efficiently.

 

White Knight Narcissist. A person with white knight syndrome has a compulsive need to save and help people and try to solve their problems.

 

White Knight Narcissist. There’s a history of abandonment, trauma, and unrequited affections behind their behaviour. Hence, they have a high ability to empathize and will try to help others, even though their efforts may not always be appropriate.

 

Who doesn’t know a born rescuer? A person who seems to have a need detection radar and is always there when you need them.

 

They can become intrusive at times, as you well know. Their “kindness” can even make you uncomfortable.

 

Perhaps this is because it takes away your opportunity to be responsible and solve your problems.

 

Other times, of course, you may appreciate someone’s sincere and dedicated altruism. However, what you may not see at times is the background behind their dynamic, and their needs.

 

What Is A White Knight’s personality? White knight syndrome defines a part of the population. These people are often invisible. Thus, their behavioural profile consists of hidden wounds that few people notice, things they haven’t yet effectively resolved.

 

This syndrome was first described in 2015 by the University of California, Berkeley psychologists and professors Mary C. Lamia and Marilyn J. Krieger. Continue reading about it below.

 

The characteristics of white knight syndrome:

In storybooks, a white knight is often a man who saves a woman in distress.

 

In real life, this figure could be a man or a woman. Also, they tend to initiate emotional relationships with vulnerable or damaged people.

 

This bond allows them to feel useful and they intend to effectively repair one another. In other words, to affirm themselves and their significant other at the same time.

 

However, injured people can seldom repair anything. Instead, they often enhance their wounds by being the mirror for trauma and suffering to reflect and magnify.

 

Their failed rescuing attempts only frustrate them and inevitably lead to unhappiness. Thus, what’s hidden behind white knight syndrome and can explain their behaviour is:

 

Possible causes

Abuse, authoritarian parents, or the lack of healthy and affectionate bonds during childhood are all common in those who suffer from this syndrome.

 

Abandonment is a common trigger, both at a family level and in romantic relationships.

 

Traits

These people are scared of experiencing emotional distance and being hurt, betrayed, and abandoned once again.

 

What Is A White Knight’s personality? They’re highly vulnerable people, with a low tendency to frustration. They’re often offended and disappointed by the most insignificant things.

 

These people have low self-esteem and are highly insecure.

Also, they lack empathy. In other words, they don’t separate the emotional reality of others from their own, hence their abundant emotional contagions.

 

These people don’t know how to set boundaries. Not only that but they identify with those who suffer, are worried, or are scared to such an extent that they often further intensify everyone’s suffering.

 

Finally, these people are prone to falling into highly dependent affectionate relationships. Also, they long to be everything to the other person.

 

They seek to be that essential support, that daily nutrient, and that other indispensable half. But this only leads to unhappiness and takes a high emotional toll on both parties.

 

Do I Have White Knight Syndrome?

Do I have a white Knight syndrome

Do I Have White Knight Syndrome? White knight syndrome stems first and foremost from a need to portray yourself as selfless and giving.

 

It may even lead to the rescuer getting control over their partners and family members because they believe they “know what’s best” for the other person.

 

In their childhood, the white knight may have experienced abandonment or had a consistent threat of abandonment.

 

They may have also experienced abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, substance) or neglect. In other cases, the white knight’s parents simply shared knowledge of their hardships, and the white knight’s child wanted to do something to help.

 

These traumas can make the white knight prone to hyper-emotional sensitivity. Because they’re especially susceptible to getting hurt, this pattern of finding partners who need a lot of caregiving can aggravate the white knight’s pain and make them feel like they “need” to rescue others even if they always end up hurt in the end.

 

These issues may sound familiar to you, and perhaps you’re worried that you exhibit these behaviours. So how can you tell if you have white knight syndrome so you can get help?

 

Do I Have White Knight Syndrome? Here are 5 subtle signs you have white knight syndrome:

  • You tend to find partners that need “rescuing.”

Because you couldn’t save your parents or yourself from the pain experienced during your childhood, you try to make up for it by saving your romantic partners in your adult life.

 

You may find that your dating history consists of people with drug problems, histories of abuse, psychological disorders or illnesses, or a low sense of self-worth.

 

The drama that this partnership brings attracts the white knight in you because dysfunction is all you know.

 

This allows you to feel needed and may lead to you having highly incompatible romantic relationships in which you feel as though you’re always giving parts of yourself and not receiving what you need in return.

 

  • You over-romanticize the idea of your partner.

Although your partner may have a lot of issues, you put them on a pedestal. You see the potential for how they could be because of all the positive qualities you see in them.

 

Then, you try to fix their problems for them in an act of “saving” them. The problem with this is that you cannot help people unless they want help. Most of the time that help needs to come from a professional, not their romantic partner.

 

This idealization is often justified in the white knight’s mind as love, but real love is accepting your partner, flaws and all, and recognizing that they are human, not some sort of god or goddess.

 

  • You cling to your partner to validate your sense of self.

People with white knight syndrome cannot stand emotional distance, which can often lead to codependency.

 

The fear of abandonment evokes a feeling of need for your partner to feel whole.

 

White knights need to feel important and needed because so much of their identity revolves around helping the person that they love.

 

Losing the relationship with a partner can bring back the feeling of abandonment you may have felt as a child. It may feel like you’ve failed in “saving” your partner.

 

But relationships end for many different reasons, and that ending could be a chance for you and your partner to get the real help that you need.

 

If you are a white knight Narcissist, you may try to eliminate emotional distance and “save” your partner by attempting to control your partner’s actions and life.

 

You may see these actions as just being helpful, but telling your partner what to do, who to see, or how to behave is not helpful, it’s controlling.

 

These controlling behaviours are probably subconscious, but they tend to drive the partner away, which dooms the white knight to feel the abandonment they were trying to avoid, and thus the cycle continues.

 

  • You don’t reciprocate vulnerability.

The white knight feels like they have to be the strong one, the rock, in the relationship. Despite their sensitivity to emotions, they don’t want to show that vulnerability to anyone including their partner.

 

If you’re a white knight, in your childhood, you may have not been nurtured in the way you needed.

 

In your adult life, you continue to expect others to not be able to provide emotional care, either;

 

it’s because your family taught you that others couldn’t be counted on to handle your emotional needs, and so you believe that you’re strong enough to take on your pain and everyone else’s, too.

 

As a white knight in a romantic relationship, you may feel like your partner needs you to save them, and in turn, they’re incapable of saving you.

 

But relationships are about to give and take; both people need to be vulnerable, and both people need to be supportive not controlling of one another.

 

If these signs sound familiar to you, please reach out for help in dealing with white knight syndrome, so you don’t have to carry that pain with you anymore.

 

What Are Narcissist Red Flags?

What are Narcissist red flags

What Are Narcissist Red Flags? Having a few traits doesn’t mean that someone is diagnosed with NPD,  a narcissistic personality disorder — but they do not bode well for a fulfilling relationship.

 

What are narcissist red flags? Self-centeredness.

For narcissists, the world revolves around them. Other people are only two-dimensional, meaning that narcissists can’t empathize.

 

They’re in their reality and see you as an extension of themselves to satisfy their needs and wants.

 

When you talk to your date, is he or she interested in getting to know you, or talk only about themselves?

 

Amazingly, some people do, as if their listener doesn’t exist. This is a tell-tale sign that you will feel invisible in the relationship. If you felt invisible in your family, you might take this for granted.

 

You could feel validated by the attention you give as a good listener. Beware that this pattern will likely continue.

 

Narcissists feel superior to other people, and can be rude or abusive when they don’t get what they want.

 

This is revealed in their behaviour and how they talk about themselves and others. Is your date a fault-finder who criticizes or blames others, the opposite sex, or an ex?

 

One day, he or she may be bashing you. When you go out, notice how he or she treats waitresses, car hops, and vendors.

 

Does he or she show other people respect, or act superior to other certain groups, such as minorities, immigrants, or people of fewer means or education?

 

Entitlement. This trait is a giveaway. It reveals how narcissists think that they’re the centre of the universe.

 

They not only believe they’re special and superior to others, but also that they deserve special treatment and that rules don’t apply to them.

 

Does your date refuse to turn off his or her cell phone at the movies, expect others to do favours, cut in line, steal things like tableware, airline blankets, or hotel ashtrays, or insist on special treatment from the parking attendant, restaurant maitre d’, or server?

 

If you’re a woman, does he expect you to drive to his neighbourhood? A relationship with this person will be painfully one-sided, not a two-way street.

 

Narcissists are only interested in getting what they want and making the relationship work for them. If they are rude to others, they may one day abuse you.

 

  • Bragging and need for admiration.

Although narcissists want to believe they’re superior, they’re insecure. Hence, they need constant validation, appreciation, and recognition.

 

They seek this by bragging about themselves and their accomplishments. They may even lie or exaggerate. People who brag are trying to convince themselves and you of their greatness.

 

Narcissists put their needs first. They may manipulate you with flattery, belittling, or threats.

 

Their lack of empathy may show when planning a date. Time and place might be a difficult negotiation or on their terms, especially if they sense that you’re interested in them.

 

Initially, they may want to please you to win you over, but once they’ve made their “catch,” they want to please themselves.

 

It’s the chase, not the catch that motivates them. Once they’re victorious, they can lose interest, and move on to the next conquest before it gets too emotionally intimate.

 

If not, they’ll be emotionally unavailable and keep you at a distance, because they’re afraid if you get too close, you won’t like what you see.

 

What Is Deflecting Narcissist?

What is deflecting Narcissist

What Is Deflecting Narcissist? Have you ever been upset with something someone did or said, and when you went to confront them, they turned the tables on you?

 

Then suddenly you found yourself being the one begging for an apology? If so, stick with me, because this video is for you.

 

This behaviour is an incredibly common manipulation tactic called “deflection,” and it is often used by narcissists to sort of getting out of trouble as in, to avoid taking any responsibility for their behaviour.

 

The goal, of course, is to shift your attention from what they’ve done wrong to you and what you’ve done wrong, in their eyes.

 

Narcissists are becoming quite infamous these days for their honed manipulation tactics, the best-known of which is called gaslighting.

 

In case you’re new around here, gaslighting is a pervasive and highly-effective tactic meant to manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their sanity.

 

One of the most effective kinds of gaslighting is when a narcissist sort of “flips the script” on you during an argument.

 

So, if you’re coming to the narcissist with a problem or issue that is bothering you – or more specifically, something the toxic person has done or said, they will refuse to address it.

 

Rather than taking responsibility for this behaviour, they deflect and immediately go into “attack” mode, where they throw the ball back in your court by bringing up something you may or may not have done related or not.

 

This puts you on the defensive, as you’re being accused of some horrible deed or something is being blown out of proportion – or, in some cases, they may even project their behaviour onto you.

 

The narcissistic “flip” happens most often when you make a valid point about their behaviour or have the nerve to question the narcissist about anything at all.

 

If you dare to address this little flip, you find yourself distracted from the original issue you came in with.

 

Then, of course, the conversation becomes confusing and overwhelming as you try to find clarity and address all of these accusations.

 

That’s about the time everything turns around and suddenly, you’re the one who’s sorry (mostly that you bothered engaging in yet another pointless argument).

 

Now, you’re dealing with someone who has no interest in understanding you.

 

Rather, this person’s goal is to dominate you through extreme mischaracterization so they can win this now-pointless argument.

 

ResearchersTrusted Source has found that those who live with NPD have limited self-awareness and a reduced ability to attune to others, which may explain why they don’t see their behaviours in the same light as you do.

 

If you confront a white Knight Narcissist about something hurtful, they may downplay what occurred or minimize the events that took place.

 

This could sound like:

 

“Relax, this isn’t a big deal.”

“I did that before and you didn’t care.”

“I didn’t think you would be upset over something so petty.”

It can also sound like using softer language to make a behaviour seem less hurtful.

 

  • Shifting the blame onto you

Research shows that those who live with narcissism often carry an innate sense of victimhood, which is why they might shift the blame over to you, someone else, or another external factor they have little control over.

 

Shifting blame and defensiveness can sound like:

 

“It’s not my fault, it’s because of you/money/stress/work.”

“If you wouldn’t have done this, I wouldn’t have done that.”

“You knew what you were getting into; this is just the way that I am.”

If you can’t spot what’s happening when someone plays the victim card, you may find yourself feeling bad and apologizing for a perceived slight.

 

StudiesTrusted Source suggests that those with narcissism aren’t as prone to guilt as others, which can make it difficult for them to take accountability for their actions.

 

As a result, they may outright deny that they said or did something hurtful, a strategy called gaslighting, even in the face of proof. This can leave you doubting your sense of reality.

 

This can sound like:

 

“I never said that.”

“That never happened.”

“Your evidence doesn’t prove anything.”

Gaslighting isn’t always outright or overt. It can also take the form of diversionary tactics that confuse the other person or make it very difficult to address the issue at hand.

 

  • Ridiculing you

Those who live with narcissism may find it difficult to hold positive and negative feelings for someone at the same time. As a result, things may get heated in an argument. You may experience insults, put-downs, and even mocking behaviours, like laughing as you express hurt.

 

Some examples include:

 

“That’s stupid.”

“You’re so crazy.”

“There’s something wrong with you.”

 

Deflecting away from the argument

When faced with indisputable proof (like receipts, photos, e-mails), someone with narcissistic traits may redirect attention back onto you as a distraction.

 

Deflection can include:

Indirect or non-answers: bringing unrelated details into the mix.

Prior arguments: bringing up old issues, particularly your prior “offences.”

Guilt-tripping: “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?”

Projection: accusing you of exactly what they are doing.

White Knight Syndrome And Infidelity

White Knight syndrome and infidelity

White Knight Syndrome And Infidelity. People with the white knight syndrome usually grandstand early on how they would never lie or cheat or even tell a tragic tale of how they were cheated on.

 

Beware of the grandstanding narcissist who deals in contradictions and hypocrisy. Grandstanding is a habit of the covert narcissist, someone who boldly declares how honest and trustworthy they repeatedly yet fail to follow through with their words time and time again.

 

When someone constantly talks about how much they believe in integrity and honesty, that can be a red flag in itself.

 

Ask yourself: why would someone who is truly decent and honest have to reaffirm these qualities to those around him or her? Those with authentic integrity do not have to always talk about the fact that they possess this quality; they live their integrity through their actions more than their words.

 

If someone appears too good to be true, chances are, they probably are. Narcissists are often wolves in sheep’s clothing.

 

They project a different image of themselves to the world which contradicts who they are within.

 

White Knight Syndrome And Infidelity. They often speak in absolutes, claiming that they would never lie to you or cheat on you. They overemphasize their trustworthiness because they know their character is hollow.

 

While people who are not narcissists can do this as well, narcissists who are serial cheaters will often volunteer information early on about how they were cheated on.

 

This is to depict themselves as the victims of infidelity when they were frequently the perpetrator of it in their past relationships.

 

Watch out for anyone who appears to display the red flags of cheating all while claiming they were the victims of cheating.

 

This is projection and gaslighting to keep you off-balance and keep you doubting your instincts about their character.

 

 

If you’re in the early stages of exclusively dating a narcissist, you might notice that he or she tends to disappear often without a word or cancels plans at the last minute (or makes plans with you at the last minute).

 

You might mistake this for mere flakiness when in reality, it could be a sign that they are knee-deep in other dates or in hot pursuit of new victims.

 

It’s common for narcissists to continue dating others even if you’ve both agreed to be exclusive.

 

Narcissists have a high degree of entitlement, so they feel entitled to the rush that new supply grants them as well as sex or any other resources

 

  • Their social media is shady and they love creating love triangles.

Narcissists and sociopaths use social media as a way to create love triangles among their targets.

 

It gives them a sense of validation and power knowing that they have so many admirers who are willing to bend over backwards and give them the praise and attention they constantly need.

 

This suspicious behaviour on social media can manifest in a variety of ways. Narcissists are known to be on dating apps even while committed and can also engage in obvious flirting both online and offline.

 

Their shady behaviour can range from their nefarious possession of dating apps to more innocuous online activity.

 

You might notice that the narcissist posts strangely provocative or flirtatious comments on the photos of other attractive men or women.

 

Perhaps they refuse to put up a relationship status with you or they do, but they continue to openly hit on others or add suspicious new friends who seem to be far more than just friends.

 

They may also follow a large volume of sexually explicit accounts. If someone you’re dating exclusively (or even just flirting with) appears to already be in numerous relationships on social media all while claiming you’re the only one, it’s time to reevaluate.

 

  • You discover their other victims or their other victims warn you.

This is quite an obvious sign, but it’s not often spoken about. If you see strange occurrences of victims that the narcissist has dated in the past calling them out publicly or going out of their way to warn you about them, take a step back.

 

It’s common that if a narcissist has a wide pool of victims, at least a couple of them will attempt to speak the truth about what they experienced.

 

The narcissist will claim these people who are speaking out about them are crazy liars or stalkers.

 

In their smear campaigns, they’ll bemoan how their past victims were obsessed with them or that they just couldn’t let go.

 

It’s easy to depict past victims of narcissists as unhinged and the narcissist knows this. They will preemptively strike by telling lies about victims so that by the time these people reach out to warn you or tell their side of the story, you’ll already be more inclined to believe the narcissist.

 

  • You catch them chronically lying often for no good reason.

Narcissists and sociopaths are masters of pathological lying.

 

They gain a sense of duping delight from being able to pull the wool over the eyes of their many romantic prospects.

 

Sometimes, they lie to protect themselves and to prevent themselves from being caught cheating. They may lie about where they were the night before or tell elaborate tales about who the “friend” they were seen with really was.

 

However, other times, they may lie even when they have no reason to do so at all. For them, it’s about power and being able to control a person’s perception gives them a thrill and sadistic sense of superiority and pleasure.

Female Version Of White Knight Syndrome

Female version of white Knight syndrome

Female Version Of White Knight Syndrome. While the male White Knight is about saving the woman from external dangers, the female fantasy is about saving the man from himself.

 

Female Version Of White Knight Syndrome. The male white knights are tempted to save women with problems in general, female white knights are attracted to men with addictions and abusive patterns.

 

Female Version Of White Knight Syndrome. Female partners who exhibit “White Knight Syndrome” may behave similarly but as they are socially conditioned to take on the role of nurturers, they may be more likely drawn to taking care of significant others who have addictions, abusive patterns or infidelity issues.

 

They may be overly empathic to the point of denial about the fact that their partners have any self-control over their behaviour.

 

They may be more prone to making excuses for their partners, believing they “can’t help it” and help to “hide” their destructive behaviour from the world, shielding them from consequences or accountability.

 

Signs you may have the White Knight Syndrome

 

  • Your self-worth is based on your ability to fix others.

White knights pride themselves on “saving” others and this is a core part of their identity in relationships.

 

Rather than opening themselves up to true intimacy where both parties in a relationship are emotionally fulfilled, they unconsciously seek out unhealthy partners who appear to most need them.

 

They are drawn to those who have severe emotional issues and feel fixated on healing the other person.

 

In doing so, however, they often neglect to save themselves from toxic relationships and are unable to focus on healing themselves first and foremost.

 

  • You have a history of unhealed abandonment wounds.

White knights usually come from families with one or more toxic caretakers or a history of abandonment.

 

They may have helped rescue their parents or taken on the parent role as young children perhaps to an alcoholic father or mother.

 

Since no one came to rescue them, they now project their own need for saving onto others by becoming a “rescuer” themselves.

 

They try to provide others with what they never received, but they do so to the point of “enmeshment” becoming unhealthily obsessed or entangled in the issues of their significant other and trying to solve their problems.

 

  • You gravitate towards those who are overly needy and dramatic, often idealizing them.

This is especially true for male white knights who tend to find the dramatic or destructive behaviour of their partners strangely seductive.

 

You place your partners on a pedestal, infantilize them and treat them as if they were “fragile” and unable to take care of themselves.

 

In doing so, however, you encourage an unhealthy dependence in which the partner begins to rely on your emotional labour just to survive.

 

  • You attempt to control and micromanage your partner’s life in an attempt to “help” them.

You become hyper-focused on what your partner should or shouldn’t do as a way to prevent them from being harmed.

 

But secretly, this form of control stems from a lack of control over your own life. Under the guise of assisting your partner to better themselves, you successfully take the focus off of addressing your plight or wounding.

 

  • In response to emotional distance, you seek to manipulate or ensnare your partner back into the dance of dependency.

If your partner establishes agency or tries to be independent, you find ways (whether you’re aware of it or not) of making them rely on you for feedback and support.

 

This is different from empathic reciprocity in which both partners support each other equally; it involves one person taking on playing the role of “parent” to their significant other and causing them to feel helpless without their support.

 

To ‘recover’ from this, it’s important to evaluate your relationship pattern and heal your core issues to re-establish autonomy over your own life.

 

Become aware of your vulnerabilities and your own unmet needs and try not to project them onto others.

 

Stop looking to ‘fix’ people because each one is capable of dealing with their issues and the distraction will only stop you from seeing the only person who needs rescuing – ‘YOU’.

White Knight Narcissist Reddit

White Knight Narcissist reddit

White Knight Narcissist Reddit. On Reddit, there has been a thread of conversations bothering on experiences with white Knight Narcissists. Here are a few of them

 

White Knight Narcissist Reddit.

“I (35M) only just came across this term today and I think it explains her (33F) perfectly. When I first met her I thought I hit the jackpot. She seemed so kind, caring, generous, helpful and genuinely nice. That quickly changed.

 

The first discard was probably only 2 months into the relationship. Then consistent after that. The whole relationship was 3.5yrs and I lost count of how many times I was discarded, let alone ghosted/blocked. 5 months later and I still feel defeated and broken.

 

The thing is everyone thinks they’re SO NICE and generous. But they aren’t. She quickly stopped helping me with anything but would bend over backwards to please everyone else and make sure others thought she was the nicest, most perfect person.

 

She lived with me for 3 years, never once paid me rent or contributed to any bills or living expenses making out like she was always short on money, and in the end, I discovered she had saved over $100,000…..

 

We work in the same workplace, she ghosted and blocked me 5 months ago after I told her she wasn’t being supportive of a situation I was going through, literally walked out and instantly blocked me on everything. She walks around as if nothing happened and I never existed, joking with everyone including my friends and pretending to be such a great person. Yet I still miss her.

 

The sad thing is after one of the last discards, I hadn’t even come across the term narcissism. And I clearly remember telling her everything I thought of her and calling out her behaviour and stating “I am sick of being discarded, you make me feel so worthless and disposable”.

 

Yep, I knew she was discarding me constantly without even knowing the traits of narcissism. Probably why the last discard she ghosted and blocked me on everything, she knew I had discovered her real self and had started to expose her.”

 

White Knight Narcissist Reddit.

“When my NEX and I first met he’d hand me like $100 a week. Take my dog out on a morning walk if he was up before me so I didn’t have to wake up. He’d insist I didn’t cook and would order as much takeout as I wanted.

 

He would try and get his friends to give me rides to stores so I didn’t have to walk places (which is normal for me because I’m an epileptic and can’t drive). He told me he wanted to show me what a real relationship was because he was ready to settle down and start a family. He was gonna make me forget about my abusive past and show me a new life.

 

Then I got pregnant way faster than expected. I got super sick and was hospitalized because of my morning sickness. He used that as his ticket to try and “strong arm” (his term) his way into moving into my apartment knowing I could lose my discounted rent if anyone found out.

 

Well, he dropped his mask that night and Mister White Knight was screaming calling me an ungrateful bitch. That I was so fucking selfish for not letting him move in (he has his room in a boarding house with rules he has to follow). Then he threatened to spit on me and I broke up with him right then and there.

 

He told me if I dared to leave him he’d hire lawyers to make sure I never saw my child when she was born. Then he told me he wouldn’t leave unless I called the cops. So I grabbed the phone and he ran. Then he started texting me saying he’d OD and die if I left him. I called his bluff and he admitted he wouldn’t do it because he “likes his new job”

 

I tried to be his friend when he Hoovered me. I’ve been abused so much in my life. I couldn’t just disconnect and forget what he said to me that night. He would gaslight me and say I was holding it over his head and I just needed to get over it. He admitted he stopped taking his psych meds.

 

So I tried to tell myself that was the reason he acted that way. Until he continued to be abusive to me because he made his new job his new supply. All those people constantly needed him to help them. He became their perfect white knight.

 

He lies about drug tests for his favourite clients while scolding the men twice his age for smoking pot while he’s sneaking out in the back to hit his dab pen. He didn’t need me anymore because they were feeding his ego. Slowly I became nothing to him.”

White Knight Personality

White Knight personality

White Knight Personality. Rescuers, as I choose to call them, are compulsive, often uninvited, helpers who cannot resist the temptation to jump in and try to fix other people’s problems.

 

Also known as “Fixers” or “White Knights,” they come from diverse backgrounds, but they all have the desire or need to save others.

 

These well-meaning people generally pursue careers in the helping professions, such as doctors, nurses, psychologists, teachers, or social workers.

 

Rescuers believe they have the necessary influence, charm, or persuasive powers to help change people or situations for the better.

 

White Knight Personality. Their identifying traits include:

  • The needs of others are treated as more important than their own.
  • They will persist in helping even when it has been made clear that their help is not needed.
  • They think they know best about what works and what doesn’t for others.
  • They want other people to need them and will go from one person to the next offering assistance to gain this sense of being needed.
  • When others ask for their assistance and they are unable to help they are overcome with guilt.
  • They exhaust themselves in taking care of other people’s needs.
  • They feel utterly rejected when their assistance is not welcome.

 

Positives:

Since childhood, the Rescuer has had the desire to save someone, usually a family member, such as an alcoholic father, depressed mother, or ill sibling.

 

Since childhood, the Rescuer has had the desire to save someone, usually a family member, such as an alcoholic father, depressed mother, or ill sibling.

 

They carry this nurturing trait into adulthood, along with many other positive characteristics, including:

 

It’s encouraging and convenient to have someone around who is ready and willing to help.

 

Rescuers can intuitively spot another person’s vulnerabilities, or identify when someone is in trouble.

 

They are skilled at making others feel less isolated in their emotional pain.

 

Although they are not consciously aware of this, saving others is often an attempt at saving the self from past or present emotional pain; their rescuing behaviour can be seen as symbolic self-healing.

 

Their persistence when tackling a problem, even though it belongs to someone else, can be encouraging.

 

Negatives:

You might think that we could all benefit from having a Rescuer close by. However, there are some negatives to this personality:

 

White Knight Personality. Rescuers tend to neglect themselves due to their neurotic obsession to look after others.

 

People need to learn to solve their problems and face their challenges, which is not easy with a Rescuer around.

 

Outside the lives of others, the Rescuer hardly has a life of their own; their hopes and goals are tied up with those of others.

 

Getting absorbed by other people’s problems can be a way to escape taking responsibility for their own.

 

Rescuers are never really content because they don’t pay attention to their own needs and often feel burned out.

My Husband Has White Knight Syndrome

My husband has white Knight syndrome

My Husband Has White Knight Syndrome. Being married to a man with white knight syndrome can be infuriating. It means you’re dealing with a man who constantly wants to play the hero.

 

My Husband Has White Knight Syndrome. He forgets that women are perfectly capable of asking for help when they need it. His “heroic” actions downplay your abilities and achievements.

 

There are some incidents where a husband plays the helper to everyone around him and neglects his marital responsibilities. He leaves the needs of his immediate family to attend to others. This is sure to create conflict in the marriage as the wife feels abandoned and neglected.

 

My Husband Has White Knight Syndrome. If your husband has white knight syndrome, you may have to be firm about your boundaries in the marriage, Share out responsibilities; and insist on doing things for yourself when you don’t need help.

Covert Narcissist

Covert narcissist

Covert Narcissist. A covert narcissist is a person who has symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) but often hides the more obvious signs of the condition.

 

While it can be more difficult to recognize, covert narcissism can be just as destructive as more overt narcissistic behaviors.

 

In many cases, it is easy to spot the narcissist in the room. They are the ones who are working for the crowd, loudly sharing fabulous stories that convey a sense of importance and accomplishment so that they can feel admired.

 

Someone behaving like this tends to send out a clear signal that they are not approachable or compassionate.

 

In the field of psychology, behavior can be described as overt or covert. Overt behaviours are those that can be easily observed by others, such as those of the traditional narcissist described earlier.

 

Covert Narcissist. Covert behaviours, however, are those that are more subtle and a bit less obvious to others.

 

A covert narcissist is someone who craves admiration and importance and who lacks empathy toward others but may act in a different way than an overt narcissist.

Prosocial Narcissist

Prosocial Narcissist

Prosocial Narcissist. Prosocial Narcissists appear to genuinely want to help people. Looking deeper, during conversations they’ve openly admitted they need and feed on the external validation they get from helping others and feeling like they’re making a difference in the world.

 

It makes sense since narcissists have a strong need to be admired. I’ve also read articles about narcissists’ high rates of participation in publicly visible pro-social situations.

 

They emphasize that the motivation underlying the behaviour appears to be personal interest.

 

Narcissists’ prosocial orientation notwithstanding, they still struggle with managing narcissistic behaviours.

 

Being seen as a hero or do-gooder doesn’t change that, and those who are involved with them in intimate partner relationships or friendships experience these behaviours firsthand.

 

The Prosocial Narcissist is a person who’s all about feeling good and getting credit for their positive accomplishments.

 

They strive to do good things in the world and want others to like them. They’re generally fun to be around and their intentions, mostly, are harmless.

 

Prosocial Narcissist. These people show empathy and will hone in on what makes you happy and that’s how they find their validation.

White Knight Syndrome Subtypes

White Knight syndrome subtypes

White Knight Syndrome Subtypes. The white Knight Syndrome is classified under some of these Subtypes;

 

  • THE OVERLY EMPATHIC WHITE KNIGHT

The overly empathic white knight fears emotional distance. This fear can be triggered by many sources, such as separation, loss of love, or loss of approval.

 

She tries to maintain or restore an emotional connection to her partner by being needed, good, or caregiving and by positively affecting her partner’s emotions.

 

Sexual jealousy and insecurity can trigger her fear of emotional distance. As a result, the overly empathic white knight is driven to further prove that she is a valued partner and lover.

 

The overly empathic white knight worries excessively about her partner. This worry is especially apparent during separations or when she feels he needs her help or protection, lest he experiences some kind of discomfort.

 

One overly empathetic white knight worried that her partner had not planned his work schedule properly and that his poor planning might cause him to experience too much stress.

 

Although she may have been correct in predicting her partner’s stress, when she created a computer spreadsheet for his various tasks to help him better manage his time, he resented her help and felt humiliated.

 

In situations like these, the white knight often feels hurt, if not angry, when her partner rebuffs her offerings or perceives her help as a criticism or a nuisance.

 

As with most white knights, the overly empathic white knight may privately take some of the credit for his partner’s success.

 

Yet he may also view his partner’s success with ambivalence. Because this white knight fears emotional distance, he may worry that if his partner is successful, she may no longer need the relationship or want it to continue.

 

The major psychological forces at work within this white knight are a heightened sense of empathy, excessive guilt, and an intense fear of emotional distance. These forces are manifested in a variety of ways.

 

  • THE TARNISHED WHITE KNIGHT

White Knight Syndrome Subtypes. The tarnished white knight wants to be loved and appreciated. He seeks to compensate for, and repair, the ineffectual sense of self that he developed in childhood.

 

When this white knight was a child, he may have teased or shamed his peers to disguise his self-contempt.

 

When he is in a relationship in which he is adored and idealized, the tarnished white knight feels potent.

 

He behaves in ways that disguise his vulnerability, fear of abandonment, and feelings of shame and inadequacy.

 

Seeing himself as sexually powerful and skilful is extremely important to the tarnished white knight.

 

Glamorizing his partner and eroticizing their relationship enables him to glorify himself. Sometimes this white knight’s need for validation is greater than his partner can provide, which frequently leads him to have affairs outside of his partnership.

 

The tarnished white knight often chooses partners who have some trait that, by ordinary standards, creates a tangible disparity between herself and her partner.

 

Appearance, health, social, or economic status are common examples of traits that create such disparities.

 

At other times, she has an unrealistic or inflated sense of who her partner is or should be (that is, she exaggerates her partner’s talents).

 

Whatever the disparity, the tarnished white knight’s main goal in relationships is to be loved and admired, and he will go to great lengths to achieve that admiration to heal his past.

 

Unfortunately, this kind of healing rarely works, because the tarnished white knight has an emotional hole within himself that cannot contain whatever new love and admiration is given to him, thus leaving him perpetually needy and frustrated.

 

  • THE TERRORIZING/TERRIFIED WHITE KNIGHT

White Knight Syndrome Subtypes. The terrorizing/terrified white knight is the subtype most likely to have experienced overwhelming fear and shame as a child.

 

This white knight tends to have had a very traumatic early childhood that may have included sexual, emotional, or physical abuse.

 

Such an extremely difficult childhood has left her with limited skills to handle her psychological burden.

 

The terrorizing/terrified white knight learned to be highly manipulative of her parents, teachers, and peers as an adaptation and reaction to her childhood experiences.

 

She may have been deceitful, a bully, and most likely believed that she was entitled to special treatment all of which served temporarily to counteract her shame and fear by making her feel, at the moment, powerful and special.

 

The remnants of this unhealthy coping style can be seen in her adult personality. This white knight copes by creating situations where others feel afraid or shamed.

 

Through various behaviours, the terrorizing/terrified white knight transfers her feelings of emptiness, jealousy, shame, anger, and fear of abandonment to her partner.

 

She may be accusatory, critical, or mocking in an attempt to relieve herself of shame by shaming him.

 

The terrorizing/terrified white knight often uses sex and jealousy to control her partner.

 

  • THE BALANCED RESCUER

The balanced rescuer is sensitive to the needs of others and practices altruism for its own sake.

 

He gives support freely and is not conflicted about his partner’s success. These are healthy, generous men and women who are respected by others.

 

Having found a partner who carries her weight, the balanced rescuer will anticipate reciprocity in his relationships.

 

He and his partner are willing to support each other through the good times and bad. He helps when asked, but also offers help freely and graciously, without implying criticism or trying to control.

 

While white knights may feel threatened when things go well for their partners, the balanced rescuer is truly delighted.

 

Although he may quietly take some pride in whatever help he has provided, he goes out of his way to ensure that his partner receives the credit for her successes.

 

  • TEMPORARY WHITE KNIGHTS

A temporary white knight is someone who has been in high-functioning relationships but with the onset of some unusual stressors, such as the loss of a job or the illness or death of someone close, pursues an unhealthy rescuing relationship. Our use of the term “white knight syndrome” implies a chronic need to be the rescuer in intimate relationships.

White Knight Narcissist Conclusion

White Knight Narcissist conclusion

White Knight Narcissist Conclusion. While it’s true that not every white knight’s case is a case of narcissism, any relationship that involves the white knight/damsel in distress dynamics is an unhealthy one.

 

White Knight Narcissist Conclusion. Even when the white knight isn’t particularly manipulative, the reality is that he still suffers from unresolved emotional issues and puts himself in harm’s way by seeking relationships with people who need rescuing.

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