Table of Contents hide

1.1 Why Do I Always Destroy My Relationships?

1.3 I Am Ruining My Relationship With Insecurity

1.4 Destroying Relationships On Purpose

1.5 My Mental Health Is Ruining My Relationship

1.6 How To Stop Being Insecure In A Relationship After Being Cheated On

1.7 Sabotaging A Relationship Out Of Fear

1.8 Signs She Is Sabotaging The Relationship

1.9 Am I Ruining My Relationship Quiz?

1.10 Sabotaging A Relationship Subconsciously

1.10.1 How To Stop Ruining Relationships Conclusion

1.11 Further reading

How To Stop Ruining Relationships

How to stop ruining relationships. Sometimes we are the only thing standing between us and a happier relationship. Many psychologists refer to this as self-sabotaging behavior, which is defined broadly as behavior that causes problems in your daily life and interferes with your long-term goals.

In relationships, self-sabotage occurs when you actively try to ruin or break up your relationship, whether consciously or subconsciously.

How to stop ruining relationships. For some, this is such ingrained behavior that it can be difficult to even recognize, let alone stop.

There are several reasons why someone might want to sabotage a perfectly healthy relationship, even if they are often subconscious. One major reason is a lack of self-esteem and self-worth. If you’re afraid your partner won’t like you enough, you may subconsciously act out or push them away to avoid feeling the sting of rejection.

Creating relationship drama is another way to keep your partner interested. Individuals may not believe they can improve, so they will accept any attention, affection, or connection, positive or negative.

On the other end of the spectrum, some people may be afraid of commitment because of what it will mean for their independence, leading them to self-sabotage the relationship in order to maintain their independence.

The attachment style of individual accounts for much of the reasoning behind someone self-sabotaging a relationship. Your attachment style is the way you deal with relationships that you learned from your caregivers as a child.

Individuals with anxious attachment styles frequently desire intimacy and fear rejection as a result of childhood abandonment, which can lead them to project these negative relationship outcomes onto their partner.

Individuals with avoidant attachment styles frequently avoid closeness and intimacy because their childhood taught them to be self-sufficient, which may lead to a delay in commitment or a dismissive attitude.

Because the desire to self-sabotage is so closely linked to our attachment style, people frequently self-sabotage relationships subconsciously by repeating relational patterns learned as children. We repeat behaviors because the negative cycle is familiar to us.

Relationship signs of self-sabotage

Negative emotions are not addressed.

Having negative feelings about your partner or relationship but refusing to address them is a big red flag for self-sabotage. Feelings of anxiety, anger, frustration, or doubt are completely normal in any relationship, romantic or otherwise—but refusing to discuss these concerns with your partner shows that you’re not interested in resolving the issues you’re experiencing or in keeping your relationship alive.

Severe paranoia

It’s difficult not to become paranoid in relationships at times, but if you’re constantly worried that your partner is cheating on you or wants to leave you, this could be a projection of your relationship fears and anxieties.

Criticism directed at your partner

The best relationships include some constructive criticism, but if you are constantly criticizing your partner for minor behaviors, this could be a sign of self-sabotage. When you criticize your partner when they do not deserve it, you may be subconsciously attempting to create a schism between you two or drive them away.

Engaging in risky behavior

While it may not appear so, poor eating habits, excessive drinking or smoking, and a general lack of self-care can all be signs of self-sabotage in a relationship. Individuals who are unhappy in a relationship but do not know how to fix it can use these negative behaviors as a coping mechanism.

These unhealthy patterns can also be used as a scapegoat for relationship problems—for example, if someone is focused on excessive smoking, they can blame their relationship problems on that rather than looking for deeper issues.

Keeping grudges

Everyone harbors a grudge from time to time, but if you are constantly irritated by minor things your partner does and can’t seem to let go of your rage, this could be a sign of self-sabotage.

Holding grudges in a relationship can often lead to poor communication, delayed anger, and fighting, all of which can be detrimental to any partnership. You may be subconsciously holding a grudge in order to avoid discussing your relationship’s problems with your partner.

Setting unrealistic goals

It’s difficult always to have a perfect set of expectations for what you and your partner owe each other in intimate relationships. However, suppose you are frequently upset because your partner is not meeting your expectations and are not communicating your disappointment to them.

In that case, this could be a sign that you have already deemed your partner unfit for you in your mind and do not believe the relationship is worth fighting for.

Concentrating on your and your partner’s flaws

Another red flag is if you are unable to see the positive aspects of your partner or relationship and instead focus on minor flaws on both sides. This negative pattern is frequently an indication that you are attempting to drive a schism between yourself and your partner.

How to stop ruining relationships.

Understand both partners’ attachment styles

Understanding both your own and your partner’s attachment styles can help you both learn how to better provide for each other’s needs. There are easy tests online that allow people to quickly discover their attachment style and give helpful tips on what individuals with each style desire most out of a relationship.

Knowing you and your partner’s attachment style will help each person understand why they act in a certain way within the relationship and can help reframe the action from sabotaging to a pattern created based on a relationship and family history.

By becoming more self-aware of these patterns, people can start to intentionally work to create new patterns by confronting and being honest about their feelings surrounding intimacy, developing direct communication skills with their partner, and working to let go of any fears surrounding relationships and commitment.

Have an honest discussion

If you are feeling anxious or having doubts about any relationship, it is important that you initiate an open discussion about these fears. You and your partner should speak openly about what problems you’re having and what the best next steps for your relationship could be.

If you feel like you have some growing up to do before the relationship can change, taking a temporary break might be a move to consider that is How to stop ruining relationships.

Seek counselling

If you feel like you and your partner cannot solve these issues on your own, counseling can be a great next step. Both individual and couples therapy provides a great outlet to discuss your relationship fears in a supportive, non-judgmental, and empathetic environment.

If you feel like your issues are only surrounding your relationship, couples therapy is probably the route to try. However, if you feel like your relationship troubles are stemming from bigger issues in your own life, it might be time to try individualized therapy to unpack some of your own life experiences that might be affecting how you’re showing up in your relationships.

Be patient

Relationships are never easy, and it’s important to be patient while you are putting in all this hard work. Remember that you have a support system to help you through rough times and that you should be proud of yourself for recognizing unhealthy behavior and taking the necessary steps to fix it.

We are all just trying to make it in this world. It’s important for people to be understanding and patient with themselves that is How to stop ruining relationships.

Why Do I Always Destroy My Relationships?

Why do I always destroy my relationships? Why love fades and people in relationships grow apart is one of life’s great mysteries. What prevents us from maintaining the passion, attraction, admiration, and closeness we once felt for our partner?

Why do I always destroy my relationships? A fantasy bond is an illusion of oneness with a partner. When couples enter into this type of bond, they substitute a fantasy of being connected in place of real relating. They put form over substance, and the relationship starts to deteriorate.

Why do I always destroy my relationships? The degree to which an individual in a couple enters into a fantasy bond exists on a continuum. In the beginning, people usually open up to one another. But at some point, they become afraid and start to protect themselves from feeling vulnerable by shutting down and withdrawing from loving behavior.

They replace real love with a fantasy of being in love, which they support by insisting on the conventional markers of a relationship. The situation can deteriorate even further until the couple no longer manifests any observable loving behavior and often expresses a lot of animosity toward each other.

Why do I always destroy my relationships? The good news is that if we catch on to the behaviors associated with a fantasy bond, we can begin to challenge this defense and create a more satisfying relationship.

Why do I always destroy my relationships? To truly change our relationships for the better, it’s important to look closely at these harmful behaviors and compare them to the more favorable ways of relating that characterize a healthy relationship.

When we interrupt these patterns and actively engage in healthier ways of interacting with our partner, we feel more closeness and contentment, and we can keep the spark alive in our relationships.

What Destroys A Good Relationship?

What destroys a good relationship? Relationships are fragile and are frequently harmed by minor details if not properly cared for. From friendship to marriage, a relationship goes through several stages. And things between couples never stay the same.

When two people go through ups and downs without letting their relationship suffer, they have a strong relationship. The greatest threat to a relationship, however, is when one or both parties stop trying.

What destroys a good relationship? Keep in mind that nothing lasts forever. When your honeymoon period is over, you enter a new phase of your relationship. You both grow accustomed to being yourself.

However, becoming too comfortable can be detrimental to a relationship. It doesn’t always have to be a massive blowout to end things; sometimes, it’s a slew of minor issues that can cause major issues in relationships.

Underestimating your partner

Things become stale if they are not cared for, and the same is true of relationships. The priorities of married couples shift over time. Even happy and contented relationships can deteriorate when you begin to take your partner for granted.

When you take your partner for granted, you lose sight of the qualities that drew you in all those years ago. You must continue to demonstrate your love and appreciation for each other to maintain a happy relationship.

Keeping Grudges

What destroys a good relationship? Holding grudges is another factor that contributes to the demise of your relationships. Believe it or not, you cannot live a happy life with someone you have a grudge against. To have a great relationship, forgiveness is required. Understand that “to err is human,” that people make mistakes, and that if you can’t let things go after they apologize, you’ll never be happy in life.

Accumulation of Negative Emotions

If you tend to accumulate negative emotions, a happy relationship is a distant dream for you. Remember that no relationship in the world is perfect; even true soul mates may experience periods of turbulence, conflict, and even infidelity. But you can deal with any situation if you love and care for each other. While holding on to negative emotions will only lead to bitterness, jealousy, and paranoia. So, if you have some negative feelings for your partner, talk to him/her about it and work it out. To have a happy and healthy relationship, your mind should be free of negativity.

Ignoring Your Partner’s Needs

No relationship can be successful if you are only concerned with yourself and your needs. Every successful relationship in the world is built on compromise and collaboration. Each individual should prioritize the needs of their partner over their own. People who prioritize their own needs will never have a healthy relationship.

Doubts About Your Partner

People who are skeptical of their partners will never thrive in a relationship. One of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship is trust. Nothing can be done if trust is lacking. Consider how long an individual can justify his or her integrity. Doubting your partner will simply create a void in your relationship that will be difficult to fill.

The Blame Game

Blame games are the worst; they can destroy any beautiful relationship on the planet. When they are wrong, most people tend to blame their partners rather than apologize. This is the absolute worst thing anyone in a relationship could do. It is not wise to blame your partner even when he or she has done nothing wrong or to hold your partner responsible for every small or large problem. It directly impacts your relationship and destroys all the positive emotions and feelings that two people share. Remember that your relationship is not a competition, so losing a few battles along the way will not be detrimental.

Relying Too Much On One Another

People frequently fail to recognize that, in addition to being partners, they are also two individuals. They become each other’s lives in the process. Recognize the importance of having a life outside of your relationship. If you don’t, you’ll become overly reliant on one another. And there will come a time when you will be without friends, hobbies, or a life. Your life consists of more than just one relationship. As a result, you must live your life as an individual as well. In the long run, relying too heavily on each other suffocates the relationship.

I Am Ruining My Relationship With Insecurity

I am ruining my relationship with insecurity. Most of us experience bouts of self-doubt from time to time, which is completely normal. However, jealousy in relationships, personal insecurities, and comparison can cause a schism between you and your partner.

To some extent, insecurity is beneficial because it motivates you to work harder in your relationship and value your partner more. However, if there is too much insecurity in the relationship, it can create a toxic environment and undermine your confidence. It can even split up couples who love and care for each other.

Most of us experience bouts of self-doubt from time to time, which is completely normal. However, jealousy in relationships, personal insecurities, and comparison can cause a schism between you and your partner.

When you think about “How to stop ruining relationships” To some extent, insecurity is beneficial in achieving it because it motivates you to work harder in your relationship and value your partner more.

However, if there is too much insecurity in the relationship, it can create a toxic environment and undermine your confidence. It can even split up couples who love and care for each other.

DEVELOP YOUR SELF-ESTEEM

Insecurities are difficult to overcome. They are the lice of your emotional stability – vexing and difficult to get rid of. The only way to overcome insecurities is to improve your self-esteem (or at least, keep them at bay.)

How are you able to do this? Schedule a luxury spa day for yourself, start exercising, or do something you truly enjoy. It’s best to focus on one habit you want to break and one you want to start.

DETERMINE THE SOURCE OF YOUR INSECURITY

You can’t get rid of something if you don’t acknowledge it’s there and acknowledging “I am ruining my relationship with insecurity.” is the first step to solving the problem. Think about what is causing you so much pain in your current relationship.

Was it something your mother said to you when you were five years old that has stayed with you? Is it possible that something your partner is doing is making you question their motives? Or even that sly remark made by a random stranger to you once?

Whatever it is, knowing the source of your insecurities will help your romantic relationship because you will be prepared to address it head-on.

HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER

Nobody will be surprised if I say that trust is the key to happy, healthy relationships. Trust means not only sharing your deepest secrets with your partner without fear of them revealing them to anyone who will listen, but it also means knowing that they mean what they say… that they will not betray or hurt you.

Both partners can practice trust by keeping their word, being emotionally and physically present in the relationship, and holding each other accountable. It’s also critical to trust your instincts. If your partner has never given you a reason to be suspicious of them, don’t. However, if you have a deep nagging feeling in your gut that something isn’t right, trust it!

STOP THINKING TOO MUCH

If your partner says they want to go out with their friends without you one night, don’t take it personally because you will end up saying “I am ruining my relationship with insecurity.” and it will be true.

Not everything your partner does is done to cause you pain. Just as falling asleep before you have the opportunity to have sex does not imply that they are cheating or uninterested – it most likely means they are tired.

Take your partner’s word for it for the sake of your sanity. Not every action is motivated by a sinister thought.

MAKE SPACE FOR YOUR PARTNER

How to stop ruining relationships. You must be willing to give your partner space to have a healthy relationship. I understand that if you’re feeling insecure or jealous, you don’t need more space. However, giving your partner space can help them avoid feeling suffocated or attacked.

It can also provide you with an excellent opportunity to pursue your interests and maintain your own social life. Doing things on your own can boost your confidence and remind you that you have a life apart from your romantic relationship.

LET GO OF PAST NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIP EXPERIENCES

Your love life can be ruined by past experiences. Remembering how a shady ex made you feel unwanted and unappreciated can carry over into your new relationship and cause your insecurities to spiral out of control. The only way to move forward is to let go of your negative experiences.

Discuss your past experiences with a therapist, friends, family, or your current partner. Talking openly about painful situations from previous relationships can help your current partner better understand you. And, let’s face it, sometimes just letting it all out is cathartic.

DO NOT AVOID CONVERSATIONS BECAUSE THEY ARE UNCOMFORTABLE.

The importance of communication in relationships is one of the most common pieces of relationship advice you’ll come across. And, yes, there is a reason for this.

Being in a healthy relationship entails being able to talk to each other about anything under the sun. We mean it. Periods, exes, and that unsettling dream you keep having but are too embarrassed to tell anyone about. Feeling jealous or insecure can lead to awkward conversations with your partner, but it’s always worth it.

DO NOT DEVOTE TOO MUCH TIME TO SOCIAL MEDIA

Comparison is said to be the thief of joy. This is especially true on social media. Beach babes with rock-hard abs, flawless skin and enviable social lives abound, leaving the rest of us mortals to wonder what the hell our lives are like.

Not to mention, if you’re into stalking your partner’s ex-wives, social media is the way to go. This is not healthy behavior, and it will not help you overcome your insecurities.

SHARE YOUR FEELINGS WITH A FRIEND

Nobody likes to feel alone, and why should you when you have a group of amazing friends to vent to? Gather your closest friends and confide in them about your deepest thoughts and feelings.

Not only will getting your problems off your chest relieve some of your anxiety, but your friends will be able to share their own experiences with dealing with insecurity or jealousy in relationships.

INSTEAD, CHANNEL YOUR ANXIETY INTO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE.

If you want to get rid of jealousy in your relationships, start exercising or doing something active. It may sound strange, but getting your heart rate up for at least 30 minutes a day can help boost your self-esteem and promote positive mental health.

According to research, regular exercise can help reduce anxiety, and depression, and improve your mood. It can also clear your mind, allowing you to meditate or simply relax and enjoy the high from your workout.

Destroying Relationships On Purpose

Destroying relationships on purpose. Many couples believe their relationship will last forever when they are in love. You and your partner have a deep love for one another that will stand the test of time. You will face challenges and obstacles in life, but you will do so together, with your deep love sustaining you both. Right?

However, if you don’t know how to navigate all of the roadblocks you’ll face as a couple on your journey through life, you might just crash and burn. As a result, learning how to steer the relationship away from any danger zones is critical. When you know how to work as a team to drive right past the danger zones, your relationship will be able to grow and thrive.

Let’s take a look at the top most common issues that couples face that eventually destroy their relationship so you can learn how to avoid them and move on with ease.

Dislike in Your Relationship Relationship-Destroying Behaviors

Do you lash out and blame your partner because you are upset, angry, or frustrated? Are you blaming your feelings on your partner?

Perhaps it’s not your partner’s fault that you’re upset, angry, or frustrated at times. Perhaps you are blaming someone else and choosing to blame your partner by verbally attacking them.

When you blame, shame, and criticize your partner, you are being very destructive and disrespectful, and doing so regularly will lead to the end of your relationship.

2 – Unspoken Expectations Are Harmful to Your Relationship Unspoken Expectations

Couples argue over contracts they never made. Couples enter a relationship believing they know and understand each other only to discover that there are numerous unspoken “contracts” or expectations. They have an implied contract rather than an explicit one.

Relationship unspoken expectations that are Destroying relationships on purpose can be as simple as

Who is in charge of the yard work?

Where do you both intend to spend your vacation?

Who oversees the finances?

Where do you both plan to spend your summer vacation?

Where will the children attend school?

Unspoken expectations in a relationship cause a lot of unnecessary tension. That is until these issues are discussed and become spoken expectations.

Being defensive wreaks havoc on your relationship

People become defensive because they do not want to feel uncomfortable within themselves. It is a form of self-defense.

Defensiveness is a natural reaction for most of us to criticism, complaints, and negative feedback. It has the power to escalate an argument and destroy any chance of resolution. It also communicates to your partner that their experiences or ideas are incorrect and that you are correct.

Couples who are defensive may find it difficult to listen and connect deeply. You are not allowing your partner to understand how you feel if you put up a wall, even if it is just to protect yourself from being hurt. A well-intended defense can quickly devolve into a battle in which neither side is willing to yield.

Relationships are harmed by stonewalling or the silent treatment

Are you Destroying relationships on purpose by remaining silent instead of expressing your feelings? Have you ever had a partner tell you, “You’re not listening to me?” You are encountering stumbling blocks (when a person withdraws from a conversation and refuses to address your concerns).

When one partner blocks the other, the conversation is often terminated before it has even begun.

Withdrawing from a partner can be extremely harmful to a relationship in the long run. While some partners use stonewalling to avoid conflict, it exacerbates the situation.

My Mental Health Is Ruining My Relationship

My mental health is ruining my relationship. Depression isn’t just occasional sadness.

It’s a collection of symptoms, including irritability, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, feelings of worthlessness or helplessness, a loss of enjoyment in your usual activities, and sometimes suicidal thoughts.

If you experience five or more symptoms for at least two weeks, you could have clinical depression, also known as major depression. It’s a serious condition you should have evaluated by a doctor or mental health professional immediately, for the sake of your well-being and your relationship.

Getting treatment and taking positive steps toward helping yourself are some of the best things you can do for yourself – and your relationship.

Working on getting better and assuring your partner that you’re on that path can go a long way.

To rekindle the romance, we’ve outlined five classic symptoms of depression that erode a relationship.

Your sex drive tanks.

When your mood plummets, it usually takes libido with it. Since sex is often the glue that bonds couples and your guy don’t get why you haven’t been intimate lately, he may think you’re not attracted to him or don’t love him anymore.

What you can do: Explain that it is you, not him. And that while your desire has evaporated, it’s not a reflection of your feelings for him.

If your doctor recommends antidepressants, ask if you can take medication that will alleviate symptoms without dulling your sex drive even more.

You squabble more.

My mental health is ruining my relationship. Are you nagging more, or acting short-tempered, impatient and cynical, which leads to fights?

People think depression is about being tearful all the time, but it also comes out as irritability and negativity.

What you can do: Acknowledge that your mood is affecting your behavior. And permit him to remove himself from the fight.

Some couples work out a script in advance so they have the plan to extricate themselves from arising conflicts.”

You’re isolating yourself.

Depression makes you want to withdraw into your island of despair. You might be ashamed you can’t pull yourself out of the funk. Or if you don’t have the energy to connect with your partner, you might drop out until you feel better.

There’s an emotional checkout with depression. You’re not present in anything but your darkness.

What you can do: If you can’t talk face-to-face, send emails or leave notes for your partner that say I love you, Thanks for your patience, Bear with me, You’re the best. That way you can stay connected on some level.

You don’t want to go out.

My mental health is ruining my relationship. When you don’t feel like doing anything, it’s tempting to curl up on the couch and order takeout.

While that may be all you can manage, eventually even the most devoted partner will get cabin fever and resent your diminishing social life.

Part of depression is being turned off to things you used to be enthusiastic about. Giving up hobbies and not keeping up with friendships hurts relationships. To the partner, it can seem like the person they knew isn’t there anymore.

What you can do: Find an activity outside the house that brings you joy. Gardening, yoga, taking a walk, listening to music, laughing with a friend.

“That’s a lifeline. Even if it’s just an hour, it can make you feel better for that time,” Bonior says.

How To Stop Being Insecure In A Relationship After Being Cheated On

How to stop being insecure in a relationship after being cheated on. Being cheated on can make you feel insecure, damage your self-esteem, and cause trust issues.

You may become paranoid and believe your partner will cheat on you, whether it is the same partner who has previously cheated on you or a new one.

Whether or not you stay in the relationship, there are some things you should do for yourself after being cheated on.

Following infidelity, you must focus on yourself to avoid any negative consequences to your emotional health.

Continue reading to learn about all the things you can do to overcome insecurities brought on by your partner’s cheating.

Don’t hold it against yourself.

You shouldn’t blame yourself for the affair, but you also can’t deny your role. Perhaps neither of you was happy in the relationship, and this is something you both bear responsibility for.

However, your partner decided to cheat, and you cannot blame yourself for that. People frequently claim that they cheated because they were unhappy in their relationship, but this is not a valid excuse.

Instead of cheating, if your partner was unhappy with the way things were, they could have worked on improving them or considered ending the relationship. It is not your fault that they chose to cheat.

After all, some people cheat even when they are content with their relationships. Find out why your partner is cheating, but don’t accept responsibility for the affair. If something was wrong in your relationship, your partner could have done thousands of different things.

If you want to stay with your partner, you must work together to solve your problems, and you must accept responsibility for them. However, don’t let them persuade you that those issues were the cause of the affair or make you feel responsible for it that should be your first cue on How to stop being insecure in a relationship after being cheated on.

Take care of yourself.

You must take care of yourself after being cheated on. Don’t make unhealthy choices like bingeing or overeating. It may be appealing, but it may make you feel even worse. Sure, do what needs to be done right away, but then try to exercise, get enough sleep, and eat healthily instead.

You could start keeping a journal or try meditating to clear your mind. Meditation entails becoming aware of your thoughts and letting them pass as they come. It may assist you in getting rid of your thoughts about the affair.

Alternatively, if you need to get those thoughts out, write them down. Don’t be concerned about what you write or how well it reads; no one will read your journal. Instead of stuffing your negative emotions inside, write them down in your journal.

Working out can also assist you in releasing your emotions and feeling better afterward. Getting in shape can also improve your self-esteem.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Get a massage and soak in a long, warm bath to show yourself how much you care. Take care of yourself by scheduling a home spa day, listening to soothing music, and reading a good book.

Avoid becoming paranoid.

You may become preoccupied with the possibility that your partner is cheating on you, even if it is a new partner and not the one who cheated. If you haven’t heard from them in a while, you might suspect that they’re cheating on you.

Do not subject yourself to this because you won’t know How to stop being insecure in a relationship after being cheated on by being paranoid!

Even if you stay with someone who has cheated on you, this does not guarantee that it will happen again. If you decide to stay with your partner, you must relearn to trust them.

Yes, there’s always the chance they’ll cheat again, but you can’t keep thinking that way. The opportunity was always there. You must accept that you have no control over what others do. You can only trust them if you want to be with them, whether it’s the cheated-on partner or a new one.

Don’t drive yourself insane by wondering what they’re doing every second of every day when they’re not with you. What’s the point of it? If they wanted to cheat on you, they could do so regardless of what you did.

Don’t make yourself paranoid by expecting it to happen every time they leave. If you continue to think in this manner, you will ruin your life.

Avoid dwelling on the specifics of the affair.

You already know what happened, but you don’t need to know how it happened. When people are cheated on, they frequently demand to know who their partner cheated on them with and other details about the affair.

In reality, knowing less is better. Don’t ponder the details and don’t demand to know them. It’s bad enough that you can now imagine your partner with someone else; you don’t have to go into great detail.

It’s bad enough that it happened; don’t make matters worse by dwelling on it too much. Are they more attractive than I am? Was the sex more enjoyable? Did they behave similarly to us? Don’t

It will be easier to move on if you don’t dwell on whether or not you want to stay with your partner. If you know who they cheated with, don’t go crazy stalking them on social media and looking at their pictures.

Your partner’s lover will be out of the picture anyway. You will either end your relationship with your partner or they will end their relationship with their lover. You no longer need to consider them.

Work on increasing your self-esteem and confidence.

You didn’t deserve to be cheated on, and your partner’s actions say nothing about you as a person. You did not deserve to be treated so disrespectfully.

Your self-esteem, on the other hand, has most likely suffered. Work on it by reminding yourself of your accomplishments and good qualities. If it will help you become more aware of them, write them down. Maybe you can play the bass, are compassionate and kind, and make killer pancakes. It could be anything positive about yourself that you can think of.

After the affair, you may have a negative perception of yourself. Put the spotlight on everything good about yourself so that it can overpower any negative thoughts you have about yourself. Don’t be afraid to seek support and encouragement from your loved ones. Be gentle with yourself and speak about yourself as you would someone you care about.

Avoid self-criticism and cultivate the ability to accept compliments. Try to maintain a positive attitude, and if it’s difficult to appear confident at times, fake it until you make it. If you don’t believe in yourself right now, act as if you do until you do.

Set aside some time to do things that make you happy and make you feel good about yourself. Take care of both your body and your soul by

Sabotaging A Relationship Out Of Fear

Sabotaging a relationship out of fear. Contrary to popular belief, we both desire and fear love. The greatest reason we don’t find love and sabotage it in our relationships is fear of not being loved. In other words, by attempting to avoid our worst fear, we can create it.

This may appear ridiculous to people who pursue love but attract distancers. We’d all like to point the finger at our partner or bad luck, but that’s only half the story.

There are hidden reasons why we keep sabotaging a relationship out of fear. Our fears are rarely conscious. Fear of physical or emotional abandonment (not being loved), which includes fear of rejection and fear of remaining unloved and alone, is one of them. Toxic shame is the primary source of these fears that undermine love. It can take many forms.

Love is thwarted by shame.

Shame reinforces the notion that we are unlovable and unworthy of connection. Our feelings and actions are influenced by our beliefs. They function similarly to the operating system in our mind-ware.

Unfortunately, many negative beliefs operate in the background, derailing our conscious intentions like viruses. Shame-based beliefs about our undeservingness of good, happiness, and love can sabotage our desires and block or push love away.

Bottom line: If we don’t accept ourselves, we won’t believe we’re acceptable to others. We can, however, change our beliefs.

Low self-esteem and poor decision-making

How to stop ruining relationships. Fear and shame create an inner critic who harshly judges us. Our critic is also a judge of others. It has the power to persuade us that we are being judged. This anxiety demonstrates that we are unworthy of love.

Indeed, we are so afraid of not being loved that we make false assumptions, filter out positive feedback, and misinterpret things to reinforce our negative self-judgments and rejection fears. Unsurprisingly, research shows that our self-esteem predicts the longevity of our relationships.

Guilt

Guilt is also produced by shame. Guilt is anger directed at oneself. It makes us feel unworthy of success, happiness, and love. Guilt prevents intimacy in relationships. We avoid closeness and specific topics to conceal what we are afraid or ashamed to reveal for fear of rejection and abandonment.

This is especially true if we have been unfaithful in the relationship. We will not feel worthy of love until we have completely forgiven ourselves. We are unable to progress and may even attract negative experiences and inappropriate partners which indirectly you are Sabotaging a relationship out of fear and guilt. Self-forgiveness is entirely possible, and all world religions encourage it.

Perfectionism

When we feel flawed and inadequate, we may attempt to compensate by becoming perfect and above reproach. Perfectionism is an obsessive desire to meet unrealistic standards and expectations. Of course, this is impossible, and it causes anxiety, fear of failure, irritability, and unhappiness.

How to stop ruining relationships. Perfectionism obscures our inherent worth and causes us to concentrate on the negative. We are unable to enjoy the pride and appreciate our attributes and accomplishments because we are focused on what is wrong. Because we are constantly failing to achieve the unattainable, perfectionism feeds our criticism and keeps us from loving ourselves and others.

It also impairs our ability to take risks, and be vulnerable and authentic, all of which are required in both giving and receiving love. Instead, we feel more inept and inadequate.

Signs She Is Sabotaging The Relationship

Signs she is sabotaging the relationship. The first few months of a relationship are thrilling. Everything is new, and hormones are raging.

It’s an emotional roller coaster full of beautiful chaos and uncertainty. However, I’ve recently spoken with several men who believe their new relationships are too chaotic.

Signs she is sabotaging the relationship.

She sends you mixed signals about commitment and exclusivity

Does she want to be exclusive? Is she looking for commitment? You’ll never know because she will never tell you. Whenever you talk about where the relationship is headed, she is vague. She will tell you that she wants to keep it ‘casual’ and that she’s ‘happy the way things are right now. Okay, that makes sense, right?

What doesn’t make sense is that her actions tell a different story altogether. Contrary to her desire to be commitment-free, she dominates all of your time. She expects you to text her every morning and every night. She expects you to show up to her family events. She gets annoyed if you make plans with your friends and don’t consult her first.

She is quick to criticize you whenever you make a mistake

You’re human, and — spoiler — you make mistakes. You might forget to cancel dinner. You might get home later than expected from work. Whatever it is, you’ve made a minor mistake that doesn’t impact anything. How does she react?

A typical reaction might be to laugh about the error. She might tease you that you made a mistake but ultimately wouldn’t have a go at you about it. We’ve all been there.

However, if she is trying to sabotage the relationship, she might take the opportunity to blow things out of proportion. Instead of letting sleeping dogs lie, she might start an argument about the issue. It’s a childish way to react. She might not even realize that she’s doing it. She is trying to find your flaws and using them against you.

She becomes distant, ghosts you, then randomly shows back up

Signs she is sabotaging the relationship. Inconsistency is constant when women try to sabotage relationships. As I’ve already covered, there’s a good chance that your romance has been turbulent. You might find that you argue on a daily or weekly basis. When that happens, how does she react?

While high-quality women will seek to understand the problem and work with you to solve it, she is unlikely to have the same approach. Because she is trying to sabotage the relationship, you might find that she looks for ways to become more distant.

The pop-culture term for this is ‘ghosting.’ You know the drill. She stops calling or texting you. You don’t hear from her for days at a time. What was once a continuous stream of communication stops, the line goes dead, and you don’t know why.

The radio silence can typically last for a few days or weeks. Then…*poof*. As if by magic, she’s back in your life. She will send you a vague text about having had a hard time at work.

Or perhaps she will randomly invite you to go somewhere this weekend. And just like that, your toxic and turbulent on-again-off-again relationship is back on.

If we circle back to point one, we can see what she’s doing here. By intermittently ghosting you and giving you the silent treatment, she’s stopping the relationship in its tracks. That means that she never has to commit and get serious with you.

She will say it’s over whenever you fight… and then makeup

What happens when you fight? Does she go in all guns blazing? Does she hit you where it hurts the most? Worst of all, she says the words you have been dreading: “We’re over!”

If she tries to call it quits every time you disagree on something, that is a major red flag. She is not handling conflict in an emotionally mature way.

She is jumping to the end of the relationship before she’s even let it begin. That speaks of her innate insecurity, fear of commitment, distrust, and immaturity in relationships. It’s a recipe for an absolute disaster.

Am I Ruining My Relationship Quiz?

Am I ruining my relationship quiz? There are countless questions about why relationships change so much over time and how you could go from being completely in love with someone to never wanting to speak to them again.

Although it is unknown what exactly causes these changes, it is undoubtedly present in all relationships regardless of how much we want to maintain that passion and desire that was once there.

While there is nothing that you could do to prevent this from happening to some degree over time, some people contribute to the decline in their relationships. Certain unhealthy behaviors could destroy relationships without you even realizing it. So, if you are wondering, “Am I ruining my relationship”? Take this quiz to find out.

Am I ruining my relationship quiz?

Is it possible that you are not putting in as much effort and commitment as your partner is?
I think we put in the same amount of effort

I think I put more effort in, but my partner does not

I think my partner might put more effort in

How do you talk to your friends and family about your partner?
I share the positives and negatives

I don’t say anything to them about my partner

I usually only talk about the things that bother me about my partner

Do you tend to keep yourself busy with other things to avoid difficult conversations with your partner?
No, I think difficult conversations could be very productive

Yes, I never know how to have those difficult conversations

No, but difficult conversations always seem to end up in a fight

Do you believe you have a solid foundation of trust in your relationship?
Yes, I think we do

I am not sure, I think so

My partner claims they can’t trust me, but I don’t understand why

Are you and your partner affectionate with each other and open to sharing your feelings?
Yes, we are

Affection, yes, but sharing our true feelings needs work I think

Sometimes, I just have a hard time discussing my feelings or being overly affectionate. That just isn’t me

Am I ruining my relationship quiz?

How do you feel about the time you and your partner spend together?
I think we have a good balance of alone time and together time

I think we should spend more quality time together

I think we spend enough time together but my partner doesn’t

Do you disregard your wants or needs to appease your partner or avoid an argument?
No

Sometimes

Do you feel like your partner is too controlling or do they accuse you of being too controlling?
No, I don’t think so

My partner thinks I am a bit controlling, but I don’t agree

I think we both have our moments

Do you tend to blame your partner for everything that is going wrong in your relationship?
I don’t think so

Yes, I do have a habit of doing that because I get defensive

No, I usually just avoid it

Does your partner accuse you often?
No

My partner has said I can’t ever see their side and always play the victim

They say I don’t show that I care about them or am attracted to them enough, even though I am

Sabotaging A Relationship Subconsciously

Sabotaging a relationship subconsciously. Self-sabotaging in relationships entails engaging in behaviors that lead to the end of a relationship, whether consciously or unconsciously. This could include pushing the other person away or looking for reasons to end the relationship. Such behavior is frequently the result of trust issues, previous experiences, and poor relationship skills.

How to stop ruining relationships. You meet someone new and enjoy dating for a short time. The connection is fantastic, there is chemistry, and the sex is enjoyable. You begin to spend more and more time together and consider becoming a couple.

But then you stop responding to their texts. You change your plans. You avoid discussing taking things to the next level. Your partner is frustrated, disappointed, or even angry because of your behavior. Not long after, the relationship ends.

The specific reasons why we see someone sabotaging a relationship subconsciously vary depending on the situation. Everyone has a unique history: how we were raised, our childhood, adolescence, and our first serious relationships all have an impact on how we act today.

Everyone desires and requires intimacy. However, for some people, intimacy may be associated with negative rather than positive experiences, resulting in “push-and-pull” behavior that culminates in a relationship breakup or avoidance.

Childhood Abuse

In most cases, fear of intimacy stems from difficult or abusive parental relationships as well as childhood trauma (physical, sexual, or emotional). People who fear intimacy have a deep, ingrained belief that “people close to me cannot be trusted.”

People who fear intimacy believe that because their early trusting relationships with their parents or caregivers were shattered by abuse, those who love them will inevitably hurt them. They could not get out of these relationships as children, but as adults, they have the power to end or leave them, even if they are not abusive.

Fears

Sabotaging a relationship subconsciously can come in form of fear. This fear manifests itself in two forms: fear of abandonment and fear of engulfment. First, people are concerned that those they care about will abandon them when they are at their most vulnerable.

Second, people are concerned about losing their identity or ability to make their own decisions. These two fears frequently coexist, resulting in the “push-and-pull” behavior that is so typical of those who have deep fears of intimacy.

How To Stop Ruining Relationships Conclusion

How to stop ruining relationships conclusion. Worrying can get out of control quickly, so it might be helpful to set aside a specific time of day to focus on worries. When you notice yourself worrying at other times in the day, remind yourself to save it for Worry Time and practice refocusing your thoughts on something else.

How to stop ruining relationships conclusion. When that time comes around, you can discuss your worst-case scenarios and put a voice to your fears. Giving yourself a set time to focus on worry can help prevent it from spiraling to the point it consumes your entire day.

Further reading

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